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NorrisThePony


Horseword maintenance and installation specialist. Mareschizo extraordinaire.

More Blog Posts38

Sep
27th
2017

A Rant On Writing Body Language in Horsefic · 3:07am Sep 27th, 2017

Let's talk body language.

Specifically, writing it.

Specifically specifically, what it has to do with writing horsewords.

Now, writing stories about ponies is interesting. They're not humans by any stretch—they're sapient, and that's different entirely from being the same species. And yet, a lot of times there's strange cross-contamination between the actions of one species and the other.

(Or, really, not the other. It's only one way. I don't really see HiE-fics where the Human starts inheriting horse bodylanguage. That'd be kinda weird but also pretty funny.)

See, in fanfic, horses do a lot of things that they logically shouldn't, and neglect to do a lot of things they logically should. To some degree, this makes sense and is obvious—they're not being written by horses, after all, and I doubt the majority of Fanfiction writers would be bothered to look into it.

But see, that's the thing. Body language is such a great tool in writing. It's a very real and very tangible thing with people—that's probably why it's so much easier to get into heated debates on the Internet than it is with a person, it's so much easier to misconstrue the tone of somebody when you don't have proper visual cues to signpost them. That same effect exists in writing, too. A lot of writers are critiqued for overusing stuff like "He said angrily" and "Fluttershy winked lustfully" because it's so bland and blatant—it treats the readers like idiots who can't make these conclusions themselves. It's a valid criticism indeed, but in making this criticism, writers aren't often given proper alternatives. Don't write blandly is bad advice when your writing is bland.

Compare this:

Well?" Rainbow asked, pride in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, darling," Rarity said sadly, not wanting to let her friend down. "But that is the most dreadful thing I've ever seen."

...to this:

"Well?" Rainbow flared her chest out as she lifted the blanket from the mannequin, holding her head up proud.

"I'm sorry, darling." Rarity pawed at the ground with a hoof, looking at the floor. "But that is the most dreadful thing I've ever seen."

They both accomplish the exact same thing, but the second does it in a less blatant way. It's easier to get a visual idea of how the scene plays out in the second excerpt than it is in the first. The first gives us blanket, poetic descriptions ("pride in her eyes") that really don't have much meaning. What the hell does 'pride' look like in someone's eyes, and are we seriously expected to believe it can be interpreted by Rarity with any level accuracy?

Now, this sort of thing also depends on what sort of tone you're going for with a story. This tool is especially helpful with romance and comedy writing, since both depend heavily on emotion, and 'bland writing' is really easy to spot when it's being used to describe the emotions of a character. Having characters act realistically and descriptively towards eachother in a romance story is much more effective than having them go on long-winded, thought-rants on how much they're thinking about their significant other, like it's the only thought they've ever known.

I'm only scratching the surface, obviously. There's way more to talk about and some situations where excessive use of this sort of thing is just as bad if not worse. Nonetheless, since we've established that body language is an important thing to pay attention to with writing, it becomes even more curious why it's also such an underdeveloped thing.

You can actually accomplish a lot from a world-building angle by playing around with it, especially when you're writing a different species, or a different culture. With horses, giving them horse-like traits not only makes logical sense, it actually opens up a lot more possibilities to further explore how a horse-like species would develop said traits in a civilized society. A species that has evolved in the arctic as opposed to the desert are obviously going to develop varying types of body language and social habits. As a writer, you can use that to your advantage, and it really really helps a ton with those wanting to inject a bit of depth into the worlds of their stories, instead of just having them be a static set on which our action takes place.

You see this sort of thing all the time in tons of sci-fi novels like Ender's Game or Pratchett's Discworld books, where original species are given extra thought into these little nuggets of their worldbuilding. It's not the first thing an author may think to include when writing, but it's often one of the things readers quickly pick up on.

With writing ponies, we not only have their equine biology to compare to humans, we have different equine biology to compare to eachother. How do the griffons differ from the ponies, for example? How does All-Looking-the-Same affect the OC-Bat-Pony Race?

As I said, horses have tons of easily interpretable body language that goes sadly underused in favour of the simple 'make them act like people.' They're known to communicate complex shit with their nickers and snorts. One perusal of this article here is basically like looking at a cheat-sheet in that regard.

Of course, as established, this sort of thing also isn't always common knowledge to readers. Going too hardcore may only confuse readers, but for readers fully willing to become invested in the world you're presenting them, it can be a much welcomed treat.

So yeah. To TLDR this whole blog: When you're exploring writing another species or culture or society in a serious light, pausing for a moment to consider how they would react to things relative to the reader is an efficient way of giving them an extra level of depth and uniqueness.

Comments ( 12 )

I'm going to pass along a link to real-world horse behavior that I got somewhere, with the somewhat M comment that rubbing a male horse on the chest is not an innocent act. Yeah, between my 1940 story and my EiH story, I'm doing a lot of referencing. (And I suspect getting about 3/4 of it terribly wrong) I still like my headcanon of Equestrian Gesture being used by over-socialized unicorn families so they can pass information in stuffy court sessions without talking.

(From 1940)
Jon was briefly tempted to go over to the unicorn and introduce himself, but the young mare was settled into the Position of Privacy. Her head was angled down and the book up in such a way that anypony… or any person entering the aircraft would be able to read the cover, thus eliminating the social first step of introduction by way of asking “So, what are you reading?”

Unicorn Gesture was a complicated language which Jon was only roughly familiar with, and was handicapped in attempting to speak it by the lack of movable ears and a tail. Still, he met the young unicorn’s subtle tilting of her head, a Motion of Acknowledgement, with a return Gesture of Respect for Privacy on his part, before moving the rest of the way into the cabin and checking for an available seat.

4679714
Really? I've never heard anything about rubbing a horse (male or female) on the chest being wrong.

4679714

  • Eyes Shut
    Is a sign that your horse is asleep.

*Giggles*

In more seriousness, that is a great primer for body language and I'm curious as well to know where you learned that rubbing a male horse on the chest means something suggestive.

Norris, thank you for this blog post. I am a massive fan of equine body language and regularly pester authors to use it. I think ponies have so much ability to be more visible expressive than we do than I love when it's used well.

Going too hardcore horsecore

FTFY :trollestia:

Wise words on good writing.
Now all I've got to do is put it into practice ...

Once read a story by John Ringo where humans make holographic ears to convey body language to an alien species since so must of there body language was done that way kinda cool

Nice little rant Norris, but there are some things me and a friend did note about this. I'm quoting her on this.

Author critiques using the phrase "<emotion> in their eyes" even though the reason we do it is that we don't know how to convey facial expressions because we can't read or remember facial expressions but we don't want to write a story in which no one expresses emotion....
Then says we should use horse expressions instead of human expressions without giving an explanation what we should and shouldn't do....

It's that these stories were written by humans for humans, and not all of us are horse experts. Think of it like this, it's like saying I want to read a book about Japan or wherever and it's all written in that country's native language. Unless you're well versed in horse behavior, the reader won't get it. So, even if horse experts know what the expressions convey, and I'm not saying the general audience is stupid, but most people won't get what you'd be trying to convey.

4683740

Yes, however, look at it from this perspective. If you were writing a story about Japan, would you not do some manner of research into Japanese customs and traditions and mannerisns in order to depict them properly? Or would you write them like Americans because the majority of your readers are American? If you were reading a story about Japan, you would be fully prepared to encounter some cultural anomalies since you arent a part of that culture.

The key is to find a balance between depicting what you're supposed to depict, whilst doing so in a still entertaining way.

And as for the "(emotion) in their eyes" remark, my point is that stating what emotion your character is expressing is usually a bad idea, and it can be done in a more dignified fashion.

Yes- this!!
I often see writers overusing adverbs (I'm not always great about it myself) and I find it's a lot better to trust in your reader (they're usually smarter than you think).
I also love the idea of encouraging more horse-like behavior, it was one of the things this generation did right because past MLP generations they were just little girls dressed up like humanoid ponies and it was lazy. If you're gonna have them be ponies, let them be ponies! Just little things- nickering or brushing against a shoulder and scuffing the floor- can be impactful and immersive.

Ears say a lot, as does the tail. It’s why most ponies would suck at poker, honestly.

For pegasi, I’ve got mixed feelings on bird body language. They’re not birds, but at the same time there aren’t winged horses here on earth to compare to, so . . . I prefer to stick with normal equine body language, plus wing language, but not the puffing out the chest to look bigger.

In canon, unicorn horns glow, so that’s something that can be used, too. Maybe a nervous unicorn lights her horn and it’s kind of flickery; maybe an angry unicorn lights her horn as well in preparation of casting a spell (the last warning, similar to when an IRL equine turns its butt to you).

In IRL horses, who moves who is important socially, so who moves forward and who moves back says a lot. That might be too subtle for some readers, but as 4705383 said, “ I find it's a lot better to trust in your reader (they're usually smarter than you think).”, a sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly.

I will definitely strive to incorporate it more into my writing. Thank you.

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