That Which Cannot Change Dies · 2:11pm Jul 8th, 2018
“Every crazy pony is unique in their insanity, I’ve found,” Twilight Sparkle said. She applied her eyeliner with the edge of a safety razor, tracing a thin red line beneath her lashes that slowly wept into the soft, fine hairs of her coat. She blinked and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hoof, leaving a ruby smear behind. “I think I know more insane ponies than normal ones, and the pattern holds up pretty well.”
They were in the master bathroom of the Crystal Friendship Castle. A dozen opulent emerald basins lay in a row before a crystal mirror the breadth of a schooner’s sail. As Twilight was only a single mare and single mares needed only a single sink, the rest generally went unused except for the occasional run of the faucet to clear crystal dust and spiders out of the pipes. Everburning diamond lanterns filled the bathing suite with a soft, many-colored glow that somehow complemented the colors of whatever pony happened to be using them. As Twilight and Starlight both wore warm purples, the lights were gentle and yellow today.
Starlight usually didn’t join Twilight in the bathroom. Although ponies had little in the way of body modesty, their morning ablutions – washing and primping and preening – were still generally private functions, and Starlight considered it a sign of Twilight’s trust and affection that she was allowed to join her here.
Still, other parts unsettled her. She regarded the tongue-piercer with unease. Twin metal paddles captured the tongue and held it still, while a spring-driven mechanism slowly stored power as the user squeezed the handles with their hooves (it was an earth pony model), until a certain threshold was met and the energy explosively released in the form of a long, thin metal needle. She tested it in the air – the device fired with snap-TING that vibrated the bones in her legs. She wondered what the needle would taste like.
“So, which am I?” she asked. Better pose questions while she could.
“Oh, definitely crazy,” Twilight said. She finished with the eyeliner and smiled, checking the filing work on her teeth. They all still looked sharp to Starlight. “Megalomania, narcisism, antisocial personality disorder. The Villain Big Three.”
“Oh.” Starlight swallowed. All words she’d feared expected known Twilight would say, but to hear them uttered so starkly… “I was thinking… you know…”
Twilight chuckled. “What? That you’d gotten better? Changed?”
“I mean…” Starlight looked around the sink. So many sharp things: razor-edged spoons, porcupine bristle brushes, hair pins clotted with blood. “It could happen.”
Twilight snaked a hoof around her shoulder, drawing her into a comforting embrace. “Why would you want that?” she whispered. “Look at the others. You want their kind of crazy? A nervous, terrified wreck like Fluttershy? Schizophrenic, like Pinkie Pie? Or maybe you’d rather be obsessive like me. Count the blessings in your flavor of crazy, Starlight. They’re what make you special.”
“They’re what make me wicked.”
“That’s what I said.” The comforting leg draped over Starlight’s shoulders suddenly turned into iron; Twilight seized her with an impossible strength, trapping Starlight against her chest. Her horn glowed, and a magic of strength unseen in generations pried Starlight’s jaws apart. The tongue-piercer drifted up and into position. The metal paddles tasted like blood.
Starlight struggled with all her strength, but she might as well have tried to drink the ocean. Twilight’s embrace was a steel cage. She tried to scream, but with her tongue snared and pulled out so tight, all that could emerge was an off-key wail. Hot drool ran down her jaw and dappled the tufted coat on her chest.
“Relax,” Twilight whispered. The trigger-grip on the tongue piercer began to wind tight in her magic. The thick spring inside made little tic-tic-tic noises as it compressed. “You’re going to look beautiful.”
Starlight choked. She seized. And when it was over she finally—
Starlight Glimmer gasped, jerking upright. Sweat-damp sheets fell away from her shoulders, collecting around her waist. The bathroom, the lights, the taste of blood, they were all gone, replaced by darkness and the scent of the rice glue she used for kites. Outside, a faint nighttime storm tapped on her window.
She lay back down on her side. The pillow was wet and chilly against her cheek, but she didn’t care. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, willing her heart to slow.
The bed shifted as the pony beside her moved. “Bad dream?”
“Yeah.”
A slender hoof rested on her shoulder. “Same one?”
Starlight nodded. “Mostly. Sort of.” She rolled her tongue in her mouth. Why did it hurt? Was that pain an illusion? “Some parts were different. But the part about… you know.”
A cool nose pressed against the back of her neck. Warm breath washed over her shoulders. “You play every character in your dreams, Starlight. Those voices are just you doubting yourself. Questioning yourself. Whispering poisons in your ears. Part of you wants to change, and part of you fears change."
Starlights scooched back to press against her bedmate’s chest. “If I can change every part of me, what’s left of me?”
A laugh answered. It started high and sweet, but with each exhalation its tone grew deeper, more resonant, until it filled the room and buzzed in her chest. A hard, black limb squeezed her in a tight and loving embrace.
“That’s not the question,” the monster behind her whispered. “It’s not what’s left of you. It’s what you become.”
Starlight caressed the leg holding her close. Its edges were sharp, and she nicked the thin skin beneath her hoof on it. The tiny pain flashed through her mind, burning up the nerves and filling the nighttime with a blinding flash that—
Starlight Glimmer jerked awake. Her dark bedroom smelled of rice-glue and sweat. Outside, a faint storm whistled through the trees. The crystal spires of the castle caught the tone and resonated with it, filling the night with a mournful groan.
She rolled over. As usual, her bed was empty except for her. She thought dimly of ways to fix that problem, but before she could muster the energy to act on those desires, the tide of sleep washed over her again. Exhaustion tugged her eyelids closed, and the darkness again became complete.
She dreamed of sharp things.
Do you like Starlight Glimmer? Do you like stories about Starlight Glimmer?
Of course you do. You're a smart, discerning reader. Which is why I think you might be interested in an anthology of short stories by GaPJaxie and me about how great Starlight Glimmer is and how really the show should just be about her from now on. There's other ponies in there too I guess but that's not the point.
That's right kids! My Little Pony Generation 5 is here with The Starlight & Pals Magical Half Hour! Join Starlight Glimmer, Spike, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and all the rest for this fun-filled magical adventure. With this week's special guest, Applejack!
Be part of the adventure with Starlight & Pals as they learn valuable lessons, including: friendship, magic, small claims court, probable cause, sorcery and Nichomachean Ethics!
Even Twilight Sparkle is excited by this new story! For those of you who've been following along in my and Jaxie's blogs, you'll notice they're not all up yet -- we're still polishing them and will add them over the next few days.
That was... different.
I guess it's good to know that Starlight drives herself nuts as much as she does Twilight?
It has never occurred to me that ponies would apply makeup. Not once, and never have I read about it. It’s so bizarre to me that that was what stood out the most in this story. It’s just so exceedingly normal.
My eyes have been opened.
And, you know, Starlight’s internal struggles are pretty unfortunate too. We all battle with our demons, hers are just a lot larger and real and she cares too damn much to be at peace. Poor girl. Go fly a kite or something.
Magnificent.
4897260
Not even Rarity...?
Yours and GapJaxie's stories are the only form in which I find Starlight even remotely interesting. But when I think about it, she is kinda perfect fuel for you two. The most supremely flawed in ways that the show doesn't ever really address, so you get to explore that, has like, one, maybe two interests, but that means you don't really have to trap yourself in writing specific settings with her (like, if you're writing Pinkie, you gotta do something with cake or parties or jokes, with Rarity, little odd to go a whole story without describing fashion, design, or beauty, etc) Starlight can kinda be anywhere for a story partially because this aspect of her characterization in the show is bereft.
Also yeah Starlight would armchair psych assign mental disorders to everyone she knows as a way to deflect from herself while also still examining herself. Working with people with mental illness, many really really really like to diagnose narcissism, or Bipolar, okay mostly narcissism, in others. They don't always have the best tools available to help them understand themselves, so in a weird way, categorizing others and learning about disorders in this way, indirectly, is very useful for them.
Your story here is kinda brilliant, I hope you know. My clients always feel the strongest urge to self-harm when they feel that their symptoms are the sum of who they are, that their mental state and capabilities are fixed, when they feel hopeless. I can see the motif of sharps as both relating to self-harm due to guilt, sometimes paradoxically as a comfort, but also this fear that getting better will be worse - they won't be themselves, some defense mechanisms that help will have to be lost or replaced, it will hurt.
I had to re-read that line a couple times when I first saw it. Thought for sure I'd misinterpreted what you wrote.
Nooooope.
Hell of a way to set the tone.
I'm kinda scared to say that I wasn't expecting the first part to be a dream, and Twilight applying makeup with straight razors wasn't a problem. Alicorns can be crazy. And blasé about pain.
Poor Rarity! How can she compete for your attention with somepony as dysfunctional as Starlight Glimmer?
I...don't get this one...
Someone explain it to the idiot?
And then she woke.
At last.
Good LORD your mind takes some strange journeys...