A Life Update · 11:14pm Jul 8th, 2018
This is going to be one of the more difficult blog posts for me to write, and I’ve debated whether I should be writing it at all. In the end though, I’ve decided to air it out.
This morning, after a months-long battle with cancer, my father passed away.
For the past several years, he’s remained in a difficult position regarding his own health. After a near-death experience from an unrelated illness in the year 2014, he’d shown signs of slowly recovering, eventually managing to return to a more-or-less normal life. I myself was going through a major phase of life changes, due to both transferring to an out-of-state college as well as my family moving out of our old home, one which I’d grown up in since the exact day I was born. From there, things had looked uncertain, and my own struggles to find my place led to me being drawn into a few embittered arguments online, where I sought to make sense of what I was feeling.
After my father’s initial recovery, things became more stable for us, but there was always a sense that he wasn’t quite the same. He’d struggled to show the same stamina he once had, and it felt to me from then on that he was more fragile, struggling to really do any of the things he did. Regardless, he never lost his drive or his determination, and even managed to briefly resume his law career, even arguing and winning a case in the highest court in the state. During that time, I had graduated college and began the process of job-searching, eventually managing to find a job out-of-state.
Then, several months ago, I’d learned that he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and had less than a year to live. It came as a shock, and I’d spent the time since living with the constant shadow of mortality looming over, never quite able to distract myself enough to forget about it. I spent as much time as I could take off flying home to visit him, and even as his condition worsened, he never once showed any sign of weakness or fear. At times, he seemed almost completely unfazed by his condition, going so far as to joke to some of my family members that his ghost would come back to haunt them.
On some level, I knew this day was coming, and perhaps knowing that it would come made it easier. My dad passed away peacefully in his sleep, and I did what I could to make sure he knew, in his final days, how much he’d truly meant to me.
It’s been difficult coming to terms with what happened, and I don’t know where I’ll go from here. It’s so surreal and strange to think about that at times I just feel numb, but other times it really hits home how much it hurts to see him gone. But regardless of what happened, I’ll never forget what it is he did for me, how much he made me appreciate the world, and how he always did what he could to help me understand both myself and the world around me.
My father was a passionate, charming, sometimes eccentric man, but I’ll always love him for what he was and he’ll always hold a place within my heart.
I'm so sorry to hear that!
My sincerest condolences. That's how I lost my grandfather.
I know this is cliche, but I am sorry for your loss.
May he rest in peace
Your father sounds like an awesome man. My condolences.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Your father sounds like a great man who raised you well. May he rest in peace and may your own recovery be swift and sure
I know firsthand the heartbreak watching a loved one go from cancer; I lost my father and grandfather in almost the same way. My heart goes out to you for your loss.