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Male. Los Angeles, California. Hmm. I have a WPM of 65. Meh. Occasionally arts. Lord of Dorkness's #1 fan. User #26976. inb4 Crossover

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The (Original) Conversion Bureau Part 3: The Filler Chapter Apparently · 1:57am Jun 19th, 2018

Some people are getting enjoyment from this, so welcome back to incoherent ponies Part 3. Above this line, and at the very bottom is my Makeshift Chapter Bar, because making this a fic would get mods on my ass.

So far, Ethan has left Earth for Equestria (which is apparently part of the planet for centuries, but Celestia still raises the sun). Twilight has plans for him that are so secret even she doesn’t know about them.

Barry, Ethan’s friend, was brought along to keep Ethan company, except so far he seems like someone who would fight lions if he has a knife attached to his arm.

Celestia reveals that the whole “Humans are Evil” thing was a misconception due to the Human Liberation Front having a big ego, and maybe the Purple Juice doesn’t actually do anything.

Now, the ponies are packing for a mission to get the instructions for the magic barrier that was stuck in ruins for some reason.

Chapter 3.8 and 3.9

Ethan dreams about a human Twilight Sparkle for a classmate (lol), and wakes up right before noon to see triggerhappy Barry learning magic from Twilight.

"...so you're flinging books?" Ethan asked

Twilight is getting Barry to exercise his telekinesis. Considering he got Magic Bolt to throw himself off a cliff, I question this line of instruction.

Hearing Twilight's voice made Ethan think about what she had said in the dream. She said 'dumbass'. <----> The word 'ass' sounds foreign to him; like he had never heard the word before in his life.

Ah ha! Its the first sign of actual mind tampering we have that can’t be interpreted anyway else.

I heard the weather in the Everfree Forest gets pretty feisty this time of year, and we can never be too prepared for a storm."

Oh hey, apparently ponies still do weather forecasts for the Everfree. That’s pretty cool. Why hasn’t anyone done this? Admittedly ponies being completely baffled by it is more canon.

Upon Ethan glancing at her, Fluttershy squeaked louder, and attempted to hide her face for a second. Surrendering to the attention, she finally calmed down.


Suddenly, a sharp pain. Nothing that he had felt yet as a pony. The back of his head was throbbing like it had just been kicked, and Ethan fell like a scared goat.

1) Ha
2) HaHa
3) HaHa
4) |___

Despite the maybe concussion, he dreams of being a human and turning into a pony. He wakes up to a worried Fluttershy (noooo)

 "It's fine. Really. I just got hit in the head pretty hard. By what, I don't know, but I'm alive, and I think that's all that matters."
   Twilight calmed down, "Well, I appreciate the optimism, Ethan, but somepony told me you were attacked by a creature in the Everfree Forest!"

1) Disappointment
2) Everfree Forest what? Did nobody notice something distinctly non-pony just wandering the streets, or was it a flying creature that divebombed? Unless of course, this is a diversion. Maybe a spy?

Ethan talks about his dreams to Twilight. She tells him to focus on resting right now.

Chapter 9
We are back on Earth side, with RD calling up someone else for the Purple Potion. Why they do this one at a time is still beyond me..

   "Okay, I'm sorry I asked." Rarity replied, feeling insulted.

Rarity apologizes to RD for asking her to be more enthusiastic. I’m wondering why she’s surprised, and also this doesn’t really feel “Rarity” like

   "Miss Hooves can't even see in one direction at once! Why trust her?"
   "Because she is our boss, Rainbow Dash." Rarity said bluntly.


   "Oh, nothing, AJ. I'm just tired, is all."
   "The desk work gettin' too boring for ya?"

What deskwork? She’s not doing anything at all.
RD is having an existential crisis about whether humans are evil or not.

   "Then how am I supposed to know that Ethan and Barry won't turn on us, or something? Am I just supposed to assume they're nice guys?"

Its as if Rainbow never met people with complex character traits. Has she never fought Nightmare Moon in this universe? Would explain things.

   Rainbow was very unsure of herself right now. In the past couple of days, her opinion about humans has been turned upside down. She doesn't know who to believe anymore.

A random narrator stepping onto the scene for this is so baaaad.

   "That's the thing, sugarcube. Not all of 'em are as mean as you think they are. We just got a bad first impression, is all. I'm sure there's a whole bushel of great humans out there who'd just love to meet ponies like you."

Thank you, Applejack, for not being an idiot

   Applejack turned in her chair and began hitting the buttons on the keyboard. Rainbow inspected her own computer, looking back and forth between her hooves and the small keys on the keyboard.

Oh boy, hooves and keyboards. Those fingers sure would come in handy.

   "That's why mostly unicorns run these things, but I've been workin' on a way to get these to run for us non-magic folk, too. You shouldn't use it too much, though. I hear humans put bad stuff on it sometimes."

Yeah, sometimes you run into this page called “The Conversion Bureau.” Its pretty bad bad-stuff.

   "What's a Facebook?"

How did 5 seconds of messing around on a computer end up on Facebook? What kind of desk job does Blaze think this is?

Chapter 8
Ethan worries about his human flavored dreams.
Ethan goes to Rarity’s to pick up raincoats
The stupid Fluttershy Romance plot comes poking out.
Ethan somehow gets clonked in the back of the head by a monster in broad daylight.

Chapter 9
Rainbow takes Pinkie’s job at the Bureau for the day.
Rainbow is apparently incapable of understanding a species with multiple hats.
Applejack is able to use human keyboards with some proficiency.


This is a much shorter chapter, and despite the urgency of Celestia’s warning, we apparently still have time to waste a day managing this branch of the Bureau.

Ponies also reported seeing a monster attack Ethan in broad daylight, yet his biggest worry is about his dreams, not how no one saw something that should have been plainly obvious.

Honestly not a lot happened this chapter. Celestia’s warning seemed to convey a bit of urgency, but we really aren’t shown what they needed to prepare so quickly besides needing raincoats. With Rainbow, AJ, and Rarity spending a day in the Bureau, they have even less time to prepare.

Things that haven’t changed:

Rainbow is a bit of a bigot.

Barry still has no sense of weapon safety

Ethan has warped priorities

Twilight has no sense of weapon safety training

Twilight still hasn’t figured out why she brought Ethan here

Fluttershy hasn’t contributed anything to the plot besides the barely mentioned romance subplot

AJ is mostly normal

Pinkie does a few one liners and that’s it.

Rarity sticks needles into things.

Blaze does not understand the passage of time

New thing: Apparently the Purple Juice does change one’s mental state, if only slightly/delayed.

And that's it, folks. See you ghosts next time.

Side note: Making these Makeshift Chapter Bars is getting quite tedious.

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