• Member Since 6th Oct, 2014
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Don't read my stuff if you have a weak stomach or are easily bothered by traumatic genitalia damage. That's seriously all I've got in here!

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Sorry I Haven't Been Doing Much Creating Lately. · 6:30pm Nov 13th, 2017

I make a point of not being sorry for stuff, but for this I actually am.

It's not that I'm being particularly hard on myself for letting people down (I do feel I am, but in this case I know I kind of have to and I'm not going to kick myself for it), but that there are things on here I want to do, want to write, want to create... because it's FUN for me. It's a chance for me to unwind, let my hair down, and not give a fuck. I absolutely LOVE not giving a fuck. But...
Right now? I can't do that. Gotta give all the fucks, all the time.
And it's absolutely eating at me.

I can summarize the reason for the complete lull in my activity, as follows, in this order: Serious family emergency, financial problems resulting from that, personal recurrent health problems, jobs, and ugly mental health issues. In short, the last two to three weeks have been non-stop action. I've had a lot suddenly thrown into my little life, and while I'm keeping my head above water, it's being done... just barely. And while I have support from a great many sweet and wonderful people in my life, I still have to actually deal with much of this myself, alone, because it requires action and thought on only my part. I'm not whining about that, I just know that it's a simple truth. There are things I have to do. So I'm doing them.
It's just a struggle to do it all and keep sane. But I'm managing.

Once I am able, probably next week, I can begin to complete a few of these projects. Hell, I may make time this week if my brain and body start getting truly fried. Some of these are going to take much longer. Maybe a year. In the meantime, I wanted to write down what I have planned for myself, as far as projects and stories I want to complete. They're not in any order, but here you go:

-A new Berry Punch story (it's long overdue, but about half done)
-LOTS more Shitfaced Shitfics (I even have a few recorded, I just don't have time or mental power to edit and upload them)
-A super secret colab which will have to wait a LONG time at this rate
-A Tracy Cage ASMR
-More How Not To Cook Like A Fucktard
-Some art I owe some folks
-"Nomu ai no Barcast" (some of you know what I mean by this)
-Another Screaming Closet where I play a horror visual novel for everyone
-Posting more stories in the AiE thread (and maybe FR if they're nice to me)
-Another contest, for horror stories (I already have the prizes)
-Whatever silly oneshot tickles my pickle at the time

Some of this shit is going to be really cool. So get fucking excited.
Honestly? That may sound like a lot, but all of these are things I WANT to do because I enjoy doing them. I don't feel like I have to do any of these. They make me happy to do. And I know that, once things quiet down here some, I'm going to throw myself into a few of these with a huge grin on my face. And when any of these projects are done, I'll share them. And I can hope that you all get enjoyment out of them too. If not? That's fine, heh. I still don't consider any of these a waste of time.

Anyway, that's enough frustration and explanation for now. I may be a little on edge and grumpy at some of you, but please know it's not your fault. Besides, I'm usually grumpy. I really am sorry things are taking so long. Not just for you guys, but for myself. If you have any questions for me at all, about anything, I will try to answer them here. So I guess this is kind of an AMA too.

Thanks for everything so far, folks. Now, I don't care what time it is, I'm going to go have a beer while I work. Cheers.


UPDATE: This depressed me so much that I wrote a rather violent new LWTSIW. Enjoy.

Comments ( 8 )

Much sympathies. Just as you offered to me, if you ever need to talk about shit, no matter what it is, I'm down. But if you'd rather have some space, that's fine too.

We're rooting for you, pencil.

Thank you, Plum. I sincerely appreciate it. Honestly, talking about a lot of it doesn't help right now. I'm focusing on my tasks and trying to give myself much-needed breaks, while still getting shit done every single day. After the fact? Heh, who knows, at that point I might want to talk about shit more, depending on how everything turns out.

Hey, if you ever need to chat, hit me up. You've got my back, I've got yours.

Thank you. That's really nice to know.

Very fair. Just making sure you know the option's there

I've said this to Priest in the past when he was dealing with similar thoughts:
Real life takes priority over the internet.

Don't feel bad for taking time off to sort yourself out; if you don't keep your mind in check it'll devour you, so take all the time you need to stabilise until you feel well enough to write again. Don't feel as though you're obligated to write horse fiction, because you're not, so don't be putting pressure on yourself or you'll only feel worse.

(and maybe FR if they're nice to me)

We're always nice to you, you fucking retard. :^)

Bruh, I WANT to write horse words, that's the issue! It's not that I feel obligated or pressure, it's that I really REALLY want to do it, and a lot of really stressful stuff is taking away my writing time, where I usually get my catharsis and and ability to not tear my own frontal lobe out. Not writing dumb violent graphic horse words is actually making me... more depressed and frustrated. It's that I want to. And can't/shouldn't because of important things. And it's getting to me.

also... most of the time. You can be a mean nebbybooboo sometimes.

We know you’ll get through all this, Pencil. :heart:

And if you ever want or need to talk about stuff, know that there are so many people close to you who’ve got your back. Don’t forget that the option is always there, alright?

While we haven’t really spoken much before, and it probably holds little to no meaning to you, I got your back as well.

Take care of yourself.

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