• Member Since 26th Jun, 2016
  • offline last seen September 1st

Xenay


22 year old girl from Germany. POTS warrior. TwiDash shipper.

More Blog Posts19

  • 122 weeks
    Whelp.

    Pretty sure most of my followers have noticed by now that I'm almost never here anymore. I've been thinking about revoking all my stories, cause... I don't know, it just feels weird having something out in the open and never checking to see if anyone steals it or something. Maybe I'm just weird. I had already revoked a few the last time I was here, a few months ago.

    Read More

    0 comments · 141 views
  • 171 weeks
    Sorry

    Not quitting the story just very depressed

    0 comments · 219 views
  • 182 weeks
    Bad news

    So.. I’ve had a long time EKG on Monday and it showed the quick changes of heart frequency and the tachycardia..

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    2 comments · 223 views
  • 185 weeks
    Possibly dying (?)

    Over the last month, my health has gone worse. It started with the usual dizzyness I’ve had all my life reoccurringly. And now I can barely leave my bed without having to hold onto something to keep from fainting.

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    3 comments · 276 views
  • 190 weeks
    New Meds

    As the title says, I´m on new meds now. Away from simple SSRI anti-depressants, to something for depression, PTSD, sozial anxiety, anxiety attacks and OCD. They have 50mg and until the next appointment I gotta take a half. I am not going into detail as to why. Simply because it´s not something I want to post openly on the internet. (You´re probably gonna hear about it through stories anyways..)

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    1 comments · 202 views
Nov
7th
2017

I'm so sick of life right now · 6:40pm Nov 7th, 2017

Hey guys

You might be wondering where I've been lately. If not, I'm telling you anyways (if you read this, that is.)

So from Thursday the week before last till Friday last week I was on antibiotics. I had a test day for my one month long traineeship/practical course next year on my third day of antibiotics. I fainted a lot and I guess that didn't make the best impression when I told them about it. But I was looking forward to this for so long and it wasn't fair!!!

Still, my asthma is bad. And the worst was today in school. I swear it's a conspiracy.
See it's like this: a third of all the students smoke. So in breaks I can't go outside.
And in this five minute break between lessons our history teacher decided it would be a great idea to open all the damn windows, letting all the smoke from outside in. I thought I was gonna die. Therefore I had a lot of trouble saying simple sentences the whole day. Lost my voice a couple times and ended words in wheezing that turned into coughs. (If you're wondering why I didn't just use my inhaler - that's really complicated for me. You see, for emphasis I've always been really shy about the whole using bathrooms in school and stuff. I guess it's from my past but I feel like everything is a weakness. And I can't show weakness because of all the years I was bullied. Heck I can't even use the inhaler in front of a family member. Don't ask me why, i don't know the conplete reason.)

Then after school it was raining. All the smokers were right in front of the school doors because they didn't wanna get wet. So I had to push through the two hundred smoking students to get outside.

Right now I had another attack and Had to use the inhaler. Long story short we were looking for a new plush bear for my dog because his old one is getting closer to falling apart (he loves bears) and the glass cabinet apparently didn't protect them too well from dust. I was looking through them for about the minutes and had to take an allergy pill thing (cuz I'm allergic to dust and my eyes were itching and nose running and I was sneezing a lot) and about fifteen minutes later when the allergy symptoms went down, the attack started.

Over the day I've had at least three attacks. Because my mum and me were also a bit in the city. And of course there are smokers everywhere. And for some reason they always come really close to me and brush against my arms (which is freaking me the f.ck out because I got a bad social anxiety).

I feel like the whole world is against me and wants me to die. I'm so tired of the constant stabbing pain in my chest. I'm sick of all the strong meds I've had to take for almost a month.

I'm sick of everything right now. :ajsleepy:

Comments ( 1 )

I’m so sorry. How do people smoke in school? That’s horrible. I hope you feel better.

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