I'm sorry I made you care. · 3:29pm Mar 2nd, 2018
I received an outpouring of support from so many people on my last blog post. But it's not fair to you guys that I even made it in the first place. I don't want people to care, I just want them to forget me. Making a blog post about my trash is counterintuitive to that. I worried people on the internet whom I've never met and made myself even more of a burden on people than I already am. I've kind of always known that I would never make it to age 25, or to the end of my doctoral degree. There's no way. I had already faded into near-total obscurity simply through my lack of activity on here and if I disappeared I don't think people would notice, or at least they wouldn't be worried about me. I don't even know why I'm making this blog to begin with, other than the fact I'm just a self-important attention whore. Words can't describe how much I want to die. I crave it every minute of every day to just feel nothing anymore. I'm sorry I wasted your guys' time last blog, so many of you wrote so much but I can't do it anymore. Someday I'll end it all when I can actually have a guarantee I'll be dead. Did you know a shotgun to the head is basically 100% guaranteed to kill you, and is literally the best and quickest method of suicide? Not even a regular gunshot wound gets above 93% fatality rate. Back in 2015 I had access to a shotgun, but now I don't anymore since it got taken away when I got committed to the hospital. I never should have said anything. Please don't be worried about me, I promise I'll fade away from your mind in a short time. You don't have to worry.
Dude, we care because you matter. Don't ever think otherwise, okay? Think about what, and who, you'd be leaving behind if you killed yourself.
We care because you matter!!! I understand the feelings you have, I have those same thoughts at times to but think about it, you end your life you are gone for good and you won't be able to see the good things that you had in life ever again. You be leaving behind all the people who love you, please don't do it! You are an amazing human being and don't you ever forget that!
#AllLivesMatter and that includes you.
Call a suicide hotline immediately.
1-800-273-8255
I don’t know who you are but suicide is never the answer. You need help to give you the strength to move forward with your life.
I may not know you, this may be the first time I have seen your profile across my board. But you matter. You said doctoral decree? You've got a smart mind, use it to better others. Find a purpose in life. Try, and guess what! If you fail try again.
Never yeild.
Defectum non este electo
You mater, thus failure is not an option.
Here's the reality of the situation: this is the year 2018. Knowing a person exclusively through online interactions is the norm. This was bound to happen due to increases in technology. Why do you deem non face-to-face interactions as second-rate? Behind that silly pony profile pic is a real human--a real human who made a conscious effort to make a positive impact in your life. There's seven billion upright apes on this rock, interacting with one another on a level never before seen in all of recorded history. There's bound to be someone out there who's got a bit of relevant wisdom to pass along, and the Internet makes that wisdom more accessible than ever before.
There is good left in humanity. There is hope left in this world. And there is a place here for you.
Dude. This isn't the answer. We care for you. Please reconsider doing this.
Please call your therapist. I may not know you our follow you but this is not the answer. What about your family; your parents, any siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins? They all would miss you if you did this even if they don't talk to you often. I would miss any family that did something like this even if I was completely opposed to their political point of view. Please call the suicide hotline number listed below.
1-800-273-8255
Listen, I won't pretend that I understand what you're going through, but this is not the answer.
You think that people will forget you and that no one cares, but you're wrong. There will always be people who care about you, and I know that sounds cliche, but know that once you're gone that's it. We can't get you back and you can't come back, and know that people will mourn, in a big way or a small way.
People do care, whether they're family or friends, you will be missed.
Don't do it, talk to someone, get help in some way.
Going through with it isn't worth it.
Dude, nobody is a waste of time, we all matter no matter what we think! If you need a friend to talk to, I'm here, we're all here, your stories have touched a lot of peoples hearts, don't take yourself away from them.
So, you wrote this blog entry to say "Don't care about me, guys, I'll be dead soon anyway!". And that's it. That is all you have written this for, right? Absolutely. At least, as absolutely as the fact that the sun circles around the earth.
This isn't a suicide note here. If it would, you would have already spoken out goodbyes to several people and said that you aren't going to return. Instead, you just told us we shouldn't care. In a blog entry that will obviously make us care.
What you have actually written this for is in the hopes to get help and comfort in the comments. And probably support by users here to overcome this episode you are in right now. If you wouldn't expect helpful responses, then you would never write entries like that.
Which is something you should just go and say, instead of pretending that you don't care if anyone here cares about you. You always got responses, so there's no reason you will suddenly not get responses anymore if you are honest.
And being honest is kind of the advice to feel better I've given you the last time, except, that it was that you should be honest to yourself (as well as others) about what kind of person you actually are, instead of trying to fake being "Mr. Social".
Everyone likes to give you advice here, but it's something you should listen to as well.
Don’t you dare take your life you hear me you would leave your family behind and fuck it I,m suicidel too
First off, you didn't "make" us care. We chose to care, and that's on us. Knowing that, I think it would help to look at your life a bit more objectively. Being accepted to a doctorial program is no easy feat and even harder to follow through on. Regardless of whether you wanted to, you have touched others, and again that is on them. If you didn't deserve the love you get, you likely wouldn't have it.
Everyone has their own troubles. Some have more to surmount. Some never will. Some have more tools and talents at their disposal. Some go through it alone. Don't believe our care matters less because it is delivered through a stream of 1's and 0's. I fall into that trap myself, and I often need to remind myself the internet is full of living breathing people.
You don't have to be Mr. Social. It is good to push yourself, but prolonged socializing is something some of us just can't do. I find it exhausting. I can start getting flat, irritable, tired, if I have to keep up the filter for too long. It doesn't mean it's not me, but it does take effort to make myself appear approachable. Don't be someone you're not. Just try to relay the person you are.
A therapist can help you learn to live in a way that is both in line with who you are and who you want to be. That's one of the things I learned from mine. There are middle grounds and grey areas. Please get help. Treat therapy like another course, but instead of learning content, learn the skills you need to be who you are in a way that you want. It's only hopeless when there is no chance to make things better. The only time it is truly hopeless is when you flatline. Don't give up hope. It is there, and it is okay to ask people for hints on where to look.
Fellow man. Death is not the answer. Death does not end pain. It only spreads it to others and finalizes it.
Hell is real. God is out there and he loves you. Cry out to him. Give him a chance, I know he can help you.
Death is not escape. Please don't make us wonder what happened.
4808523
This. Please, don't kill yourself man, get help.
Several people have said it, but call a suicide prevention hotline. The number people have listed is a US one, but most countries have one. On top of that, you need to talk to a psychiatrist. It might not be easy in the short term, but it'll be good in the long run. I know you've been dealing with this for a long time and you need a long term solution.
We all care about you and want to help you. You're really scaring me with this post.
You dissappearing or worse fading from our minds doesn't make things better for us. It only makes things a little sadder knowing there's one less person in the world.
There's a chance that I could fall And not come back
And never regret a thing. I'd never get back on track.
Darkness all around me, I can't find the light,
I let it all surround me, Giving up without a fight.
The bitterness and pain inside, Countless tears I had to cry,
I was facing all my fears, Just to let you in To dry my tears, but
Your kindness won't betray me, I feel your heart and soul,
Your kindness still can save me, I choose to not let go,
Stretching out you somehow reach me, I know this can't be wrong,
I'm ready, won't you teach me Your song of kindness.