Read It Now Reviews #112 – Fifty Shades of Toast, Numbers, Why Do We Have Guards?, As Long As You Both Shall Live, Iron Rider Rangelkai · 12:41am Oct 27th, 2017
Sometimes I feel like the journey of a thousand miles doesn’t start so much with a single step as with rolling a rock over the top of a hill; it is hard to get it to the top of the hill, but it starts getting easier to push it once you get over the crest and it really gets rolling down the other side.
It would certainly explain a thing or two about me.
Today’s stories:
Fifty Shades of Toast by Estee
Numbers by The 24th Pegasus
Why Do We Have Guards? by All Art Is Quite Useless
As Long As You Both Shall Live by Trick Question
Iron Rider Rangelkai by Present Perfect
Fifty Shades of Toast
by Estee
Comedy, Crossover
6,803 wordsPinkie, as a baker, can make toast. Once you justifiably discard Sweetie Belle, just about anypony can make toast. So what is it about Pinkie's toasting skills which has this new stallion so fascinated as to try and ensure she'll never make toast for anypony else again?
Well, whatever it is, let's just hope his obsession somehow gets him killed off before any possible sequel.
Why I added it: I require toast.
Review
This story is, in some way, a parody of 50 shades of gray. Except it seems that the pony’s… particular taste is toast.
A particular shade of toast, in fact.
This is a very strange story. At first, I was not sure where it was going; I have never actually read Fifty Shades of Gray, so I’m sure I missed some references here, though I knew just enough via pop cultural osmosis to get most of it. But this story really takes the form of The Thing That Would Not Go Away – the kind of story where the character comically overreacts to some annoying creature that won’t stop pestering them.
In this case, for toast.
I was not really that amused by this story at first – the first scene felt a little bit bland, as while the story went into great detail about the awfulness of the pony, and the description of the toast was amusing, it just kind of felt a bit standard “creepy stalker” to me.
However, as the story went on, I found myself increasingly amused by Pinkie Pie’s ever more desperate antics as the situation grew more and more ridiculous. Pinkie Pie freaking out over the stallion in a Pinkie Pie kind of way is amusing, as is her general overreaction to the weirdo pony and his odd manners, requests, and of course, smell.
I’m not sure if I can recommend it as a parody of Fifty Shades of Gray, as I have never read this. But I can say that this is worth reading as a comedy fic, as Pinkie Pie’s reactions and the ever-increasing level of uncomfortable ridiculousness about toast made me smile.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Numbers
by The 24th Pegasus
Drama
12,129 wordsWhen Fluttershy went to bed, she was a normal mare. When she woke up, she could see numbers floating over everypony's heads. They were timers, each one counting down to some unknown event. Most ponies had timers that wouldn't end for years, some for many decades. But everypony had different numbers.
So why does Rainbow Dash's timer end in three hours?
Why I added it: Because I, too, enjoy Nickelback.
Review
Ever since I saw the music video that inspired this story, I’ve wanted to see a story about it. And The 24th Pegasus delivered (I won’t say what happened to the other 23 of them).
Fluttershy has started seeing timers over ponies’ heads and, naturally, Rainbow Dash has a really short timer. It doesn’t take her very long to figure out what this means, but everypony would think she was crazy if she started talking about timers floating over ponies’ heads. It seems like it would be easy to just stash Rainbow Dash somewhere safe for a few hours, but Rainbow Dash has some other responsibilities today, and Fluttershy doesn’t even know what is going to happen, just when.
This story is a pretty straightforward telling of the tale, and I suspect that anyone who is familiar with either the song in question or even the trope in general that this story is based on can instantly guess where it is going to go from the story description alone. And yet when I read it, I still found myself satisfied – sure, knowing the destination ahead of time can be a bit of a problem, but the story itself doesn’t really hide what it is about, as the reader is likely to figure out what is going on even before Fluttershy does when the numbers first start showing up. The journey still felt like it was worth taking, even though we could all guess at how it might end.
This story was just kind of generally satisfying. It didn’t really pull any particular tricks or twists with the premise, but the solid premise and storytelling managed to carry it through; even though I knew pretty much exactly how it was all going to go, I still managed to enjoy my journey to the destination. If knowing the ending spoils the journey for you, this story may not be for you, but if you enjoy being along for the ride, this one made me smile.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Why Do We Have Guards?
by All Art Is Quite Useless
Comedy, Slice of Life
6,173 wordsLuna has been considering the matter for a while, and she can't put her hoof on why. Confused and growing increasingly irritated, she goes to her sister in search of enlightenment.
Why I added it: It seemed like an amusing premise for a story.
Review
Luna’s guards are being particularly hypervigilant about her. It all comes to a head as she returns to her room one evening and her guards are insistent on searching it for potential traps, explosives, signs of intruders, hidden spells, ect. even as all Luna wants to do is relax for a bit. She wants to be rid of them, to cease being mollycoddled.
After all, she’s ten times more powerful than all of them put together. What exactly could they possibly do to help?
In its outermost shell, this story is a comedy story. And yet, there’s actually something more serious lurking here, and the story, as a whole, is really more slice of life with some comedy in it than anything else – so it seems that the tags did not lie in this case.
I’m not quite sure how to feel about this story. The over-the-topness of the guards is kind of amusing, and the guard in charge of searching for DANGEROUS SPELLS mildly amused me, but it never really made me laugh out loud. The core of the story, likewise, was very telly. Luna, ultimately, is just kind of bounced around throughout the story, and while it gets to its destination, the reader is told why they put up with the guards rather than shown it. And while the actual core idea here is solid – a justification I’ve seen before, and something I like – I feel like the delivery could have been stronger.
Ultimately, I am left feeling ambivalent, and that makes it kind of hard to say “yes, you should go out and read this”. But I didn’t think it was bad, either; it just kind of never went over the top.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
As Long As You Both Shall Live
by Trick Question
Drama, Dark, Sad, Sex (and in about that order)
4,778 wordsPrincess Cadance and Shining Armor are the most famous happily-married couple in two kingdoms. On the cusp of their one-hundredth wedding anniversary, they've been married longer than any two spouses in recorded history.
Unfortunately, there's a reason wedding vows don't contain the word 'forever'.
Why I added it: Trick Question is a good writer, and I liked the story that this took its idea from.
Review
Forever is a Long Time is a story from a long-ago writeoff that I’ve always rather liked; it is very interesting but melancholic view of Shining Armor and Cadance nine-hundred years into their marriage. It is a really good short story, simultaneously heart-warming and melancholic, and I’d recommend you all go read it.
This story takes the same general idea but puts a very Trick Questiony take on it, and a totally different tone.
Eight months before their one-hundredth wedding anniversary, Princess Cadance and Shining Armor invite Twilight up to the Crystal Empire to visit. There, they drop quite the bombshell to both Twilight and Flurry Heart – that they don’t love each other anymore. But that’s a bit more of a problem than it might seem, as Shining Armor, despite being well over a hundred years old, still has a good bit of life left in him… but only because of Cadance, and if you browse the tags on this story, you might be able to guess the specifics.
Needless to say, neither Flurry Heart nor Twilight Sparkle approve, neither of the divorce nor of letting Shining Armor die. But it is his decision… assuming it isn’t just the depression talking.
Unlike its originating story, this is a much bleaker piece, in part because the change in method changes the context, and in part because the ponies involved are much more upset about it. No one wants for Shining Armor to die, Shining Armor himself is a mess, Cadance is willing to keep Shining Armor alive but he isn’t interested (and she won’t force him), Flurry Heart is deeply upset by the prospect of it all (and is being a brat about it, putting all the blame on one parent – she feels more like a teenager than an adult here), and Twilight Sparkle is heartbroken that not only is Shining Armor going to die, but that her family is falling apart.
This is not a nice story, and is very much a family drama, while at the same time being much darker for the context of wanting to keep Shining Armor and Cadance together not just for emotional but also physical reasons. The characters all have their sympathetic moments, but also all have their own problems, as they are struggling to cope with the situation.
If this story has one flaw, it lies in charater psychology. Flurry Heart feels much younger than she is, and we don’t get really quite deep enough into Shining Armor’s head here to really understand whether or not he is the way he is because he is depressed or if it is really something more significant.
If you aren’t put off by the central role of sex (which isn’t depicted, of course – this is a teen story, after all) and a bit of darkness (though not without purpose), this is an interesting piece of uncomfortable family drama. It is a messed-up story, but the interesting premise combined with other family drama makes it worth your time.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Iron Rider Rangelkai
by PresentPerfect
Romance, Drama, Alternate Universe, Crossover
6,568 wordsOne year ago, the parasites known as the Shinion came from the stars to Equestria. Unable to survive without a host, they attach to the back of a pony's head and drain the essence of their emotions, undetected even by their own host.
All except one pony, that is.
Applejack, as a former Bearer of Harmony, was too powerful and headstrong to succumb to the Shinion's influence. Instead, she twisted her parasite to her own will, combining its power with her own.
Now she fights the marauding Shinion as Equestria's hero: the Iron Rider, Rangelkai! But even heroes have their weaknesses...
An action-packed pastiche of the tokusatsu genre of Japanese entertainment, written to be accessible to those unfamiliar with kaiju, Kamen Rider, Ultraman, etc.
Why I added it: Present Perfect is a good writer. Also RariJack. Also guilt over not helping edit this.
Review
I have to admit, I don’t watch this kind of Japanese show at all. And there’s kind of a reason for that – it really isn’t my thing.
Still, I can tell that Present Perfect made this with love.
Applejack is the Iron Rider, a pony who has fused with an alien invader from space and who, when she transforms, can take on a number of different forms, each with their own ability set.
This story is intentionally designed as being like an episode in the middle of a season – Applejack has all her powers, and is now facing a monster which is an upgrade from what she ordinarily fights. The monster is more problematic than usual, starting out in an upgraded form, and then things only go downhill from there. This is very characteristic of the middle of a show like this; you start seeing worse threats as time goes on, and hints of worse enemies (or possible allies) ahead, as the “rules” begin to change, but also sort of stay familiar.
Unfortunately, I have to say that this kind of show doesn’t really grip me, so putting it into a pony context doesn’t really change that – and while the bait of knowing that this is a RariJack story helped make me read it, I felt like the RariJack barely tied into the main plot until the end. There was little sense of resolution here, as this was intentionally designed as a sort of “middle of the season” episode – the monster of the day was defeated, but Applejack and Rarity still aren’t nuzzling, the greater situation is nowhere near resolved, and now there is something else out there that Applejack doesn’t understand (but everyone who has any knowledge of how stories goes can guess at what is going on).
Recommendation: I think if you like the sort of Japanese shows that this is a pastiche of, you’ll like this. If you like Monster of the Week type stuff, it might be up your alley. But if you are looking for any real sense of resolution, this does not have that, and I’m not sure if it will work for you if you don’t already like shows like the one this is a pastiche of.
Summary
Fifty Shades of Toast by Estee
Worth Reading
Numbers by The 24th Pegasus
Worth Reading
Why Do We Have Guards? by All Art Is Quite Useless
Not Recommended
As Long As You Both Shall Live by Trick Question
Worth Reading
Iron Rider Rangelkai by Present Perfect
Not Recommended
Two review sets in two days? Next thing you tell me, I’ll actually get around to reading something I’ve been procrastinating on reading.
Time to jump into my “You’re Next” list. Which contains the next five stories I’m going to read.
It definitely isn’t at 17 stories right now.
Not at all.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 215
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 636
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 2167
...Tartarus chain it...
If this goes even quasi-meme, I am now blaming you.
Can't help but agree with the points you've made here. Thank you for the honest critique!
I realised shortly after posting that I should have spent some time reading it over and redrafting a couple of scenes, rather than releasing it without so much as an editing pass. If, for example, some demonstration of the guards' use had been implemented, I feel like this story could have been quite a bit stronger. There's a couple of other things I'd change in hindsight too, but I won't bore you going on about them.
All in all, I'm very grateful for your thoughts (which have given me more to take into account), and glad I was at least able to get a bit of amusement out of you with the story. Cheers!
AAIQU
Thanks for the review!
You picked up on Flurry's immaturity correctly. I wondered if I should have made it explicit that Flurry Heart actually has the mental age of a teenager in this story due to FiM canon from the JotTS (alicorn ponies age much more slowly than other ponies, and Flurry Heart was born an alicorn), but at the time I didn't think it would necessarily help the story convey its message.
Obviously, people who like Nickelback and people who like Kamen Rider just can't get along. :V
Glad you enjoyed Numbers! At least you read it because it was related to Nickelback instead of Death Note. I don't even watch Death Note but I keep getting comments from people asking if that's the inspiration (despite the inspiration clearly being explained at the end).
4708916
Death's Hourglass is a cool trope; I've seen it in a few places, but that Nickelback video was particularly memorable. I used true love timers in one of my stories, and the idea of timers to death/some important event is something I love, along with messing with fate/destiny, so whenever I see stuff like that, it sticks in my mind.
Death Note was hugely popular, so I think a lot of people think of it, even though the trope is much older, dating back at least to like, Ancient Greece.
4708884
You're welcome!
I've noticed that you are quite prolific; making me feel like a total lazybones over here. I'm glad to see folks like you around pumping out stories.
Any of your other pieces you'd particularly recommend?
4708908
Clearly.
4708882
Hey, you wrote the story. How can you possibly blame an innocent dragon like myself?
4709102
Admittedly, I can't blame you, since I sort of played up the Rarijack aspect in pitching it to you, when it's a story set months after they've broken up. :B But what is Rarijack if not tragedy?
4709229
Canon?
4709229
Oh come now, your story all but said outright that they'd be nuzzling again in the future. :P APPLEJACK IS A STUBBORN PONY (plus let's face it, you foreshadowed what was really going on super hard).
Besides, we all know comedy is just tragedy plus time.
4709251
Someday, they will nuzzle~
4709364
I'll letcha know when Rarijack shows up in the Twempest thing I'm working on. :B
4709251
>implying canon has any further sway over my fanon.
e.lvme.me/xmeh35.jpg
4708916
Has this driven you to watch it? Not the shitty live action one but the animated tv show.
4714075
Not really, no. I don't watch any anime, and I don't intend to start now.
4714103
Kind of a shame but I guess there's nothing for it.
Not that it's super-relevant, but I've added a small sentence to the story regarding Flurry's maturity:
Of course, that subtly adds another horrible dynamic to the story, as well.
I'll be mentioning this in a blog as a footnote to a post about the drastic revisions I'm doing to my novella Broken Symmetry in preparation for its (already approved) EQD feature.
4709364
It's been forever, but I thought I should gloat about it actually, legitimately being canon now.