Author's Commentary: Reaction Chapter 3 · 6:23pm Oct 5th, 2017
It's time to head on into Chapter 3 of Reaction! Maybe one day I'll actually finish this series. Right now, that day feels very far away. You know, since there's nineteen chapters in Reaction and Critical Mass (combined), twenty if you include Meltdown, by the end of this series (current end, Critical Mass), I'm estimating I will have put probably somewhere around 58 hours into making these commentaries. And I'm only 7ish hours into it so far. Man, I have a long ways to go. At least I enjoy this! ...for the most part.
As always, beware of potential spoilers, and there's a possibility that some of the stuff will be repeated. I don't have much else to say here, so I'll keep it short. Let's get right into it!
The chapter opens up with Rainbow arriving at Twilight's hospital room. As with before, I tried to write it in a way where it had a specific feeling, which I think I succeeded in. Right now I can't remember what word I'm looking for to describe it.
I'm quite pleased with how this chapter opens up- it starts off soft and sweet, and I'm happy with it. I really tried to write it in a way where you could picture the scene and enjoy it. I'm not sure if I succeeded or not, but I know that I can picture the scene, and it makes me smile.
And with this chapter, we start to finally get into some of how Rainbow feels. Looking back on this series, it's a recurring theme of sorts that Rainbow isn't used to dealing with this, and she's not sure what to think. This is supposed to be addressed in Critical Mass, but it's also kind of addressed towards the end of Reaction. That said, until the end of Critical Mass, Rainbow is still not completely sure, or at least if I'm remembering correctly, she isn't completely sure.
[Rainbow] still couldn't believe she slept with her. She had been weak and not thinking right. She swallowed as she thought about it. The more she thought about it, the more divided she found herself.
I think this says quite a lot, when it comes down to it, especially with more context. She thinks of herself as being weak for sleeping with Twilight- that changes in a couple of chapters as she starts to figure things out, but at the time, she's still very frazzled from everything that's happened.
And the next paragraph offers some insight into Rainbow's thinking. Despite her being the show-offy type, she knows "better" than to brag about Twilight loving her. She recognizes that as wrong and being hurtful to Twilight, and she doesn't' want to hurt Twilight. Also, one of the (if not the) first mentions of her dad. I can't remember if at this time I had decided that her mom was dead or not. If you couldn't tell, this was written before the episode where Rainbow's parents were revealed.
[Rainbow] could already picture Rarity squealing in delight and giving her advice on how to woo a princess. She shivered, but not from the cold. And then Pinkie, she would plan a party and probably embarrass both Twilight and herself.
Coming soon! Maybe. I really like this paragraph and the picture it paints. We kind of get to see Rarity's reaction at the end of Reaction when she figures out that they're together.
On a related note, I'm not entirely sure who all knows that they're together. At the end of Critical Mass, it's possible that they've all figured it out or have some idea about it, but they could also be oblivious to it... Prior to that, I'm not sure. I'm getting ahead of myself here.
They were polar opposites. Twilight was a nerd, she was an athlete. Twilight was smart, intelligent, and thought things through. She didn't.
Now, this is something I want to point out, because, in Critical Mass, Rainbow actually stops to think. She's been changed from being around Twilight so much. The scene in particular (there may be more scenes which show this) I'm referring to is when Celestia gets Rainbow and tells her that Twilight was ponynapped. In this same paragraph, there are a few more things which change about her through this series...
Which reminds me... Rainbow in a sense, in this series, struggles with her feelings towards Twilight. You're probably thinking, "Well gee ya don't say?" But, here's the thing. There is more depth to this than you may consider. She ends up actually making a choice to be with Twilight, and she sticks with it. She chooses to. It isn't really spurred on by an intense emotional outburst, Rainbow. Chooses. And that is meant to be something powerful. I don't know if anyone noticed that, but that's a little something I wove into this series with purpose. I suppose in a way it's weakened from Rainbow spontaneously kissing Twilight towards the end of Reaction, but still. Their relationship, as I said in the last Author's Commentary, is built on a close friendship.
On one hoof, she would be able to do more things, things she wanted to do, like read, because nopony had bothered to bring her a book.
I am embarrassed to admit that this is actually a spurr of the moment thing. Until this point, I never even thought about Twilight not having books around to read. So her friends kind of look bad here because I forgot to include this in one of the scenes. It's something I kind of regret, but not that badly. It kind of plays into the narrative that they're all preoccupied and have a lot on their minds, but that kind of makes it worse...
[Twilight] squinted at Starlight, "You... you do know you're not supposed to eavesdrop, right? Especially when it comes to something of that nature?"
Starlight chuckled lightly, failing to see Twilight's fear and worry. "Okay, I actually asked Doctor Manner."
Twilight looked at her blankly. "He's not supposed to discuss matters of my... condition... with anypony..." Twilight frowned at her and eyed her sharply. "You didn't use a spell, did you?"
Starlight opened her mouth and slumped down, exasperated, "I use that spell one time, and suddenly everypony thinks..." she trailed off with a sigh.
Ah, this interaction... I enjoyed it. I think I enjoyed writing that, too. I kind of want to say something about Twilight's "condition" here but I'm not entirely sure what.
Celestia stepping in to help convince the doctors to release Twilight was something of a way of having Celestia help Twilight out, and it also made me not need to go through said procedures which I am unfamiliar with...
I'm not quite sure, but I think Starlight might have committed a serious crime in this chapter. She might have forged Twilight's signature. Of course, she also signed her own name as a sort of "guardian." Then again, Twilight did authorize her to sign it, so, you know, it's probably fine. There's probably a joke that I can make here sometime where Starlight sends Celestia a letter signed with Twilight's name as a prank. That could be something quite fun to explore, and depending on what was in the letter, it could be very hilarious, and very embarrassing for Twilight... 
Twilight says she'd rather walk out. She gets her wish, but later, she has to go out in a wheelchair anyway. It's kind of sad, and this is some of the context to think about when you finish reading this series...
I probably could have written Twilight crying better. It's been a while since I've read any crying scenes, so I don't have much to compare it to, but it feels... wrong. Rereading it, it seems kind of cliched, and it might violate the "show not tell rule."
Dirt is supposed to be better on hooves than pavement. Ponyville has dirt roads. And, according to a comment from Twilight, it's enchanted dirt. I have no idea actually no, I remember what that was about. So basically, you know how they use their hooves for a lot, and then there's that one scene in the season 4 premiere where Rarity licks a hoof to put out her horn? It's more or less based on that- the enchantment, though never said (unless I've forgotten), is to make it so that the dirt doesn't stick to their hooves in order to keep them clean. Hooves are pretty important to them, you know, and they use them to hold sandwiches too! Hygiene is important!
Starlight really probably should have walked Twilight to her room instead of leaving her. That's kind of a stupid choice in context, since Twilight just got out of the hospital, is weak, and is suffering from organ damage. Seriously, Starlight, I know you've made some silly choices, but I thought you left those behind!
Ah yes, the problem of Twilight needing to preen. It's kind of a major background issue in Reaction up until Rainbow preens Twilight. I am curious about how (and if) pegasi need to preen in the show canon. That said, I imagine alicorns probably use their magic to do it, so thus they wouldn't really know how to do it the way pegasi do it. I'll go into more detail with this in a later chapter.
I really like how slice-of-lifey Reaction is. It's pleasant. I've said it before, but I really like the cuddle scenes too. They're probably my favorite scenes to write.
You know, I'm kind of tempted to make some corrections and edits to this story and then submit it to Equestriadaily, but... Well, I'm an introvert, and this idea terrifies me. There was another story which I had considered submitting too, but of course, I didn't submit that either. I don't think my work is that good...
She coaxed the thought away and then opened her eyes before walking out to the crystal half-wall that served as railing preventing anypony from accidentally falling off.
When writing this, I could not for the life of me come up with the right word to use in place of "half-wall." I still can't. Railing doesn't seem like the right word to use either.
I wonder if there will come a time in this series where Twilight will refer to others as "my little ponies." Well, she did in the show in reference to the CMC, but... It's not the same. She hasn't really lived long enough for it to have the right impact. How long into the future will that be for her? Eighty years? A hundred years? A few centuries? What will things look like then? I ask myself these questions as I mull over the future of this series. I have considered ending the final story with the final chapter being set one hundred and fifty years after the events of Reaction and Critical Mass. If I pulled it off right, it could be a beautiful ending. I want a beautiful ending...
Probably the shortest scene in this series, a scene with Starlight and Spike interacting. If I remember correctly, I was struggling with where to go with the story then, so I wrote that and went from there.
And one of the first scenes with a lot of detail about food. It's not the last in this series.
Reading the scene with Twilight and Spike interacting kind of makes me want to read a story with Twilight and Spike, and possibly set pre-season 3.
For some reason, reading Rarity is kind of exhausting. She's too excited right here. And I'm kind of tired myself... I was doing college up until I started on this, so I might be pushing myself too hard...
"Uh... well... She doesn't... really feel like seeing anypony right now," Starlight replied nervously. "She's... uh... tired... Surely you know how exhausting it is, staying in a hospital for over three weeks, lying around all day doing nothing! It really drains your strength!"
This is based on something I saw Starlight do in an episode, but I don't remember what. She's not the best liar.
Once again, I reaffirm that I'm not the best at writing Pinkie Pie, and she's exhausting to write. She's exhausting to read too... But, I think I got her character right in this scene.
Poor Fluttershy.
Once again, Twilight likes Fluttershy's company. I could use this in a future story somehow. Fluttershy is nice. I'm way too tired right now. I am going to take a break here, and then come back to this tomorrow. You will be reading this on the day that is tomorrow, so this doesn't really apply to you, so I'm not entirely sure why I am putting this here.
Alright, I'm back! I saved this in a Microsoft word document and I kind of regret it. It did weird things which I had to fix...
And the first mention of Applebloom in this story. The CMC don't play much of a role in this series... I can't remember why I didn't have them just find Applejack.
In this series, the Tree of Harmony is alive and sentient. It makes sense. I kind of have a headcanon that the Tree is a higher power (at least in the show). At one time I considered using the Elements of Harmony to heal Twilight at the end of Critical Mass, after Discord showed up (he was going to if I decided to do this) and commented about it. I decided against that because one, it made everyone look stupid because "Well, gee, why didn't we think of that before?" and two, it probably would have felt forced and like an author ex machina.
The thought turned bitter. She was the Princess of Friendship and practically the Princess of Magic. Her special talent was magic, and she was the bearer of the Element of magic. How was she supposed to fulfill her role of spreading friendship, magic, and harmony if she couldn't access her own magic? How was she supposed to help Princess Celestia and Princess Luna rule Equestria if she couldn't use her magic? How was she supposed to help her friends and, if need be, protect them from harm without her magic?
I like this paragraph. It has quite a bit of depth to it. I look at the last sentence in this paragraph and smile to myself as I remember that one scene in Critical Mass where Twilight's standing between Rainbow and Chrysalis.
I should explore Twilight's mental/psychic powers more. All I know is she's able to block Princess Luna's magic from affecting her mind. I kind of thought to myself about this in regards of the Wraith from Stargate Atlantis (specifically the queens). I guess this probably won't play a major role in this series going on. It's kind of an alicorn/unicorn thing, I think. Probably more of an alicorn thing, giving them a mental defense against mind magic. Not really sure how this could play a part in any future stories since I don't really have anything planned that this could be important for.
Is Twilight's room soundproof or not? I'm not sure. I'm gonna say partially soundproof, but there are spells to make it completely sound proof. Maybe Starlight didn't close the door all the way. The doors have locks, and later on, Rainbow gets so paranoid about cuddling and sleeping with Twilight that she makes it a habit to lock the doors.
Ah yes, the part where Starlight asks Twilight, "Why [Rainbow]?" in regards to wanting to date her. I feel quite inadequate in regards to writing that part. I don't have that kind of experience, and I didn't want it to be cliched. I wanted to it be meaningful. I'm not sure I pulled it off right. I would have preferred to write it with Twilight just looking away from Starlight and not answering.
I think it's the little, minor details that add so much to this story. For example, Twilight pulling the book across the nightstand and then it falling onto the floor.
I had Doctor Manner tell Rainbow that Twilight was released to avoid the awkward forced scene where Rainbow freaks out from Twilight not being where she's supposed to be. That scene wasn't something I wanted to write in the slightest.
Rainbow circled around the castle for several minutes, trying to remember which balcony went to Twilight's room. It didn't help that most of the balconies looked the same and that there was over a hundred of them. Twilight's castle was by no means gigantic, but it wasn't small either. It was like searching for a needle in a needle stack, except less pokey. With each pass, she grew more and more discouraged, but she wasn't going to give up, not yet at least. She wanted to talk to Twilight and congratulate her.
Needle in a needle stack, because they all look the same, and the castle is made out of crystal which can be pokey.
I really like this scene- Rainbow finding Twilight asleep outside on her balcony. I just really like it. Especially how Rainbow wakes Twilight up.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Rainbow asked.
Twilight looked at her indignantly. "Hey, I was sleeping until you woke me up!"
Rainbow smiled at her but rolled her eyes. "I said in bed, not asleep." Twilight opened her mouth to refute her but merely shook her head. Rainbow looked away from her and watched the starry sky. "So why were you sleeping out here anyway?" she asked.
"Oh, you know... it's just such a nice night..." Twilight trailed off, looking at the moon, not wanting to talk about the real reason.
This was fun to write.
Finally! Now I know what time of year this series has been set in! Summer! Which means it's getting closer to fall in Critical Mass, which means... something. Next story, then, will likely be set in late Summer or early Fall. Maybe Winter. This is kind of perfect since it means that the story after that can start in spring...
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You can't be seriously telling me that you actually enjoyed that! Seriously, it's like... all paperwork..." she blinked. "You actually enjoyed that, didn't you?" she accused.
Twilight smiled sheepishly, "It's... really interesting, Rainbow. I think you-"
"Nope!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Not happening."
Ah, another fun part. "Oh, Rainbow, you say that now."
And we get to the part where Rainbow tells Twilight she wants to help her! Something which has shaped this series a lot. Well, the series is more or less built on this fact and the reactor incident.
I may struggle to continue to provide commentary, since I really enjoy these fluff scenes. They're my favorite.
More Luna! And it seems Luna at least suspects that Twilight has feelings for Rainbow.
Luna smiling slyly. I like this.
Once again, I like the friendship Luna and Twilight have.
Also, I actually stopped to skim the Author's Notes for once... I forgot about referring to Rainbow as Twilight's mate. In Critical Mass, I either thought about or had Chrysalis call Rainbow Twilight's mate. I just like that for some reason. It just has a certain appeal, using that term in regards to Rainbow, since Twilight is an alicorn. I'm not entirely sure why. Also, get your head out of the gutter.
Done! I like this chapter, it leaves me feeling happy and smiling. Reaction is a story I've reread after writing it. And, to be honest, it's the first story (aside from Meltdown...) that I've reread of my own writing. I enjoyed rereading Reaction much more than Meltdown, too. Once more, I reaffirm that I am jealous of all of you for getting to experience reading it without being the author of it.
And it only takes over 45,000 words to get to the start of the romance in this chapter. Hey, it's less than a third of this story's length!
As always, comment below, ask questions, point out things, offer your own views, etc! I'm still not sure if I'm doing this right or not.
And now, I'm 10/58ths done with the commentary series!
Enchanted dirt? I remember rarity licking her hood to put her horn out in the season 4 premiere, but I don't remember any mention of enchanted dirt roads.
Then again it has been a long time since I watched that episode so maybe I'm forgetting it.
Also about the resistance to mind magic thing, I do agree that alicorns probably do have, at least some, resistance to mind magic, of course this could be buffed using spells. Although I don't think it would have too much of a series from now on because chrysalis is dead so there isn't really anyone else I can think of who would use such spells.
unless of course maybe if starlight tried to subtly use her magic to improve twilights mood or maybe at the very least make her depression less severe. When she tries this she can't because of alicorns resistance to mind magic, and if she uses more magic to over power these natural defences, twilight or someone else will notice.
Could be something to work with in the future, or maybe not because it's out of character for her, but I don't think so because we know starlight almost always tries to use magic to solve problems. This could simply be another one of those problems. Then again now you're bringing ethical questions into the story, and you may not want to do that.
Ultimately though it's up to you.
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It wasn't explicitly mentioned, so it's more or less my headcanon that the dirt is enchanted. It makes some sense when you consider that most of the time, the ponies are fairly clean. It also makes sense when you compare it to the lore about the ponies more or less dominating their environment.
I probably won't have Starlight do something like that. She would recognize that as wrong. Now, the funny thing? I'm taking an ethics class in college right now...