Updates on the rewrite

When I finished writing out the first part, many people told me how much it was lacking so I have been rewriting it. I feel like it is starting to look a lot better than the first draft of the story.

Butterflies in your Stomach

Spike sat on the magenta crystal table, his claw nails littered the floor around him and he had a slight shake to his sitting. His claws, the ones not in his mouth, were clutching at his small green spikes which adorned his head.

"I... I don't know how I can do it," his claw came to his mouth as a cough blew from his lunges with a sickly green flash and accompanying smoke. Spike had been up all night thinking about one special pony: Rarity. Ever since he first came to Ponyville with Twilight almost eight years ago, she was the mare he thought of most constantly and most fervently. Despite this, he did harbor feelings for the rest of the group of friends who had become his family. None of those feelings were nearly as strong as those he felt for Rarity, though.

Spike began letting out a large yawn, “Oh no, I can’t be falling asleep now; I need to make up my mind!” He then proceeded to get onto his hands and knees and slammed his face into the crystal table. Thump! “Oh, oh sweet Celestia that was a mistake…” Spike said with a wobbled voice. He then slowly began to lose consciousness as he started blinking slower and slower and finally completely shutting his eyes.

Suddenly, Spike opened his eyes to see that he is no longer inside of the Castle of Friendship. He looked around to see that he is in Ponyville, but with how dark it is, he can’t tell exactly where in Ponyville. As he wandered through the darkness, Spike noticed one building with dim lighting; The Carousel Boutique. As he began to approach the Boutique, this feeling of anxiety began overtaking him; his heart pounding, his legs shaking more and more as he inches closer to the door. Suddenly, he stops, “Am… am I really ready for this?” he said to himself as he looked down at his trembling arms. Spike nodded to himself. He began to hyperventilate as he slowly opened the door and called out to her, “R-Rarity? Rarity, are you home?”

This is everything that is finished so far.