Today in Idiocy · 2:51pm Nov 13th, 2017
In case you are unaware, a hacking collective known as the Shadow Brokers infiltrated, and may still be inside, the National Security Agency of the United States. This news broke last August, but the media attention on it has been thin. (Ah, the whims of the media…but that's not the topic of discussion today.) In short, the Shadow Brokers stole powerful cyberweapons, which have since been used in diverse attacks across the world, from hospitals in Indonesia to the European branch of FedEx to an oil company in Brazil. For the last year, the NSA has been scrambling around doing damage control, trying to find out how the weapons were stolen and who is responsible.
You're all caught up; now we can move on to the idiocy. This is one of the most powerful intelligence agencies in the world, dealing with the most vital intelligence of not just the United States, but every country on the planet (because you know they're spying on everybody). Here they are with the theft of the most valuable and most dangerous computer code every crafted… and what are they using to look for the traitors? Polygraphs! Fucking polygraphs!
A polygraph operator is someone who claims a phenomenal ability (mind reading, essentially), dismisses all of the studies that show their techniques don't work with the excuse that you need special training that nobody participating in the studies has (while proceeding to not participate in vigorous studies themselves even though that would supposedly put the issue to rest), and makes phenomenal amounts of money off of their untested, extraordinary claims. In short, polygraph operators are psychics hiding behind a fancy machine.
If their use of polygraphs is a reflection on their security as a whole, then of course they were breached! The Shadow Brokers didn't do anything amazing; the NSA is just run by idiots.
Cyberweapons eh? I hope they didnt beeak into the Meme Warfare Center! Oh NSA... Fuck you. Russia memed better than you ever could