The Blob (1988) · 2:25am May 29th, 2018
So, I was staring out into the void of space recently and a few things occurred to me. What? The void is lovely this time of year. Though if you really want to see it in all it's splendor you have to check it out during that period between Iceland's Whit Sunday and Monday. Obviously it doesn't last very long but you do come away with some insights none-the-less.
During my most recent gazing into the void I came to the conclusion that you can make pretty much any line of dialog sound as if Samuel L. Jackson is saying it by simply adding two words to it. Now I know what you may be thinking but it's not necessarily Quentin Tarantino's two favorite words. Granted one could use them for additional flourish but, no they are the words listen bitch.
Perhaps you don't believe me. If that's the case allow me to demonstrate:
"Iocane comes from Australia..." Vizzini
"Listen bitch, iocane comes from Australia..." Samuel L. Sicilian
"I can show you the world..." Aladdin
"Listen bitch, I can show you the world..." Samuel L. Addin
"She might banish you from Equestria, or throw you in a dungeon." Twilight Sparkle
"Listen bitch, she might banish you from Equestria, or throw you in a dungeon." Samlight L. Jackleson
The more you know am I right? Speaking of knowing things that come from a dark place I also learned a valuable lesson about not touching or poking weird gelatinous crap that I don't know what it is. Apparently though they didn't teach that lesson to the residents of Arbeville, Colorado because one of them does just that and it leads to a whole heap of trouble.
The Blob is the story of what happens when a space snot comes to Earth and decides to eat the people it runs into. It doesn't matter if you're a cop, football player, kid, old woman, government agent or whatever else there is out there. It will eat you and it keeps growing. The Smooze is kind of like a friendlier version of the Blob. Well unless you count the 80's version which flipped your personality and drowned entire villages. But I digress.
In this movie Shawnee Smith plays a cheerleader named Meg who goes agrees to go on a date with one of the local football players. It's a pretty standard date up until they run over a can collector with some goo on his hand who is being chased by Kevin Dillon in a leather jacket. This leads to questions.
Anyway it isn't long before the monster starts eating its way through the town's population. The question is will Smith and Dillon be able to stop The Blob somehow or is the world doomed. Well, you'll have to watch it to find out.
Overall, I think this movie is superior to the original. I'm not going to knock the 58 version, they did what they could with what they had and it was successful. However, 88 version has a better stable of actors, better pacing, dialog and special effects. That's not to say there isn't fun to be had with the 58 version mind you, just that the 88 version hits the mark more than its predecessor.
Anyway, give this one a watch sometime.
The Stats:
30 dead bodies, 0 breasts (I've gotta work on that), 2 dead rats, arm ripping, body dissolving, face squishing, back snapping, tentacle grabbing, 1 pay phone crushing, 1 sink sucking, Steve McQueen jump, Gun fu, Ratchet fu, explosion fu, blob fu, freezer fu.
Shout Outs:
Kevin Dillon as Brian Flagg the bad boy with a heart of gold for licking a cop that gets in his face and for saying things like, "All I saw was an old man with a funky hand!"
Shawnee Smith of Saw fame as Meg Penny for blasting the blob with a machine gun among other things.
Art LeFleur as Mr. Penny the pharmacist for saying, "Ribbed."
Donovan Leitch as Paul Taylor for getting a concussion and still managing to ask Meg out on a date.
I saw the first one when I was a kid. That and Salem's Lot were the ones that really scared the crap out of me.
There weren’t too many movies that crossed the line of killing children on screen. This movie does that, death scream and all. The blob does suffer from some inconsistent rules, sometimes it will do amazing (for a blob) acrobatic feats, and other times, it can’t seem to get through a simple boarded up window.
I thought that the blob was actually made by the government or something, they aren’t very clear about it, but they obviously knew it was there, which was a major plot point if I’m remembering it right.
All in all it was ok. I kind of want them to remake it and also not. I’m not confident that they could pull together a cast of actors to do it properly.
4872227
Well, for me some of that always boiled down to that aura that a protagonist has in these movies or maybe the blob didn't want it bad enough. It's kind of like losing on level 0 of Tetris. There's no way it should happen if you've played the game before but sometimes you either don't care enough or are too tired or something.
And what you thought is correct in that the probe was launched into space with the bacteria on it however, I wanted to leave that out and anyway... technically it came from space ... on the way back.
4872203
Ah but have you seen Beware! The Blob? It opens with a kitten creeping through the grass...
4872400
I don't remember the kitten. I do remember thinking that the blob was jello.
4872482
Ah well this is the beginning of the sequel to the 1958 The Blob. This is the 1972, Larry Hagman directed Beware! The Blob. Truly this is a terrifying start.
4872542
Lol okay I haven't seen that one. Just the original and the 1980's remake. Maybe they saw a kitten on the set and decided to film it. It definitely kills the mood. That or they never took the film seriously from the start.