A Long Road to a Place Called Happiness · 8:41pm Apr 11th, 2018
Last blog, I said I was slowly getting better, just a little burned out.
The very next day, I began to fall apart.
One week later, I'm picking up the pieces and trying to put them all back in the right place.
Next week... well, who knows.
Last Wednesday brought to me a depression so great, I wanted to give up on grad school, writing, everything, and just sit in a corner forever, not having to worry about anything. Thursday, that depression turned into anxiety which eventually numbed the upper half of my left arm. Friday, I broke down and cried to my mom over the phone, then forced myself to go to my friends' game night, not even to play, just to be near people.
I'm sure some of you noticed there was no new Spectacular Seven chapter last week. I literally did not have the energy or the desire to give it its final proofreading before posting it.
Come Monday, I finally got to see a councilor and began to talk. The weekend calmed me down a lot. I started listening to a Harry Potter audio book and fell in love with my childhood again.
Thanks to Novel Idea, I sat down and, with some great difficulty, pushed past my sudden anxiety when it came to writing, and wrote my part for Sunlight Sliders II. I think this was a needed breakthrough because after that, the floodgate opened and I wrote another 4,000 words on a currently unpublished story. And it felt... nice.
So, I'm slowly picking the pieces up. I don't know how long this upturn will last. I'm cautiously optimistic right now. On top of trying to write again, I also have to put my efforts back into school.
Look, I can't promise you guys consistency. I'm not a robot like Skirts, I can't maintain a schedule like good authors can. I'm an anxious, emotional mess right now. I will write when I can, and give you my best work when I do.
But I will promise you this:
Spectacular Seven.
Across the Shimmering Sea.
Ice Iris.
Mechanical Soul.
Class Zero.
And all the stories that haven't been written yet. I don't care how long it takes me. As long as I love these stories, and as long as you guys want to read them, I will work until they are all complete. It might take me a year. It might take me ten. But I will finish them.
So, what comes next?
I dunno. Kinda playing it by ear. I'm suddenly invested in this new story, so that might drop soon, adding to the already long list of stories I should finish before starting more. But I'm insane so, yeah.
But, I really want to make some follow-ups. I think I'm going to make one for the very first episode of FiM. So, Sunset will be back in a few days, I hope.
Spectacular Seven should be back on track this Saturday. We're almost halfway done with the volume, guys!
So, yeah. I'm going to take my time. Nice easy steps. I've got a long road ahead, after all.
Depression is a bitch like that, but I'm happy that you're still finding your love in writing, and seeking help to fight back the problems. You can make it. Hell, I'm making it, and you're a hell of a lot better than me!
I'm glad to hear you're going through the steps needed to start feeling better. They don't need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. I know it's still gonna be a long, hard road, but I'll be praying for things to go well for you. You are an amazing person and writer and anyone would be lucky to know you. Take your process in picking up the pieces as you need to, there's no rush. We're all hoping for the best for you and I hope you manage to find joy in the things you love to make you feel better. You are a good person. Here's a hug. (HUG)
I had kind of worried about you when there was no post of any kind this weekend, especially after that last blog, but I decided to give you space instead of asking. I'm glad you posted this.
Are you on anything for this yet? Because it's increasingly sounding to me like you need to be on some meds for this. Again, there's no shame in that--more people are ON something for depression/anxiety than aren't these days. That's not necessarily a good thing, mind, but it's an important thing to remember. There's no shame in getting the help you need, no matter if it comes out of a bottle or just crying it out with a good friend. Figure out what's best for you and do it.
And don't worry about the rest of us. I'm kind of in the same boat right now--I've posted a couple chapters this week, but my mind just honestly is NOT in the writing zone right now, or even the gaming zone (God knows when my next vlog will be) and I really don't give a shit because right now, after what I've been through the last few weeks? All I really want to do is sit around watching cartoons. So that's what I'm doing. Because that's what relaxes me.
Do what relaxes you until you're back on top of your game and you don't feel depressed or anxious or rushed. Write when you feel like it. If you don't feel like it, then don't. Anything that causes you stress instead of joy that you don't HAVE to do, put it aside and do something else until you're back in the right frame of mind.
And by the hair on Celestia's flank, if you need meds, GET MEDS.
We don't want a schedule. We want and need you to do what's best for you.
Depression is a damn monster to defeat. Me and all of your fans and friends love all your work, Albino. I can say that from experience there are definitely good days and bad days when dealing with this kind of thing. But, it’s as you say, one step at a time.
Said it before and it bears repeating, you’re an inspiration as a writer and as a person and know that we all wish for things to get easier for you, especially with your battle against depression. Your health comes first, buddy. We’ll happily wait for you to come back, you deserve a chance to relax and recover.
Take care of yourself.
Bleh I wish I had some words of wisdom on how I deal with crippling depression, apparently I'm so good at it people actually think I am happy.
I'm glad to see you're getting better, even if only a little.
If I can give you one advice, there is something that I don't think anyone here said that should be said out loud. So I'm saying it:
VENT!
Use the fact that you have a bunch of followers that like you and your work and are willing to listen to you vent. USE IT! Vent all you must. Complain. Write it down. Let people know. Not because we want to know all the details (we don't, mostly), but it will help you feel better. You said it yourself. Do it more and don't be afraid of what people think of you (try not to be creepy, though).
You only have to promise us two things - Jack and Squat.
Dude, your health, both mental and psychological, outweighs any other commitments you may have to this fandom. If you vanish for three months without a word to anyone, we'll worry for you, yes, but it won't be because we're upset that you haven't written anything, it'll be because we're worried about you as a person. And then if you came back and explained, we'd accept you.
Everyone here would rather lose you for a period of time and get you back when you're feeling up to it, than have you be here when you really don't want to be.
You know where to find me if you need to talk, my door is always open and there's Coke Zero in the fridge. But please, lose any pretense that you owe us anything or should feel guilty for not writing or updating. The point of a break is to take a break. We'll be here when you want to come back.
Great to hear that! Just be careful, do anything (with baby steps), that makes you happy... In this, and your previous blog, I agree with MythrilMoth posts. And you know - after a week of 20hrs/day hard work on a research project proposals, I found your story: Double Sun Daze. I was exhausted, I was terribly tired, but you made my day brighter, and my family was happier to see me smiling. Great fresh story! You are a great writer - hey - here is the proof - I accidentally found this page when my small daughters (MLP lovers) asked me a year ago about sunset shimmer, more details about her, returning home, etc... I google it, found this page, put a sunset tag into the search engine and end up non--stop reading of long road to friendship - and it made me thinking, about my approach to colleagues, friends family... I simply tried to be better, heck, you changed my life :-) You simply can be proud of yourself. And not only because of me - I did a similar experiment with my older colleague (he has no idea about MLP, but found the story worth of (also almost non-stop) reading) - with same results :-)
I'm happy you're feeling better. I know that a lot of times others' experiences with depression and anxiety doesn't always help out. I guess just know that there others out there who feel the same as you (including myself) and hearing you talk about it does give some of us hope that it can get better. If you ever need to talk, I'm willing to listen (or read I guess).
What everyone before me said.
As has been said, your happiness comes first. We're here for you, and that won't change because of a missed update on a self-imposed schedule.
Depression and Anxiety are the worst. I wish I had some wise words to say on them but I don't. Anxiety still gets the best of me at times, It causes me to just shut down and I cant get anything done. The worse it has been recently was some time last year where I basically had 2 weeks where I just shut down. I had deadlines coming up and I couldn't even bring myself to start on anything. I'm OK for now but its an ongoing thing and I'm often discussing it with my Psychologist. Having a support network of some kind helps so much. This fight is fucking hard but having others around you to help you pull though can make it just that much more bearable. Its good to hear you have people who can do that for you.
Again buddy, I hear you. Work has me a hair's breath away from just up and quitting and after the shit-storm I can see coming that is tomorrow... I just might. I almost had a nervous breakdown today and practically every night it takes an hour for me to fall asleep because all I can think about is stuff that needs to get done the next day and all the ways the brown stuff can hit the fan and screw everything up. Hell, I couldn't even properly enjoy Easter because of it. And writing? Forget being able to concentrate on it or even be motivated. I'm looking for a new, guaranteed less stressful job right now but until then...
4838110
Medicine is the potential next step. Have to call my doctor this week and set up something with that.
Don't try to emulate Skirts, down that path lies madness!
Bro.
I sent you a hug. I hope you like it.
Now go crash on Drakey's couch and drink yourself into a sugar (free) coma.
We love you. We understand, even if we don't really.
Hope you feel better soon, man. Take all the time you need!
*Gives The Albinocorn a big hug.*
As everyone is saying, we all care more for your health than consistency, updates or whatever. We want you to do what you can to keep getting better, and not worry.
Yes, I love your stories and want to read them, and I am happy that you love them too. But everything in due time.
Take your time mate. Running yourself into the ground will do nobody any good. We'll be here. *bughorse hugs*
I offer you a virtual hug, and my best wishes!
Never doubted you for a minute. It's why I kept adjusting things for you, because I knew you could do it.
I'm here for the duration, Albi. So are most of these people you see here.
And you aren't alone. I've been dealing with depression so long it keeps trying to move into my house. (I swear, I don't remember giving it a key!). While only you can beat it back, you can always reach out to those who care about you to help give you the strength to do that.
I' don't offer words of wisdom or of comfort, but frankly, I'm very bad at offering both. So I will instead say this. Your health, be it physical, mental or otherwise, is more important than your stories. We can wait. and we will wait. Because you're as human as the rest of us. And no human is perfect. Your not flawless, you're a work in progress. So is everyone ever. You have countless people, myself included, who are more than happy to help in any way we can. Always remember that even if you might not like yourself, there will always be someone who does.
Good plan. This should probably be part of your plan moving forward, too.
I guess you'd be surprised at how mortal he is. It's the Dr. Pepper.
Keep your head up and spirits high and you'll come out on top. Long as you don't let shit get you dug into a hole? I have faith you'll be ok
Depression really sucks. I know that when you first start working on these issues they can seem insurmountable. I can also tell you with certainty that even when things start getting a little better, there will be backslides. Things can get better though. I am in such a good, stable emotional state now that would have been unimaginable to me a few years ago. I'm glad you are taking steps to get better. We all support you.
I also want you to know that you are probably the author that is keeping me on the site. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes for you to finish these stories. Take your time. Your health is the most important thing.
You are suffering under a depression? From personal experience I know it does little to say that thing will be better (capped with that terrifying word "eventually"), but still here comes my version: djeebus kryst man/girl you are such a talented author who delivers such emotional value through the medium of your stories to so many people. Just have a look back at what you have accomplished so far and how much you stil can add to this wonderful community and/or others. There really isn't much else to say but "keep your head up and move forward, endure and overcome."
I don't comment on your work very often, but just know you have people all around the world that love your work and support you. As long as you create material, people like me will be there to read it, to laugh and cry with your brilliant interpretations of these loveable characters. Hang in there and never stop being you :)