Fic Reviews: 'Cause I Like You, Silly! · 5:53pm Jun 7th, 2018
Okay, so, am I back to the norm of actually reading badfic, good fic and then badfic again? Well, maybe. Or maybe not. Make up your own minds after this review. Now, me and Lightning, as some of you probably know, don't have the best of history. Doesn't mean I'm going to suck up to him and claim this is the best thing ever written, cause trust me, it ain't. If I see problems, I will point them out. More after the break.
Now, the fic in question?
Oh yes, one of these. One of these fics where a... Well, I'd try to be polite about this, but no other way of putting it. Basically, you get to live out your fantasies of having a steamy session with your fave character. ...Which gets kinda creepy when you remember Pinkie, or any of the other characters aside from arguably Sunset in this collection (I did say collection, yes.) are teenagers. Which leads to my first major problem with this story, and quite a few points knocked off already. Seriously, this is disturbing. No other way of going around it, especially if you're my age and you're twenty-something. Okay, like that Pharanyx story I reviewed a while back, I'll be taking snippets from the story, specifcally the ones I have issues with and pointing what's exactly wrong here.
“Poke . . .”
“Stop it . . .”
Your angry muttering is drawing more attention than her annoying behavior is, and you feel stares from your classmates burning into you from all sides. You make the attempt to ignore her and reach for your pencil to jot down the notes on the board. But when your hand goes out, it touches the bare wood of your desk. The pencil you just had is gone. You pick up your notebook, you check your seat and under your desk, your feel the space behind your ear where you sometimes hang it when not in use, but it doesn't turn up.
As if things couldn't get any more frustrating.
“Poke . . .”
“Knock it off!”
Your angry growl catches the attention of the whole class, including the teacher. She calls your name and asks you if something is wrong, but more in a stern, “would you like to share with the rest of the class” kind of fashion. You glance over and see the pink-haired girl, Pinkie Pie, you think her name is, sitting quietly at her desk, a golden halo hanging above her head (How does she do that stuff?!you ask yourself with a grimace). Seeing as how she looks like she knows nothing of what's going on, trying to accuse her now will make you look bad. Plus, whining about it wouldn't feel very mature, anyway. In the end, you just sigh and say that nothing's wrong, and you finally give up on your missing pencil and pull a fresh one from your backpack under your desk. The teacher returns to conveying today's lesson, and you return to taking notes, but that doesn't stop the occasional unamused glance aimed at you.
Or the barrage of pokes in the ribs from Pinkie Pie's finger.
“Poke . . .”
Okay, as Grammarly isn't exactly going nuts over anything, I think it's safe to say that grammar wise, this fic is sound so far. Good to know. However, can I just say, the protagonist, he's an idiot! Seriously, if someone's bothering you this much in class, and distracting you from what you should be doing, ie, your classwork, then tell the damn teacher really. It's not whining, I should point out, by the way. Really, in my experience, I really like to have no major distractions while I try to focus on the lesson at hand, and I think this would count. Anyways, moving on.
Her reasons for this, however, are even stranger. Yesterday, after she'd “goosed” you in the hall again, you'd asked her why she did it, and she'd replied as if you didn't think it was obvious: “'Cause I like you, silly!” That was all she'd said, as if it was the only answer she'd needed. It didn't make sense to you, at least not as much as you feel it should have. She likes you? Why would she think that this is the type of behavior people exhibit with that in mind? And did she expect you to like her back? As annoying as she is, you don't think you should, but she clearly doesn't have any ill intentions, so you're just not sure.
Minor grammar issues, such as: "She likes you?" being told to me as being written as "Does she like you?" but the major problem I have is Pinkie goosing anon here. Really, this is the start of the next major problem I have with this story. I'm pretty damn sure goosing someone does count as sexual harrassment. Yes, it doesn't just happen to women. It can happen to you, a male. Seriously, if someone does this to you, and you're not consenting, I'd think you really should tell someone.
She threatens you with a wedgie, then give you a hug and a kiss and apologizes for poking your backside with a sharp object.
Again, harassment, and not just of the sexual kind. I'm probably going to start taking shots sooner or later every time I see this. Can someone hand me some alcohol?
The next day seems to be a bit less Pinkie-centric, at the very least. Aside from her walking up to you, patting you hard on the back and smiling at you, she hasn't come near you once today. While still weird, that's actually fairly tame by comparison. You start hoping things won't be quite as vexing as yesterday.
But you quickly find your day devolving before your eyes.
While at your locker before your first class, Bon-Bon, who had been passing by behind you at the time, had stopped and pinched your side for some reason. During a science experiment in Chemistry class, your lab partner, Lyra, had done the same thing while the two of you sat at your station, pinching your right thigh hard. When you'd turned to ask her why, she had simply muttered with a grin, “Just reading the sign.” At the time, your focus on the project at hand was more important than asking, “What sign?”
In Cooking class, one of the girls had finished a batch of muffins (she was nice, you always liked her), and gave you one along with the rest of the class. Passing by behind you, though, she had stopped, and for the same unknown reason, balled up her fist and gave you a light, though still surprisingly forceful, punch on the shoulder.
“Ow!” you had responded, gripping your shoulder. “What was that for?”
“Oh, sorry!” she had answered, looking worried, “I think I might have misread!”
It's not until you're on your way to the locker rooms for Gym class that you learn what's going on. In the hall connecting the two locker rooms (one big door leading to the boys' locker room on the left, and another on the right for the girls' locker room), Octavia passes by you and eyes you from behind. You turn and catch her looking, and ask why.
She approaches you with an almost pitying grin and reaches behind you, and you are surprised to feel something peel of your back. “You do know you've been wearing this all day, don't you?” she asks, handing you the object that had been stuck to your back.
You take it and look it over: it's a sheet of loose-leaf notebook paper that had been taped to your back. You see big, blocky letters scrawled out on it, and you read the message aloud:
“PINCH ME, I'M A HOTTIE”
Almost on cue, Octavia reaches behind you and pinches your butt before turning to leave. She glances back at you and snickers before winking and disappearing behind the girls' locker room door.
More shots, please! So. many. incidents. of. sexual. harassment. LINKARA! (I was saving him for later in the fic, but...
Downs a whole glass.
You hear Pinkie sniff before she answers, “I . . . I really do like you, you know. I just wanted to make you smile. It's what I love, and it's what I do best, and when you don't smile, how . . . how canI?”
This is a shocking display of emotion to you. You quickly realize that you may have been too hard on Pinkie Pie. Her feelings are genuine, even if she went about displaying them all wrong, and you never considered for a moment how fragile she could be. You realize then that, despite her seemingly inextinguishable glee, she's still human, and has feelings just like anyone else. You also realize that, in your attempt to get Pinkie to consider your feelings, you neglected to consider hers.
“I'm sorry,” you tell her with a low, yet genuine voice, “I . . . I wish I could make this up to you somehow . . .” Slowly, you begin to realize how close you are to Pinkie. Her hair gives off an odd, yet pleasant smell of cotton candy and nachos. Her arms are hanging limply at her sides. Her straight hair gives you a new look at the contours of her shoulders and back, and you are surprised at how attracted you are to them. Her legs are a little shaky and pressed together under her pink party skirt, just one more part of her you are quite entranced by. You are reminded of how cute she is, and she has nothing but the purest intentions for you. Now, you feel privileged to have such a nice—if a little random—girl trying so hard to make your day a little brighter.
Knowing you're still behind her, you are struck with an idea. “Hey,” you whisper in her ear, “you know what's fun?”
“What?”
“WEDGIES!”
Your fingertips sink past her skirt and hook into the waistband of her panties, and you pull with all your might.
“Ooooh!” she squeals, her legs now squeezed together as she waves her arms and wavers on the spot. “OooooOOOOOOooh! OOOH! WHOA! OOOOOooh!” The wedgie seems to be pulling Pinkie's hips and butt in the direction of your grip, putting her in a silly pose. Her toes are now pointed inward, her knees are touching, and she's bending slightly forward a bit more with each second of playful tugging. Just the feel of her hot pink cotton panties, the look of the curve of her backside beneath her skirt, the shrill, sexy sound of her squeals, it all quickly melds your slowly-growing love with your quickly-growing lust.
WHAT!?! JUST FUCKING WHAT!?! For the first time, we actually have Pinkie act sorta in character, and show another emotion besides being 'funny' and then it's all ruined by Anon returning all of this in a roundabout way. I'm sorry, but after all of this, I would not even want to be near Pinkie, and I'd actually probably file a restraining order for all of this.
Seriously, this is not how love works. I admit, I've never been in a relationship in my life aside from fantasy ones, which was perhaps slightly on the unhealthy side I confess, but even I know Love. Does. Not. Work. This. Way!
From here on in, heavy petting, and to be honest, not going to bother reading it, as it's still frankly disturbing for the reasons stated above. It's good, I suppose. I wouldn't really know much about how to write a scene like that, so another reason I'm passing on reviewing that scene.
Honestly, all in all, what do I think of the fic, and what possible score can I give it? It's good in it's descriptions and grammar, but probably everywhere else it fails, from logical fallacies to need I repeat myself, blatant sexual harassment that everyone gets away with. Top score I can probably give this out fo ten?
5, if I was being generous. Three would probably be more likely though.
Ouch.
When you put it that way at the beginning... Yeah, it's disturbing. And I agree. Love doesn't works that way.
Considering how you two apparently don't get along, I don't think it was really a question of how easy you were going to be on him when reviewing this fic.
I will, perhaps shamefully, admit to being a junkie of these sort of fics. Mainly because, as you implied, I get to portray someone who gets to experience things I would never experience in real life. Such as falling in love that easily.
4878390
Okay, I admit my... dislike of Lightning may have colored this review a bit, and I also admit I've read a few other fics like this in the past, but that still doesn't excuse the major league problem with this story in Pinkie's blatant sexual harassment.
I prefer my Pinkie being clueless in love. She just likes everyone but it is a platonic type of love. Seeing her act this way just screams at me as being wrong.
I'm quite at a lost here.
That kind of show of affection is pretty much what I would see during kindergarten years. So yes, them being basically in what senior high school?.. yeah. But even so, I do see people around their twenties act not so far like this and doesn't seem to bother anyone that much.
Pinkie Pie acting like that for me doesn't look so far out of character. They were some episode where, at least pony Pinkie, was pretty pushy if not blatantly bullying ponies oblivious of how uncomfortable she was making them.
Granted, the story is almost three years old. There's always room for improvement.
Nordryd did something similar to this story, and he actually pulled it off pretty well. I enjoyed it.
But if it ain't your cup o' tea, I get it.
4878483
The key difference there is, unlike Pinkie here, the Pinkie in that fic didn't commit acts of possible sexual harassment.
4878535
You've read the Nordryd version, then? He's a good author; one of the best I know.
4878595
Yeah, nice guy, really. Shame he had to leave, but I fully understand his reasons.