Norry's Bi-weekly Fic Review Thingy, Issue #2 · 5:25am Sep 9th, 2017
Norry's Bi-weekly Fic Review Thingy, Issue #2
I write this review in a bit of a weird funk, because I just read SPark's fantastic blog on Story Reviews, and how they can be flawed. I don't profess to be any sort of qualified reviewer myself in these things, really I think they're just me sharing my feelings on the stories themselves. Either way, I recommend giving that blog a read.
Clothes Make the Mare by Waxworks
I went into this fic with zero expectations and with a very slim idea of what it was about. I glanced briefly at the coverart and title and just said 'fuck it' and poured through the whole thing on my lunch break at work.
And I actually ended up coming out of it decently satisfied. It's not without its flaws that I intend to highlight, but I think it works as a very good short story.
Before I go into this, though, I feel like I should address the elephant in the room. I know horror is a controversial tag with many people... like comedy, it's one of those genres that becomes difficult to objectively criticize because it plays more on emotion/psychology rather than logical fact. A lot of people see the sort of SCP/Creepypasta horror gimmick—where it starts off normal and quickly enters bizarro territory quickly—as a cheap tact, while others absolutely love it. I'm somewhere in mid-territory; these sorts of stories are so often done poorly that it becomes rather refreshing to see one pull it off well.
This story, I think, is an exercise in the latter, and so if you're not a fan of creepypasta/grimdark style fanfics, you'll likely disagree/find flaws with many of my observations here.
Moving onto the story itself.
[My reviews contain spoilers. I try to tag them properly, but I know that my judgement may not be the best.]
Our story opens with Rarity in Manehattan, visiting Coco Pommel so that they can do some collab work on their designs. It's a good set-up that eases us into the familiarity of the show quite well. It feels like we've been dropped right into the beginning of a typical episode, with not too much amiss.
While Coco is (somewhat begrudgingly) handling the business/practical part of their fashion business, Rarity handles the social aspect, which luckily enough for her involves going to parties and get-togethers. The story is only slightly more adult with these, of course—explicit references to alcohol and the like wouldn't come out of an episode of the show—but it all feels vaguely in the realm of what Equestria is like behind-the-scenes.
While Rarity is pursuing one potential-client/business partner, she notices a few peculiar things about him that sort of trigger her 'Rarity Investigates-esque' Detective Mode. Again, it felt more or less in-line with a typical episode of the show, just slightly more adult. Rarity's investigations gradually get more and more somber and less lighthearted as the first chapter progressed, and when it finally ended, I was completely transfixed. I think reading this story in one straight sitting really benefited my experience, so if you're reading this review and I've already interested you in this story, I really recommend you just go read it now and formulate your own opinion. Come on. It's short enough to justify it. I'll wait.
....
...Alrighty, so, instead of having a key scene that amped the tension, this story seemed to constantly be piling on layers of uncertainty that gradually pushed it into the realm of 'okay this isn't a normal show episode something is seriously fucking scary here.' Rarity becomes unnerved with the situation vaguely parallel with the audience. One moment, it's trucking along like a normal show-ep, then suddenly
“Oh please, Miss Rarity, I’m not blackmailing her, and I’m paying her well. She is here entirely of her own volition. I am not hiding anything from her, and I have told her how I feel. This is her decision to stay,” Weak Stitch said.
And you're like "wait oh yeah this is a fucking horror fuck."
I know this review has been kinda unfocused so far, but the gist of it is, Rarity is pursuing a potential business partner in a semi-romantic way, but along the way she notices something unnerving about him. Specifically, he insists on wearing an obscure looking pomander (this here, a sort of predecessor to conventional perfume that's largely extinct.) Rarity makes it clear that it doesn't smell pleasant at all, and more like he's trying to disguise something, and then when she begins to smell it more and more even so far away from Weak Stitch, it becomes clear there's something far more sinister than "creepy stallion" about this whole situation.
Like I said, I thought the gradual build-up worked really well in favour of this story. I started reading and was instantly transfixed, and I had no problems at all staying interested the whole duration of the entire first chapter.
The second one quickly amps things up in terms of the scope. At this point, Rarity is convinced she's at the very least being harassed. Ponies have died, something is clearly sinister, and even the police are involved at this point.
Sadly, at this point, I started to realize that I, as a reader, sorta saw where this was going.
You can actually pinpoint the exact moment. I think it was right here:
[...]She realized the smell meant that whatever or whoever it was that had been at her shop, had somehow escaped the building and followed her and Coco home.
Chapter 1 ended and all cards were still off the table. My two running theories were Manehattan is being invaded by an evil necromancer or this is the doing of one pony but a really twisted pony Inevitably, when the resolution started kicking in, I felt as though I kinda saw where it was going, and I was ultimately sort of right. That isn't to say it was handled poorly, but as soon as we kicked into the sort of typical grimdark situation where someone is kidnapped and tortured by a sociopath, my mind kinda went "aaaaaalright so let's skip to the resolution then cause i've kinda seen all this before."
The resolution actually kinda surprised me, though. Seeing how all the pieces ultimately clicked in, as Detective Rarity—all too late—solves the case, was pretty fucking cool and heartbreaking. I thought the sense of hopelessness the end of the story depicted was pretty cool, and there was even a hint of optimism too. Is it possible that Coco could have solved the crime when the story ended? It seemed distinctly possible, considering she immediately thought something was up with Rarity.
Then, reading the first chapter again for the purpose of doing this review, I appreciated it a lot more the second time around, with a full context of just what all these 'clues' are hinting towards. I left the story with a sort of 'eh' opinion, but I found myself thinking on this story for a good while after it.
So, yeah. I dunno. I thought it was pretty good. The writing was distinct and flavourful, no two sentences read the same and the flow was really really good. As I said, I had no problems reading it in one sitting. If you're looking for a quick, accessible, well-written horror short story, this one is worth a look.
Although, I must note: Considering how much I liked the buildup, I thought the cover art of the story really fucking gave things away. Just my opinion, take it as you will, but I think something far more subtle would have worked well.
As it stands, I think this story's definitely worth a read.
There were a few typos in the story, but none that really broke the flow all that much. Just a few awkward word choices in a few places. I can PM a list of my editing notes to the author, if they want/are reading this.
Do you like my reviews? I'm gonna try to turn two out every 7 days. Don't like them? I got three words
Are you taking any story requests? If so, what restrictions?
4662849
No restrictions, I'm open to most genres. If you've got something you think I may like to read, send me a PM. I only ask that you do so with a bit of restraint on both what I can/would like to read. Look through my Favourites if you're curious what those sort of stories are.
Hey there. Nice review. Could you please give me your opinion on following:
I think that review is made for audience. Like myself for example. And the purpose of review is to explain to me, wether or not I will like to read this particular story. And for me I guess there is not enoth plot summary to judge upon. What I got from reading your rewiev: this is good horror, involwing Rarity and there is some murders going on.
How do you balance your thoughts about fic and plot summary, to interest audience to read this story? Maybe you shoud add more?
4662882
For sure I should! This particular story, I personally felt would be better enjoyed with little context towards the plotline. I tried to recommend it without really giving away what it was that took me by surprise when I read this story.
And you're right, I'm writing these more as recommendations than anything else. I'm trying to come up with a reviewing style that really fits me, so it's bound to be a slight work in progress.