In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 16 -- Too-Much-Information Alert · 12:46pm Jul 7th, 2018
Too-much-bullshit alert.
Jacob, Leah, and Seth run another patrol around the Cullen house, and I feel like I’ve said something along those lines twenty times in the past eight chapters. Leah awkwardly thanks Jacob for putting up with her and promises to try to not get on his nerves. They do nothing of consequence for nine pages and this book is so padded a La-Z-Boy factory would find it excessive. Eventually, Leah speaks up again:
«That blond vampire you hate so much — I totally get her perspective.»
For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized she was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing we’d spread out to run our watch. If she’d been within biting distance…
«Hold up! Let me explain!»
«Don’t want to hear it. I’m outta here.»
Please note that Leah never said she liked Rosalie or she agreed with Rosalie; she just said she understood Rosalie, and that made Jacob flip out. HOLY HELL THESE PEOPLE.
Leah convinces Jacob to stay and listen; she sympathizes with Rosalie’s thoughts of being a genetic dead end. Jacob remembers that, when Leah first became a werewolf, she realized her period stopped.
Had her body changed because she’d become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because he body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she wasn’t as female as she could be?
“Not as female as she could be”? Just because she’s not having her period? Is that all that females are good for? Making babies? They should just sit back and let the big, strong MEN do all the work? Although considering that Bella never really does anything, that’s actually HOLY SHIT THIS BOOK IS TERRIBLE. And it manages to get worse:
«You know why Sam thinks we imprint,» she thought, calmer now.
«Sure. To carry on the line.»
«Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. You’re drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.»
I waited for her to tell me where she was going with this.
«If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn to me.»
Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it.
«But I’m not. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines. So I become a freak — the girlie-wolf — good for nothing else. I’m a genetic dead end and we both know it.»
So that’s the reason Leah’s apparently been so angry? That she’s a genetic dead end? I don’t see her as the kind of person who’d want babies in the first place. And she definitely wouldn’t say that she was good for nothing else.
This book. This book. This book.
They waffle for a little about imprinting and forget to put syrup on to make it interesting. Leah wants to imprint for some reason, but Jacob doesn’t.
«That’s because you’re already in love with her. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn’t have to hurt over her anymore.»
«Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?»
She deliberated for a moment. «I think I do.»
Leah pulls the conversation back to Rosalie. She thinks the reason Rosalie’s so protective of Bella and the baby is she’s living vicariously through Bella, since Bella is having the baby she always wanted and never could have. At this, Jacob declares the conversation over (THANK GOODNESS) and goes back to the Cullens’ to check on Bella. She’s upstairs in an X-ray machine; Alice thinks the baby might have broken her rib. At just that moment, they hear Rosalie tell Edward that she didn’t hear any crack; Bella’s okay, unfortunately. Jacob tells Carlisle that Sam’s pack isn’t around for miles, so Carlisle takes the opportunity to hunt with Alice, Esme, and Jasper. With taking care of Bella, they haven’t had much time to feed.
A little while later, as Jacob, Bella, and the vampires who haven’t gone hunting are sitting around, Edward suddenly sits up, asking if anyone said anything. No one has. He asks Bella what she was thinking about; she says nothing and Edward realizes he can hear the baby’s thoughts and he likes the sound of Bella’s voice. Oh, great, now the baby’s even more special than just being half-vampire. Everyone except Jacob starts crooning over the baby’s development, with Bella naming him EJ. How stupid.
“He likes my voice, too.”
“Of course he does.” Her tone was almost gloating now. “You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn’t love it?”
I know she’s not the POV character right now, but Bella’s the main character of the series, so CM + 1.
Rosalie asks about what if the baby’s a girl. Bella’s name manages to be even stupider than EJ: Renesmee.
“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”
“No, I like it,” Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, gold and mahogany. “It’s beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits.”
No. It’s terrible. I’m going to retch every time I have to type (gag) Renesmee.
As he hears the baby’s thoughts, Edward grows more attached, and Jacob realizes he’s alone and Edward won’t want to kill the baby. Well, now that he has demonstrable thoughts, of course not! Jacob whines and whines and whines about how he’s alone and gets up. Edward tells Jacob he can leave and tosses him a set of car keys.
Clinginess Meter: 30 x 2
It’s kind of staggering how little Jacob can look at things from someone else’s perspective. I mean, really.
Fitting, since this story has been jogging in circles for chapters now. :B