Best Behaviour, and a Movie Review. · 8:32am Apr 1st, 2018
Well, I suppose today is as good a day as any to say it. You may have noticed the trend the past few months: saw Season 7 without commentating on it, skipped over the latest kerfuffles in the news, been editing some of my comments to avoid making any offensive statements. It’s high time to make it official.
To whom it may concern: you win.
I will no longer be writing commentary on random current events, be they dramatic or amusing or alarming. I will no longer voice an opinion. If something big happens, a drama, a terrorist act, a new law or court case that gets under my skin, an animated movie or series that doesn’t deserve the feedback it’s getting… whatever you say about it is fine. If I should change my mind about something, you will no longer be updated. Coming next election, I’ll ask which vote is the correct one. I give.
This will now be a completely detached profile, nothing but pony and pony-related accessories. No random comments and remarks. No more opinionated Cracker. That is, after all, what is wanted, what is rewarded, and any less should be punished, right? As for my coming out as… well, at this point, no one needs to know what I am besides chaoist, no need to risk punishment by announcing it. Wouldn’t want to offend anyone.
So, in swearing off this vile habit, I hope it shall be forgiven if I do put up one final little opinion.
Rest assured, this shall be my last offense. Here goes:
I like Tangled over Frozen.
Shocking, isn’t it? Finally(!) got around to seeing Tangled, after catching snippets of it last few times they aired it.
I like it better than Frozen, and I’d hazard a thought and risk (gasp!) an opinion and say that Tangled is simply the better movie of the two.
Now, before you send the thought police my way, let me explain: this has nothing to do with hype.
I was spared the ravages of Hurricane Elsa and her theme song. I wasn’t flooded with toy commercials. The exposure to either film isn’t a factor in my calculations. And I know Frozen made more money. Like, a lot more money. Like, a lot a lot. Then again, Song of the Sea didn’t do so hot in the box office, and that was… well, another opinion I’ll spare you. Let’s focus on this first. Frozen clearly wins in the revenue aspect, objectively. What do I mean by ‘better,’ then?
Well, if you’re going to ride the coattails of either film, if you’re going to emulate it – and these days it seems emulation is everyone’s destiny, just wait long enough – emulating Tangled will net you a better product.
I’m sure volumes of text have been written on the subject already, so I’ll stick to the bits that are less obvious.
For one thing, the characters are more interesting. Pound for pound, Tangled’s characters beat out Frozen’s every step of the way. The mains are better fleshed out, the comic relief characters are funnier, the background characters are better used.
For another, and this is probably something people only noticed instinctually, the kingdom of Tangled feels more real, in the sense that it feels lived-in. The scene in the courtyard where they’re getting into a folk dance, the whole ritual with the lanterns, this establishes the world more solidly. You get the impression that this is a country people live in, people who are affected by what happens in it, which becomes kind of important when they’re about to kill one of the mains. Yeah, that crown thingie is a touchy subject around those parts, it’s a believable response. Frozen? We know the place is called Arendelle, but the people living in it… don’t, from the looks of it. The majority of the citizens we see in the film work for and in the palace. It works if you want to portray the place as being isolated, sure, but if that’s the case then we don’t get as much reason to want the civilians to get rescued, do we? Oh, they’re isolated and cut off from the world because of the ice. Well, they were kinda like that without the ice, so who cares? Put another way, Corona (Tangled’s kingdom) is built like a city that has a palace built in it. Arendelle has the look and feel of a palace with a city built around it.
Another point in favour of Tangled is the royal parents. They not only make it through the film in one piece – which is kind of rare for Walt ‘Take Pride in the -cide’ Disney Studios – but they have a lasting effect on the plot in a good way. In Frozen, we’re shown the near-psychopathic treatment towards both daughters, the plot essentially relies on a king and queen being complete idiots. In Tangled? Search the kingdom for the missing princess, high and low, annual celebration and ritual to leave the lights out in hopes that their daughter will return. And guess what? Even though it’s clearly painful for them, even though they lose hope after so many years, they still do it. They do the hard thing. And the best part is, it works.
Seriously, the king and queen are on screen for… what, five minutes total, less? And they manage to still be more compelling characters than Frozen’s mains.
Thirdly, the villain. Do I even need to say it? On one hand, we have third-act shock value plot twist that doesn’t even have that much of an impact at that point because, hey, the responsible guy doesn’t have to follow her to make sure she’s okay, right? On the other hand, we have a manipulative old hag who makes a healthy mix of cult mother and Stockholm Syndrome. Also, apparently she makes some nice hazelnut soup.
Then there’s the little things. Maximus yelling commands at his fellow horses, them replying and thereby indicating subtly that this is a setting where smart horses are normal and yes, they will be playing that joke straight for the entire movie. Flyn noticing a very mundane and practical problem with Rapunzel’s hair and finding a genuinely clever solution to it…
The unicorn. That damned unicorn. That was a really nice touch. So was the ‘Why do I need to keep my knees apart?’ bit.
Is Tangled a perfect movie, then? Certainly not. Some details don’t stand up to scrutiny: why not ask about the reason for the lanterns, why not give Rapunzel some shoes… although I suppose the latter one would have made her Cinderella instead. Song of the Sea blows it out of the water on several fronts, How to Train Your Dragon reigns supreme overall, but… if you’re going to compare these two movies, specifically, and if you’re going to ask which one we should get more of, in terms of approach and execution, definitely Tangled. We do not need more of the likes of Frozen. I’ll sooner take more of Sing.
So there, there’s my last opinion piece. I shall hereby refrain from upsetting or offending anyone in the future. Can I get a pardon for my thought crimes now, or should I stock up on coffee for the inevitable police visit?
Cracker out.
Oh, what Hells: Sing beats Zootopia, Harry Potter is trash (but Daniel Radcliffe is a cool dude, regardless), if they ever make a Legend of Korra live action film we need Keanu Reeves to play Amon (he’s done it before, turns out), How to Train Your Dragon 2 was decent on its own, but garbage compared to the first one, it’s the other way around for Kung Fu Panda, Dragonball: Evolution was only bad instead of terrible, and why does anyone care about Goku versus Superman when Saitama or even Animal Man can mop the floor with both of them at the same time?
Happy Vampire Jesus Day, everyone, and happy April Fool’s.
Dude you should write what you want to write about.
4829986
Happy Zombie Prank Day, Cracker.
Genuinely, not April Foolsing now, I prefer Tangled to Frozen
4830024
Is it a Zombie day, though? I mean, He gave His followers His own blood to drink so they'd do His bidding, He's smitten by a stab through the heart, He has an obvious problem with crosses, and He demonstrates superhuman strength after rising from the grave. Plus, I'm pretty sure transsubstantiation means shapeshifting powers. So it points to vampire more than zombie... unless you're one of those radical atheist types who says religion eats your brain, in which case never mind and carry on being internally consistent with your thematics.
Then there's the whole embalming thing, which might let Him lean towards mummy... let's just pick the most inclusive and least offensive term to be safe.
So happy
UndeadLiving-ImpairedLiving-Fluid Prank Day to you, too.4830030
Yeah, I can see why people would like either, to be sure, but even at a surface level one stands above the other, definitely.
Now go hide in the floorboards before the Movie Critic Inquisition finds you, you heretic
4830102
Eh, opinions are subjective. Bring it on.
Also, the Bible said that when his disciples saw him after his resurrection, they didn't recognise him. Clearly, he regenerated. Jesus is a Time Lord.
4830107
That would explain the whole 'multiplying fish and bread' schtick, actually...
Wait, what if all the Biblical heroes were the same Time Lord?
Somebody write that. Nao