Thinking Back on A Dream of Sunny Days · 9:03pm Apr 14th, 2018
I promised a retrospective for A Dream of Sunny Days, so here goes. It goes without saying that this will contain a ton of spoilers, so I suggest not reading this unless you read the whole story.
I went over the whole thing, which only took me about a week, but needed more time to get my thoughts together. To be honest, I initially wrote the fic thinking it would be the perfect story for me, and that reading it would be this amazing experience. Turns out it wasn't. The prose is unpolished, especially in the early chapters, and there are a lot of long descriptions that could just be skipped. The entire first chapter could be removed, and the few important exposition details easily moved to later in the story. Still, the entire thing was a learning process. The one aspect I enjoyed the most was seeing how much I improved over time.
As far as the story and characters go, I mostly enjoyed what I did, although a few points could have been handled better. Rarity stumbles along in the Canterlot storyline for most of the story, until she just speeds through her investigation at the end, something that should have happened slowly over the course of the story. I ran out of ideas for Fluttershy a few times, and I think it resulted in a lot of her scenes focusing more on her own anxiety rather than her role in the story, which slowed down the storytelling.
I think that the biggest mistake I made was to have the griffons eat ponies when Rainbow first encounters them. I painted them as these horrible villains, robbing the readers of a chance to make up their own opinion on them. The most shocking part of that scene should have been Rainbow killing another sentient creature, not needless violence. I actually remember having my doubts before publishing that chapter and going through with it anyways. In hindsight, it was the wrong choice. Had I written it differently, the griffons might have appeared redeamable right until the end.
Anyway, what I'd like to do here is go through all the storylines individually and see what worked and what didn't. You guys can chime in and let me know what you think. Again, this is all subjective. I'll start by saying that I now disagree with my initial assessment. I commented that the story might have been better if it were only about Rarity, Blueblood, and Silvermane. I now think that the rest is still very enjoyable, and has a place in the story. The one big problem is Cloudsdale, which I'll get to shortly.
So let's start with Canterlot, aka the big one. I think that it's my most successful storyline, and based on the comments, I think most of you will agree. Rarity is probably the main character with whom I've taken the most liberties, giving her a level of maturity and sense of responsibility her show counterpart lacks. I think that it helped the story. I could have improved on a few things. Blueblood started off as fairly one-dimensional and grew as the story progressed. In my head, there was always more to him than his aggressive demeanor showed, but that obviously didn't work. Part of why I published the alternate prologue was to show what could have been with him. As for Silvermane, I look at her as a success. People got varied reactions about her, and I think I did a good job creating a flawed character with active goals. Really, not much more to say about Canterlot. It's probably the most successful part of the story.
I'm also fairly happy with Applejack's storyline. I intended her as the one who stays home and has to live with the consequences of the other characters' actions, and I think that worked. The whole changeling arc might have been a bit of a distraction, but it's still enjoyable. I'm still a bit uncertain about it. If the story wasn't finished, I'd ask proofreaders how they feel about it, and if it should stay or go. The big problem with Applejack is that she doesn't accomplish much. She reacts rather than acts. Like in the show, her motivation is to maintain the status quo. I think I handled her pretty well considering.
Fluttershy's story is linked with Applejacks', and I'm not all that satisfied with it. I struggled with writing her, and I think it showed. She's easily the weakest POV, and I think I should have stripped her of that status, instead pairing her with Applejack the same way I paired Pinkie with Shining Armor. It would have given Applejack more chances to leave Ponyville, and allowed Fluttershy to shine without having to deal with her constant anxiety. Obviously, the whole fake Fluttershy arc might have played out differently, so would the meeting with Discord, but it might have shortened the story a bit. What also could have worked would have been to make Fluttershy the pov, but give her an active goal in supporting Applejack.
A few words about Griffingard before I moved on. In my initial notes, I wanted Alicia Bouvier to be a pov character and give her a few chapters. I gave up on the idea when I figured that the griffons were better presented as antagonists with only hints of their deeper motivations. The important information was all revealed through the eyes of other characters, and by the time we reach Griffingard, the story was already dragging. I think I made the right decision here. I love High Roost as a setting, and had a lot of fun imagining and describing it. I actually had a rough idea for a sequel that would be set there, dealing with how Griffon society deals with the aftermath.
This would be a good time to move toward Pinkie and Shining. I always intended them to be the action heroes of the story and the ones who see the true danger, similar to characters like Jon Snow in Game of Thrones. They serve two purposes. Initially, they show the true consequences of the war, having to deal with the worst of it. Later, they're the ones to save the day. I'll admit that I was a bit surprised by the reaction these chapters got. I was worried people might disklike their storyline and reject Shining Armor early on, but the reactions I got say otherwise. Shining is an older character and the only male POV in the early chapters. That gives a different perspective that I think was needed. I still think that not making Pinkie a POV character helped the story. Her unique perspective works better when seen through the eyes of another character, especially one who gets to know her as the story progresses.
And now we get to Cloudsdale, aka the one where I screwed up. There's essentially two big parts to that storyline, before and after the battle of Ponyville. Rainbow Dash worked fairly well as a pov character for the early Cloudsdale stuff, but I should have given her the same treatment I gave Rarity, aka give her more maturity. I decided to stick with something closer to her show persona, and it made her come off as an idiot who doesn't belong in the position she's given. I could have made her aggressive without having her be as childish. It wouldn't have stopped her from making the mistakes she did in the battle, which I think as one of the story's highlights. I had a lot of fun planning it. I actually drew the map beforehand, and planned the entire battle from an external perspective before I wrote it as Rainbow's POV.
After Rainbow is gone is where things fall apart. For the longest time, we get no POV for Cloudsdale, which led to many readers either getting an idealized view of Luna or dismissing the faction. I tried to correct this with Soarin, but it was too little too late. Also, I should have shown more division within the ranks. I think Octavia should have been a POV character. Like Rarity and Silvermane, I could have shown her clashing with Rapidfire, with Soarin in the middle. I could have highlighted Luna's brash reactions and have her lead in an outdated fashion, showing little regards for the lives of her soldiers. In short, I should have shown the problems with Cloudsdale rather than tell through Shining Armor. The story wouldn't have been longer either, as I would have taken time away from Fluttershy and instead given it to the much more significant Cloudsdale faction.
That only leaves Scootaloo and Rainbow's prisoner chapters. That one is a mystery to me, as they're some of my favorite chapters, but they didn't get many comments. Maybe people liked them and didn't comment, or maybe it's just me. The one thing I would have changed is focusing the prisoner chapters more around the relationship between Rainbow, Crackbeak, and Gilda. Maybe having Crackbeak as an interrogator rather than a guard would have worked better. Having the entire chapter set with the three characters in a room rather than isolated, smaller scenes might have left a bigger impact. I still love the Scootaloo stuff, and I think that the naive point of view of a child adds a great dimension to the story.
Overall, I'm still satisfied with the story. There are a lot of flaws, and it shows that it's my first. Still, I learned a ton, and I wouldn't be able to now work on a real novel without it. I think that I mostly did a good job of taking the original setting and building something unique from it. Not everyone enjoyed it, and that's fine. Sunny Days took risks, and I think that's the secret to its relative success. While it never became one of the top stories on the site, it still made the front page a few times, and I think that most of the readers I got were invested in the story. In the end, I had fun writing it, most of you guys seem to have enjoyed it, and that's what matters.
I enjoyed being part of the process! Good job with your well-deserved success!
Please make a Legerity story she's still my favorite oc
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Thanks. Did you ever get to finish reading it? I know you've been busy.
I got to chapter 25, but that was a few months back. Would need to reread for the fifth time to refresh.
This is the one you're absolutely right on. She always seemed to know more than she let on or had a greater perspective. She also seems to have a reputation with several characters, but it's never explained.
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The problem is that she was a late minute addition. I threw her in there when I wrote the first Soarin chapter because I realized I needed new characters to replace everyone who got killed off at the battle of Ponyville. If she'd been there from the start, it would have worked better. It's definitely something I'd do if I were to rewrite the whole thing.
Thank you for putting this out. It's a very interesting read, and I find myself agreeing with a great majority of it.
Sadly true. With this, they became the 'monster faction' to the Cloudsdale and Canterlot sides. I remember you noting the alternative was showing one of them raping a pony, and as horrible as that is, it would've worked better. It's a more personal evil; eating your enemy in the manner it was presented (literally butchering them for meat) suggests it's cultural, and at that point, all bets are off.
However, Rarity never felt truly different from her show counterpart. She read very natural. Rarity is a pony who can be serious when the situation calls for it, through all her theatrics and airs. Compare that to Soarin, who lacked any of the goofy elements the character normally has. Of course, Soarin is a much, much less developed character in the show too, but he still truly lacked any connection. Even Blueblood had some prissiness, if memory serves. The conspiracy with Silvermane, Blueblood, and the Griffons did feels a tad confusing at times, at least to me. I guess Blueblood poisoned Celestia? Because the Griffons told him to? Rarity doesn't even confront him about this, she merely makes sure he dies.
Also true. Applejack shows things from the perspective of those affected by the two warring parties, much like Shining Armor and Pinkie. It's a shame that we never get to see the Cloudsdale faction's reaction to Ponyville declaring allegiance to Canterlot, but that touches upon a general issue.
Yes, that's unfortunate. I'd kind of forgotten the whole deal of looking for Discord. The Changeling additions had a serious impact on the story through Twilight's abduction (though it also opened up more factions that ended up strangely uninvolved with the actual war), while Discord didn't end up doing much, at least nothing that suggested all the efforts the Griffons went through to take him out were warranted.
I would've liked to see more of it. As it is, it's kind of difficult to see it as more than the horrible dungeon where prisoners get tortured. Not seeing more also contributed to the Griffons being the orcs to Equestria's Middle Earth. If we had a POV character there, we might have seen things like what they think about Griffonstone.
You're probably spot on. Of the two, Shining Armor is the more down-to-earth character. As much as I love Ponk, her mind is like a yo-yo.
Cloudsdale does come across as strangely disjointed at times. On the one hand, it's doing some truly heinous things, like attacking during a peace summit. On the other, it doesn't seem to link to the upper echelons, since we don't get to see them when those things happen. When Blueblood ordered their hostages executed, we had Rarity's horrified reaction. It took until Twilight came back that it was even acknowledged what they did was bad, and then it looked more like a slap on the wrist. I think you are right that Fluttershy's part would've worked better rolled in with Applejack's, and that time be given to the higher-up on both sides being shown planning. Like it happened with Rainbow Dash before. In fact, Lightning Dust seems the only Cloudsdale-aligned character without a Luna-4-Ever button on them. Rainbow Dash probably would have come there eventually, but her first major battle took her out of the equation.
Well, you got to see it from the readers' perspective too. Rainbow is tortured, both in an actual sense and what happens inside of her. That's the gist of it. Most people probably reacted with an "Oh no, Rainbow Dash!" but didn't post that. The Scootaloo things, yeah, that's strange, because she ends up being one of the proactive characters. It would've been nice to see her after Luna's assassination, see what she thinks, how she reacts.
Actually, that brings me back to the issue I noted all the way back when the story first ended: There's so much great (as in quality!) build-up, but the payoff doesn't doesn't feel quite fitting in many cases. I remember you saying readers complained things were dragging, but that may have been because they were looking forward to those consequences finally hitting home... for the character that ended up surviving, that is.
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Thanks for the feedback. I think a lot of it boils down to the way I wrote the story. I made a newbie mistake in publishing chapters before the entire thing was written. I suspect that your disatisfaction with the ending comes from the lack of focus. Many side stories do fall apart because there's just too many of them.
As for the plot, the Griffons poisoned Celestia, Blueblood and Silvermane are guilty of planting evidence against Luna and falsly accusing her of the murder, which they mostly did as a panic move, not wanting her to take the throne. Antoine helped nudge Blueblood toward that decision. Silvermane is motivated by keeping Luna away from the throne, and Blueblood fails to see the big picture. Another issue might be that with at least a month apart between chapters, it's easy to forget details. All of that could have worked better by focusing Rarity's chapters a bit more on her investigation.