The Ensuing Calm · 2:44am Mar 2nd, 2018
Well I'm back as I said, feeling quite buzzed as the credits to the MLP movie are about done rolling. I'll try to make my thoughts on the whole thing coherent, but before I ramble on I will say this upfront: I was not all that offended by this film. In fact, it was okay. (Most of) The new characters introduced, the new locations, some of the songs I quite liked. That may be the alcohol talking and I may have different thoughts when I sobered up, but I'll give this movie a 7.5/10. Not that great or monumental, but still entertaining. Now, for my random thoughts, which this time around I actually decided to jot down... on paper! MUAHAHHAHAHA!!
So lessee... doing a ponified version of "We Got The Beat" to kick things off really sunk my expectations to the point where I enacted a new rule to this viewing: take a shot of Alize for every contrived song that comes up... except for Capper's song, because that one was legitimately Disney/Aladdin quality stuff. Right, anyway, how dare the team for this film tease us with a Discord balloon BUT NO DISCORD (except in the end credits but COME ON!!!), and HOLY F***ING S*** STARLIGHT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME AND DID NOTHING!!! Too busy cowarding with Trixie I imagine. Though I dunno why cuz those guards, while big and intimadating looking, were actually the worst possible guards since some pirates and a talking man cat could outsmart them, knock them down and even counsel them into submission. As I wrote in my notes: Worst guards/WORST GUARDS.
Getting ahead of myself. The facial animations at first were off=putting to me because they seemed too babyish and pudged up or something, but I got used to it eventually. Though why did the irises have sparkles in them Dear Lord get those sparkles out of your eyes they'll cause eye damage!! And so many visual cameos of characters from past seasons who we never get to hear talk (I see you, Weird Al pony), bunch of teases. So now for the actual plot when Tempest shows up. Definitely like her: the cold, no-nonsense hardbitten villainess disillusioned by life and thinks little of everybody, but not in an overtly patronizing fashion. Course, if Discord were there she wouldn't have gotten away with as much, and if Celestia and Luna weren't so busy being useless when the weakest of their kin got petrified this would be a whole other story. Guess hearing the name "Tempest Shadow" gave them PTSD falshbacks to THE FRICKIN' WEATHER OWNING THEM HOLY S***!!! Right, anyway, escape sequence, why not use teleportation on your friends, Twilight? And I'm gonna bring this up now so I don't have to repeat it every other sentence: this movie would have made a lot more sense if it came out around season 4 or 5. At that time Twilight is most uncertain of her being a princess and therefore less confident in her powers, so the suspension of disbelief is more intact. Yet after 7 effin' seasons that excuse don't fly. Anyway, moving on.
Hungry Hippos reference, really? Cool design with the desert port town, and I absolutely dig the lizard people designs. Didn't think moblins rom Legend of Zelda would be here. Capper, ooh boy Capper. I had said once that if he were played like Lando Calrissian I'd be down with that, and he certainly comes off as smooth an operator as our Billy D, especially with his song. The next escape sequence with the windmill, to quote my notes: The CG is trying to kill them! Pirate ship is simply fabulous, btw.
So, skipping over some things, we get to the breaking point in both the film and my roommate. After Twilight f***s everything up in trying to steal the pearl, and we have that low moment where the group breaks up, my buddy ol pal decides to call quits and leaves before Emily Blunt has her song number. He pointed out that every pony, except Rairty and AJ, had been a drain on the team, as they either acted uselessly or did things to make things worse, as with Pinkie Pie's shenanigans and RD making a Rainboom signal flare to Tempest. In his words, he said that due to their actions, the Mane 6 were the real villains, since they kept hamstringing themselves. For me, though, my big facepalm in this whole movie was Twilight trying to steal the pearl. You tell Pinkie to go and make friends with Skystar, only to turn around and make an international incident. Why didn't you trust your friends on this you f***ing hypocrite? But then there's that spat she has with Pinkie on the beach where she says how things have to be done seriously and there's no place for being silly and it struck me that oh my god, is this scene a jab at the cynics of the show?? It just has to be me thinking this, right? Anyway, boohoo, get separated, captured, awesome Emily Blunt music number, heroes rally and we get to the end.
Storm King was a good kind of wacky, but sadly not the sort to leave a lasting impression like Discord did, even more so since we don't really know who this guy is other than "goofball warmongerer seeking power". So ending battle, Twilight descends from the heavens into the arms of her friends but oh no, Storm King has a petrify-ball at the ready! Tempest straight up charges in for a self-sacrifice, whilling to throw herself off a building to save others. Hot damn, girl, straight up respect. On that note, another senseless villain murder. RIP, Storm King.
Insta-fix staff to restore everyting. Is this an RPG? Ending sequence, Sia pony saying how everyone was in one piece. Ooof, too soon for poor Stormy. Tempest's talent is making fireworks... Holy crap, Tempest is Jubilee!! Nice relaxing end credits, thought once again you tease us with Discord YOU A**HOLES!!!
So to reiterate, except for some rather dumb, mindbogglingly stupid moments, this was an okay film for your casual pony viewer. Although I am disappointed that this isn't canon and we can't have Emily Blunt pony to hang around, as she was arguably the best part of the movie (along with Capper). But understandably, hard to keep around Emily Blunt with children's television pay.
And tht's my reivew, in all its haphazrad unedited glory. I figured I'd feel miserable and angry watching this movie, but nope, as REM would put it, I feel fine. Now to get sobered up, and play me some POkemans. Have a swell night, yall. Peace.
Drunkard Stats: I had a 750ml bottle of Alize to support me during the viewing of this movie. Not even a quarter remains.
It's not as not-canon as you might think. We're getting hippogriffs next season. :B
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...Well, okay then. Not what I was hoping to stick around, but whatever. To quote the ever wise and sagacious Keiji Inafune: it's better than nothing.
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More or less agree with you. :B