• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen February 2nd

The Bricklayer


Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)

More Blog Posts919

  • 116 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    4 comments · 357 views
  • 116 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    0 comments · 286 views
  • 125 weeks
    *eye roll*

    me checking the dislike ratio on my new story

    Glad to know bigotry is still alive and well in this fandom.

    It's glad to see some of us didn't watch the same series as I did.

    8 comments · 637 views
  • 128 weeks
    So where I've been

    Okay, uh... how do I begin this? Well, I suppose I should start with the obvious. Yes, I've been distracted. If you follow me on Archive that should be obvious. And if you don't, you totally should btw. Yes, I'm shameless.

    Read More

    1 comments · 509 views
  • 134 weeks
    Final chapter up

    Been a hell of a ride, honestly. I just apologize for dragging it on for so long.

    1 comments · 388 views
Apr
25th
2018

Fic Reviews: Let's Go To The Carnival · 10:54pm Apr 25th, 2018

Okay, after that last piece of... well, I'll let Ian Malcolm explain, (Squees at his return for Fallen Kingdom) I've got something that's actually worth your time. Mind you, I won't be reading the whole one shot, just pointing out specific things as always. More after the break.



Anyways, the story in question?

TLet's Go to the Carnival
Pharynx is forced by his brother to take Ocellus to a carnival. He discovers that the experience is unbearable. Will he make it through the day?
GravityDefyingCoffeeMug · 4.6k words  ·  181  8 · 5.6k views

Now, a few things stick out to me, aside from this being a very cute story. Now, first and foremost, a piece of logic that I think kinda makes a Hell of a lot of sense when I thought about it.

The Changelings are feared by many due to their past actions. They have certainly tried to change their ways, creating international relations with other kingdom's and species. Their metamorphosis have helped create the impression that they are kind creatures, despite research proving that the bright coloration was meant to be aposematic, which is a fancy word for 'Hey, I'm poisonous', his attitude certainly made it hard for the rest to make friends, especially since he's quite a high ranked member, well known outside their kingdom.

The rest of the hive doesn't understand his reasons, in exchange for the ability to give love, they were robbed of their superior combat abilities, with only aposematism as their only means of defence, a warning sign to predators not to eat them, which means they lack in security. He never wanted to be mean, but he has to for the safety of the kingdom and it's hive.

Seriously, Coffee-Mug may be onto something here! Okay, maybe the new Changelings aren't poisonous as such, but maybe they take what someone I know on Discord called the Batesian mimicry which I looked up, and basically amounts to: "mimicry in which an edible animal is protected by its resemblance to a noxious one that is avoided by predators." Makes a Hell of a lot of sense to me, and actually, on that, I read a story on which Thorax has to change genders now that he's the new hive leader (Long story) and a comment came up with this gem.

Absolutely nothing happened. Both the evil and the reformed changeling designs look mostly like beetles - their evil form looked like a pine beetle (I suspect, specifically, a mountain pine beetle - one of the most harmful ones to American pine forests), while their reformed form looks very much like a stag-beetle (which, while looking more "intimidating", is utterly harmless to the forests. In fact, stag beetles play an important part in turning fallen leaves and bark into fertilizer for the plants). A horrible, punny version of a stag-beetle, but a stag-beetle nonetheless. It should be noted that neither kind of beetle relies on a "queen" to lay eggs for them - any female beetle of either species can lay eggs

Actually fairly sound logic, and it makes one thing, and feel free to lynch me on this old 'Ling fans, that the writers actually know what they're doing. (Link to story where this comment came up. Clicky clicky! Real riot and worth your time)

Anyways, negative points... Now, this is something that keeps coming up in the fic, but the strawman carnies.

"It's 20 bits a ticket sir, so pay or leave."

Pharynx was pretty sure he was a magnet that attracted those who needed to be killed for the good of society. He often wondered if that was his true calling; to remove these worthless creatures from the planet and make it a better place for everypony else. However, with Ocellus sitting on his back, wearing a puppy dog expression, he restrained these urges. Nevertheless, this was made increasingly difficult by the shady fairground ticket salespony who thought he was Celestia's gift to the world. He'd already sent two families home in tears that were before them in the queue by making sarcastic comments and snide remarks, so it was time that somepony, or someling, put an end to that.

"See the flying spider monster in front of you?"

"No sir, because there is no monster. Just a changeling who has to pay or leave."

Pharynx stared at the stallion like a tiger staring at a deer it was about to devour. "Keep going the way you are and I guarantee there will be one."

Yet again, the ticket stallion wouldn't budge.

Pharynx released a burst of magic, transforming into the monster he spoke of to the stallion, a giant, five eyed, black and purple coloured bug with multiple pincers and wings, and was rewarded with a cleared path. Most ponies in the Crystal Empire have heard about the Changeling King's brother's reputation from their countless visits, and they knew that he almost always follow through with his threat. Though the stallion appears to not be 'most ponies'.

"Sorry, Changeling, but you cheated so you get nothing."

"But I didn't cheat! I knocked them off fair and square!" She protested, but the stallion wouldn't budge. Pharynx decided to help her out.

"Kid, remember how to deal with this kind of situation?"

Ocellus nodded then looked at the stallion. "S-See the m-monster in f-front of you?" she stuttered before transforming into a Pukwudgie.

The stallion gave her a funny look. "Terrifying." he sarcastically said.

"Nice try, but you got the delivery all wrong." Pharynx chuckled, "Here, I'll show you another one." Getting up close to the stallion, he smirked. "Look just give the kid her scarf and be done with it."

The stallion sneered back at him. "No chance, Changeling, now move on."

Pharynx's grin widened. "Okay, so you wanna play it like this? Fine, I'll have a go."

The stallion levitated five balls, but Pharynx simply shook his head. "It's fine, I got this."

Releasing a short burst of magic, he transformed into his signature disguise, the flying spider monster. Afterwards, he swung a pincer, instantly wrecking the top half of the stall.

Seeing the stallion shaking in fear, unable to comprehend what just happened or even what he saw, Pharynx smiled as he transformed back. "I'll be taking the scarf now." Pharynx said, reaching over and picking the scarf with the least amount of damage done to it. "Pleasure doing business with you." The Head of Changeling Kingdom Patrol then left the now sobbing stallion to tend to the remained of his stall after wrapping the scarf around Ocellus' neck.

"What's going on?" Ocellus asked the mares.

"This stick in the mud isn't letting us on the ride without a stallion. Says it's too scary for mares."

"Clearly he hasn't met Mother." Pharynx shuddered at the thought of Queen Chrysalis. Before he could step forward, he was beaten to it by Ocellus. Surprised, he grabbed some cotton candy and let things play out.

"Now you listen here! Mares have just as much right to ride this as stallions do! We can be just as tough as you ponies when we want to be, so let them on or else you'll have to deal with me."

The stallion pushed her back into Pharynx, laughing as he did so. "That's cute lil' changeling, but there is no way in hell that mares and stallions are equal. Now, shut up and go home. Maybe if they practice a bit, they'll make a good wife. That's all mares are good for; cooking, cleaning and fu-"

He was stopped mid-sentence by Pharynx who stuck a sticker that Ocellus had won from one of the stalls straight onto the stallion's mouth.

"Congratulations, you are officially the worst employee in this carnival I've met today."

Flustered, the stallion ripped the sticker off and spat at his opponent. "Who the hell do you think you are you oversized bug."

"Pharynx," he replied, "now get the buck out of my way."

The stallion was not impressed. With a hearty laugh, he got up close and personal with Phaynx and stood as tall as possible so that he could go face to face with the cyan changeling. Perhaps if he'd recognised the name in time, he wouldn't have made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Now listen here you... Wait... You're THE Pharynx?"

Pharynx glared at the stallion. "The one and only."

Instantly the man started backing up. Urine trickled down his right hind hoof. "M-M-My Lord, it was j-j-just a joke! Pardon m-me."

Pharynx smiled. "You're the first carnival freak here that recognises me. Unfortunately, that's not quite enough to save your hide."

In a last ditch effort to salvage what was left of his pride, the stallion bucked the changeling as hard as he could. All he got in return was a broken hoof and urine now trickling down both his hind hooves.

"That was your last mistake for today." Pharynx hissed. He didn't transform. He grabbed the stallion in a choke using his antlers, lifted him up until he was entirely raised off the ground, and slammed back down twice the force of what the destroyed stall received earlier.

Really? Really? Now, I'm not saying seeing Pharnyx beat the snot out of bigots is a good thing, but the problem is, they don't need to be bigots or jerks, to begin with, they could just be tired carnies that Pharnyx has to put up with.

But all in all, this fic is worth a read. Also, Phar-Phar. (Yes, that's actually said in-fic) And the ending scene, both those are worth the read alone. Out of a possible score of ten, I give this... 7/10.

So, no snarkiness from me this time around, and actually found some sound logic in this fic that I can agree with that makes Pharnyx a very sensible Changeling at times... Even if he's still a bit of an ass.

Comments ( 5 )

How often do you do fic reviews? Every seven days?

4847885
Eh, more like whenever I find the time, or feel like it.

4847954
Could you review Pony of Vengeance next, then? I PM'd it to to you some time ago.

4847981
I'll see what I can do. Not making any promises, as there's two other fics I've been eying (One of which you'll enjoy my review of, as it's back to me being snarky and ripping things tp shreds) but I'll see if I can get around to it.

4847982
Ooohoohoohoohooo! Goody goody goot goot! I'm patient! I can wait all of a sudden! Watching things blow up is hilariously entertaining!

You know, I've noticed an unintentional pattern in the reviews. One week, it's terrible. The next, it's pretty good--or at least, adequate. First it was the human-dinosaur-changeling meteor-Seventh element of Harmony crud. Then the well-written Anon-a-miss fic. Then the friggin Tide Pod commercial suicide fic--I say suicide referring to the fic as well as to Sunburst--with the stupid homophobia, mean nature, and absurdly out-of-whack characterization of two well-rounded characters. Then it was the changeling fair story--I say the word fair not meaning the carnival they go to, but as a word to describe the fic itself. Not too shabby, but not as good as it could have been.

And now, soon enough for my raging appetite for hilarious ranting, a new pile of crud shall get what it deserves from your angry caps lock key!

Login or register to comment