• Member Since 11th Apr, 2012
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Bad Horse

Just an honest businesspony with a Patreon.

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Marziponies! · 8:06pm January 13th

I love marzipan.  This Christmas, my older sister brought me back some marzipan from Hungary, where she was teaching a course on... um, something.  I can't keep her courses straight because she teaches college courses on speech pathology, linguistics, neuroscience, the history of silent movies, and anime.  Often in exotic foreign cities like Budapest, Istanbul, or Vienna (although for some reason the one she visits most is Sarajevo).  It's pretty much the best job in the world.

Anyway.  Here's some Hungarian marzipan!

Hmm.  They seem vaguely familiar.

My important questions are:

  1. Which pony should I eat first?
  2. Which parts should I eat first?
  3. What should each of the Mane 6 taste like?

Justify your answer via dialectic.

Report Bad Horse · 411 views · #marzipan #ponies #vore
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Comments ( 21 )

Eat Applejack first, and the legs: they're the key to her strengths and ability to resist or make an escape. Twilight will be disoriented and significantly powered down, already without her horn or wings. Similarly Trixie(?) sans horn. ETA: Also, she's in the middle of a career upswing resulting from her new role as comic to Starlight's (when they're paired) straight man, and it'd be a shame to cut that any shorter than absolutely necessary.

How big are the ponies? I need to know if eating each in one bite is on the table.

When eating ponies its dependent on ones tongue.
If your tongue is long enough start from the front, otherwise you start from the rear and work you way up.
You do want them to enjoy the experience as much as possible before digestion.

Also start with the aqua colored pone, she kinds reminds me of Minty.

Thesis: It is a matter of high importance which pony, and which parts, you eat first.

Antithesis: It is not important at all.

Synthesis: It is important which pony, and which parts you eat first, but the importance depends on factors external to those ponies and the act of eating them with their parts. In themselves, the acts are of no importance, but gain importance extrinsically.


Thesis: The importance of how you eat the ponies arises from moral considerations.

Antithesis: The importance of how you eat the ponies arises from non-moral considerations.

Synthesis: The Importance of how you eat the ponies arises from non-moral considerations upon which the moral considerations rest as a structure upon a foundation.


Thesis: The non-moral consideration which gives importance to how you eat the ponies is your own personal preference.

Antithesis: The non-moral consideration which gives importance to how you eat the ponies is no part of your personal preference, but is rather the pleasing of your blog-reading audience.

Synthesis: The non-moral consideration which gives importance to how you eat the ponies is the consideration that you would personally prefer to please your blog-reading audience over yourself.


Therefore, dialectic proves that you should put it to a vote.

4772861 Nope. They're about 3 inches high.

This reminds me of a story. A man visiting a farmer noticed a pig out in its pen with two wooden legs. He asked the farmer why the pig had wooden legs.

The farmer said, "Let me tell you about that pig. One night a horse thief came & opened up the barn, and was trying to coax my best horse to come along. That pig started hollering and squealing, and raised such a fuss that every animal in the barn started braying and mooing and barking, and the thief panicked and ran away."

The man asked again why the pig had wooden legs.

"I'll tell you another story about that pig," the farmer said. "One night, while everyone was asleep, the fire door on the stove came open somehow, and some coals fell out and set fire to a jacket I'd laid out there to dry. The whole house would've gone up, but that pig smelled the smoke, bust out of its pen, and ran into the house hollering and squealing. Yessir, if it wasn't for that pig, we'd all be dead now."

The man asked again why the pig had wooden legs.

"Well, I'll tell you," the farmer said. "A pig that good, you don't eat all at once."

Do they come in different flavors?

4772887 I won't know unless I eat them.

That brings up a new question:
What would each of the Mane 6 taste like?

I don't know whether I'm glad or disappointed that this food blog isn't the result of your dabbling with things not meant for human consumption.

Twilight: American style black coffee, heavy and thick, quite possibly cold after being left to sit too long in the mug
Rarity: chocolate and candied violets
Rainbow: blue Gatorade
Fluttershy: chamomile and saffron tea
Pinkie: bubble gum and crystal meth
Applejack: applejack

+ Spike: poblano peppers

Much digital ink has been spilled on that question through the years.
The early era of the basic marshmallow spawning the counter-movement of horse smells and cut grass.
Recent fashion has been to ditch the colour association and go for something unexpected like chocolate Rarity.

Ah, but that's the trick: it is based on her color. Specifically the flavors come via TheJediMasterEd's Flowers and Chocolates, which is pretty clearly based on her coloration.

It's Twilight's that's really not based on color. And of course the rest have components in addition to color, at least.

Please forgive me if I've over-done it, here. :scootangel:

#3: What should each of the Mane 6 taste like?

I'll start with #3 first, as on the surface this seems to be the easiest:

The Mane Six would taste like horse. Not that I've ever eaten horse, but I once took a picture of a restaurant menu in Ljubljana that featured "Stallion Steaks". Close enough.

But this is a dishonest answer - we know how they would really taste:

  • Rarity: Absolutely fabulous marshmallow, darling, since you're asking.
  • Pinkie Pie: Valentine's Day hearts wrapped in candy corn and covered in habanero sauce. Because.
  • Applejack: Horse. Just being honest, here.
  • Rainbow Dash: Lactic acid.
  • Fluttershy: Rabbit hutches and a hint of fear pheromones.
  • Twilight Sparkle: My god, it's full of stars! Seriously: Lavender book dust. She's a librarian at heart, right? :facehoof:

#2: Which parts should I eat first?

This will be your first marzipan pony ever, which at this point you've clearly decided to eat. This may say something significant about you!

  • For instance, going for the hooves first could mark you as a particular kind of fetishist.
  • Or maybe you decide to start with the tail, instead—moving on!
  • Perhaps you have a savage nature to quench, and go for that soft underbelly? You beast.
  • How about that cute pony muzzle? Well this could flag an emotional attachment, or maybe a condition better left to the tender prodding of psychoanalysis.
  • Or chew on a soft ear! Still too intimate? Probably.
  • Maybe you should just nibble their bums first and decide about the rest, later? Nobody here's going to do more than raise an eyebrow at that.

But no matter what you choose, just remember that you're eating a pony. It will likely taste much different from a spherical blob made with the exact same ingredients. You brute.

In the end, though, it's up to you what this means. Maybe you just like marzipan and you're hungry.

#1: Which pony should I eat first?

This is also a key to your psychology! Unfortunately the answer isn't clear, because there's no marzipan Trixie.

  • So, do you eat your least favorite, first, and save the best for last?
  • Or maybe the one who traditionally identifies the most with humans?
  • Perhaps the one who is clearly the most intelligent of the bunch?

So many choices to make...

You know what, just munch on Twilight's head first. You symbolically gain both her greatest strengths (magic and intelligence), and I'm sure she tastes delicious. :twilightsmile:

You should save them until Bronycon, put each one on a color-coordinated cupcake, auction them off and make a fortune.

I refuse to comment other than that your sister sounds awesome.

Which pony should I eat first?

Depends. Who's getting shipped with who?

Make them play a Saw-esque game to decide who gets eaten first and how

Each of those ponies is basically a sphere molded into a funny shape. You should find an isomorphism between each of them and a free group in 2 generators, then use the axiom of choice to eat particular infinitesimals such that you never run out. I think that's right...

To answer the first two questions, in the absence of information, you should prefer the most symmetric answer, i.e., eat all of them first. You should be able to achieve this with a quantum eraser in your stomach. To prevent information about your selection from spreading, you should eat them at a temperature of approximately 0 Kelvin.

To answer your third question, they should taste like any infinitesimal part of them.

Anything purple colored is normally a toss up flavor so I would go with that one first ti get it out of the way.

I love marzipan.  

"Hey HorseBad! I just thought of a Homestar Runner reference. Wanna hear my Homestar Runner reference? It's cool! And fresh! Yep, fresh and cool like fresh...seafood...before it's been cooked. Yep, sashimi-grade pop-culture references, comin' right atcha..."


Which parts "should" you eat first seems like a moot point, since based on the photo you've already eaten their Cutie Marks.

So just choose body parts based on lethality, since at that point it's merely about prolonging the suffering vs. the mercy kill.


So just choose body parts based on lethality, since at that point it's merely about prolonging the suffering vs. the mercy kill.

Well, that's the question, isn't it?

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