• Member Since 3rd Jan, 2017
  • offline last seen April 16th

CocoaPone


Formerly North Winds

More Blog Posts34

  • 8 weeks
    Clinic

    Last week I had ended up in the mental clinic for about 3 days. I was given a lot of medication which seem to help to some extent. Ever since then I've been feeling very odd, very emotionally unstable. There's a lot of people watching over me currently, people from the clinic, people from my university, getting lots of calls and constant check ups on how I'm doing. It all seems like a lot of

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    0 comments · 43 views
  • 14 weeks
    Another year

    So far this year has started off like any other, massive seasonal depression with me sleeping away the days in my room. I wish I didn't live alone, or at least had some close friends to hang out with in person. A lot of things are messing with my head, it's hard to tell what I really need. I found myself turning to alcohol and weed more frequently despite how much I hate the substances. I just

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    0 comments · 26 views
  • 23 weeks
    Depression

    it's 5 in the morning, I woke up 3 hours ago after passing out the entire afternoon after classes. I missed an assignment that was due at midnight today, oh well.

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    0 comments · 37 views
  • 37 weeks
    Another end

    It's been nearly a year since I've last posted on here, and looking back it's surprising that I've been doing this since late 2017. I always come here to post the extreme highs and lows of my life, it helps me release all the things held up in me and also reminds me of these feelings I've experienced and how far I've come.

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    0 comments · 56 views
  • 88 weeks
    Moving on

    I have once again reached the end of a relationship. He had asked me to simply be friends until we could meet in person to try again, but I can't see that ever happening. It's once again time for me to move forward in life, improving myself and my skills preparing for the next couple years. I do hope one day I can love but for now they all seem to end the same way, but then again I've never dated

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    1 comments · 93 views
Feb
18th
2018

Some more goals · 4:08am Feb 18th, 2018

So ive been thinking, wouldn't it be nice if were to ever complete one of my goals? Im sure i have before with like small goals that I unconsciously created but Ive never had the feeling of accomplishing something that ive planned to do and committed to doing it, and if i had, I am pretty sure that is a feeling one would not forget. Nevertheless heres what I have planned out, I know I did a similar thing a few weeks back, I have no excuses!

1) Continue learning German

Now ive been learning German since about end of April/beginning of May of 2017, wow time really does go fast, it makes me sad... oh uh thats a blog for a different day. So my fluency and vocabulary has increases so much since I first started learning, it's rather interesting learning another language, it makes you think about things differently, makes you question your own language. I started learning German because last year (Sophomore year) my history teacher kept encouraging us to learn a new language and how it could be helpful and etc, honestly at the time I was very close to simply doing that (prior to all that I had tried learning Spanish for a few months just to find out that I had no interest for it at all, thats another thing, don't try learning a language without an interest in it, it will not be enjoyable at all and will feel like another boring subject in school.) But anyways I was never pushed to actually do it until the day he had a sub, and that sub happened to be able to speak multiple languages. I was fascinated, I wanted to be like that. He really did have a big impact on my life, never would have decided to learn German if he hadn't been there. But why German? Well im not exactly sure, I just found it interesting.

2) Create an animated series

Ive wanted to do this for a very long time now but it wasn't until recently that I finally feel equipped to actually do it, all the need is the time and motivation to do it. Ive been working on the rigs for a while now, trying to get them to look good enough to use however I got a bit frustrated with it today because while I was working on the front view of the rig multiple layers were turning out to be in a impossible order to fix, and my eyes suddenly just flashed and I saw the entire thing completely different. Usually I can't change my perspective of something until a day later or if I flip the image, but it was literally in a blink I saw the entire rig differently and it suddenly looked like garbage, that pretty much made me give up on it for today *cough* February 17th *cough*

3) Edit a fanfic for someone

This is more of a smaller goal for me, I could quite easily be an editor for a story because I believe that I understand enough english and grammar to be able to fix most mistakes. I think it would be nice to help someone with a story, to see an idea become a beautiful fanfic. However I would rather not wish to be an editor for someone who has no idea what they are doing for example, someone who is below the teenage years. I dont mean that as an insult or anything Ive just had some bad experiences with such authors, they tend to sometimes ask for too much (when I was making a cover for someone they asked for a absurd amount of details and characters in one drawing and I wasn't even able to draw ponies at the time). I do not believe I am superior to anyone however, as long as theres motivation to do it, no matter the person, then I will do it.

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