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Acologic


absolute total madness

More Blog Posts21

  • 7 weeks
    A Few Neat Weapons in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

    And I'm dreading my return to work after a quiet couple of days for New Year, so why not throw up another of these, near-pointless as they are? Sounds alright. Let's do it. 

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    0 comments · 16 views
  • 8 weeks
    8 Wholesome NPCs in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

    So.

    At least one dusty Old English tome begins in more or less the same manner, though I can't recall the word I'm translating roughly as the above. So, by using 'so' as I have (which I'm fairly certain I do mostly anyway), I'm conceding that this tired spiel is a lazy substitute for the well-structured, pertinent introduction I am chronically incapable of providing. And so to business.

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    0 comments · 14 views
  • 26 weeks
    10 Sad Locations in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim [SPOILERS]

    So I'm striking two days in a row, with another ranking list and a Skyrim-themed one at that, which must be a good thing. Writing requires practice, and if I'm in the mood, which I am, why shouldn't I put in the relatively small amount of effort required to come out with something? Taking advantage of inspiration when it strikes sounds about right. And these aren't very structured, so it's hardly

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    0 comments · 17 views
  • 26 weeks
    5 Most Badass Characters in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim [SPOILERS]

    Alright, people, before I even attempt to sift through our vast backlog of candidates, I've got to define what a badass actually is. Which is funny because the term's flexibility is such that, normally, you'd get away with not defining it at all. Because we all know a badass when we see one, don't we. You might disagree all the same when I name names, and say 'WHAT?! HOW?' a bunch.

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    0 comments · 56 views
  • 35 weeks
    Isn't it just lovely . . .

    When ages ago you wrote something you thought was cool, then decided halfway through writing it that it sucked but rolled with it anyway more or less to completion before coming back a while afterwards to give it a look-over and ended up absolutely despising the sight of it?

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    0 comments · 47 views
Jun
4th
2018

Ranking (almost) every episode of 2005–present Doctor Who · 12:01am Jun 4th, 2018

Just as with hit BBC show (and personal favourite) Merlin, I'm going to lay it on the line as regards what I think of this legendary series' modern incarnation, which has, I'm assuming, pipped its counterpart in terms of popularity. Suffice it to say that if it weren't for Eccleston's fabulous performance as the Doctor and Russell T. Davies' stellar writing skills, this show may well have remained deceased despite defibrillation. But it's back, it's been back for a while, and it's good, I'd say, on the whole. I certainly like a fair chunk of it, anyway.

But that's the thing. There's so much 'eh' involved. So many painful filler episodes and canonical inconsistencies. Don't get me wrong, that this modern run has lasted for as long as it has is in itself impressive. But it hasn't all been good, and for sure, in the months leading up to Jodie Whittaker's turn in the TARDIS, fans are wondering how much more there is left to squeeze out.

All the same, I've got to say, when the show hits high, it delivers some truly wonderful television. And heck, I had fun doing this for Merlin. Let's see how it goes. Cracking on.


The worst

112. In the Forest of the Night

Truly, the most miserable Who episode ever to darken the franchise. OK, that's an overstatement, but its boring premise and ineffably boring execution do this howler zero favours.

111. Face the Raven

You know, at least the above was watchable. I hate Ashildr, and I hate seeing her again again.

110. The Woman Who Lived

Mature handling of immortality and the torment it brings lifts this one the teensiest tad, but it's still completely awful and sufferable only once.

109. The Eaters of Light

I mean, what the heck was that?

108. Hell Bent

Oh, but this is a joke, surely. Am I watching Doctor Who, or is this trolling fans 101?

107. Fear Her

That undeniably abysmal season two episode. Shows you how much better Tennant's run was than Capaldi's despite the latter's perfectly desirable portrayal of the titular character.

106. The Fires of Pompeii

I feel this episode aimed for moving and meaningful, missed and landed on utter shit instead.

105. The Pilot

Introduces Bill, who I liked, but easy on the lesbianism, please. It's a sci-fi show, not a pride parade. (OK, I'm partially trolling.)

104. Kill the Moon

Preachy nonsense destined either to bore you stiff or irritate.

103. Thin Ice

Eh.

102. Listen

Interesting at times (perhaps once), but largely forgettable and unrewarding.

101. Deep Breath

A complete mess, misleading and subsequently disappointing.

100. Sleep No More

Surreal, unsettling but ludicrous. Laughable, really.

99. The Time of the Doctor

A superb regeneration scene perhaps justifies this messy affair. Bad, bad episode.

98. Time Heist

Felt like a gimmick all the way through. I don't know why it is, but villains these days are a miss every time.

97. Closing Time

Not exactly sure why I dislike it so much, but I do. I guess a James Cordon feature is something I can stomach only once.

96. The Name of the Doctor

Eh.

95. Empress of Mars

It's no Cold War, let's just put it that way. Also, I realise Mark Gatiss drew the Ice Warrior stick.

94. Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

Much like Sleep No More, this car crash is unnervingly surreal at times but falls short on genuine appeal.

93. The Bells of Saint John

Is that it? said I upon its ending.

92. Nightmare in Silver

Matt Smith's performance carries this one so completely it's astonishing. That's all.

91. The Girl Who Died

Again, it has its moments. But even they aren't good.

90. The Husbands of River Song

A reasonably interesting standalone giving us a needed backward glance at the Doctor and River's relationship. In retrospect, however, it just isn't that good.

89. Oxygen

An exciting premise completely unsuited to 13 and Bill. If written during the Tennant–Piper era, it might have been one of the best.

88. Smile

Cringeworthily connectable to modern-day phone culture, and that's the point. Don't ask me to watch it again.

87. Robot of Sherwood

It's bad, and it knows it's bad. Enjoy it if you can.

86. The Idiot's Lantern

I cite Mark Gatiss' undoubted creativity and willingness to push at the show's boundaries. Unfortunately, as is often the case with such episodes, wide of the mark. Well wide, in fact.

85. The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

Those Inpachi-esque tree people were hardly present! Another Christmas let-down. Big time.

84. The Unquiet Dead

Charles Dickens immediately excuses everything. Almost. Albeit many elements of which I am a fan are present (9 and Rose being foremost), I can't deny it's those and not the episode I'm enjoying.

83. Into the Dalek

I knew how it would end as soon as I read the title.

82. World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls

Would that the reveal hadn't been broken to us weeks earlier. And although I'm a huge fan of the original Cybermen, this ended poorly and without my approval.

81. Victory of the Daleks

Eh. But it could have been much, much worse.

80. Let's Kill Hitler

Now isn't that one of the silliest-sounding titles you've ever read. The episode is even more so, redeemed only by its tight execution.

The mediocre

79. Hide

At last we get a ghost story. Every series needs one. This was horrifically disappointing. Don't speak to me.

78. Knock Knock

David Suchet, oh, my word, yes, the brilliant Hercule Poirot. He alone lifts this far higher than it could ever deserve.

77. The Eleventh Hour

Amy is cool, as is Matt Smith's Doctor. That's about it, I'm afraid.

76. The Rings of Akhaten

Cool effects, cool monsters. Bad story. No, that's unfair. Underwhelming execution.

75. The Beast Below

I can't remember whether it has more going for it than the notably creepy Smilers.

74. Partners in Crime

This isn't good. The villain is boring, much like the premise, and the ending is even worse.

73. Turn Left

Soporific scenes abound, but one implying a modern-day holocaust is affecting.

72. The Runaway Bride

They reintroduced my favourite villains of all, so I'm happy. And no, I'm not talking about the big red spider psycho.

71. The Vampires of Venice

I'm surprised a tacky filler made it this high. I suppose its charm pips the unimposing storyline.

70. The Lodger

James Cordon is funny, Matt Smith making James Cordon mad is even funnier, but the good stuff ends there.

69. A Good Man Goes to War

Again, it has its ups. But a clumsy in-show crossover smacked of pandering.

68. Dark Water/Death in Heaven

Second-rate finale, complete with insipid Missy's replacing the sinister allure of John Simm. What a load of tosh.

67. The Power of Three

I'm amazed to see this above so many, but there you go. Its tone punches in favour, and so do Amy and Rory. And Mr Weasley.

66. The Crimson Horror

Say one thing for Mark Gatiss, say he's creative. You'll always find something about his episodes. Something another writer's lack. Shame they aren't always enjoyable.

65. New Earth

Grotesque yet unexpectedly moving come its end.

64. Smith and Jones

Space rhinos did their thing, and Martha is an underrated companion. O positive, anyone? I've got my little straw.

63. The Unicorn and the Wasp

A dismal villain reveal ruins what was shaping up to be a memorable episode.

62. Tooth and Claw

Enjoyable and informative as regards the Torchwood bunch. Decent episode, seemingly decent spinoff.

61. The Christmas Invasion

Passable introduction to David Tennant's Doctor which also treats us to the welcome return of Harriet Jones, our favourite fictional prime minister. (Also, my favourite villains. Have you figured it out yet?)

60. The Wedding of River Song

Anticlimactic finish, truth be told, to Matt Smith's strongest series in the TARDIS.

59. Flatline

Interesting, yes. Satisfying, not really.

58. Rose

Perhaps the most important of the lot. Had this flopped, our revamp might have too. Thankfully, it didn't and, although not the greatest, was impressive enough to excite both old and new generations into a second age of Who.

57. The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar

Clara as a Dalek wins. Davros displaying a smidgeon of humanity also wins.

56. The Caretaker

Tell you what, Capaldi's Doctor has a sick sense of humour.

Good

55. The Curse of the Black Spot

This worked. I'm surprised it worked, but it did. Let's not try anything like it ever again, though. Ever.

54. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

Its flat premise belies a solid story and execution.

53. The Angels Take Manhattan

A fitting emotional conclusion to the Amy/Rory epoch. But did they have to screw up the Angels so?

52. Father's Day

An unjustly disliked episode in my opinion, without whose existence Pete Tyler's AU incarnation would be significantly less significant. Predictable, yes – but in the best possible way. We foresee the pending sacrifice and feel for Rose when it comes.

51. The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang

Its masterful use of dialogue-dumped pseudo logic catapults it up or down depending on how I feel. Today it's up.

50. School Reunion

Run-of-the-mill conclusion notwithstanding, this episode brought tears of nostalgia to OG Whovians' eyes worldwide, that's for sure.

49. The Day of the Doctor

A fan's wildest dream or worst nightmare. I'm inclined to side with the latter. Nevertheless, it's entertaining, and that's what it's meant to be.

48. Army of Ghosts/Doomsday

A mildly disappointing yet enjoyable finale to Rose's last season. A passing observation – the Daleks and Cybermen couldn't have been salvaged and restored any better.

47. The Shakespeare Code

SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS! IT'S HERE, AND IT'S STAYING HERE!

46. Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks

A spine-tingling two-parter whose hit-or-miss tone lets down an otherwise gripping story.

45. Love & Monsters

OK, not a popular opinion, I acknowledge that. But I liked this episode. I appreciate most fans' grievances with it, and still they don't stop me from revelling in L&M's third-rate acting, risible dialogue, comically bad antagonist and his interactions with Elton and the Doctor. So bad it's good seems about right.

44. The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion

Although highly praised by most, I'm not a fan. The speech is great, of course, and that's about it.

43. Asylum of the Daleks

Touching scenes concerning Amy and Rory's relationship and of course Oswin's fate. But can she please give it a rest with that stupid catchphrase.

42. The Doctor's Daughter

Surprisingly touching, sufficiently entertaining.

41. The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon

Tense, exciting and genuinely creepy at times. Nixon was fun.

40. Amy's Choice

A strange but arguably necessary interlude. Surreal and alarming, I'm glad it exists.

39. Cold War

Claustrophobic and tonally appealing, but poor special effects and plot capitulation down it slightly.

38. The Next Doctor

I do love me a Cyberman. This was a Christmas present I needed.

37. 42

This one plays host to the most forgettable unforgettable villain, which I feel would have benefited were the episode extended and split into two parts.

36. The Long Game

Where the Editor makes his solitary appearance. Simon Pegg clearly enjoyed playing the suave creep as much as we did watching him.

35. End of the World

An unexpectedly grand instalment, with spectacular visuals and delightful assortment of alien species. Combine this with an above-average storyline for a notable entry.

34. Night Terrors

The dolls were creepy, but they weren't on the screen long enough. One of Gatiss' stronger efforts and memorable.

33. Planet of the Ood

A required expansion on the Ood and their origins which is exciting and characterises Donna efficiently.

32. Voyage of the Damned

My favourite Christmas special by a country mile. The gift that keeps on giving, because each rewatch is as gratifying as the last. No, my name isn't Max, but this is 'the best'.

31. Extremis/The Pyramid at the End of the World/The Lie of the Land

Extremis could be one of the most inventive and simultaneously credible Who episodes if it didn't lack that killer something. Its follow-up was nail-bitingly good, but then the Lie of the Land happened. God, if I could read the Veritas...

30. A Town Called Mercy

A familiar Western that is nonetheless thoroughly entertaining and thought-provoking.

29. Heaven Sent

A more radical departure from your standard Who episode you never did see. It's absurd, but it's also fantastic.

28. The Doctor's Wife

This episode contains the hands-down darkest scene Who has ever dared give us. I was figuratively shaking.

27. Under the Lake/Before the Flood

An unpredictable and intense two-parter that ultimately proves itself underwhelming.

26. Mummy on the Orient Express

Capaldi's strongest episode, simply because of how captivating a story an antagonist like the Foretold allows for.

Excellent

25. The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood

A classic Who story filled with traditional elements – a secluded rural community cut off from the rest of the world by aliens threatening to destroy humanity for their own benefit. As they say all over the place these days, I rate it.

24. The Stolen Earth/Journey's End

Another Dalek master plan foiled by the Doctor's companions. It's good, though. Very good.

23. The God Complex

Spine-tinglingly sinister instalment that went as well as it could have.

22. The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky

A robust, entertaining two-parter that reintroduces our favourite space potatoes. And it strikes the right balance between comedy and gravity too.

21. The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People

Another thought-provoking two-parter indicative of and important to plot developments further on. Superbly executed and enjoyable.

20. Girl in the Fireplace

What begins as a listless filler matures into a heart-wrenching tragedy as we witness helplessly the entire life of 18th-century mistress Reinette flash to a close. Affecting and distinguished in terms of execution.

19. Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead

Highly imaginative in terms of both story and characters. Hey, who turned out the lights? No, seriously, I'm trying to type here.

18. Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways

A volatile and thrilling climax to Eccleston's fantastic run as 9. The Daleks seemed threatening, and they certainly hit the heartstrings, offing Captain Jack, the Controller, the Station team, Lynda and countless innocents en route to world domination. Props, also, to a very well-handled regeneration and goodbye (two of them).

17. Planet of the Dead

A widely disliked episode, but I love it. It's somewhat surreal, yet grave and emotionally tangible. Not to mention tense and extremely entertaining.

16. The Waters of Mars

Featuring one of the series' most unsettling antagonists, this dramatic escape from the Red Planet does more than just entertain, effectively evoking emotions you didn't expect to feel.

15. The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone

An unexpectedly detested Angels story which I thought was brilliant. Terrifying and impulsive, one of Matt Smith's finest.

14. Gridlock

Mouth-wateringly inventive, and one of the best in its own way. A perpetual traffic jam within New New York's seemingly endless motorway, whose occupants' legends speak of top speeds akin to thirty miles an hour? Thank god someone had the idea.

13. The Girl Who Waited

Unforeseeably affecting and challenging instalment which highlights the Doctor's darker side in a subtle and palatable manner.

12. The End of Time

A very complete denouement to Tennant's wonderful rein. Excellent episode, excellent Doctor.

11. Utopia/The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords

John Simm and David Tennant are quite the double act. Plus, we've John Barrowman's Captain Jack back, along with Martha and her entire family. One of the series' best finales.

10. Midnight

A fan favourite, and this time entirely justified. Impeccable dialogue establishes an equally perfect tone. Dark, distressing and to this day unexplained, it's one of the very best.

9. Vincent and the Doctor

Host to one of Who's most beloved scenes, in which the tormented painter is taken to present-day Paris and made aware of his legacy.

8. Dalek

An early masterstroke, one so famous people still reference it as the model episode, Eccleston's fury and despair as 9 is vindicated by the return of his greatest foe.

7. Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel

Thanks to these two gems, the Cybermen couldn't have made it back to our screens any better. In an alternate reality, dying John Lumic engineers the ultimate preservation – a metal body bereft of emotion, unable to feel pain or pleasure. We all know what that means. And we sure as hell loved it.

6. The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

A scary and dynamic thriller set in blitzed Britain, totally unpredictable and helped along by the fabulous Captain Jack. Most fans agree, this one's a keeper.

Perfect

5. Boom Town

A faultless denouement to the Slitheen arc, in which Blon Fel-Fotch (aka Margaret Blaine) begs the Doctor to spare her life, claiming to be reformed.

4. Blink

Without this one the Angels wouldn't exist, which in itself is an absolute tragedy. Truly spectacular at the time of its release, this standalone hasn't aged well for me. But it's one of Who's most chilling and momentous episodes and a true modern classic.

3. Aliens of London/World War Three

Perhaps the Slitheen aren't the greatest monsters to appear on Who, but so what? The brilliance of this early two-parter lies in its handling of the Doctor, Rose and her entourage, Mickey and Jackie. One of the 'realest' entries, the Doctor must save Earth from destruction at the hands of an intergalactic crime family posing as British officials hell-bent on making a profit.

2. Human Nature/The Family of Blood

This genius two-parter isn't topping the list only because the below is somehow even better. For me, it's the brilliant Baines (played by Harry Lloyd) who steals the show. He drives the threat and his twisted family of violent-sniffing time vampires to even greater heights. Tennant's outstanding performance also helps, along with those of his co-stars Freema Agyeman and Jessica Hynes. Frightening, impulsive, emotional – truly sensational in all departments and worth anyone's time.

1. The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit

The easiest decision I've made while typing up this list, let me tell you, because this has everything I could ever want or ask for. Fear factor, the unknown, claustrophobia, a chase through impractical sectors and tunnels, a line of communication under threat and effective, memorable characters. The fact we never learn what's truly at stake or behind our protagonists' distress makes things all the better. Even the Doctor is forced to drag up and question his most fundamental beliefs. The tone struck here is incredible. We've a grimy space base atop a science-defying anomaly orbiting a black hole. We've got the Ood, the Beast, unsettling insights into each character's past, unexplainable artefacts, possessions, deaths. Even the music is special. Heck, it's amazing. And this story's the clear winner by a margin.

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