• Member Since 12th Dec, 2011
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Jake The Army Guy


Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES! ~ Abraham Lincoln

More Blog Posts540

May
18th
2018

Don'tcha Call Me Pudgy, Portly, or Stout, Just Now Tell Me Once Again... · 11:22pm May 18th, 2018

Howdy, howdy, everyone! First and foremost, as always, Adorable Applejack:


Bonus points for Best Mom

Anyway, funny story. A few days ago, a coworker and I shot a short video about motorcycle safety for the website. Just a silly thing, with me acting like a horrible actor while going over basic safety info. I'm gonna add some cheesy synth pop and add a VHS effect to it looks like one of those horrible 80's PSA's. It's gonna be great.

Anywho, today I sat down to edit. As I watched the footage back, I came to a sobering and depressing realization:

I'm fat, yo.

Now, to be clear, this isn't, "Oh, I've put on a few pounds and now I feel sorry for myself." No, I'm legit fat. I'm at least 230 lbs. That was the last time I weighed myself, which was months ago, because I'm honestly scared to step on a scale because I don't know what that information would do to my mental state. My face is almost completely round. I have to suck in my gut to adjust my belt because I can't see past my gut. I get bad chaffing between my leg if I try and run because my fatass thighs rub together. For God's sake, I have stores of fat in the area between my waist and my penis.

Yes, I'm developing a male F.U.P.A.

It got me waaaaay down, man. I spent the rest of the work day in a state of deep depression. I would barely concentrate on the task at hand, because I could only focus on how much my gut stuck out. With my pony tail and my beard combined with my love of pony and other things, I'm becoming a true neckbeard. Naturally, I came home and ordered comfort food in the form of a big cheeseburger, washing it down with hard cider, which is like 200 calories a bottle. It was bad. But then, as I was about to grab another cider, two words appeared in my head. Like a literal bolt from God:

Fuck this.

No, goddammit, I'm not gonna wallow in my self-pity. I'm not gonna be a slave to my stomach and blame my failing metabolism. I'm not gonna resign myself to turn into my dad, who gave up on everything and now probably weighs over 300 lbs. I refuse.

Starting Monday, shit changes. No more ordering meals. No more soda, even diet. At least 5 bottles of water a day. Instead of taking the elevator up to my apartment, I'll take the stairs. That's ten flights, dude, so you can shut the fuck up about the stairs, Cap.

I'm gonna start working out again. I haven't legit worked out, or even kinda worked out in over a year, probably since I got out of the Army in October of 2016. No more. I'm gonna walk, working up to running again, three times a week. The other two days, I'm gonna be using the set of adjustable weights I bought over a year ago and never touched. It's going to be slow at first, because I don't want to hurt myself, but I have promised myself that, by Bronycon this year, I will be under 200 lbs, with the overall goal of getting back to my Army weight of 175.

But I can't do it alone.

I know that it's ironic since my public perception is that of the tough, motivated Drill Sergeant. I have somewhat purposefully maintained this, in part because it makes me feel unique, and admittedly in part because I felt my friends wouldn't like me if I didn't have all that bluster. But the truth is I'm not some highly motivated person. I'm lazy, yo. Like, I got a looooot of quit in me. I need that outside kick, that push.

So, I humbly ask you all to aid me in my endeavors. I know it's not fair to put the onus on y'all, but I literally will never change without some kind of pressure. I'm not asking much of you, since I know my personal feelings probably don't matter much to other people. All I ask is some pressure. If you see me in a Discord chat, ask me if I've worked out that day? Maybe a little encouragement? I feel bad asking for positive feedback, since I feel I don't deserve it, and it reeks of desperation flat out asking for outside validation. But I need help, guys. I literally can't do it alone. I've never gone to a gym by myself, only with others.

That brings me to my next point: Kapchi-kapchi-da. It's Korean for "We Go Together." If you've ever felt you could lose a few lbs, let's do this together. Like me, you don't have to start big. No need to spend hundreds of dollar on a gym membership or overpriced workout equipment. But maybe take the stairs more? Hell, even doing some moderate stretching can raise the ol' heart rate. I'll be reporting on my progress, so why don't you do the same? Even if you only want to lose a few vanity pounds, let me know how you;re doing? Why not now? If you keep saying, "Oh, I'll get to it," you never will. Not trying to turn this into a Shia LeBouf meme, but... well, the man had a point.

So what do you say? Ready to work?

Even if you aren't, never forget that I fucking love you all. Til next time, stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!

Comments ( 27 )

You got this, man!

Something that helps me maintain a good weight is a regular meal schedule and not indulging too much. I have a nutritional shake for breakfast, a sandwich or something like that for lunch and I usually eat some kind of filling thing for dinner. Every once in awhile I still treat myself, but I make it a reward and less of a habit.

If you need any tips, advice or just someone to vent at, hit me up, man.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Stop being fat, you asshole, that's my job. >:|

I agree with you that self-motivation can be difficult, so thank you for motivating me. I just did a set of pushups and situps to exhaustion and I'm going to ride my bike later instead of driving.

Do the stairs! 30min a day walk up and down. Another way to help Lise weight is making a drink I drink every day. Get two water bottles, lemons and honey. Maybe a juicer as well.

Basically, put half the lemon in each bottle, being the juice, a spoon full of honey, fill it half up with hot water than room temp. Lemons help burn fat and honey controls hunger.

And do more stairs

At my heaviest I weighed 235 and right now I weigh 225 and I think my BronyCon goal will be 210 and my ultimate goal is 180.

I weighed 155 in high school.

Insert Gunnery Sergeant Hartman "Fatbody" line here

Get that PT into ya!

>Jake The Army Guy:rainbowhuh:

>Jake Hughes:applejackconfused:

>Tweak:applejackunsure:

>Fat.:rainbowderp:

But... No. I still tell all my Marine buddies about your

APPLE--JACK--APPLE--JACK--APPLE--JACK

story with that one unfortunate recruit and they almost never notice I'm talking about an Army Drill Sergeant, not a USMC DI.
You can't be fat, dude. It makes your OC video less funny. I had to do a level one OC course for guard training. We all saw that video as encouragement that we didn't do so bad.

Of course I'll motivate you. Maybe I'll even be a Sergeant myself next time we meet.:trixieshiftright: There's actually some debate as to whether my current shape is due to my diet, running habits, or a metabolism that, even severely slowed down, still out-competes my appetite, but: running for 30 minutes a day is one of the best ways to burn fat. It doesn't have to be fast, just keep moving. Set a daily run time and an alarm and DON'T EVER IGNORE IT! Also switch from three large meals to six small ones a day. This will help stabilize your blood sugar and keep it in fat burning mode.

But yeah, I will totally offer you a healthy dose of vitamin M every time I see you.

Mann, my lowest was 230! And that was when I was cycling over 50mi a week to college, running 5mi every other day and eating rabbit food for lunch every day. I loved it. Now I'm 260 and I can't find the will to do anything after I get home from my dead end job.

I found that taking a cooking class gets me into the mood to cook more for myself. So if you had a school near by, I highly recommend taking one. Also, David Ludwig Always Delicious has some good suggestion for filling meals. It also shows you how to supplement ingreadiants in phases. The biggest issues with the reviews is that some of the ingredients are difficult to find if you life in a food desert area.

Great resolution, dude. If I was to focus on one thing, I'd say just make sure you've got your willpower up when you're at the grocery store. Don't go there hungry, avoid the sodas and other sweets, and you'll be halfway there.

Amen mother fucker!

I'm with you all the way on this. Though I must say, you're post lacks what is perhaps the most powerful motivating factor when it comes to fitness.

And that is the power of METAL!

As someone who's also embarked on that road to a healthy body, I'm with ya, b'y!

As current US Army, I’m with you in spirit even if I’m stuck on post in body!

Get after it, Sergeant!

If you have a Twitter, I can motivate you from there like everyday. I'm quite the avid tweeter.

Let me just say, good for you!

I happen to read a lot about health, and your cutting back on processed sugar is a good start. I've read about a lot of people who got good results by cutting back on wheat as well. The trouble is that both those things are common additives.

Djthomp once related this to me, regarding his having once been 100 pounds overweight:

I decided to hit the gym five days a week and frequently on the weekends too. In order to give myself the desire to do so, my plan for the weekday was to always go after work so I could skip rush hour traffic, and to exercise using the cardio machines that I could read on at the same time. But for the sheer amount of time that I intended to be exercising, I needed an effectively unlimited amount of reading material, and pony fics nicely fit that role.

I eventually started running using a text-to-speech app to keep listening to fics and here we are.

Perhaps it would work for you as well.

Fuck yeah, Jake. I'm with ya. Let's do this.

I'm at 80 kilos or 176lbs. Given that I'm a tiny Filipino and you're a giant American we are likely in the same situation despite the numbers. I've been cutting down on soda recently mostly because the price of a 1.75 liter bottle of Coke just went up to 70 pesos. Cutting down on the rice, meats and bread too. Just a matter of sticking to an exercise routine.

20 push ups, knock em out!

Best of luck to you!

Hap

Easy food is bad food.

Easy comfort is bad comfort.

Easy way upstairs is bad way upstairs.

This won't be easy,


but


nothing is gained without struggle (except weight).

You will struggle. You will gain discipline. You will gain muscle. You will get your penis back. You will gain yourself back.

And we will get you back.

Lol what, you have a ponytail? :rainbowkiss:
Buy a fitbit. Start a workout routine. Remember things in moderation when it comes to meals.

Let's fucking get it, Sarnt!

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