Fic recs, February 11th: Interwoven Colours edition! · 2:19pm Feb 11th, 2018
It's been half a year since the contest ended, so it's high time I read the entries of Monochromatic's Interwoven Colours RariTwi shipping contest!
Hey, so, you guys remember that one time back in 2013, when I reviewed all the batpony fics ever and it left me with a lifelong hatred for the little fanged shits?
Yeah.
All due respect to Monochromatic, I never want to see another RariTwi fic again. x.x (Okay, but I'll read hers.) In fact, if I don't read another shipping fic all year, it will be too soon. It took me two months to slog through these contest entries, and they absolutely wrecked me. Not to say there aren't good fics in here, because there are, just that the bad ones are really bad and, worse, all bad in more or less the same way.
Anyway, the Romance tag is assumed on all of these, and standards for recommendation have been adjusted accordingly. If you're not into mane cast shipping, feel free to skip this whole thing; if you're not super into romance but don't mind seeing a little of it, you might want to check out the reviews of SQUIRM!!, Change of Engagement, Marriage, White and Purple, Beyond Mere Programming, Complimentary Colors and Catastrophic Courtships and maybe, if you want to see romance done particularly well, Weaving Words. Otherwise, have all the shipping you can stand and probably more!
Next will be a big audiobook (that I won't be publishing just yet...) and then an AU...
H: 3 R: 7 C: 7 V: 3 N: 5
Diamonds Amidst the Stars by Novel-Idea
Genre: AU
As if the shadowkin assaulting the Diamond Gate weren't enough of a problem, now Astra Princess Twilight Sparkle also has to deal with the sole beautiful ambassador sent by the elusive deerkin.
This is a great AU. The world-building is thrilling and interesting, and, with the possible exception of Sunset Shimmer — who, regardless, is easy enough to justify privately — it feels like it could have sprung out of the show, a decade or so in the future. Twilight's mopey, yes, but her actions feel derived from her character. This, then, is all in direct contrast to what I feel is the weakest part of this story: Rarity. There's no reason for her to be a deer, though that could still be vindicated if she felt like Rarity at all. This bold, flirtatious doe, utterly insensitive to Twilight's needs, does not fit with the character I know by that name. Maybe in the later chapters, when she shows vulnerability, she sounds more like Rarity, but I bounced off the first chapter of this story hard, and I never quite recovered. It doesn't help that the romance is also ill-advised, from the tropey nature of that first chapter to the whole "we are soul mates because there's magic that makes deerkin become obsessed with the person they're going to be with" angle that triggered all my mind-control buttons. It didn't work for me at all, is what I'm saying. That said, I'm confident this is worth reading just for the setting, and maybe if you enjoy teasingly flirtatious banter. It's just got some issues in terms of being ponyfic.
Recommended Only for AU Fans
Remembrance by PrismaColour
Genre: Future Fic
Twilight goes to remember her friends.
I have to admit, between Remembrance Day itself and the earth pony marriage ceremony described in the intro paragraph, there are some neat ideas in here. Unfortunately, not only is it full of small errors literally any editor would have been able to spot had one been employed, I've read exactly this story before. The only difference is the Rarilight shipping shoved in after the fact.
Not Recommended
Dense as Diamonds by River Road
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Light Comedy
Surely a pony like Rarity is sharp enough to pick up little hints that somepony else is interested in her.
Y'know, in Rarity's defense, if I hadn't been primed by the description to seek out little overlooked hints, I might not have noticed they were there, either. <.< But so many RariTwi fics have Twilight as the oblivious one being sought after, it's nice to see the tables turned for once. Not laugh-out-loud hysterical or anything, but situationally amusing, and the part with Cadence is pretty funny.
Recommended as Light Reading
Tangled Manes by AJtheRaven
Genre: Comedy
Twilight and Rarity are going stargazing. So why are they the only ones who don't realize this is a date?
Maybe I shouldn't be upset that I'm having to use the same statement about two different stories in a month, for the exact same reason. This is another well written bad shipfic, that's maybe not as good as the last well written bad shipfic I read. It's really two stories: a comedy about Twilight and Rarity's friends trying desperately to get them together when they're the only two who don't realize they have a thing for each other, and another, considerably less funny story about Twilight wrestling with her feelings for Rarity. Mashing the two together ends up overstating the central joke, and the spectre of Alien Shipping Syndrome rears its ugly head to put a damper on the proceedings regardless. Also, there's random AppleDash, POV shifts and inner monologues that rarely add anything to the scene that wasn't already there. It's a shame, because the scene the story's title derives from is actually pretty cute. It just isn't enough to salvage a haphazard setup.
Not Recommended
SQUIRM!!! by King of Beggars
Genre: Comedy
Rarity and Twilight hang around and talk about death.
This is breezy and weird and I love it. Whether bearing her soul or feigning a stroke, Rarity is an absolute hoot, and the dialogue for both of them is a highlight of this piece. This is just a really exquisite piece of comedy writing, and I hope everyone reads it.
Highly Recommended
Eyes for Detail by Razor Blade the Unicorn
Genre: Slice of Life
Twilight helps Rarity pick out colors for a dress.
The weird thing about this story is that it's got labelled color swatch images so you know exactly what color is being talked about at any given moment. The overall effect is something of a children's book meant to teach colors… but like, fashiony, designy colors, not the rainbow or anything. The subject matter is thus entirely unsuited to the writing style. I was amused that Twilight actually catches on to what's going on, that was unexpected, but it's not really enough.
Vaguely Recommended
A Little Like Dying by EntityRelationship
Genre: Drama
Falling in love is a little like dying...
The setup of this may be hard to swallow: Twilight is apparently knowledgeable about fashion and sewing now. But if you can accept that bar to entry, this is pretty interesting. I mean, it's weird that random characters start spouting their take on the title, like, using the exact phrase. I mean, I definitely got tired of hearing it in short order, and this comes off as a fairly clumsy exercise in philosophizing. Still, the writing in the first scene shows notable potential, and it is at least a little amusing.
Vaguely Recommended
We Will Become Silhouettes by Cynewulf
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Emotional
What becomes of a relationship when both ponies are tired?
One thing that's been nagging at my mind as I read through these is that few authors seem to be taking the time to demonstrate how or why Rarity and Twilight work as a couple. This story approaches that question head on, with a resounding assertion that, despite their great differences, they can work together. Beyond that, this is just another excellent piece by one of the best writers on the site. Sure, it's the kind of story where what things mean is more important than what the characters do, so it won't be for everyone. But it deals with the strain mental illness puts on a relationship and uses a dress as a metaphor for said relationship. I was quite moved by the ending, quiet though it is.
Recommended
Morning Masterpiece by Ice Star
Reading by Lotus Moon
Genre: Comedy
This is a simple, cute, funny look at life in Friendship Castle with the new Sparkle family. :) There's maybe an overreliance on runon sentences, but it's nevertheless irrepressible, and I had quite a good time reading it. If you enjoy droll narration and foal antics, you likely will as well.
Recommended
Her Shining Star by Applespice03
Genre: Medical Drama
Twilight goes into the Everfree Forest to pick flowers for her date with Rarity and ends up with a lot more than she bargained for.
The best I can say about this piece is that it's the author's first fic and they have nowhere to go but up. Well, that and I approve of the role Spike plays. But this is bad, start to finish: simplistic in concept, overly detailed in execution, filled with terrible hospital procedure as so many of these stories tend to be. Twilight was born in 1996. Applejack saves her from timberwolves with an air horn. And it's all done in service of Twilight and Rarity getting to go on a date and say "I love you." Nowhere to go but up.
Not Recommended
Change of Engagement by Undome Tinwe
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Action
Rarity and Twilight have a fencing bout. I don't know why, and I kind of don't care. There's rather a lot of description, and it gets flowery in places, but that does have some service adding to the epicness of the whole thing. This is like Nothing Gold Can Stay meets Beer and a Knife Fight, but with zero trolling, and I loved it.
Recommended
Of Colors and Ponies. by The Frank
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Vampire AU/Mind-Control
Surely with the mind-controlling powers of the vampony, Rarity can get what she wants?
I was going to call this "silly" because its world-building is so derivative, but what it actually ends up being by the end is "just a bad idea". The whole "vampony" thing has literally zero importance, for all that the first third or so of this story is a scene of Rarity, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch and Flutterbat hunting a pony in Trottingham. It literally exists only to give Rarity mind-control abilities. And why give her mind-control abilities? So she can find out the downside to having them, of course! It's utterly pointless, and it doesn't help that there are some usage issues scattered throughout. The really bizarre thing is that the romance angle barely exists, since it's entirely one-sided from Rarity's perspective. This isn't the kind of story I would have read outside of this contest.
Not Recommended
Marriage by KingMoriarty
Genre: Bodyguard AU/Anthro
Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions.
It's absolutely true that you don't need to know anything about this 'verse prior to coming into the story. More accurately, all the information you need is given right in the story description. Granted, it's hard to envision Twilight as a bodyguard; physical strength and a military bearing don't suit her easily. But with that said, I really got into the tragedy of this piece, because of course I love tragedy in my romance. Then there's the ending: open, but regardless of what happens next, the outcome will be the same. In other words, not a choice between good ending or bad ending. I've been interested in this AU for a while, and this is a pretty good introduction to it.
Recommended
White and Purple by DoctorDerpy
Reading by Me!
Genre: Poem/AU
Two colors meet in a dream.
This is a three-thousand word poem. I shouldn't have to say anything more. Yes, there are spots where it could be tightened, in rhyme, meter and word choice, but it's a three-thousand word poem that keeps ABAB rhyme in iambic tetrameter, are you not impressed? On top of that, it's a Nightmare Moon AU that avails itself excellently. I could have done without the white-on-white text, but it does add a certain weight to the words. Moreover, the usage of the contest prompt has been bugging me throughout this reading, even in the stories I like, but this might actually take my vote for "Best Prompt Use". I just can't not be impressed by this.
Highly Recommended
404: Romance Not Found by Oroboro
Genre: EQG
Rarity seeks Twilight Sparkle's help building a website, and finds they might have more in common than either of them thought.
I'm impressed by this story because it starts with Sci-Twi being rejected by Sunset. This is also unfortunate, however, because SciSet isn't our goal and we start with half of our intended ship in a state of emotional turmoil, primed for a little rebound action. But for all that the romance proceeds more or less like you'd think it would, it helps that there's a B-plot about a middle school crush gone awry that I very much appreciated. Still, this could have been a little less abrupt about its central plot. I'm not left feeling overly satisfied.
Recommended for RariTwi Fans
The Queen Dress by River Road
Genre: Bodyguard AU
Twilight tells Princess Sweetie Belle a story about one time she and her sister had a disagreement…
I guess I shouldn't be surprised there are multiple entries based off this AU. This one, at least, features regular ponies in it, which was confusing as hell after the anthro version. XD This was interesting in that it brings the rest of the mane six into the fold as soldiers and a… lady in waiting? I have no idea what Fluttershy is supposed to be. By the same token, I was also put off somewhat by how much this centers on Rarity being unable to make a dress. Like, that's pretty close to full-on character destruction, though if it's a hallmark of the setting, I at least can't blame the author. Still, this gives a lovely snapshot of their relationship, and that's the draw here. Everything turns out all right.
Recommended If You Like AUs
Lights of Love by Timaeus
Genre: Slice of Life
Twilight makes sure everything is perfect for the mare who means the most to her.
I don't know if I've read too many fics today, or if I'm just getting tired of this contest, but I spent this story doing almost nothing but rolling my eyes. It's perfectly well written, and the interplay between their first and current dates is clever and does a good job contrasting how their relationship has grown over the course of a year, but this is the kind of story where I find myself nodding in agreement with the people who just don't do shipping. If you're in love with love, this will be a fine read.
Recommended for Shippers Only
Beyond Mere Programming by DwarvishPony
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Sci-Fi/AU
Creating a synthetic pony-like robot brings with it some unexpected side effects.
Ignoring the entire issue with falling in love with a robot, getting into a relationship with something you've created brings with it all kinds of ethical questions, which this story deftly avoids by just not caring about them. And you know what? I didn't really care, either. This was a fun romp; the last time I saw a story like this, I believe it had Luna as the creation, and it seems this is a setup I enjoy. That said, I could have used more. The ending especially feels very abrupt, leading to some bad shipping, and a deeper look into the world, the other characters, and Twilight and R.A.R.I.-7Υ's interactions in the lab (I just had to write it out that way to see it) wouldn't have gone amiss. Still, what's here is fun, and I had a good time watching hardass scientist Twilight learn to not be so Twilight anymore. :V
Recommended
The Rite Setting by Ebonysdagger
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: AU
High Lady Twilight is a living ticking time bomb of magical energy. What help could a loud-mouthed jeweler be to her?
There is, at the core of this piece, a very good story. The AU is imaginative. Spike in particular is written well, and the fact that his role isn't just to secure someone who can craft something to contain Twilight's magic surges is what I like most about this. (Shippers beware: the romance is almost nonexistent in this one.) But it's got more heart than anything, really, by which I mean the writing is often simplistic and very telly. Yes, the author realized this about the introductory chapter which sets up the AU, but it continues throughout the story, up to and including lots of expository dialogue. I also had to question how Rarity gets involved in things; I guess "getting drunk and bragging" could fit her character. It's not as grievous a misuse of her character as the deer one, anyway. My other problem with this story is that it doesn't really end, but just stops. One can infer a few things from that ending, but I felt like I didn't have the full story. And of course, if you came here for romance, you're going to leave sorely disappointed. But I did enjoy reading it, I can say that much.
Recommended If You Like AUs
MON-O-CHROME by shortskirtsandexplosions
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Slice of Life
Rarity has been rendered blind by a magical mishap, but thankfully, she has a friend like Twilight Sparkle to watch out for her.
Sorry, I'm not trying to get that ridiculous title in there. :B I have a lot of things to say about this. First, it's not nearly in the league of White Box or even I Am Demon when it comes to colored text gimmicks. It's only the one word, and the effect doesn't really add anything to the story. Second, this is one of those fics that's really in love with being in love. It even goes so far as to lampshade "they've always loved each other", again to no effect. Most importantly, the characters, other than Starlight, are really not the characters we know. Part of this is intentional: it turns out there's some mutual deception happening here, which explains why they're both so damned giggly all the time. The rest of it is the idiosyncrasies of being written by short skirts. I mean, there's a lengthy scene involving nothing but hair brushing. No chance is missed to have noses scrunch or mention how fluffy they are. Fuck's sake, this story contains the phrase "Twilight's princessy fetlock", and you're damned right I'm going to use that as an oath sometime. Is it bad? No, but I do feel like it's a waste of a really excellent setup. It's got a skewed concept of romance and what a relationship can be based off of, for all that, if there's any good character writing in this, it's Twilight lamentation that she never really got to be a little girl when she was young. Whether or not you like it is ultimately going to rest on how well you can take an approach to the show characters which sits well outside the purview of normality.
Recommended If Characterization Problems Don't Bug You
Weaving Words by Pascoite
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Drama
Given only seven words, Twilight is going to have to harness the power of action if she wants Rarity to like her.
Speaking of excellent setups. I don't know what the final rankings are yet, but this might just be the best story in the contest. (EDIT: I know now. Pascoite was robbed! D:) Natural romance, an actual relationship, and rivalling White and Purple for best prompt use. The concept of interwoven color is intrinsic to the plot, it's what allows Twilight to communicate with Rarity — and Rarity in specific — while she tries to work through Discord's 'curse'. This story even uses Discord being a dick to good effect! It does tip its hand a little early, if you're caught up in the "what will happen to Twilight" part, but trust Pascoite to come up with something truly excellent for a contest like this.
Highly Recommended
Complimentary Colors and Catastrophic Courtships by Czar_Yoshi
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Comedy
Twilight and Rarity have a theory about dating they need to test.
I'm so glad someone finally wrote a story about this! While this does earn its comedy tag, the comedy tends to be confined to the scenes with Rainbow Dash. How they get her to agree to going on a blind date, for instance, is hilarious. The rest is actually a pretty heartfelt look into romance and Twilight's thoughts on the matter. Like the previous entry, this has some good things to say about the subject. It's not a laugh-a-minute, but it's definitely worth the read.
Recommended
Forget Me Not by Harmony Pie
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Drama
Having realized her feelings for Twilight, Rarity sets off to do something about them.
This story reminds me of that one where Fluttershy's getting secret admirer letters from Rarity and freaking out about them, except without most of the freaking out drama, because it's from Rarity's POV. (I hated that story.) I really have to wonder about fics like this. I mean, it takes Applejack all but telling Rarity "you have a crush on Twilight" for Rarity to realize that she does. Yet accidentally (that is, plot-conveniently) being told by Derpy that Rarity's the one sending her flowers is all Twilight needs to jump into Rarity's arms? This is fairly slow and unbalanced, and just not to my liking, but it's okay, I guess.
Vaguely Recommended
Show, Don't Tell by Smjames
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Slice of Life
Could a mind-sharing spell be Rarity's chance to tell Twilight what she hasn't been able to say?
I'm at the point where the line between "things that are actually cliche" and "things I have seen in this contest already" has blurred to invisibility. This is decently written, don't get me wrong, but it's dull. The use of the title is maybe clever, but that's all I can really say in its favor. (Well, that and Sweetie Belle is adorably precocious.) It's just about the least interesting way to go about writing a romance story I can think of, and it way overdoes the color gimmick.
Not Recommended
Patchwork by AlicornPriest
Read by Fimfiction
Genre: Bodyguard AU/Comedy
Twilight is determined to help her princess make a dress she'll be satisfied with.
Strangely, this could almost be a sequel to The Queen Dress, given that it shows Princess Rarity continuing to work on being a seamstress and being almost competent at it. Anyway, this is a good note to end this contest on. It's written well, the characters are strong, it's actually funny, and most of all, there's no drama. Also, it's got Pinkie. If there's any one thing I like about this, it's Twilight; I'm finally starting to see how she works in this AU, and why people enjoy it. If there's anything else, it would be that this is about impostor syndrome. So I think a lot of us will enjoy reading it.
Recommended
how dare you keep recommending my stuff
no seriously thank you
Weaving Words is easily the best of this group of stories. Easily. The only reason I'd hesitate to say it's a better story than Enchanted Library is that EL has so much more story to it. I'd have to really consider if I think at a better romance, though. Either way, if a person is at all inclined to read shipping, it's intriguing and sweet and adorable on top of being well written.
Mlem
Oh wow, didn't know the story was being reviewed. Thanks for doing so, I believe. Yeah, exposition and plot dump was the feeling I got from rereading it myself. I'll keep that in mind for the future.
4794439
I really do hope you'll expand on it one way or another. :)
Whoah, this was a really productive contest!
In the titles you highlighted at the top as the best of the bunch, it looks to me like those are all the ones you rated HR or R. Is that the case? If so, you forgot to put Cynewulf's up there.
I can't remember how many of these got some sort of reward. Four, iirc. Cynewulf, Oroboro, Timaeus, and King of Beggars are the ones that stuck in my head, though I haven't actually read any of the entries. I guess I'm a little surprised you didn't like the ones by Oroboro and Timaeus so much, though that "I find myself nodding in agreement with the people who just don't do shipping. If you're in love with love, this will be a fine read." may well be the reason why. Again, I haven't read any of these, but it may be that's the kind of thing the judges were looking for. King of Beggars was kind enough to leave a lengthy comment on my story, albeit one I haven't been able to decipher, really, which does lead me to believe that there might have been more of a focus on that "being in love with love" aspect. There is sometimes a bit of a schism where romance is concerned, where some come for shipping first, and if it happens to have a good story wrapped around it, so much the better, versus coming for the story first, and if it happens to have good romance, so much the better.
Also, while shipping was heavily implied by the contest solicitation, I don't think it was required, so the one or two where you noted that the shipping is weak or nonexistent may not have been problematic within the scope of judging. That said, with your preamble of "assume the shipping tag for all these," it does set you up for having to note the exceptions.
4794407
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I did run out of both word count and time (I submitted literally less than a minute before the deadline), and while I'm pleased with the romance itself, I couldn't quite hammer out two other points: getting it to feel fully justified that Discord would do this, and creating the sense that in the off-camera moments, Twilight was doing her utmost to figure a way out of her predicament.
4794491
I don't think Cynewulf's is going to appeal to anyone who's not interested in romance. That's why yours is set off the way it is as well. :B
And, I mean, it was a shipping contest, wasn't it? c.c You expect shipping and/or romance to be a focus.
4794493
It was a Rarity/Twilight contest, but I think it just had to have the two interacting, not necessarily romantically, but given who hosted the contest, it's no surprise most would have taken it that way. But it's been a long time, and I don't remember for sure.
4794491
Well, i dunno about word counts and such. I wasn't around for the contest, so I just took it as a very fun and interesting story. Given the amount of samey-same shipping fics I've read, that's a massive breath of fresh air. And i love it.
Thanks for the great review, PresentPerfect! Looks like you saved the best for last.
In all seriousness, I'm glad my Twilight finally convinced you of the merit of the Bodyguard AU. I think there's a certain quiet, self-serious aspect of Twilight's character that makes it work. I certainly didn't intend for it to be a sequel to any of the other stories, just sort of nestled somewhere in the AU's canon. (I think I said it was their first kiss, but I bet about half of the fics in the Bodyguard AU are about their first kiss, so... 
) As it turns out, I have been contemplating a sequel to Patchwork entitled "Smiling Day" or something to that effect, but I've got much better story ideas I'd rather work on first (including another Bodyguard story about a record player and Rarity accidentally implying she's going to kill herself 
).
Anywho. Good job reading all of those stories! I'm not even a RariTwi shipper all that much, but this contest was just way too much fun to pass up.
As someone else who has trudged through an endless sea of the exact same bad shipfic over and over in search of The One That Does it Right, I totally feel your pain, and thank you for doing this.
4794686
I don't do things halfway. :B
Man, it took me so much longer to get through these than I wanted. D:
I like the basic idea behind Weaving Words, but it felt a bit too strung out for me, and ultimately had me focusing on the predicament far more than the relationship. That was greatly to its detriment, because 1) movie aside, I don't think we should be basing conflicts on Twilight refusing forever to ask her friends' help or figure out how and 2) using Discord as an antagonist in this kind of thing just reinforces how there wasn't a good reason to bring him back, and a lot of good reasons not to, and ends up meaning I'm fuming over that rather than paying attention to what's going on. Not fair, perhaps, but it's a cost of doing business. Didn't help the end was obvious literally from the moment the set-up was exposited. Lots of good stuff along the way, good writing, good characterization, all that, but too much stuff distracting from it for me to really enjoy.
Complimentary Colors: Okay, not to snark too hard, but having a homophone mixup in the first word of your title isn't a great sign. :P
Okay, so this has some making fun of GODDAMN HIPPIES, so it definitely has that going for it! :V
But yeah, RD in general, AJ getting stood up, Pinkie at the end--super fun. Also solid, natural Twarity where Twilight gets to learn a good lesson. Good stuff.
SQUIRM has a great hook. Silly concept that just keeps getting pushed, Twilight not getting it. So many funny lines. Love it. Overall, the AU was smoothly done, giving its own flavor while never getting in the way and in fact seemingly developed without even trying. The romance as largely an undercurrent worked very well for me, as it allowed the couple of places it came to the surface to be the more impactful. Good stuff.
"Beyond Mere Programming" starts out on the wrong foot with multiple errors in the first few paragraphs, and I'm not digging the punning of languages--in English, but not the other side. Germane/deutsch is kinda weak. If you can't get an appropriate pun for the other side, don't draw attention to it. Liking the characters though. Not too bad as a nofriends!Twilight. The dearth of self-awareness when warning Rarity about the city is great. On which note, the whole just not thinking about it thing fit well with this Twilight, who clearly applies most of her mental energy elsewhere--and Rarity for that matter, since it's understandable she wouldn't be in a position yet to make that kind of moral inference. Could seriously use another proofreading pass, though.
Sadly couldn't get through "Morning Masterpiece."