Friendship is Card Games: Ponies of Dark Water

Friendly reminder before we begin: Next week will see the hour-long EqG special “Forgotten Friendship” airing that Saturday at noon EST, with a card/review blog to match.

But before we deal with what may be the most depressing swimsuit episode of any intellectual property, let’s look at just why the Mane Six are some the scariest ponies in Equestria.

Part 1

“This time” they aren’t going to prosecute? How many times have the Mane Six been sued for damages incurred while saving the day? Furthermore, this is the Kingdom of Abyssinia we’re talking about, home of Capper’s species. I’m not sure whether or not I’m surprised that cat people have a tendency towards frivolous lawsuits.

Characters other than Pinkie commenting on fwooshes and gurgles entertain me more than they probably should.

That is a gorgeous spring. I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing suspicious or dangerous about it. After all, if it just formed, then there can’t be any terrible, tragic tales about anything drowning in it.

Sarcasm aside, I do have to wonder how the evil water would impact crops. Sour apples?
Also, is there any reason Spike isn’t indulging in the spring, beyond the story needing him sane later on?

The dream panels are very effective at showing just what’s happening to the Mane Six: Their ambitions are all being turned up to eleven while their empathy is getting dropped to zilch. The spring is basically a liquid Alicorn Amulet.

I’ll avoid the low-hanging fruit with Businessjack, especially since we have that election storyline to cover in two weeks.
… though AJ literally building a wall around the orchard isn’t making that easy.

In Twilight’s case, ponies were probably counting the days before she snapped and declared herself Empress of Ponyville.

Everything about Rarity Von Doom is amazing and I love it, though I wouldn’t be talking about five-year-old hairstyles if I were her.

“I must someone to investigate and resolve this. I must send you, Luna.”
“Sister, is that wise?”
“Twilight’s the problem and Cadence is too far away. You’re next on the delegation list.”
“You could take care of this yourself, you know.”
“Now let’s not get crazy.”

I kid, of course. Seeing Luna deal with the inner darkness of her saviors should be all kinds of amazing.

Good luck getting that to hold up in court, AJ. An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

Okay, shattering the telekinesis bubble with raw strength is pretty darn impressive. I might call bull honkery if I hadn’t done that in a few of my own stories.
Also, it’s probably a good thing that Luna couldn’t just draw out the corrupting magic. The stuff would presumably have to go somewhere, and if Luna couldn’t just let it dissipate, the only option might be absorbing it herself.

Huh. Ursa invasion. I can definitely see how that might lead to laawsuits by those as short-sighted as Applejack is at the moment.

It does feel weird to have Luna give up this completely this quickly. Now that she has a better idea of what she’s working with, she could at least in theory adapt to it. Granted, that may require a fresh test subject; it’s not like the corrupted are just going to sit around and let her keep trying.

Fantastically creepy shot with Fluttershy’s army… though it does raise the weird nature of deer sapience in Equestria. Especially in the comics. Also, Fluttershy has apparently swayed at least one cloud gremlin to her side.

I do love how the last panel of the first issue preys on fandom notions of evil Pinkie. Connecting her to two versions of the Joker certainly helps as well.

Part 2

It’s nice to see Bulk so supportive of his friends. Also, nice touch with the philosophical ramifications of self-interest in an issue that’s all about putting one’s own desires over others.

Oh boy. Fluttershy’s gone full Llanowar.

Bonbon is just completely done with today. First the town heroes going mad with power, then exploding gifts… This was supposed to be a peaceful retirement.

And here’s the punchline on those expecting slasher Pinkamena harvesting cupcake ingredients: The most evil thing Pinkie can come up with is forcing ponies to sit through an unfunny stand-up routine. When your main ambition is to bring joy to others, there are only so many ways liquid evil can warp it.
Also, unexpected synergy between Pinkie and Twilight’s plans: Twilight creates an audience that can appreciate Pinkie’s performance.

The comic faces an uneasy tension here. ON the one hand, it’s trying to play the corruption for laughs, keeping the mood from getting excessively dark. At the same time, it’s trying to emphasize the severity of the situation by showing how the Mane Six now outclass Luna, which leads to some real fridge horror if you stop and think about the implications for a bit. It isn’t really managing tension well, either, leading to some tonal issues as it goes on.

Huh. After the juju bag goes off, Fluttershy’s eyes are back to normal. Probably just a hiccup on the colorist’s part.

I’m not sure if a Celestia rap musical sounds horrible or intriguing.

Oh. So Spike did bathe in the springs. Very peculiar.
Also, cancer was referred to by name in a My Little Pony comic. Can’t say I saw that coming.

And so we see the one thing that’s kept Ponyville safer than it might have been: Self-driven villains find it a lot harder to cooperate, especially since that might mean putting their personal agendas lower on the priority queue.

I’d question how Pinkie got access to the spring water, but Pinkie Pie. Also, Pirate Vinyl is honestly pretty funny. Also also, Spike does explain it a few panels later.

So Lyra’s evil and stupid now? That seems like a combination more dangerous for her than anything.

Aaand cue the recurring Nightmare.

Part 3

Yeah, protip: Lawful evil is still lawful, and the Blood War never really stopped being a thing.

Dragon spell resistance is a beautiful thing.

“I aimed for where you weren’t!” Luna did once bear the Element of Laughter. If anyone can figure out how to hit Pinkie Pie, it’s her.

Pinkie Pie with no filter. That does sound horrible.

I love how Dash’s evil outfit is literally just a pair of goggles. They might be a reference I’m missing, but still.

A. Why is Equestria even trading pork bellies?
B. Why do they come in bushels?
Still, going by the Scootagram in “Family Appreciation Day,” Ponyville probably does have a telegram office.

Nice touch with taking a page from Pinkie’s playbook with the water balloons… though I have to wonder just how many of Spike’s scales it took to make that much of the cure.

“Evil water made you evil.” I’m not sure what I love more, that sentence or Scootaloo’s expression as she says it.

Ah, weather control. Such a useful ability when it’s allowed to be.

Dang. Luna certainly knows how to make an entrance. Of course, we’ve known that from the beginning of the series.

Slight issue with Rarity’s eyes still red after she drinks the cure. I’ll blame that on it not reaching all of her system yet.

And yes, Twilight, it seems entirely reasonable that you wouldn’t know about the cure storm, since there doesn’t seem to be any feasible way for you to be aware of it.
… OH, I see, they went with the Ozymandias path. At least she didn’t have time to genetically engineer a giant psychic squid and teleport it into the center of Manehattan.

“You see, both characters’ mothers have the same name.” Heh.

Twilight’s sweeping remix makes a return.

I do love how Apple Bloom apparently had plans if she ever turned evil.

Interesting theory for the origin of the evil spring. I wonder if arcane contamination has affected any other groundwater. And it need not lead to virtues becoming vices. This is a very rich potential source of stories.

I agree with Luna, as I said earlier. An evil but still united Mane Six could’ve thwarted the big goods just as easily as they did the major villains of the series. Though if their friendship survived their corruption, their rule might not be as bad as it could be.

In all, this was an incredibly fun spectacle, though they never actually did anything with Nightmare Moon beyond having her show up and blast Pinkie. Still, a gripping read. Now for my cunning masterstroke:

Abyssinian Prosecutor 1W
Creature — Cat Advisor
Each player who cast a non-Cat spell this turn can’t cast additional non-Cat spells. Any player may pay 2 for that player to ignore this effect until end of turn.
The court adjourned for an unscheduled recess after a ball of yarn rolled through the courtroom.
2/2

Ethical Cancer 2W
Enchantment
Whenever you’re dealt combat damage, proliferate. (You choose any number of permanents and/or players with counters on them, then give each another counter of a kind already there.)
Never argue morality with Elesh Norn.

Market Crash 2B
Sorcery
Each player loses 4 life.
A falling tide lowers all boats.

Track Sampler 3B
Creature — Unicorn Pirate
When Track Sampler enters the battlefield, you may return target Song card from an opponent’s graveyard to the battlefield under your control. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to activate that Song’s activated abilities.
”Fair use, you lubber!”
2/2

Purge the Unfabulous 2RR
Sorcery
Ascend (If you control ten or more permanents, you get the city’s blessing for the rest of the game.)
Purge the Unfabulous deals 4 damage to each creature with a permanent attached to it. If you have the city’s blessing, Purge the Unfabulous deals 4 damage to each other creature.

Reverberant Rainboom 5RR
Sorcery
Reverberant Rainboom deals 4 damage to target creature or player. Exile Reverberant Rainboom with four time counters on it.
Suspend 4 — 2R
3: If three or more colors of mana were spent to activate this ability, remove a time counter from Reverberant Rainboom. Activate this ability only if Reverberant Rainboom is suspended.

Dragonscale Cure G
Instant
Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you own. Gain control of it.
There is little in the world that can’t be improved by adding more dragon.

Everfree War Drums 2G
Enchantment
Creatures you control can’t be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less.
The drums beat in time with the forest’s heart, its fanged and clawed lifeblood spurting out to tear civilization apart.

Fluttershy’s Forces 4GG
Creature — Beast Warrior
Trample
Whenever Fluttershy’s Forces deals combat damage to a player, set a scheme in motion.
“The forest would consume this town eventually. Why wait?”
—Fluttershy, Voice of Everfree
4/4

Mask of the Vain 6
Artifact
You have absorb 1. (If a source would deal damage to you, prevent 1 of that damage.)
T, Abandon an ongoing scheme you own: You gain protection from everything until your next turn.
The spell emphasized Rarity’s vanity until she felt no one was worthy of seeing her face.

Arcane Contamination UB
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may have each player put the top card of his or her library into his or her graveyard. Then, if there are thirteen or more cards total in all graveyards, you may transform Arcane Contamination.
Darkwater Spring
Land
T: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool.
3UB, T: Gain control of target creature.
A little spot of paradise that can turn anyone into a demon.

Darkwater Balloon UB
Instant
When target creature dies this turn, return it to the battlefield under your control.
Pinkie had no grand plans or twisted agendas. She just wanted to see what would happen.

Primal Justice RGW
Instant
Primal Justice deals 5 damage to target player. Distribute five +1/+1 counters among any number of target creatures that player controls.
”The righteous shall feed upon the wicked.”
—Fluttershy, Voice of Everfree

Evict 1WB
Sorcery
Exile target nonland permanent.
”Get off my property.”
—Applejack, apple magnate

Explosive Surprise 2UR
Instant
Any number of target players each draws two cards. Explosive Surprise deals 4 damage to each of those players.
”You’re welcome!”
—Pinkie Pie, world burner

Cerebral Resource Acquisition
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, each opponent discards a card and you draw a card for each opponent.
”You having minds is a terrible waste.”

Die Laughing
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, for each opponent, you may cast up to one target noncreature, nonland card from that player’s graveyard without paying its mana cost.
”Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Actually, you can’t.”

I Define Splendor
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, if you have the city’s blessing, set two schemes in motion. Otherwise, you get the city’s blessing and create X colorless Treasure artifact tokens with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool,” where X is ten minus the number of permanents you control.

We Rise
Ongoing Scheme
(An ongoing scheme remains face up until it’s abandoned.)
At the beginning of combat on your turn, create a 3/3 green Beast creature token. Then, if you control six or more creatures, abandon this scheme and creatures you control get +2/+2 and gain haste until end of turn.

Witness Me
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, target opponent chooses self or others. If that player chooses self, this scheme deals 4 damage to each creature and planeswalker that player controls. If the player chooses others, this scheme deals 2 damage to each creature and planeswalker your other opponents control.

Your Debt is Incalculable
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, nonland permanents you control gain extort until end of turn. (Whenever you cast a spell, for each instance of extort among permanents you control, you may pay (wb). For each time you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain life equal to the life lost this way.)
“Long story short, I own you now.”

Comments

[CoffeeMinion]

Ooo, these look fun.

I'm surprised that Evict doesn't have some Green in there... that flavor text just screams Green to me. Like maybe it could be said by a Llanowar Hillbilly in the main game.

Also, I love the whole "disappointing swimsuit issue" thing.

[DannyJ]

Ponies of Dark Water was a great arc. Probably the last great arc before I stopped reading. There was a questionable moment or two, but overall, I just found it really entertaining. The evil main six were all unique in their own ways, and all a lot of fun. I think I liked Pinkie Pie as the Joker best, but Rarity as Doctor Doom was a close second. Also, I don't think this'll surprise you, but the Batman V Superman joke was hilarious to me.