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Drinking 101: Patreon gift for nuclearcore! · 6:37am Nov 18th, 2017

Heya readers! This instalment of reader patreon supported blogging content comes from nuclearcore who was hoping for a crash course in booze.

Hurray booze!

Now then, let’s say you’ve just recently turned 21, or maybe alcohol is something you’re curious about and you’ve never really gotten into it.

Maybe you’re an adult magical horse from another dimension and you find yourself on earth as a teenager and have a fake ID and need to know what to get wasted on that doesn’t suck.

Or heck, maybe you’re into a specific type of booze already and want to branch out!

This is a guide to get you started without the horrible, horrible trial in error that comes from drinking without knowing what you’re doing.

Let’s start with staple:

Hurray Beer!

There’s a lot to cover here especially with the massive amount of microbrews coming out of the woodworks. Since these are rather location based, it’s hard for me to recommend any in particular. Not to mention you have Lager’s, IPAs, Stouts, the list goes on and on…

A good way to try stuff is to find a growler pup or just a pup or bar that has maybe 10 things on more on tap. Growler pubs tend to offer flights of 4 tasters for roughly the same price as a pint and the same amount of booze.

I accidently typed ‘bear flight’ into google. Enjoy.

Beer is also one of the more common and inexpensive drinks to sit and sip. I find it’s good to have a few go-tos you can get at the store just because you feel like it.

Feel free to find and pick a big brew beer you like. You can literally not go right here! Most the population will judge you for picking a domestic that’s not their preferred domestic.

Also, people who don’t like Budweiser can eat my shorts.

If you want to order something cheap at a bar you won’t get judged for, Reiner is a fine choice. Usually, about a dollar a can and everyone seems to have it on stock. Old German is also a good one that seems easy enough to find.

Now, find a super cheap beer that you know you will be judged for by almost everyone. A guilty pleasure if you will. We’re talking stuff you find in the 40oz portion of the beer section. Something that you find drinkable, or even good despite all odds. My favorite here is Steel Reserve, but I find both Old English and Colt 45 palatable.  These are good if you’re on a budget or maybe you’re just having that kind of day.

Also maybe figure out something common, but slightly higher shelf. Sam Adams is pretty good I find, and sometimes you just need a Guinness. If you want a Cerveza (Mexican beer), I like Dos XX. In addition to having a prop to meme with, you won’t need an entire lime to make a bottle of Corona palatable!

You heard me!

Speaking of top Vs. mid Vs. low shelf. That’s an actual thing in Liquor stores. The pricey fancy, stuff, is at the top. The potential sipping/mixing worthy is in the middle, and the hobo swill is at the bottom.

Stay away from the hobo swill. Seriously, just… Grab a 40oz of beer if you’re that desperate. Especially Monarch. It’s just… it’s the worst.

If you want to have a modest collection at home to mix drinks with, here are some suggestions.

Rum: Bacardi, It’s relatively inexpensive and good.

Whiskey: I like Evan Williams here, oddly enough cheaper and slightly sweeter than Jack’s, but still tastes fine.

Tequila: El Jimador is my go to. Hornitos is pretty good. 1800 is… off somehow… Jose Cuervo is the tequila equivalent of hope dying.

Vodka: I like Stolichnaya here or “Stoli”. Smirnoff is alright. Luksusowa is nice if you want a potato vodka to sip.

Gin: Brokers, if you like Gin. This one is maybe more of an acquired taste compared to the other liquors above.

If you want to get into mixing at all, I suggest picking up a cheap book from pretty much anywhere that has a big list of stuff. Though here are some key ingredients you’ll want.

·         Grenadine

·         Lime/Lemon juice concentrate. Yes, fresh is better, but only good if you plan on using the produce fast enough before it goes bad. The concentrate will do in a pinch.

·         Orange Juice

·         Crème

·         Ginger beer (If you like ginger. I like Cock & Bull, see below)

·         Soda water

·         Tonic water (if you like Gin and tonics)

Other liquors that are great just to have around:

Kahlua, it’s a staple of many cocktails and you can also just dump it into coffee to make a Mexican coffee.

Bailey’s, it’s a staple of many cocktails and you can also just dump it into coffee to make Irish coffee.

Peppermint schnapps (pretty much any, though I like Rumple Minze), you can dump this into hot chocolate for a good, minty time (plus it’s like half alcohol).

Cinnamon Whiskey/Schnapps (Sinfire, Fireball, Fire… it’s hard to go wrong here). Pretty much the same as above, but with cinnamon instead of peppermint.

Triple sec, comes up in many cocktails, and you can dump it in another drink if you’re just feeling sorry for yourself, I guess.

Blue Curacao, also comes up in many drinks. Useful for making things blue.

Dry and Sweet Vermouth for making dry drinks slightly less dry and basically nothing else.

Now that I listed some modest ingredients, let’s get to the stuff you can order at a bar that’s not just a whiskey/rum with coke.

A tried in true one, a white Russian. Vodka and Kalua on ice topped with crème. Plus, you know who will abide.

This guy.

A Moscow Mule is nice choice if, again, you like ginger. Cock & Bull is my go-to ginger beer here. It pretty much obliterates the taste of any alcohol you have it with. Good to keep in mind if you grab a liquor that’s a dud.

“Copper” cup for extra class.

Haven’t got to cider’s yet, but “Angry Balls” is a fun one. Usually, Anger Orchard cider (a nice, sweet cider) and usually Fireball whiskey. Tasty and extra boozy

I used both schnapps and whiskey because I didn’t have fireball on hand and no one could stop me.

Something a bit off the beaten path if you like sweet and orange is a Swampwater.  I was gonna snap a picture of mine, but I forgot (I was having too much fun). I make mine with rum, but the recipe here is pretty much the same but with whiskey.

The important thing is that it looks green, murky, and weird.

If you REALLY wanna look classy and are down with a strong drink, look into a Manhattan or Old Fashion for Whiskey or Martini for that James Bond look.

Perhaps a drink for a not ‘101’ time.

Regarding the other major drink groups, for Cider it’s hard to go wrong with Angry Orchard. Cider Bros also makes a ton of good stuff.

Wine is a big one to get into. If you want to get started Bearfoot and Yellow Tail are cheap and generally not terrible. I like Gnarly Head as a good go-to.

Plus it just looks cool.

If you’re ordering wine from a restaurant pick something from the middle of the price range. The lower and higher stuff have the biggest mark-ups generally.

Oh, and avoid white zinfandels unless you want to get white-girl wasted in about the most stereotypical method possible.

Some quick noted about drinking 'semi-responsible'.

if you have to drive somewhere and you're going to drive home that night, don't go nuts. Designated drivers are a thing for a reason and so are Uber/Lyft and public transit. If you HAVE to drive and can't crash on a couch or a floor, usually you can get a drink out of your system in about an hour if your a dude, maybe 90 minutes to 2 hours if you're of the fairer sex. That's a hard and fast rule that's not really a great idea to test. So again... avoiding driving at ALL is best here.

Also, pace yourself. If it's your goal to get wasted until making out with strangers seems like a good idea, I'm not here to tell you how to party, but like... give it at least a few minutes between shots or drinks or whatever. Your body WILL rebel if you do too much booze, and it'll especially do it if you do it super fast. If you drink to the point you end up throwing up, usually means fun times are over for you for the night... and also the following day.

Also, hydration is probably a good idea. The rule of thumb is usually like a glass of water per drink. I dunno... Usually doesn't do ME much good and sugar content usually matters as well. Asprin often helps with the fallout the next day in my case.

Or you can just keep it to a reasonable number of drinks, but where's the fun in that. Don't do this every night though, seriously. Again, I'm teaching 'semi-responsibility here' but getting black-out drunk each night every night is generally considered bad for your body and social life. Actually, probably best to stop drinking alcohol and start drinking water around the time you start thinking "memory" of the evening/day/morning whatever is something is something you'll be having a fleeting relationship with.

And I think that should about do it! Feel free to ask me questions below, share your favorites, or blasts my tastes (you’re wrong, but still, tho…).

Thanks again to nuclearcore for the blog request. If you wanna get on this sweet, sweet blog action just sign up at my Patreon!

Catch you all later!

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Comments ( 3 )

I've always been a fan of the white russian and it's probably my go to drink for just having something sweet & enjoyable to sip on for a night.

A couple of other favorites of mine that I will share with you here though are my shooter of choice the Liquid Cocaine:
1/2 oz 151-proof rum (I usually go with Bacardi 151)
1/2 oz Rumple Minze
1/2 oz Jagermeister
Mix ingredients and pour into a chilled glass.

The 151 rum gives this you a big kick in the sobriety and the peppermint schnapps gives you a pleasant tingle in your nose lending itself to the name.

And my personal favorite for a nice cider drink that is perfect for hot summer days, the Snake Bite:
1/2 Pint Guiness
1/2 Pint Hard Cider of your choice
A dash of black currant syrup (optional)

For those with a steady hand, try the “back of the spoon” method. Pour the cider into the pint glass, and gently pour the beer over the back of the spoon. This allows the beer to pour down the edge of the glass and rest on top of the cider, forming pretty layers.

This drink will give you the sharp taste of the stout when you first begin to drink and as you go the cider slips in its sweet undertones, giving you the perfect balance for refreshment.

one of my go-to mixed drinks:
in a tall glass, with some ice:
Shot or more of absinthe
splash of grenadine
cranberry juice almost to the top
then a splash of rasberry vodka

comes out looking kinda bruised purple, and it tastes like Awesome

you can also swap the vodka for Triple sec, also comes out pretty awesome

I'm a simple man. I have simple taste. Cheap wine (usually Yellow Tail, though I do keep Black Box in my fridge) is my go-to at home, and a flask of Smirnoff stays in my pocket/bag, though I have tried packing JD. I'm still undecided as to which I prefer. At the local bar I typically order a Bud or Sam, but at the club it's an appletini or a strawberry-mint sparkler. They make me seem a little more approachable and they taste great.

As for mixed drinks, I'm quite fond of the Bahama mama, and pina colada and the above-mentioned. Yeah, call me basic, I don't care. I'm 23. I've got time to try stuff. I hope.

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