A Blog About Nothing

I feel that I've been blogging a lot more than usual. I guess I should keep the trend up.

The first thing I wanted to talk about were conversations. I was talking to this person named Evelyn for a project, and I found out two things. One, she'd never even tried playing video games, which baffled me. She said she was more of an outdoors kind of girl, since she'd grown up playing soccer and shooting rifles (dangerous combo, that). I'd never even tried holding a conversation with someone who I thought didn't enjoy video games.

Which goes right into my second point. I suck at holding conversations face to face. I have this amazing disability whenever I hold conversations with people, where I feel that the next person is constantly judging my entire life. Like, when we initiated this conversation, they leapt right into thier file cabinet and grabbed their personal fuck-up folder on me. And when we start, they just lick their fingers and start flipping through. My natural counter to this (yes, I counter my own insanity) is to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. Lucky Evelyn, cause she was not letting me go with a "Wow, cool." or "Okay". She kept rattling off at me about my life, and how I was feeling. I think I satiated her hunger for my discomfort, because eventually she ended the conversation, but it took way too long. I think I need to work on that.

And with another good transition, I feel like that's a reason I suck so much at conversation. I look at it more like a dead-end job than engaging with another human. If it came to me naturally instead of having to churn my brain for words, then maybe I'd have more friends, or something. And even now, that sounds like it wouldn't be worth the time spent learning to do it. And it's not only conversation. I feel that people in general stick work onto things which makes it less enjoyable for everyone involved. Writing, for one. And love.

But what the hell do I know?