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Rambling Writer

Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

More Blog Posts141

  • 1 week
    Equestrian Road Rage

    Yesterday, I saw this video, and if Equestria ever gets cars, this is pretty much exactly what pony road rage would look like.

    And then I thought: what would current Equestrian road rage look like if it was actually rage-y?

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    4 comments · 104 views
  • 21 weeks
    The Automaticity of Magic

    In some ways, I love fantasy because of the easy outs it provides. In other ways, I loathe fantasy because of the easy outs it provides.

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    18 comments · 271 views
  • 62 weeks
    FimFiction Feghoot Festival Future Finalities

    Hello, friends! If you're still planning on writing feghoots for the the First Fimfiction Feghoot Contest, get cracking! The submission deadline is this Friday, July 19th at 11:59:59 pm, Pacific Time. If you beseech Super Trampoline for a short extension via PM, he might give you one, but don't push it. Get those stories in; we're almost

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    3 comments · 145 views
  • 65 weeks
    Looking at the pilot through season 9 eyes

    We’re halfway through the final season already. With the finale so close and almost a decade of pony, I figured I’d take a look at the premiere again. How does it hold up? What looks weird eight seasons later? What sorts of early-series quirks got ironed out later on?

    I stink at introductions, so here we go.

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    15 comments · 435 views
  • 67 weeks
    Feghoot Contest

    Do you like long, drawn-out puns? Do you like subjecting people to those puns? Do you like subjecting me to those puns? Do you like me scrutinizing those puns with a critical eye? Do you like lots of FimFic-famous authors scrutinizing those puns with a critical eye? Do you like possibly winning $100 for doing so and having your pun subjected to hundreds of other people in the process? How

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    5 comments · 185 views

In Which I Tolerate Eclipse: Chapter 7 -- Unhappy Ending · 12:44pm May 6th, 2018

Well, I’m unhappy, so why isn’t the series ending?

Entering Bella’s room, Rosalie says she wants to talk to Bella while Edward’s away, since he rarely leaves her alone and it’s unlikely she’ll get an opportunity like this. Specifically, she’s going to give Bella a more concrete reason as to why she should stay human. And then, guess what: more backstory!

1933. Rosalie was eighteen, and her family was rich because her father had a stable job in a bank.

Her father had a stable job in a bank during the Great Depression.

Her father had a stable job in a bank during an economic crisis caused by banks failing.

Hey, here’s something more logical than that:

Okay, getting back to the story…

Based on what her father said, Rosalie thought that poor people had brought it on themselves by being lazy and not getting jobs. She herself was the daughter of social climbers, and they used her beauty to help with that. She didn’t mind; she loved being shown off, having people stare at her, even when she was a preteen. She could get pretty much everything she wanted with her beauty. But “pretty much everything” isn’t “absolutely everything”; when one of her friends got married and had a baby, Rosalie was jealous for the first time in her life. She wanted a family, like her friend had. Because every female wants babies.

Soon, Rosalie got engaged to Royce King, the son of one of the richest men in town. Her parents were pleased, and so was she. It seemed like she was going to get that family, after all. But one night, when she was walking home from the aforementioned friend’s house, she ran into a drunken Royce and some of his friends on the street, who raped her and left her for dead. (This is still the 1930’s, by the way.) Carlisle found her, cared for her, and turned her into a vampire. When Carlisle explained to her what she was, she stayed with him — after finding Royce and his friends and going all Kill Bill on their asses.

Vampire Kill Bill. Why, Twilight, why couldn’t you have been that? And, no, Rosalie didn’t feed on them. She didn’t spill a drop of blood. She even killed Royce while wearing a wedding dress.

Anyhoo. Why did Rosalie tell Bella this?

“Don’t you see, Bella?” Her voice was suddenly more passionate than before, even while she’d told her unhappy story. “You already have everything. You have a whole life ahead of you — everything I want. And you’re going to throw it away. Can’t you see that I’d trade everything I have to be you? You have the choice that I didn’t have, and you choosing wrong!”

Boom. Nice, concise reason for Bella to stay human. Everything Edward hasn’t been saying. In fact, Bella doesn’t even deny this, but quickly changes the subject. (Side note: Rosalie saved Emmett from a bear attack and brought him to Carlisle because he reminded her of her friend’s baby. And they’re romantically involved. Ew.) Rosalie doesn’t demand Bella stay human, but she does tell Bella to give it some serious consideration.

Bella mopes at school the next day:

Without Edward, the day guaranteed to be unbearable.

CM + 1

But in between periods, as she’s walking to her next class, Jacob swoops in on a motorcycle and tells her to run. Bella quickly gets on the motorcycle and Jacob drives them to La Push before Alice knows what’s going on. Jacob says he remember hearing that Alice couldn’t see werewolves and decided to try to free Bella. (While I can’t argue with Jacob’s motives, it seems like Bella’s already skating on thin ice with Edward, and something like this is really pushing it.) Bella’s ecstatic about her newfound freedom for the day.

Clinginess Meter: 13

Rosalie’s backstorying really annoyed me, not just because of excessive backstorying, but because she tells it like a novelist. She remembers who said what during important events and uses language more suited for prose than speech. If you took out her external quotation marks in those bits, it’d be a standard third-person narrative. Maybe it’s just me, but I really feel like a person’s flashbacks should be filtered through that person. They don’t remember things, they summarize, that sort of thing. (I’ve even seen flashbacks that included incidents that the person flashing back had no way of knowing, which is wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG.) They don’t talk like a narrator. Nobody talks like a narrator.

Also, Vampire Kill Bill. WANT.

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Comments ( 2 )
Author Interviewer

Time to make it happen yourself! Twilight fanfiction is really popular, from what I hear... :V

Why did Meyers use a bank? I don't think ANYONE would have trusted banks for a good while after 1929

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