Shake's Spoiler-tastic MLP Movie Review · 4:57pm Oct 7th, 2017
I LIKED IT. GO SEE IT.
SPOILERS BELOW
Okay, so, my review of the movie:
Hmm... how to put this...
"I liked it... but,"
I think that sums up the theme of this review.
I liked the movie. I recommend going to see it in theaters, if only to financially support the franchise.
But, just between us Bronies, I do have to admit that it is not without its flaws. But we'll get to that in my closing paragraphs at the end.
Shakespearicles Reacts to: My Little Pony: The Movie
Things start off great. The visuals are stunning. The new art style has that classic 2D Disney feel to it. Everything looks beautiful. And that alone makes it worth seeing on the big screen. So once again, if you haven't, GO see it!
The mane six are planning a big party in Canterlot and background ponies abound. I'm looking forward to combing through the frames of the DVD. Twilight is being Twilight with worrying about planning it. Rarity is being Rarity decorating it. Pinkie is being Pinkie planning a party Pinkie Pie style, loud and colorful. Applejack does apple stuff and brings Cider. Rainbow Dash goes fast and continues to be an alcoholic drinks an excessive amount of totally-not-alcoholic apple cider. Fluttershy is also there. Twilight wants everything to be perfect. And the other princesses are like, "You got this." And then the ponies sing a song.
And then Tempest Shadow shows up.
Ho-o-oly shit!
Now, I've seen all the previews. So I knew what to expect but nothing could have prepared me for her on the big screen. Talk about stage presence! Tempest Shadow stole the whole movie. Period. She had a fresh design. (Though I was worried that the broken-horn thing was a bit cliche. Get ready for lots of tragic broken-horn O.C.'s). But more over, she was a character I was interested in. I wanted to know more about her. Every scene she was in had me sitting a bit more upright.
So Tempest is in Canterlot on behalf of the (as-yet-unseen) Storm King and demands the princesses' magic. And the princesses are like, "No." So then Tempest starts kicking Obsidian Orbs at the princesses. 
Cadance throws up a magic shield which does almost nothing, and she gets turned into an obsidian statue.
And all of a sudden I'm like, "This shit just went PG in a hurry."
Then Celestia tries to say something and gets turned into a statue. Luna almost escapes but then she gets turned into a statue in mid flight and she almost fucking dies! Twilight catches Luna before her statue form falls to the ground and shatters her to death!
Then Tempest throws an orb at Twilight and it seems all is lost. But then, in perhaps one of the best moments of the movie, Derpy fucking takes the bullet in a flying dive! Twilight and her friends manage to escape. But not before encountering troops with anti-magic shields.
And at this point, my critic senses were starting to tingle.
You see, I remember thinking, after watching the Tirek episodes that, "This is really as high as the roller coaster can go." The princesses defeated, magic about to be stolen. And it is all on Twilight & Co. to save the world. And in this way, the movie felt about the same. I mean, how do you top "The bad guy has all the power and our most-powerful defenses have been neutralized." ?
With Tirek, we got the... ugh... Rainbow Powers out of nowhere, and Deus Ex Machina happy ending.
But I found myself asking, in this moment,
1. Rainbow Magic!? Or was that just a one-time deal?
2. Elements of Harmony? Maybe borrow those from the tree again?
3. Where the fuck is Discord in all of this? (Booking John DeLance for the voice-work aside)
And I get that "Well if you solve everything instantly, then there's no story."
But I feel like these canon solutions should have at least been addressed, even if only to be rejected.
"The Rainbow Magic was a one-time thing."
"Oh, the tree is overrun with guards!"
"Discord is unable to help/be reached because..."
At least something.
Anyways...
So the mane six, with no plan, no means of navigation, and no supplies decide to WALK all the way south. Through the desert.
This was the first of many instances where I felt my intelligence a bit insulted as a viewer, like "You know you have wings, right?"
Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy could have each carried Pinkie, Rarity and Applejack. Hell, we've seen Rainbow carry 4 ponies at once! Or Twilight could have made teleportation leaps.
Somehow, they end up in a city that can only be described as the visual equivalent of 4Chan. Everyone looks awful, and acts mean and all want to buy the ponies for a variety of nefarious reasons. Pinkie Pie is unfamiliar with the term 'keeping a low profile' and does as Pinkie does, making a huge scene. A mob forms, presumably for the pig-creature-on-pony-gang-bang, when this asshole shows up.
So spoiler alert, Capper is a con artist that 'helps' the ponies so he can help himself to selling them to get out of debt. Twilight is rightly skeptical the entire time. And she's proven right. In the meantime, Rarity does a fashion generosity and fixes Capper's shirt. Then Tempest tracks them down and they escape in true pony fashion, with wanton destruction of private property.
Tempest grills Capper about where they went and then something completely unrealistic happens.
Capper, in a complete 180 of his established character, decides that because fashion horse fixed a button on his shirt for free, that:
"I am no longer concerned about my financial debt, which, as has been established, was my entire motivation up until this very moment. I will, instead, place myself in great personal peril with no promise of reward by blatantly LYING to Tempest Shadow, who has already demonstrated that she is violent and unstable."
So, Capper is out of the scene as fast as he entered. The ponies stow away on an air-ship with... parrot pirates? Okay, I get it. Parrots have been associated with pirates. But honestly, when I first saw the previews, I thought they were Gryphons. And why not? So they find the ponies and it turns out that they've been turned into Storm King henchmen. And they're like, "We're going to throw you off. Oh, wait, no we're not. It's lunch time and we are in a weird henchmen union with strict breaks." Whoa, that was close. I almost felt a sense of danger.
So, they're eating lunch, and Dash is like, "Hey, maybe not be henchmen. Maybe be pirates again." But you know, in song form.
And even though I meta-know that she's obviously going to succeed,
I was still like,
So they all decide to be pirates again, and Dash does as Dash does and celebrates by making a huge, colorful explosion to tell everyone for miles around where they are because Dash is an idiot. Also, Captain Celaeno was there. I guess.
Naturally, Tempest sees the Sonic Rainboom and pursues the ship, and boards it. The ponies are forced to escape and plummet to their would-be doom. Then in mid free-fall, Twilight crafts a hot-air balloon.
Twilight crafts a hot-air balloon.
In mid free-fall.
Then she rounds up everypony into the basket, and uses Spike to power it enough to stop it before hitting the ground. And all I can think is, WTF? HALF of you have wings! Use the material to hold the non-fliers and carry them! Or just make a parachute! Even Dash looked miffed about being a part of it.
So they're in the balloon, and Dash is pushing it. Like they could have been with significantly less effort since they left Canterlot. They get to the Hippogriff kingdom. And I know a certain Brony that must be delighted that Hippogriffs are canon. But they get there only to find that it had been sacked by the Storm King. But upon a closer investigation, they head inside and hear a voice in a big pool. The voice vanishes into the water. They enter the water and... almost die.
They get sucked down under water and into a chamber that seals shut and we zoom in on a submerged Twilight's panicked eyes as she drowns and the screen fades black and I'm like, "Holy shit, this just got dark!"
But then they all wake up with bubble things enclosing their head and hey, not dead. Then we get to meet the sea ponies. Because there aren't enough new merchandise set pieces. And then we all remembered that this is a movie by a toy company. 
Shoo be doo! Shoo shoo be doo!
The sea ponies seem to have the magical cure-all for the movie. But they don't want to share. Also, Queen Novo was there, too. I guess. I don't know. I just get this feeling like they were paying these big celebrity names by the Line. None of them say much more than a paragraph. Except for Capper who seemed to never shut up when he was on the screen.
Twilight tries to have the others distract the the Queen and the sea ponies while she tries to steal the magical cure-all. But they almost manage to convince the sea ponies to willingly help them. Then they catch Twilight trying to steal the thing.
And apparently, here's the big topic of debate.
I, for one, can understand Twilight's motivation. Twilight didn't know that they would be able to convince the sea ponies. And Twilight knows what's at stake. Predictably, they all get kicked out and sent back to the surface. They're all like, "WTF Twilight?" And she's like, "I was doing what I had to!"
Twilight says a mean thing to Pinkie, and Twilight leaves the group to go brood alone for a bit. Spike almost has a good scene when he goes to console her but then BOOM, Twilight gets captured by Tempest and the plot proceeds.
Then, with Twilight in a magic-proof cage on the way back to Canterlot; Tempest belts out an origin ballad that was, arguably, the best song of the movie.
Back on the ground, Spike goes and tells the others that they need to rescue Twilight. Princess Skystar (the seapony) returns and turns herself back into a hippogriff to join them. And...
Okay... I'll be honest, I was getting pretty toasted from the flask of liquor I brought with me, and I kind of zoned out for this part. But somehow, the Pirate parrots and Capper show up and somehow they all get back to Canterlot despite it being said that they didn't have an airship so...
They get back to Canterlot and the whole gang makes a giant cake to hide in because... cake? Capper talks their way past two guards and then the little imp thing, Grubber, tries to take a bite and then...
go Team Distraction?
Suddenly, the city goes from being filled with magic-resistant elite soldiers to incompetent henchmen. Maybe all the good warriors were part of the invasion crew and the occupation force was left to the guys that couldn't pass the PT course.
Meanwhile, the Storm King puts all of the princesses' magic, including a captive Twilight's, into a magic staff of... magic. And bad guy does as bad guys do.
He messes with the weather, the sun and the moon, and just generally just acts like a raging dickhead.
Man, I really wanted to like the Storm King. But he just had no screen time other than just 'bad guy being bad'. Which sucks because what little I saw of him outside of that was really entertaining. His dialogue was really natural and funny as the whole 'incompetent ruler with a competent #2 running everything'. I wish there was more of that dynamic shown.
It starts to look like everything is fucked for Equestria.
But then, Twilight's friends have fun storming the castle.
Capper picks up Spike and uses him as a flame-thrower to start setting people on fire.
Capper
sets people
on
FIRE!
using Spike
as a
Fucking FLAME THROWER!
Seriously.
Just let that sink in for a minute.
The Storm King sees this and isn't having any of it. So he does as King of Storms do and does a storm to kill everypony.
And Tempest is like,
"Bruh, this is cool and all. But you said that if I helped you and betrayed my entire race that you would fix my broken horn."
And Storm King is like,
"Uh, duh, IDGAF about your horn. I used you. It's kinda what I do."
And then I'm like, "Oh HELL YEAH! She's about to go all Darth Vader on his Emperor Palpatine!"
But not yet.
The storm starts wrecking stuff. Tempest attacks the King and almost falls to her death, but Twilight saves her life.
She is friend now.
The staff gets knocked loose and Twilight and the King both go after it but they get sucked up into the giant tornado.
A giant tornado that somehow... doesn't hurt anypony else in the city.
... hmmm.
Anyway, Twilight stops the storm and all is well and then- OH SHIT! The King is back and he throws a Obsidian Orb at Twilight. But Tempest catches that bullet and dives onto the Storm King, turning them both into Obsidian as they tumble over the edge of the balcony. Twilight saves Tempest's statue form from falling.
And then, in the most metal death since King Sobra, the Storm King shatters to death on the ground.
PROTIP: Do not be a king in Equestria. You will die faster than a king in Westeros.
Twilight uses the the magic staff to restore the princesses and all of Canterlot. Tempest, er, I mean, Fizzlepop Berrytwist is forgiven. And then we get the big party starring Sia Songbird Serenade. Roll credits.
So, it mostly felt like the Tirek arc, but with more world building, and new species, and 100% less Discord. There were obvious plot holes. And the whole thing felt like they were just getting railroaded at super-sonic pace from set-piece to set-piece. "Oh, can't stay too long and develop this new character, we've got new places to go and new characters to shoe-horn in!"
It had that weird feeling of being both too long and too short at the same time. Like an over-sized appetizer sampler platter that could be your whole meal, but you don't have enough time to eat it, and you just try a little bit from each part, and the whole experience leaves you hungry for a real serving of any one part of it.
But hey, it's a kids movie. It should at least make for some good fan-fiction.
Go see it.
Get some popcorn.
And try not to think about it too much.
-Shakes
These ending paragraphs are what I was waiting for. I'll still try and go watch it (because holy shit, that animation alone is fantastic), but I can't say it was unexpected for a kid's movie.
So it's basically what you'd get if you took out the ad and episode breaks out of a four-part finale episode?
They probably passed on that for the sake of casual moviegoers who haven't watched the show. Not because it's lazy, but because they can't connect it too heavily with the show's continuity lest they alienate casuals.
Again, casuals wouldn't draw those conclusions because they haven't watched the show. Not like wings would've helped much against the heat, anyway.
Kool-Aid man-sensei would be proud.
Well, remember that the henchmen didn't really do much during the invasion. Tempest did all the hard work of incapacitating the princesses.
I will wholeheartedly agree with you on the pacing and the lack of fleshed out character development. I think a little extra running time would've gone a long way toward improving the general quality of the movie. That said, what while things can be rushed sometimes, there were moments where things slowed down. And while the new characters don't get much in the way of development, they're still so much fun to watch that you feel satisfied anyway.
And to anyone reading this: Yes, go see the movie. Drag your friends and family to it if you have to. Pull rank if you're in the military. Buy tickets for multiple showings. Or even better, all of the above.
Can I just say for a moment that this movie makes light of one of war's most vilified weapons and uses that in bold-faced action? Presumably to children, mind you. Kids. Learning that you can take something flammable, spray it at a flame, and on the other end, fire spits out which sets people on fire.
I mean, don't look at me, but it seems like no matter what you do, humans will always wonder, at any age, "What happens if I can take fire and make it into a projectile?"
That part was still absolutely awesome.
Saw it. Pretty much the same thoughts. Have to wonder, what exactly was scary about the storm king before his staff? Where were the royal guard (Shiny, I'm looking at you)? Where were the wonderbolts? And why, why, why wasn't the only remaining princess trying to negotiate rather than steal? And for what? a macguffin? How would that have even helped anything?
4690065
They could transform themselves into something huge and invincible to easily take back Canterlot.
4690128
I'm not saying that isn't what Twilight had in mind, but that's part of my point, we never find out what Twilight has in mind (edit: and by that I mean, transform into what? exactly?). As a filly, she magicked Spike into a multi-story monstrosity while surging. Alternatively, she could have gotten Spike really greedy, if all she wanted was something huge and invincible. Of course, those magic proof orb/grenades might still overcome anything they hit, so who really knows. Not us, unfortunately.
My problem with the story in a nutshell. I never got the sense that the mane 6 were in any real danger? There wasn't much in the way of urgency or emotional attachment because A. we don't get much development or nuanced characterization from anyone with a couple exceptions and B. with the exception of Twilight, no one seemed to be taking the situation seriously enough, which meant I had little to no reason to feel emotionally invested. I didn't care when the inevitable breakup happened, and I didn't feel as sorry for Tempest as I think I was supposed to. And the Storm King is... yeah, he got wasted.
I wouldn't call it a terrible movie (in spite of some critics going so far as to compare it to The Emoji Movie, not even joking) but for a big-screen adventure with our favorite characters facing dangers like never before (supposedly), the whole thing felt... emotionally hollow? Or unsatisfying, rather.
4690156
Twilight explicitly said that they could use the orb to transform into something to take down
Evil McBadDudeThe Storm King. Unless I'm suffering from the Mandela Effect. I'll know for sure when I go to rewatch it tomorrow.4690244
That's the spirit!
i have saw it twice now and my mom is asking for me to take her tonight so yep #3.
i do agree it is a fantastic movie i will defiantly have this on blue-ray but i have a 60inch HD tv hear.
4690060
If you look at that scene you will see that there is utter fierce determination and approval on the faces of several of the Mane 6 observing Spike do this. Especially Rarity.
I think his draconic powers actually turn her on. Rarity is herself a rather Dragon like Pony.
You pretty much covered my feelings about the movie. Some of the scene-crafting was stunning. It had its fun parts, its very definitely cringey parts, and too many "close my eyes until we're past the epic plot hole" moments that have to be forgiven to enjoy the good parts. Pretty much like the TV show.
Not a bad thing, but it was also obviously very much more for fans of the show in the way that Serenity is to Firefly. I actually saw Serenity first, and would have connected with it vastly more if I'd seen the show first.
One thing that REALLY bugged me: It's extremely disappointing how Equestria - and glowing-orb-in-the-sky-controlling alicorn Princesses, in particular - continues to be easily and thoroughly surprised and defeated within 30 seconds of initial conflict. Equestria apparently only continues to be an actual nation entirely through the Magic of Good Luck, which is a cheap, narrow, and tiresome plot device. Once was enough, already. But again, accept and move on...
Sorry, done griping. With all of that said, overall for me it was actually worth seeing. I really had hoped for a lot more, but at least we did get some excellent animation, action, characters, ideas, and world building from this.
Two characters I enjoyed the most?
1) Princess Skystar, who was freaking adorable and got too little screen time
2) And horse-sized bad-ass unicorn Tempest Shadow who clearly has enough power to destroy creampuff Twilight with magic if given a whole horn.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/9/29/1547792.gif
Now that is terrifying enough in its own regard, but just for a second now, look at those expressions while this is happening. You only get a really good look at Rarity & Pinkie's faces in the gif, but those are very clearly expressions of vindicated enjoyment. Those are expressions that say, "Not only do I approve of what is happening, but you all deserve this."
I think this is the first fair review I have see of the movie. I think I liked it a little more then you seemed to, but I have to agree with most everything you said.
4690473
What counts as fair in this case? Legit question.
4690512 My opinion counts as fair.
i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/giphy(5).gif
4690512
I believe why he considers it fair is that it actually acknowledges the faults while managing not to sugar coat them, but not focusing in on them so much that the faults define the review (as can happen easily in criticism).
I agree with most of the points in this review, I liked the movie but the flaws listed were spot on. I also thought that the songs seemed a bit rushed, I mean the show had better music generally (although "You got this" was a fun one). Also, can I be ridiculous and say that it's really cool to see 3 of my favorite authors in the comment thread for this? *squee*
Capper and Spike actually target a guard that fell over, shoot him a stream of fire, and the guard is CONSUMED by the fire. Entirely.
Worst of all, when Twilight was captured Spike set the arm of another guard on fire and it kinda looked to me that his green fire DOESN'T die out like his regular orange fire.
Spike can FUCKING breathe out Wildfire.
So, the movie is bad?
I haven't see it, yet.
4691114 No, it's GOOD! Go see it!
4690865 This too.