Alternative MLP Backstories: Rainbow Dash

Disclaimer: Dispite how this may come across I do not hate Rainbow Dash. This is just something I did for a laugh in between chapters of Outlaws and Angels. It wasn't really long enough or deep enough on content to be considered a story.

Rainbow Danger Professionalism Radical Tubular Awesome Dash was conceived when her Dad -Sonic The Hedgehog and her Mum -a barely legal Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls had aggressive sex on a bed made of Skittles. but, true to their nature it was over way too quickly.

The birth was quick and painless as she literally flew out. unfortunately she had no sense of direction and collided with the midwife, killing her. in effort to hide the evidence they fed her to a vortex to a world of ponies hoping she'd find a home.-yeah, they were pretty shitty parents. she was discovered and later put in a foster home. It was there where she learned to speak, picking up most of her language from a book called "Epitaph of a dying decade, a dummies guide to the '90s" The rest of her vocabulary was learned through a shitty VHS tape of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which had been recorded over Episodes of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.

Growing up was tough for Dash being passed through several adoptive homes at a speed her pappy would proud of.She eventually found a stable (heh) home in the form of a couple who were essentially Ned Flanders’ parents. It was in their “care” where her fandom of the Wonderbolts began.She had an energy and a lust for flying that was hard to control in that they tried nothing and were all out of ideas. What a couple of tools.

What happened next changed her life forever at age 10 she was admitted to summer flight camp which in an effort to teach her how to fly in a manner that didn’t cost her already deadbeat parents a small fortune in property damage. It was during her time here that she met Fluttershy and forged her most enduring friendship after confronting her bullies. Bullies which would all later die in a series of non-suspicious unrelated natural phenomena.

It was the perfect friendship, almost a marriage made in heaven. The two complemented each other well. One shy and quiet, the other… well, Rainbow Dash

Later on in life she would follow her only friend to her new home in
Ponyville saying “Meh, I got nothing else on.”