Author's Commentary: Reaction Chapter 7 · 8:29pm Dec 18th, 2017
I was planning to write today, but I don't feel like it right now. I'm tired. So instead, I'll go ahead and tackle the next chapter in Reaction! It's funny because the last time I started on this post, I thought I was ready for Chapter 8... No idea why I'd forget about Chapter 7, or maybe I'm just really excited to get done with this so I can start the long-awaited commentary on Critical Mass.
I'm really, really looking forward to doing commentary on Critical Mass.
Reaction Chapter 7, everybody!
Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Reaction Chapter 7. If you have not read Chapter 7 in Reaction, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for Critical Mass and future stories in this series.
You have been warned.
This chapter opens up with a sweet, fluffy scene of Twilight and Rainbow cuddling. But hey, this entire story is more or less a scene of Twilight and Rainbow cuddling.
Now, what this scene shows is that Twilight really likes feeling Rainbow against her body, feeling her coat, and just enjoying Rainbow being there with her. She also enjoys Rainbow holding her. But unfortunately, Rainbow ruins it. I feel like "sheepishly" describing Twilight's smile should be replaced with "nervously."
But, Rainbow's analysis of Twilight is correct, isn't it? Twilight is clingy. Twilight sort of feels like she needs Rainbow, so to say, which is probably pretty cliched for the romance genre.
Rainbow smiled. "That's good." She looked at Twilight's forehead and squinted. She reached out with a hoof, then gently brushed Twilight's bangs away so she could glimpse Twilight's injury. Twilight immediately looked away from Rainbow's eyes and focused on her chest. Rainbow could still tell that the area was wrong. The fur was discolored, shorter, and she could still see patches of Twilight's pale pink skin. Rainbow ran her hoof along its course and then brought it back to her side.
I like this part. There's something about this dynamic here that I enjoy. Twilight's getting reminded of what happened, and that she's so vulnerable... but the best part/the part that makes it good is that Rainbow is there for her.
Rainbow frowned. "Is it still sensitive?"
"It's a little sensitive," Twilight affirmed, then pressed her forehead against Rainbow's chest. "This still feels nice, though."
This was something I really wanted. Just to have Twilight's forehead where her horn had been to be sensitive, and so her being defensive about it/protective of it and avoiding letting anypony touch it, with the exception of Rainbow. Plus, this means she can bury her head in Rainbow's body without impaling her. The aspect of her injury being sensitive, even during/after it's healed also has parallels to the end of Critical Mass- Twilight's side is sensitive now, so she's not really going to let anypony touch her there.
One thing I think this story suffers from is a lack of build up. This might not be the best way to put it. In this chapter, Twilight's going to spend the day with Fluttershy, but that's the first we've heard/seen of it. I suppose it may not be a bad thing, since it implies things happening in the background that we're not shown...
"Twilight," Rainbow sighed. "We choose to stand with you, we want to help you." She swallowed and wrapped a wing around Twilight, then pulled the small alicorn against her body. "When are you going to realize that?" she asked softly.
This story has something of a heavy theme with Rainbow choosing to be there for Twilight. She's not forced into it, she chooses to.
Rainbow is there to comfort Twilight when her mind turns against her. She's trying to help Twilight recover. She is, in a way, trying to convince Twilight to believe that she's still awesome even without her magic, and that valuing herself based on her horn or her magic isn't the right way to look at it.
Rainbow pulled up a hoof and then slowly ran it through Twilight's mane. "Maybe it won't grow back..." she said glumly. Twilight opened her eyes and looked at her. The alicorn's eyes twinkled, and Rainbow could see a hint of a feeling of betrayal in them. Rainbow smiled gently. "But I'll make you a promise, I'll stay with you and help you, no matter what." Twilight's lips turned upwards at that, then the alicorn buried her head in Rainbow's chest.
"You-you can't just drop everything to help m-me get bet-better!" she sobbed. "You... you know that," she said softly.
Rainbow rubbed her chin against the top of Twilight's head. "Twilight, do you really think I could enjoy performing as a Wonderbolt, or that I could focus on training, or... if I was in a fight, that I could focus if I knew that you were in pain because you were alone or something?" Rainbow pulled her head away as Twilight pulled her head back and looked up at her. The fur around Twilight's eyes was matted from tears, and Rainbow suspected her coat was also matted and wet from the alicorn's tears, but she didn't care, Twilight needed somepony to cry on, and even if it was uncool, it was more uncool and unfriendly to leave her like that. "I wouldn't enjoy that," she continued.
Loyalty. That's a promise she will keep.
Twilight smiled, then wrapped her arms around Rainbow and pressed her head against the pegasus' neck and slid her muzzle against her chest. She clung to the pegasus with as much strength as she could, and Rainbow returned the gesture, holding her tightly and bringing a smile to the princess's face.
I should have taken insulin... this chapter seems to be pretty emotional so far... Maybe it's not, or it just seems that way because I'm the author. You're all the ones who get to enjoy this story without being the one to write it. Reading my own work will never be the same as reading someone else's work.
The opening paragraph of the next scene... it kind of feels forced to me.
I don't really have any commentary to offer on Twilight's trip through Ponyville.
She fought off a yawn while she waited. A few seconds passed, then the door creaked open, revealing a timid yellow pegasus with a light pink mane. Twilight brightly smiled at Fluttershy. Fluttershy returned the smile, but it was more reserved and calm than Twilight's. "Oh, hello Twilight!" she said softly.
Fluttershy, the only pony who can have an exclamation point in her sentence and still be soft spoken.
I'm not entirely sure what to think of the fact that reading this story again makes me want to read (or write) some Twishy.
I'm probably not in a minority when I say I don't really like Angel Bunny. But for this story, he's not pure evil.
She pursed her lips as another question pierced the veil of her mind, 'Do I think of her as more than a friend?'
In a cliched romance story, the next sentence would be something akin to "Rainbow's heart fluttered at the thought of Twilight, and her cheeks took on a slight rosy hue."
She immediately recognized the pink as the same shade as Pinkie Pie's coat, and she smiled brashly.
For some reason I now dislike the word brash.
I don't have a lot to say about this scene with Rainbow, Pinkie, and Applejack. Although it should be somewhat implied/explicitly stated by this scene that everypony is quite busy, and so they're kind of neglecting Twilight... which is supportive of Twilight's fears that they're all drifting apart. You know, this story really is more than just one story. It focuses on Twilight and Rainbow, but there are a lot of other stories at play here. They're all getting so busy with life as they're growing up, Twilight feels like they're all drifting apart, Celestia feels useless since she can't help Twilight more, Rainbow isn't sure how she feels about Twilight, the girls are all worried about Twilight...
I'm biased, but I really feel like this is a wonderful, rich story. I want to bring this out more with future stories. I want to enrich it more and bring out certain things that I feel can really contribute to making this series memorable. I want it to be the best that it can be. I want it to be something everyone who reads it will, when in ten or twenty years, have a spark of memory which makes them think back to this and smile and think about how great of a story it was. I want it to be enjoyable and leave a lasting impact.
A really short scene with Fluttershy. I don't really have anything to say about it...
Another really short scene. Once again, not much to say. I can't remember when/where the scene is/was that Rainbow mentioned to Applejack that Twilight asked her out on a date, which kind of sucks, since it's important that I know this. What even worse is that I'm not even sure if that actually happened canonically- I know I wrote it, but did I actually include it?
Rarity has three stores as of this chapter. I suppose in the future, she'll probably have more stores.
Rarity turned away from Rainbow and tilted her muzzle up in the air. "It's not very polite to ask a lady how many bits they make, Rainbow Dash." She smiled, then turned back to Rainbow, "But if you must know, about one thousand bits a week. Averaged."
Rainbow did a double take. "That's..." She squinted at the unicorn's smug look. "Decent... More than I expected."
And now Rainbow and Rarity will get into a competition. 
Rarity smiled. "It's not a competition, Rainbow." She lowered her voice, "If it was, Twilight would have all of us beat."
Or at least they would have, but Twilight would have steamrolled them in gold. Twilight is a princess, after all. So, Twilight's the one who will have the wealth when she's with Rainbow. I'm sure there could be a story about this with Rainbow not beign okay with that because she wants to be the one to provide/take care of Twilight.
On a related note, I still need to figure out how to tackle living arrangements...
"Hiya, Fluttershy!" Pinkie greeted. "Can we come in? Okay, thanks!" Fluttershy barely had time to step out of the way before Pinkie Pie ran in passed her.
This made me smile. Oh Pinkie...
An impromptu get together turned into a party.
I didn't know how to do a scene transition here. A scene break probably would have been better, but I didn't know how to start the next scene, so instead, I used one paragraph to scene transition, and it feels pretty weak...
Rainbow sighed, she hated seeing Twilight like that. It made her heart feel heavy and sluggish, and she hated it, she felt uncomfortable and unhappy because Twilight wasn't happy. 'You're afraid, and you feel so vulnerable and weak, don't you?' She clenched her jaw. She didn't know what to say to make it all better, and she knew there was nothing she could say that would magically regrow Twilight's horn, if there was, she would say it without hesitation, but such a word didn't exist. She settled on the only thing she knew how to do. "Twi... it'll be okay, alright? You have all of us."
This is sort of a jab at how the magic words are supposed to be "I love you." Yeah, it's not that simple here. It would help Twilight, but it wouldn't undo what had happened.
I feel like I need to say something about Rainbow and Twilight's scene when they get to Rainbow's cloudhouse, but nothing feels right. Rainbow once again admits she enjoys sleeping with Twilight, but that it's the word that bugs her. It should make sense. Cuddling can be seen as cute and weak, so to say, and Rainbow's awesome, but she enjoys it, so she doesn't like to admit it because it seems to be pretty much the opposite of her.
Twilight slid her head up into the crook of Rainbow's neck and slid her muzzle between their necks. She closed her eyes and sighed contently. She wiggled her hooves free from between their chests, then loosely wrapped them under Rainbow's arms. She immediately welcomed Rainbow's chest brushing against hers, and she shifted herself as close to the warmth as she could. Rainbow lowered her arms around Twilight's withers and pulled her closer, pressing their chests together. Twilight smiled as heat radiated between them, and their coats pressed against each other. She tentatively slid her legs out from between them and laid her right leg over Rainbow's body, above her flank, and wrapped it around her back as best she could, then she slid her other leg beneath Rainbow and wrapped it around Rainbow's back and pulled herself as close to Rainbow as she could. She wiggled her muzzle against Rainbow's neck and giggled as the pegasus' fur tickled her nose.
When writing this, I wasn't sure if 'crook' was the right term to use. I'm still not sure. Basically, Twilight's forehead is against Rainbow's neck, under her muzzle, to where her horn would be impaling Rainbow if she still had it. So Rainbow's kind of holding Twilight's head in against her, too. Of course, this is also meant to be really sweet and adorable.
Their muzzles were so close. She ran her eyes over Rainbow's lips, and her heart beat faster. For a few seconds, she pondered what they felt and tasted like. She wanted to feel Rainbow's lips against her own, but Rainbow would hate her if she did, and knowing that the pegasus would likely abandon her if she did something like that made her decide against kissing her. She looked away from Rainbow's lips and looked at the mare's rainbow mane. The colors were mixed together where they combined, but she could still make out the separate streaks. She smiled fondly, then extended her head out and tucked Rainbow's head into her neck.
I felt very very awkward when writing this. To be honest, I feel awkward for rereading this and thinking that I wrote that. It just seems weird to me. I'm not used to this sort of thing. I don't really do close contact with people. Hugs feel awkward to me, but I know that to other people it really matters. That said, I really enjoy reading cuddles. I probably didn't write the whole Twilight wanting to kiss Rainbow scene properly here. Although with that said, there's something to be said here about how they don't truly have their first kiss until the end of Critical Mass. Sure, they kiss each other, but it's more so pecks on the cheeks... and if I remember correctly, Twilight was terrified when Rainbow kissed her in Critical Mass.
Feeling Rainbow's mane against her chin and neck was nice, she decided after only a few seconds. She turned her attention to her legs and pulled Rainbow closer to her, they had drifted apart far too much for her liking in their sleep. Despite still being able to feel the warmth radiating off of her body, she couldn't feel the mare's fur. She nuzzled into Rainbow's mane and looked out the still open window. After a few seconds, it made sense to her why Rainbow's mane and muzzle felt chilly.
Just reading this and I can't help but think it would be awkward if Rainbow was male in this story. Really awkward. As it is, it could still be awkward if they're pressed up against each other with their abdomens together.
Both Twilight and Rainbow seem to be light sleepers in this story for some reason. Well, more so it's just whatever the plot needs, it seems. Seriously... Twilight can hug Rainbow and pull them close, then slide her legs in between them, and Rainbow's still sleeping, but then she nuzzles her neck and Rainbow's wide awake.
And now another sad moment. Twilight, in a way, is sort of actively denying herself happiness because of her fears and worries. Rainbow, Luna, and Celestia all sort of know this. They try to help her, but it's hard. It almost seems like it would be best if Twilight were completely crushed and broken down, then built back up...
And of course Twilight panics. And runs away.
I'm supposed to be doing a commentary, but I'm too invested in enjoying this scene (with Twilight running away, Rainbow chasing her and then catching her, and the following conversation) to give a commentary on it.
Twilight's recovery seems a bit too fast... I suppose there's the transitional sentence of Twilight taking a few minutes to recompose herself, but still...
And that's Chapter 7. I feel like this commentary is shorter than normal. The chapter is shorter than normal, too, so maybe that plays into it.
Ah, looking back at some of the comments... it brings a smile or a smirk to my lips. I'm pleased with this story, even with all of its problems.
You know, it's strange how it's been over a year since I wrote this chapter. It really doesn't feel like it's been a year.
I still can't believe 2017 is almost over. I'm not ready for 2018. I didn't get to start on the sequel to Critical Mass yet! And Civil War of Harmony isn't in the penultimate chapter yet...
As per usual, comment below. Point out your own thoughts, ask questions, etc!
You know how you said rainbow might not be ok with twilight being far richer than her and paying for everything, well I thought of a funny scene you could write in the future.
Basically the two are on a date at a restaurant and they need to pay the bill. Let's just say it costs 50 bits. So rainbow is insisting that she pays, and twilight is insisting she pays. After a little back and forth rainbow says they should split the check. Twilight agrees to this, then rainbow places 49 bits on the table and says "ok twi, you pay the last bit", twilight is like "but you said we'd split the check". Rainbow then says "I said we'd split the check, but I never said we'd split it evenly".
Then maybe to make it even more funny rainbow could then dash (pun intended) out of the restaurant so twilight couldn't give her her money back.
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It's an idea for me to think about, for sure. I've not really given too much thought to how the wealth would be divided between them, so to say... so I'll have to give it some thought if it'd be a plot point, or if it could contribute to the story.