Yay positivity · 8:14pm May 10th, 2018
Professor Plum did a blog about positivity and encouraged other people to join in and also write about positive things, and because he’s a cool dude, I’m doing it. It’s taken me a few days to find something positive because I’ve had a pretty rough time lately and there has literally been nothing positive in my life whatsoever.
For one of my classes at school, we had a little party to celebrate the end of a certain unit, and anyone who wanted to brought in baked goods. I made meringues, one of the more notoriously difficult cookies to make, because those are kind of my specialty.
I’ve most likely mentioned it before, but for those who don’t know, I have a pretty severe form of social anxiety disorder. Yes, that’s actually a real thing — I’m officially diagnosed with it. Little things that most people don’t think about much can send me into a panic attack.
I was panicking about the meringues for a while. What if people don’t like them? What if I’m ridiculed? What if people spit them out? What if nobody knows what they are and they sit untouched? It kept me awake at night for a bit, and I spent all of the classes leading up to the party going over in my mind all the possible outcomes of the situation.
Of course, my brain is dumb. Anxiety is completely irrational.
Everyone loved them. People went back for seconds and even thirds. I heard people talking about how they haven’t had them in forever and people asked who baked them. I had a bunch of people gathering around me while I answered questions about how to make them properly.
I know it sounds silly, but… it’s a big deal for me to do something that other people appreciate like that. To be accepted and to be liked. I stand out, y’know? My demeanor is noticeably awkward. I’m quiet and I don’t participate in a lot of school activities. I don’t fit in for the most part, and a lot of people will intentionally ignore me or talk down to me as if I’m mentally disabled or a small child.
So next time I get anxious about something silly like this or feel like nobody likes me, I’ll try to remember that some people do in fact want me around. Even if it’s just for meringues.
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How did you avoid the tendency of the meringue to turn to horrid, sugary dust?
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Heh, not sure I have a specific technique. I whip up the eggs for a loooong time and bake them for a bit over an hour at a low temp. Mine are always pretty durable.
You and I are quite alike, Panda. I too feel the need to be liked and accepted, which is why I write here on Fimfiction.