Off the edge of the map · 9:39am Jun 24th, 2018
The last time I did a milestone blog for The Olden World, it was at the 200-chapter mark just a day off from New Year's. This time, I've taken it for an entire year. Fimfiction has had a handful of dailies before, and for most, a year seems to be the dream. For me... today was the final chapter in a push to finish Act 2. And as the ending made abundantly clear, this story is still just getting started.
Speaking of finally finishing Act 2, another thing worth commemorating: people who hear me talk about this story in various discord servers will probably know that it has an unpublished rough draft. That rough draft covered all the Ironridge content, from around Cht.74 to the first time Starlight and her friends went back to Riverfall in early April. Technically, that means it's not all of Act 2 and didn't cover any of the massive denouement that just occurred (seriously, it was more than half again as long as the entire Act 1), but I've still been using setpieces and supporting characters and tying up plotlines from Ironridge with that time. Now, the story is going somewhere I've never been before, and that's both scary and awesome at the same time. I have a plan, and six hundred thousand words of experience under my belt I didn't have going into Ironridge, at least, and I think that will more than be enough to make Act 3 better than 2 in every way. But since I don't like posting tiny, empty blogs and there's no way I'm getting this up by midnight anyway, I might as well make this an opportunity to look back and talk about all the things that have changed since I first wrote Ironridge in the spring of 2017. I have no idea if anyone will find what amounts to a non-canon lore dump interesting, and the majority of it amounts to character differences, but I feel like a long ramble, so here goes.
It should go without saying, but this blog will contain major spoilers for everything that's happened in the story up until the end of Act 2, and I won't bother to mark them.
-The rough draft was a daily, just like The Olden World. I transitioned and wrote the first chapter of the published version the day after I wrote the final chapter of the draft, and stockpiled for about a week before I posted the opening all at once. So I've actually been going daily since mid-February 2017. That was perhaps the most valuable thing I got from the draft: first it was learning to write every day, then to keep up consistent wordcounts, then to plan fast enough to not flail around with filler and no foreshadowing or plot cohesion, then to be able to block the story into small enough chapters to post without having to stop after a random paragraph when I hit my quota. More than any outline or guide for the plot or characters, it taught me the format of writing this.
-The rough draft was 161k. TOW right now is 730k, and all but 110k of that has been Act 2. I was initially projecting Act 2 would finish between the 450k and 500k marks, so rest in peace, predictions.
-There were no Interludes. Ironridge was initially conceived as a B plot to be spaced into a larger story happening in the present, but that had so many issues that I wound up abandoning it and writing the entire story as just Ironridge. Now, the Interludes are the B plot, and the primary focus of the story is on Starlight in the past.
-There were no windigo hearts and no moon glass. Every single plot detail revolving around them was either gone or, in the lone case of the Shadow District, used different proprietary macguffins. There also wasn't a Tree of Harmony.
-There was no plan. The Olden World is planned incredibly far in advance, and while there's constant pants-seating going on by the nature of dailies, I know exactly where everything is going. With the rough draft, not so: I had a general idea of building a mountainside, multi-district setting with two sides left in bitter conflict by the disparity of changing economic fortunes, and a yak ambassador as the mastermind behind it all, but the plan was limited to a single scene I thought would be cool where an invasion took place through entering a fortress via a dam bridge. That meant, in general, there were constant plot holes as roles changed and motives evolved, nothing was foreshadowed, there were massive exposition walls whenever I had an idea, and none of the OCs had any backstories.
-The three-day structure of the plot was largely the same, with the same overall setting and Defense Force vs Spirit of Sosa conflict. However, what happened in those days was vastly reduced or moved around. The first day, Starlight didn't visit the skyport or get a hotel upon arriving and instead went straight to the Defense Force base. While there, she also found her way all the way to the Shadow District, met Herman far earlier, and got to watch the apparatus being set up. During Day 2, Gerardo's visit to Sosa was off camera and his Defense Force inspection lasted a single chapter. Starlight never visited Blueleaf, and it and most everything that accompanied it never existed - that includes Elise, Neon Nova and the entire power grid subplot. During Day 3, there was no evacuation arc, White Chocolate was never revisited, and everything skipped straight from the secret warehouse to Starlight being captured in the Flame Barracks. There was still a battle on the dam, but Herman pressed the button, and the events following still included a battle in the skyport but ended fairly differently.
-Starlight was an adult instead of a filly. This was actually changed at the absolute last minute while I was writing the very first chapter of TOW, which technically makes it the first and most important change. Notably, a lot of things you'd think would be different from the published version to compensate weren't: she still entered the story dead-set on not doing anything she could enjoy enough to earn a cutie mark, meaning instead of a childish overreaction it was something she had been doing for most of her life. She and Maple also stayed glomped to each other like their lived depended on it, despite being completely platonic, having just met, and being of similar age instead of mother and adopted daughter. No reason for it was ever given; it just was. Starlight went from a troubled child who worries about things she shouldn't have to to an edgy and badly immature adult, and Maple was a vaguely depressing mare who acted with almost no regard for her time or even life, taking risks with no payoff whatsoever and constantly making terrible decisions. I like to think of this more as being evolved than outright changed: while their overall relationship is very similar, the reasons for it are more solid, rooted in both of their backstories and regard for each other. Maple's new backstory is also largely inspired by how she came across in the rough draft, and her reckless self-disregard turned into a tendency to make hasty, sweeping decisions when emotional.
-Valey was the one constant in the story whose behavior and personality were always consistent, and remained unchanged in the published version. To accommodate that, in the rough draft she had no backstory and both her position in the world and knowledge of events constantly changed as I planned out how things would go. She started as a random Defense Force recruit who knew nothing about the goings-on in Ironridge to the point where she had to stop in the Earth District and ask someone what the Spirit of Sosa was, and by the time she reappeared in the published version, she was more or less where I had left her: as one of Herman's top two lieutenants and the co-leader of the Defense Force. Everything about her pendant and backstory is 100% new, along with the windigo hearts and moon glass.
-Braen's identity wasn't a secret. In fact, Shinespark flat-out changed her name in public and was never referred to as Shinespark outside of one flashback scene with Dior where she was a filly (a scene that didn't make it to the published version, though I still might add it later). Her cutie mark and its function were also public knowledge, though Blazing Rain's role in the story remained the same. The airship was still a secret, though a lot more loosely protected. There were a lot of plot holes with this regarding how who knew what worked, but that was nothing new for the draft.
-Howe was actually a Cool Dude in the draft. Much of the character development he received got folded into Valey in the published version, though: the conversation Maple and Valey had on the road from Blueleaf to Grand Acorn initially happened with her and him at the start of Day 3. The addition of Neon Nova, the power grid subplot, and the windigo hearts wound up giving me a different direction he needed to go, though. His relationship with Gerardo wound up looking a lot more like Gerardo and Amber's from Act 1, and he stuck with the team all the way until the end, including leaving with them on the airship.
-Fire was a yak instead of a crystal pony. Also regarding yak leadership, the Bishops of the Nine Virtues were only six and matched the Elements of Harmony, and the ones for Loyalty and Generosity were active in Ironridge.
-Arambai didn't exist. All of his roles either didn't exist or were covered by Hemlock or Dorable. For that matter, Riverfall was in the draft, but it was so short and different I don't count it, since it was written before I discarded the present A plot. Willow and Amber also didn't exist, though White Chocolate was initially so similar to Willow it's easier to say Willow is based on her and TOW's White Chocolate is a new character than the other way around. Speaking of White Chocolate, there was also no Jamjars.
-Now for a similarity: the vast majority of setpieces were reused or remixed from the rough draft. Some remained the same, like White Chocolate's house. Others moved entirely - the Blueleaf Bar where Neon Nova performed, along with the patrons Valey listened in on and even the jokes they used and what they talked about were perfectly cut-and-paste from a different Earth District town that filled the same role as Grand Acorn. The skyport also kept its appearance, though it was never seen not smashed in the draft. The entire Defense Force base looked like the Water District caves, and the Flame District, Flame Barracks and elevator room where the final mercenary fight took place were identical (that fight was against the Defense Force, but it still ended exactly the same way). Blueleaf's architectural style was also copied from the old Grand Acorn. In fact, the only locations with truly new appearances that got any description were the yak embassy, Skyfreeze, and the power control room beneath Copsewood. Additionally, the Ironridge map (which I still need to draw) was fairly similar to how it is now. Positions were adjusted slightly to make the geography for the flood make more sense, but the only thing that's in a completely different position is Gnarlbough (it used to be where Copsewood was, since it filled the roles of both towns).
-And finally, the ending: Starlight was still blinded in the draft following her tumble from the cliff and horn overload. However, there were no harmony extractors, she didn't have that weird issue with her horn, and the entire point of it was completely different: she was being a prick and I needed her to take a backseat and let Valey and Shinespark take over as the main PoV characters in order to avoid my cast effectively mutinying and ditching her. I never had any way set up to resolve the conflicts with Herman and the windigoes because there was no foresight and no plan, so Fire wound up taking care of both issues by herself, then packing her bags and leaving with no hero action whatsoever. Sound anticlimactic? It was. A lot of TOW's setup was done so I could keep the ideas of Starlight blinding herself saving everyone while falling off the dam and Herman as a dangerous antagonist while also bringing them together in a satisfying resolution - something that, I think, I ultimately pulled off nicely. And yes, in the draft, Starlight never got her sight back. I don't remember how I was planning to deal with that.
That's about what my brain can dredge up tonight. I've spent longer working on this than a shorter chapter. There's always more to say, though, so ask me about the histories behind particular characters, places and plot devices some time! It's a thing I like talking about. And one other fun tidbit for anyone who read all this way: Act 2, in addition to finishing on the anniversary (very planned) is also exactly 300 chapters long (very unplanned).
Here's to Act 3, the massive amount of content yet to come, and everyone who will be along for the ride.
Who are Varsidel at war against--is it another civil war? Also, was Gerardo always a little inept in the drafts?
4889104 Good questions. Varsidel actually wasn't in the drafts beyond being mentioned once by name as a generic foreign place, and right now I haven't committed yet to who they're fighting. My general idea is that it's the far northwestern territories that were part of Yakyakistan before its empire-building fell apart in the Blazing Rain war, but there also could be a civil war element involved (or both at once, like Ledomare vs Xona). In short, I'm keeping my options open and not committing until it becomes more relevant to the story.
Gerardo's circumstances were a little bit different in the drafts, primarily thanks to a lack of screentime. Riverfall in its entirety amounted to about 15k, including the mountains, and much of it had nothing to do with Starlight or the OCs, so he never got a foundation there for interacting with people. The group did arrive in Ironridge by finding a Sosan convoy under attack, but the Braen armor never showed up and it was a show of power for Gerardo's sword rather than a near-disaster (Maple never got attacked and the sword never got stolen). Case in point:
That led to no one being on edge before the bad encounter with the Defense Force, which was entirely Howe's fault and happened while Gerardo was away looking for the Sosans to try to borrow their papers. After that, Gerardo had a small solo section in the Sky District similar to how he went back for help in the published version, and then completely disappeared from the story until he rejoined the party by going to the dam battle with the Sosans, and then spent the rest of the story piloting the airship.
So, Gerardo was considerably more competent than in the published version, but it was through virtue of having fewer interactions to establish his character and fewer opportunities to actually do things. He got a lot more screentime in the published version, and did naturally turn out a bit more socially clueless, but there were two major things that caused him to turn out the way he did.
First, an actual seasoned adventurer who knew how to properly balance logic and safety wouldn't have dragged Maple and Starlight along as tightly as he did, and would have left them alone in relatively safe spots instead of taking them to likely dangerous spots. A competent guide in general would have solved a lot of problems before they could occur, and then there wouldn't have been much of a plot, so Gerardo wound up being someone who would take Arambai's instructions far too literally.
Second... I made a major routing mistake in Day 3. After cutting the power and saving Valey, Gerardo was supposed to leave the group to go do solo things before they were knocked out and taken to the Flame District. I wanted him to be able to visit the yak embassy, use his Defense Force security clearance as a Chekhov's Gun by going back a second time to snoop around, do a bunch of cool solo stuff, and ultimately reunite with the team on the dam bridge as part of the Sosan party like in the rough draft. It was going to be his time to shine... but I forgot, and he was still in the party when they were knocked out. That meant that not only could he not do that, I had to keep him from doing anything too impressive that would interfere with Valey's mercenary fight, because for character development reasons I wanted that to be all about her. I managed to work in every important detail that would have happened on that detour in the skyport or during the denouement, but it still cost Gerardo a major opportunity, robbed him of the chance to prove himself I had been setting up for a long time, and is definitely the biggest throw I've made writing TOW so far. I'm still working on him, though; breaking Maple's door in the denouement was an excuse for someone to yell at him enough to do a bit of introspection, and in Act 3 I'd very much like to see him become more competent. Act 3 calls for the entire team being competent; there won't be any in-world botches called for to kick off the action this time around.
Congrats on one year of TOW! Loving every bit of it.
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It’s really interesting to see how something like this affects the plot progression. I knew there have been times where the daily nature of the story prevented you from some optimizations in e.g. chapter word counts, but I never really thought about cases in which it would have more significant consequences. It’s a bit of a shame, since that plan sounds very cool, but it’s also really cool to see you rerouting the character arc.
Another question: Blazing Rain. The civil war in Yakyakistan occurred only 40 years ago, but she has the reputation of a hero that seems to be hundreds of years old. Willow remarks when Blazing Rain is first mentioned that forty years is not outside of living memory, but that comment gets sort of brushed aside during the conversation. Obviously she was an important actor in the civil war, but what is it that made her notoriety skyrocket to the level of myths and legends? (Of course, if there are spoilers for future sections involved then I’m very happy to wait until it’s discussed in the story).
4889410 So, Blazing Rain. There are a lot of spoilers surrounding her, particularly concerning the nature of her "magical powers", what she actually did, and what happened to her after the war, but fortunately those are really specific and easy to avoid so I can still talk about how her legend evolved.
The first reason her legend seems older than it is is because of the way world trade routes worked. This war predated the invention of airships, and according to Herman the lack of fast and reliable ways to spread information was a catalyst in starting it in the first place. Ironridge lies in the south center of the northern world, and the only way in or out before air travel was a lengthy river to the sea to the east. This means that to travel from Yakyakistan to Ironridge, you'd have to go northwest to get out of the glacier, then make a very long eastern trip by land through Varsidel, then sail south to the Yule, and then west along it to Ironridge. That's practically a circuit of the world (if you want to ask what's further out than those places, it'll probably be discussed in-story in the coming chapters). Now, Sosans were sailors, so they had mastery of the Yule and all lands accessible from there by water, which would be the coast of Varsidel, that llama city, and the Griffon Empire to the far east. But they're not going to be leaving their boats behind and going inland from there in the name of organized trade; they're going to be bartering at the ports. So for the first few decades after the war, the only stories any of the Riverfall mares are going to hear are stories told by Sosan sailors that they heard from Varsidelian traders who heard them from Yakyakistan locals, an extremely small percentage of whom were actually there for one pegasus's heroics in what was ultimately a very widespread war. Also remember that Sosa exports alcohol (not very emphasized in the story, but it was mentioned a time or two) so they're going to likely be obtaining stories while relaxing at the end of a run with other caravaners using that, and are then going to be relaying them to mares they're trying very hard to impress. Legend fades to myth, and all that. By the time Willow is trying to make her first trip to Ironridge, this is still by and large how things are done, since airships are mostly for hobbyists and haven't been mass-produced yet.
Now, when airships become industrialized and the world transportation system is overhauled, that means Yakyakistan denizens can tell their stories to the world directly. It also means the local canon of Varsidel, the Griffon Empire, everywhere else is available for all to hear, and the truth gets buried under the vast amount of stories available... and all the various regions will still have their local canon. The story as Starlight heard it was the story Willow got from a sailor before airships became standardized, after all, and if you go back to the particular Act 1 chapters where it was discussed I think Gerardo actually "corrects" her on a few points (he's traveled a lot, and heard a lot of versions of the story, so he might have a better eye for similarities and putting patterns together, but that doesn't mean he knows the truth either).
So, Blazing Rain's story got badly spaghettified by nature of a world that's almost as linear as Austraeoh's (which no one seems to have noticed). But there's a second factor to it too: she was a war hero, and that war had a victor. And the victors write the history. Take from that what you will.
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That’s an excellent explanation, thank you.
Oh, shoot, deleted my old comment instead of editing it. Icons didn’t show up and I didn’t read the dialog closely enough. Anyways...
It’s interesting to see how you dealt with such a major last-minute change. Looking back, would you say you’re happier with the changes you ended up making, or do you think you would still prefer the original plan you had for him?
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This far past it, it's really hard to say. If I ever made an edited/abridged version of TOW, which is tempting but ludicrously unfeasible, there's a good chance I'd go back to change it just to see how it would have gone. By now, with Act 3 completely done, any changes that would result from doing it the other way would almost definitely be in the past, and not affect anything still to come in the story.
I do think that if I wanted to change Gerardo there, I'd wish to change him in more spots as well. It would be interesting to see him more competent... but he is who he is and a big part of managing such a massive, long story is to not spend more time looking back than will help in moving forward.