About Inhumans

So yeah. This was a thing. It happened. I watched it.

What the hell.

That's all I have. Three little words for the people who made the show, the people who forced the show to be made. What's the guy's name? Pearlmutter or something like that?

Fuck him.

I don't know much about the Inhumans comics, but a quick google search reveals them to be a wonderful, amazing thing. Like if Guardians of the Galaxy and X-Men got high on crack and made a baby that was raised by Game of Thrones. And then, apparently, tried to kill X-Men. That's something I do know about, in the comics the two groups have major bad blood.

Anyway.

My point is that this show is what it looks like if nobody involved (apart from maybe the actor playing Black Bolt) want to put in the effort. Here's another metaphor: this show is what happens when old Ike up there swings around his money dick, then grabs everyone who works for him by the balls, and then fucks them up the ass until they shit themselves. That shit falls onto some paper and that's the script. It falls onto the camera lenses and that's the video effects (they aren't special). It falls into the eyes and ears of the directors and actors and makes it so they can't tell what a piece of shit they're making.

Now, I know a lot of people have trashed the Inhumans show. But I gave this thing every opportunity. I was interested in Black Bolt. I thought Lockjaw looked cool. I wanted the show to be awesome.

It failed.

And having just watched the finale, I think I should list the five most disappointing things (in my opinion).

5) Nobody important dies. That's right. There's exactly three deaths that I remember that stick. Two are humans. Neither is all that important. The third is this guy Mortis who was supposed to be this big enforcer-type, but he was just... lame. And actually the subject of number 4.

4) Interesting stories are ignored. Hey, Medusa and Black Bolt got married but started on opposite sides. Any tension there? Are they not the happy couple we thought? No, they are. They're the perfect team. Hey, character is dead. Does anyone onscreen care? Doesn't look like it. Does the audience care? Not really. Oh, hey, character (Mortis) with a sympathetic backstory, a cool personality, and tons of potential? Lets have everyone ignore him unless he's trying to kill them, then we kill him!
Seriously, this is bullshit.

3) The exact opposite. Boring stories drag on forever. Karnak hits his head and spends two days (about four episodes) stranded on a weed farm getting seduced by a human chick who's probably got an STD given how fast and loose she is. Crystal, on the other hand, takes her sweet time getting to Earth and is then promptly paired up with a guy named Dave, who's some hippie surfer/farmer asshole who probably used to buy weed from the guy that tried to kill Karnak. Its all just so... frustrating.

2) The stories in general go nowhere. Seriously, the weed farm? That entire diversion? Pretty much forgotten the next episode. Karnak becomes able to use his abilities again pretty quickly. Gorgon and the surfers? They completely disappear after Gorgon tells them to, and he doesn't bring it up with the others. Dave gets lost once Crystal reunites with her family. Anybody remember Sammie? The Inhuman that Black Bolt met in prison? He just disappeared. None of the stories had any payoff.

1) They got most of the characters wrong. Just plain wrong. Black Bolt was so nerfed I don't think I can even explain it. Best I got, it would be like if the MCU Hulk was replaced by the version from the old TV show with Lou Ferrigno. And Maximus is supposed to have like Kilgrave's power, and Karnak isn't supposed to have gone through terrigenesis, and Triton is supposed to barely look human. Basically, the only one they didn't completely fuck up was Lockjaw, because it's hard to fuck up a giant teleporting dog. But I'm surprised they didn't.

So yeah. I can recommend the series if you want to watch something so bad that it's ridiculous. Other than that, I personally want to purge this footage from the universe, then shove one final copy up Ike's ass so he knows how we feel, then light him on fire. Then reboot the characters as either a movie in the MCU proper (like they originally intended, the reason I heard it was dropped was because nobody on the team has enthusiasm for the Inhumans. If their comic versions were like this batch, I would understand), or else take the same actors and put them on Agents of SHIELD and ignore this series. This... this was bad.