The Making Of: Tempest Shadow: Operation Firework · 5:43pm Oct 29th, 2017
Hi everyone! Just wanted to say how awesome the reaction to my first full fic in years, featuring Tempest Shadow, was! I'm glad there were still so many old users sticking around and showing support, and I'm happy for all the new faces here too!
To celebrate, I've been going through older drafts of the fic, making notes about every change, addition and subtraction I made before releasing the fic to the public! There's a lot of notes here, believe me, but if you've ever wondered what's gone into making these fics, by all means, dive in! Or don't! :D
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- First off, thanks to Toothless the Night Fury who proof-read the fic and gave me narrative and grammatical advice, and thanks to The Abyss who gave me lots of advice and help with giving the fic the debut it deserved!
- Tempest's name is in the title purely so readers know it about her; it will probably get renamed to just "Operation Firework" once Tempest becomes selectable as a character choice on the main story options.
- The prologue was never going to exist at first; instead, you'd immediately meet her in part one, then just have her origins explained via the princesses. But that just seemed forced, exposition-wise, so Tempest got her own starting chapter with fan-favourite Luna.
- Princess Twilight Sparkle was also due to be in the throne room during Part 1, where she would plead with you to take Tempest on as a partner. This didn't feel right, however, as Luna and Tempest were also there and not saying much, and it felt strange for 5 characters to be in a room, and only 2 of them - you and Celestia - having any kind of major conversation. Twilight's pleading scene was taken over by Tempest herself, to show her genuine... humanity, for lack of a better word.
- All Operatives use fake names, which would explain why Tempest wouldn't be using her real "Fizzlepop" name. This was alluded to with the "Fatal Flintlock/Humble Honeydew" reference, and was going to be a minor plot point. The main character was going to have the fake name Caliban, as a reference to William Shakespeare's play; The Tempest. Get it? Tempest? Caliban?
- There was meant to be a sparring scene between you and Tempest, where you both practice each other's fighting prowess before setting off for the mission. It would've involved lots of action and, on your part, teleporting to convey your abilities to the reader. However, this scene was remade into the back-and-forth banter on the train to keep the storyline moving.
- The sex scene with Tempest was actually going to be halfway through part 3. As soon as Tempest asks "will you sleep with me? Yes or no?" it would immediately cut to you both on the bed, on the verge of climax. Instead, I decided to improve the "cafe" scene, adding more hints to the mystery and more development with the two protagonists, complete with the hot "licking lips" part. And we had the added bonus of a complete, unabridged clop scene in there as well, with a chapter all to itself! Win-Win, I'd say!
- Tempest orders a "sweet affogato mocha" at the Cafe. Affogato, despite being a very sweet-tasting kind of coffee, also means "drowned" in Italian, foreshadowing what they'll have to deal with near the end of the fic. I wonder how many readers caught that...
- According to Wikipedia, Vancouver is known for using fireworks and firecrackers on Halloween, despite it not being the case for the rest of Canada. Where's the firework-theft mystery set? Vanhoover. It's also mildly hinted to be around Nightmare Night, when Tempest mentions it's autumn in part 5.
- When you and Tempest teleport to the boat, and the cultist nearly discovers you, there was a scene where you both actually hid under the water-ballast. The scene was intended to be a slow, tense scene, where the cultist was looking for you in the cargo room, while you and Tempest were waiting for him to leave, holding your breath underwater, and getting more and more desperate the longer he searched. Then he'd leave the room, and you'd both be able to surface for air. This scene was changed because A) once the cultist leaves, everyone's back to being hidden on the boat, so no real progress was made story-wise, and B) hiding underwater when you can just hide behind a door is a really dumb thing to do. Besides, there was plenty of opportunity for them to be underwater later...
- I made the villain as stereotypical as possible, right up to the gloating villain speech that all bad guys have. There was even gonna be the classic exchange of Tempest saying "You won't get away with this!" and him replying "Oh, but I already have." Then I realised it's much more within Tempest's character to just thump him. So she did. No regrets!
- The main villain was supposed to tempt Tempest with the power of being able to cast magic again, promising to fashion her a new horn made of ice. This was driven home by the fact that the main cultist was an Earth Pony, yet was somehow able to cast magic. Ultimately, it felt like a time-waste, since Tempest went through a similar "be evil and get your horn/magic back" thing in the movie, and she would've refused anyway, since it's not the specific kind of magic she's after.
- When writing dialogue for the main villain, I had Blonde Redhead's "For the Damaged Coda" playing on repeat. That's all I'm gonna say about that. When writing the big action scene, as you and Tempest fight back against the evil ice-cult, I had various Dynasty Warriors soundtracks playing. Mostly Teary Edge. Don't judge me.
- The original plan for the fight scene on the ship involved Tempest being unable to break the shackles, you fighting off the cultists by yourself (a bit too Mary Sue, honestly), and the leader attaching the cuffs to something heavy (possibly Tempest's removed armour, or a cannon on the ship) and throwing her overboard mid-fight. This made Tempest, a usually badass character, seem too damsel-in-distress-like. I figured her kicking ass was the vastly better option. I'm sure you all agree!
- There was originally no row-boat on the ship. The ending was supposed to be Tempest and the Operative finding a piece of non-burning wreckage and lying down on that, however there were two issues: 1) seemed a bit too "Titanic" for my tastes and 2) it felt out-of-character for either of them to try blowing up the ship in the middle of the ocean without a reasonable escape plan, as it's not very smart risking your life on a piece of wreckage that might not even be there. The row-boat solved both of these issues.
- During the part where you leap off the ship in order to save Tempest, the cultist leader was meant to get the last laugh by crating a spear out of ice, and throwing it at you as you're mid-dive. The spear would've pierced your lung, making the following underwater section that much more dire for you. The ending of the fic would've been changed to have you wake up in a Vanhoover Hospital bed, with Tempest explaining the situation to Celestia and Luna (and at one point, Twilight). Ultimately, this single scene would've necessitated the "Gore" tag, since it would show an overabundance of blood. Also, having you wake up in a hospital bed despite such a tense scene felt like a cop-out.
- Tempest's drowning scene, where she's getting conflicting words from both of her personas, came to me when I was watching her sing "Open Up Your Eyes" in the MLP Movie. At one point in the song, she sings the line "I once hoped for friendship, for a place among my kind". At that exact moment, she looks utterly lost, as if she switched back to her "Fizzlepop" persona for a moment, then back to "Tempest" again for the rest of the song. At another point in the same song, two gushes of fire flare up as she sings the chorus, casting two shadows of her on the wall. Strangely enough, those shadows had full, unbroken horns. I took my own symbolism from that, and made those two shadows her "ghosts" that goad and/or encourage to her when she's underwater, having to choose between trying to save you, and trying not to drown.
- After your character drowned shortly after saving Tempest, the scene was originally going to shift to you in an "afterlife" scene, where you reunite with your old partner (Fatal Flintlock/Humble Honeydew), and reconcile the fact that you're with Tempest now.
- In the final part of the story, your character draws open the curtains of his south-facing apartment window, where he can see "as far as Appleloosa". That's foreshadowing. I'm not gonna say a word more than that!
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Congratulations if you made it to the end of this long-winded ramble. I hope it's been enlightening! If there are any questions in particular about the fic that you'd like answering, feel free to ask in the comments!
Such a fantastic read
You know, although you have a good reason to remove it, I kinda wish you include the sparring scene. I don't know, I really like the idea of sparring with a strong mare, especially somepony as badass as Tempest.
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Maybe if I make a sequel, the sparring would be included, since they know each other a lot more. And they've gotta keep in shape between missions somehow, right?
4725211
Oh, consarn it. You just made me hyped even more for a sequel
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Ehh, there's something in the works, but for now it's just an idea. I won't say much, but since you've been awesome enough to read through the Making Of, I suppose I can give you something. So here goes; Her sequel will involve a mystery in Appleoosa. Not saying much more than that. :P