On Writing A Duel II

Last time we talked about how duels should follow the same rules of storytelling as the rest of your story. Starting with not putting life point counters, monsters’ stats, etc. between paragraphs, as they are jarring and break the flow of the narrative.

Now, let’s talk about the action itself. Here are four examples from four different stories, which I’m not going to name because it’s not relevant to this post.

"I play polymerization and fuse my Dark Blade with Pitch Dark Dragon to summon Dark Blade-The Dragon Knight! Next I play the field spell Mystic Plasma Zone to boost his attack points by 400! With that, I end my turn.", Sombra said.

“Your ghost is no match of my monster,” said Twilight. “I summon Hermit of Prophecy in attack mode. Then I’ll activate my face down card, Spellbook of Wisdom. This card lets me select a Spellcaster on my side of the field. Then I get to decide whether that monster won’t be affected by magic or traps cards this turn. I’ll choose traps cards.”

“Furthermore,” smirked Gilda, “I activate my Trap!Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing! When I’m attacked directly, after damage calculation, I can Special Summon a level 1 Monster from my talons. I Special SummonDark Spider!” A spider with black, scythe-like legs, and a tall, green body scuttled out, its red eyes gleaming. [ATK0. LV1] “And then, since the Special Summon was successful, I get to Special Summon another Monster with the same name from my deck!” A secondDark Spidercrawled out next to the first. [ATK0. LV1]

"Next I'll flip summon my face down Kozmo Strawman," Sweetie continued and a gangly gold loking creature appeared (500/1800). "And I'll activate his effect, by banishing him I can special summon a level 3 or higher Kozmo monster. Including one of the most powerful, which I'll summon now!"

A huge shadow crossed the field and the duelists and the spectators looked up and gasped. Above them was a huge spaceship that was black with glowing red lines crossing it (3000/2600).

"Welcome to the field, Kozmo Dark Eclipser!" Sweetie said and the ship just hovered there for a moment. "But I'm not done yet, I'll equip my Goodwitch with my Kozmo Lightsword!"

A second wand appered in the Goodwitch's free hand and she ignited it as her attack points rose to 2300.

As you can see, they are all written the same way, in that they have the characters narrating the plays they make, followed by a bit of description or just plain none. At worst, it feels like the characters are reading from cue cards. At best, it feels dull and repetitive.

I believe the characters’ actions should be handled by the narrative, while they themselves should keep the explanations of their plays and card effects to a minimum. This trusts the readers with either knowing the effects of the cards or being able to piece them from the descriptions of the actions.

Let me demonstrate.

Without warning, Sombra took the lead. He activated Polymerization to fuse Dark Blade and Pitch-Dark Dragon in his hand into Dark Blade the Dragon Knight. The devilish knight materialized into the field from a wall of black fog. His black armor blended with the scales of his mount giving him the appearance of a monstrous, centaur-like being. Satisfied, Sombra finished his turn.

“Your ghost is no match for my monster,” said Twilight. She summoned Hermit of Prophecy and unveiled her set card, Spellbook of Wisdom, targeting her monster to ensure it wouldn’t be affected by trap cards.

Gilda smirked. She extended her hand over her set card and shouted, “Trap card open, Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing!” Two spiders, each with black, scythe-like legs, and a tall, green body scuttled out from inside her deck, their red eyes gleaming.

Sweetie Belle flip summoned Kozmo Strawman. The gangly, golden-colored creature emerged from the shadow of the card and Sweetie Belle immediately tributed it to bring a more powerful monster straight from her deck. A huge shadow suddenly crossed the field. The duelists and spectators looked up and gasped in shock: above them hovered a massive, jet-black ship with crimson lines crossing its entire frame and pulsating with energy like a beating heart. Sweetie Belle called the monster’s name with pride, “Kozmo Dark Eclipser!”She continued equipping her Goodwitch with Kozmo Lightsword, raising the monster’s attack points to 2300.

The difference is clear. By focusing more on storytelling and less on the technical aspects of the game, you make everything feel much more dynamic.