• Member Since 20th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 30th, 2019

PiercingSight


Tell me, what do you live for? Is it for work? For study? Or is it for the important things? Pleasure, art, friends, family, love? Do you live to work? Or do you work to live?

More Blog Posts110

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    I could go for a walk!

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  • 110 weeks
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  • 113 weeks
    Finally

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  • 126 weeks
    Recovery

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  • 127 weeks
    Broken

    I'm going to be honest.

    I'm utterly broken.

    My will and motivation and self control have been shattered. I'm not entirely certain why, but the series of events in my life over the last 3 years have been extremely difficult on me mentally and emotionally.

    Read More

    15 comments · 375 views
Mar
4th
2018

Broken · 6:00pm Mar 4th, 2018

I'm going to be honest.

I'm utterly broken.

My will and motivation and self control have been shattered. I'm not entirely certain why, but the series of events in my life over the last 3 years have been extremely difficult on me mentally and emotionally.

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to get around to writing anything in any of my stories. I have so many ideas, but I just... can't seem to break myself out of this thick mental fog.

And it's not simply depression. I think it's something far more nefarious, but I don't think I'll reveal that here. I'll just say that I don't feel like I'm entirely in control of my life right now, and I want to take that control back, but I don't have the strength or the courage to do so.

Perhaps in rambling into the ether that is the web, someone might have some idea or insight that could help me. But maybe that's a bit ambitious.

It'd at least be good to know that, even if we aren't friends, I can at least trust you guys with things like this. It's good to get things out sometimes, y'know?

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Comments ( 15 )

I hope you feel better soon

I don't know what to say except please see and talk to your doctor and/or a counsellor as well as those who care about you. :heart:

Talking to someone about this is super healthy. Trust me, after I fouled up hardcore, it is very helpful to let it out to someone who's willing to hear me out, even if it felt that it's better to keep it bottled in. I'm getting help and things are looking up.

I suggest you seek someone who can help out, because it does a world of difference. If you can't, know that family is always a great alternative.

I haven't given up on myself, and I know you can make it. Keep on trucking man.

Dan

And it's not simply depression. I think it's something far more nefarious, but I don't think I'll reveal that here. I'll just say that I don't feel like I'm entirely in control of my life right now, and I want to take that control back, but I don't have the strength or the courage to do so.

So drink or pills? You'll have friendly ears to listen here.

Please, seek counceling. They can help, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
I speak from experience; things can be ok.

All I have to offer is hugs. Hope they help :) *offers so many hugs. So. Many. Hugs.*

D48
D48 #7 · Mar 5th, 2018 · · 4 ·

I unfortunately don't have anything of substance to contribute since others have already given the real answer which is to talk to people you trust and seek counseling, but I might have a bit of insight into why this is nailing you the way it is. Unfortunately, this will probably be uncomfortable to read due to the way the brain works, so if you find yourself getting angry while reading this post it means you know I'm right but don't want to admit it to yourself. I know a lot of people originally got into MLP to help deal with depression or other psychological issues and thus have their perspective of the show warped as a result of that past benefit. The problem is that due to psychological dependencies and general quirks of the human brain, those people are unable to let themselves accept the fact that the quality of the show has been steadily declining since it was taken away from Faust during the season 2 creative process, and as you would expect that internal conflict creates tension and problems. This is naturally compounded by the fact that the show is no longer capable of providing the emotional support it once did due to that same lack of quality that is driving the problem, and due to those cognitive bugs the people wind up trapped in what is effectively a death spiral driven by the show itself. I can't say if this applies to you, but if you're feeling angry at me for writing this you can be sure it does and you need to take some time to step back and think critically about the show and your relationship with it. You may decide you need to fully step away as a result of this and completely abandon your stories or you may decide that you will disregard everything after a certain point (plus or minus a few episodes) and remain engaged with the fandom, but I at least will support you either way.

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Thanks! I'll definitely be talking with friends and family about it. :)

4809956
Neither, actually. It's not an addiction thing. It's a strange mental thing that's hard to explain.

D48
D48 #9 · Mar 5th, 2018 · · 2 ·

4810187
That's good to hear, and what I was talking about is very different from an addiction. The link does a better job of explaining it, but basically the brain treats any argument against a position with a strong emotional connection such as my assertion that the show has gone to shit as a personal attack regardless of the actual tone or content and discards any and all evidence that contradicts that strongly emotionally held position. This is usually very easy to see in politics with any issue where people are just screaming back and forth without listening (guns are a great example), but it absolutely applies to any strongly emotional position including someone's opinion of a show.

That said, the fact that you didn't freak out at me for criticizing the show seems to indicate that you realize it has gone to shit and are thus not in this trap, so you're going to have to work with the people that know you best to try to dig out the real reasons at the heart of your problem so you can deal with them since my guess was apparently wrong.

4810210
I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. I have no idea why a show slowly losing quality would ever cause someone such emotional difficulty. The show has nothing to do with my emotional state, and I don't know why one would guess that. Sorry for the confusion.

4810187
Intrusive thoughts, nest-building, and etc. There's a lot of surprisingly strange brain things that are exceedingly common.

D48

4810353
Did you follow the earlier link? That does a better job explaining it, but basically the problem isn't directly the loss of quality, but the mental gymnastics people will put themselves through to ignore the problems because they are emotionally incapable of acknowledging them. On it's own this is usually more annoying for others that have to deal with the person than anything else, but when you combine that with other problems like depression the combination can get ugly, especially if the trigger point is directly connected to that issue as can be the case with people who learned to use MLP to combat depression.

That said, this piece of psychology can sometimes evolve into a serious problem in its own right in some cases, both on a personal level and as a full blown mass hysteria as was famously seen with the Salem witch trials, but that kind of extreme response is generally fairly rare (unlike the more broad condition which is essentially universal) and isn't what I'm talking about here.

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What you are saying has absolutely nothing to do with my blog post. I'll just leave it here.

D48

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Yes, but I couldn't know that without bringing it up. It is a common problem around here these days and could have been part of the problems that prompted this blog post, so I figured it was worth checking to see if it applied here.

Without detailed information (maybe even with), I can only offer the standard line: do some research into professionals that can help you and then act on that.

The only other possibility I can think of is getting someone you trust in real life as a sort of... benchmark person, I suppose. That is, you report to them weekly with how you’re doing with a particular issue, and they help you set goals for improvement.

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