And then there was a hockey puck. · 12:56am Jul 30th, 2018
This is the short version:
I wanted to write a sponsored blog today. Two, ideally. (Yes, they will run through August. I very carefully didn't say 'just July' this time when I asked for topics: I just said things would start in July. I have some knowledge of how my life works.)
Someone in the apartment below mine tried to microwave frozen bread back to freshness. This requires, depending on the model, twenty to forty seconds.
They set the microwave for twenty minutes and walked away. Completely forgot it was on. Somehow.
Also, they covered the bread in cloth.
So, because ventilation ducts connect the apartments (and so I always used to know just when the prior neighbors were toking up), the smoke alarm goes off. It sort of has to, because there's nothing but smoke.
I go out my front door, into the stairwell. The lower door opens, and the covering cloth is being rushed outside. It's smoking. Then, within a few seconds, because it's hot and moving and air is streaming past it, it's on fire. The carrying party is not injured by this, because silicone oven mitts were being used to carry it.
The cloth is dropped. Much stomping occurs.
Once that's over, the floor is washed. Eventually, this finishes the disintegration of the cloth. A black object made entirely of char is left behind. This was once the bread. It is now carbon. And possibly radioactive.
I go back inside just long enough to open every window I have. Wait for the smoke to clear, which it eventually does. The stench is still hanging around.
And that is why I didn't write a sponsored blog today.
(I'm saving the story about what happened with my car this past Friday until August. I don't like to hit people with too much at once.)
It's running. Human error and bureaucracy just decided to trip me up at the same time.
You seem to have some kind of "interesting life" curse going on here.
Yet another reason why living in a multi-unit building is hell.
Well hopes it wasn't like my last friday which ended in a crash
People are just too absent minded these days.
That sucks. Glad nothing worse went down though.
So sweetie belle lives in your apartment?
Are you cursed?
4910091
Something I desperately want.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This is what happens when you forget to switch to "Defrost"
Also, was the bread-remnant just left there? Does it sit in the stairwell, still? Silently? Judgingly.
You repeat yourself.
4910143
The "Sit Coms aren't as much fun to live through as they are to watch" curse.
In this surveillance society in which we now live, no doubt their are people at the NSA making piles of money running pools on what peril/disaster will happen to you next!
So when are you gonna apologize to the gypsy that you offended?
Why didn't Einstein just throw it in the sink & turn the water on?
Or, if the water was cut off, just let it burn. The sink is fire proof.
On second thought, I'll tell you why. Because, in addition to being a slack twisted idiot, they are also a lazy slob & there were dirty dishes in the sink, that's why. He's going to have roaches & you'll get them, too.
4910173
I think Estee accidentally beefed in the middle of an old fateworker's convention and didn't notice it.
I'm waiting for the blogpost about "A toilet seat fell out of the ISS and sheared the front of my apartment off; the westboro baptists are picketing outside my apartment building, and l just found out Double Salmonella is a thing I've contracted."
Man, it's just one thing after another for you, isn't it? I wonder how long until a meteor falls on your car?
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mah-teor
FTFY
I wonder if they just (anywhere from "earlier that day" to "a short enough time ago that muscle memory hasn't wiped the old way out yet") got a new microwave. The one we have now is a little different from any we've ever had, albeit not in a way that would result in that kind of mistake.
Ours has a few different ways of inputting time.
a. Those buttons that give you a particular time (and possibly power setting?) based on what you're cooking. Popcorn, potato, pizza... you get the idea. We don't use this.
b. Press a button 1-9. There's your exact number of minutes. Want another 30 seconds? There's a button for adding it. (Or just plain old starting with 30 seconds.)
c. Want finer control? I usually don't need it, but sometimes, the packing calls for 1 min. 45 sec.. For that, I press the Time Cook button and press numbers. They start filling in from the bottom. I press 5, then Start? 5 seconds. I press 5, 6, Start? 56 seconds. I press 5, 6, 7, Start? 6 minutes 7 seconds.
d. Finally, there's the Kitchen Timer option. I press the button for that -- typically when something I'm cooking, be it in the microwave or the toaster oven, calls for me to either let sit in the cooking device or cool outside of it -- then some numbers. They start filling in from the top, and any spots I don't fill in before pressing Start become trailing zeros. If I start with a nonzero number, it's going to set up a time that's at least 10 minutes long. However, since it's not cooking during this time, inputting 20 minutes by mistake would, at outside, result in whatever's inside having longer to normalize to the temperature around it.
That said, if it's something that's only going to take 20-40 seconds to cook, I'm typically -- because there are always exceptions -- going to hang around, because that's not much time at all, hardly enough to do much before it's done.
Estee's woes seem less like bad luck and more like an almost inevitable consequence of being surrounded by idiots. Though I guess being surrounded by idiots is pretty unlucky.
Yowza. Hopefully they learn from this. Or at least have few enough dish towels that they can't afford to lose any more of them to carbonization procedures.
Better get used to the smell, because it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
My brother did that once with a bread roll.
Don't you have that feeling, sometimes, that everything happens to you? (said the guy who once blew up a microwave oven in a lab with an eppendorf full of gelatine).
media2.giphy.com/media/zPOErRpLtHWbm/giphy.gif
No, no! You're not supposed to copy the meme!
reminds me of a story i read where a stupid co-worker put microwave popcorn in a microwave oven at the office...and set it for 10 minutes!
the office smelled like burned popcorn for WEEKS!
Can I eat that?