So, I was taking a walk this evening. There's been a cougar sighted in the area... · 4:33am Jun 13th, 2018
So, I was taking a walk this evening. There's been a cougar sighted in the area, and so I, being the responsible citizen that I am, was carrying around a can of bear spray, because living in a rural area and walking around on your own at 8:30 at night when a cougar has been spotted less than a mile where you are... probably a good idea, right?
So, anyway, I'm out walking up towards the top of my neighborhood. It's a rural area, but not like, farm farms, more like... five acre lots.
Anyway, up at the top of the hill, there's this nice area where there's trees on both sides of the road. Tall conifers, looks like you're in the woods, even though there's just fields and houses on either side.
So I'm walking up there, and I start hearing this crashing sound over in the trees to my right. High up in the trees. I can see them moving, the branches swaying, so I back away and pull out my bear spray.
Then I hear the sound of wings beating. BIG wings. Whomp whomp whomp.
And what do I see next, flapping its way up into the tree right next to me?
Yeah, that's right. It's one of our local wild turkeys.
And it starts making sounds at me, like I'm the jerk.
GRLGRLGRLGRLGRLGRL
So I decide to take a picture of him, and continue on my way.
It was starting to get dark - about 8:40 pm - so I decided that I might as well just go home after walking a bit further. So I turn around and head back, and he's still up there, balancing on a branch that is far too small for him. He's swaying forward and backwards - tail goes up, head goes down. He tries to lean back - head goes up, tail goes down. Rinse and repeat.
He is watching me as I go underneath, just sort of staring down at me, as I look up at him, and then he makes the sound again.
GRLGRLGRLGRLGRLGRL
So I decide to make the sound back.
GRLGRLGRLGRLGRLGRL
And then, from all around me, there rises this sound.
GRLGRLGRLGRLGRLGRL
Turns out that the entire flock of turkeys was perched up there, one turkey per tree, on both sides of the street.
I guess that's how they avoid getting eaten by the cougars and coyotes out here, but they are seriously undignified creatures, and I'm not sure how they stay up there without falling out - they barely looked like they could keep themselves balanced on the branches they chose.
Yeah, just don't walk *under* the nesting turkeys.
And if you do, DON'T look up with your mouth even close to open.
4881923
I knew they could go up in trees, I've just never actually seen them do it out here IRL. And certainly wasn't expecting one to come crashing through the trees right next to me. Not the stealthiest of creatures.
After seeing how bad they are at keeping their balance up there, I'm not surprised why I haven't seen them up there more.
Do turkeys actually build nests in trees? All the turkey nests I've seen were on the ground.
Both of these could be true now:
1. TD has a platoon of turkeys under his command.
is now a turkey 
2.
Or you could just not go for that walk.
But yeah, turkeys... The epitome of grace.
4881946
Bah! Like I'm going to let some overgrown feline interfere with my exercise program. I like taking walks at twilight, but I don't own any handguns, and I'd rather not carry around a long gun, so... bear spray it is.
4881929
It's an effective strategy! Just ask Link!
I read "cougar" and thought of something completely different. Like have you never seen a classy older woman on the prowl for some fresh meat before?
Then I remembered that cougars are also big cats and not native to my country.
4881955
One of the only deadly animals in the world not native to your country.
Really? I can barely see the damn thing in the picture. Anyway you want to talk close animal encounter: I used to love in a trailer park with my brother and he sent me to get some laundry from one of our neighbors places cause I guess he was using one of their machines. As I’m coming back, I see what at first I thought was a large dog. It was dark out and I figured no big deal as people have dogs at this trailer park. But then it turns its head to profile and I immediately knew it was a little black bear cub. I said nope and slowly backed away then ran to our trailer. I knew momma bear would be around somewhere and I wasn’t going to end up a victim of a bear attack
GRLGRLGRLGRLGRL!
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/7/78/Gummy_with_a_turkey_on_his_mouth_S4E14.png/revision/latest?cb=20140217141516
4881956
Amusingly, the most dangerous animal in the world by death count is the mosquito, probably by several orders of magnitude. Freaking little plague bearers. They actually kill more humans than humans do, between malaria, West Nile, and other diseases. Mosquitoes suck.
Ironically, wild animals in Australia kill very few people; Australia apparently boasts about 5 deaths from wild animals per year. You're apparently about twice as likely to die from a beesting as you are from a wild animal attack there. Snakes elsewhere in the world are much more dangerous than in Australia; about 100,000 people globally die per year from snake bites. If Australia was average, they'd expect about 34 deaths from snakebite alone each year, so Australia, for all its memetic status, is actually well below-average in terms of deaths by snake bite.
Of course, the US has even fewer deaths from snake bite relative to its population, but we have more dangerous large animals (bears and cougars), though they rarely attack humans. You're probably more likely to die from hitting a deer in your car than you are to be mauled to death by a wild predator.
Cougars themselves actually only rarely kill people; only two people have died from them in the last 10 years. It's actually really rare.
But of course, part of the reason for that is that we take precautions when cougars are around, which greatly decreases the odds of a fatal attack.
Whereas deer just decide HEY LET'S DART ONTO THE ROAD WHILE PEOPLE ARE DRIVING WHAT COULD GO WRONG.
Thanks for nothing, deer.
God, I'm a font of useless information at 1 am.
4881963
https://i.imgur.com/ddCPN1h.jpg
If you look at the full-sized image (you'll have to click on it to zoom in on the computer, or expand it on your phone), you can see him a lot better. He's not a small bird, that's for sure.
I'm surprised how high the resolution of phone cameras is.
Amusingly, my phone does not actually have a zoom function; the zoomed in photo I tried to take was just a cut-down photo focused on that area.
Ah yes. Accidentally getting between an adult animal and its offspring is a great way to get mauled.
4881955
lolsnaps.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/408490226074db945eb2aa39cf01d59f.jpg
I can't help but think that a spray can is a pretty feeble defense. But I have no idea how effective such a thing really is, so who knows?
"Seriously undignified" only just begins to cover it.
I'm disappointed. I was expecting a mass cucco attack at this point and a series of funny events, including but not limited, to self-maiming with the bear spray followed by the appearance of a large, very confused, feline. Life does not follow the law of comedy enough.
4882033
It's about 98% effective in keeping people from getting injured in close-range encounters with bears. It's a fairy potent anti-mammalian weapon because it triggers a powerful inflammation response and, you know, burns like heck. It will also often temporarily blind the target, which is useful for fairly obvious reasons. Most animals will run off after getting hit by it.
Of course, it isn't as effective as a gun, but what is?
And of course, if worst comes to worse, you can always bash their skull in with the metal can
Of course, it makes me think of this sign:
i1.wp.com/www.outdooroddities.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/grizzly_bear_warning_sign.jpg
Lol
I'd say you made some new friends!
If we could speak to birds I reckon we'd have some interesting conversations.