My Job and My Realization

Hello everyone,

I'm sure a lot of you experienced this problem and I want to share this with you all.

I have posted before about how I have this job that has just been stressing me out almost every single day.
I'm sure to a lot of people though, the job itself is not that bad.
I'm a part-time supervisor at UPS.
My responsibility is to direct my crew as I see fit and do my best to keep the belt running.
Also, to insure the safety of my fellow coworkers.
The problem is which UPS hub I work at.
It is pretty much, to my knowledge, it is the oldest building with the oldest equipment around the area.
Because of this, my coworkers and I have to work much harder than we should be.
Now I don't mind hard work, I really don't, but this company just asks for too much when we have so little.
Now I know this is probably half of the companies that exist in the world, but it is just ridiculous.
My coworkers and I would be getting yelled at to do better, but they don't seem to realize that we are not machines.
The crew I have are awesome people and work hard, but get yelled at for not doing better.
Also, they are promised stuff and don't get it.
They are unhappy and I find myself hard to keep my spirits up as well.
Especially as their supervisor, that isn't good behavior on my part.

Also, as a part-time supervisor, I am responsible to fill out the necessary paperwork.
My old manager of our shift, was very lenient did not stress about the papers so much because he knew of our situation.
Now he left to the new building in the area and our new manager is more strict on papers.
It is very difficult to run the belt and do paperwork at the same time.
If we had newer equipment, I know for sure it could be done.

Not only that, there is a supervisor that I work under.
Here's the thing, on the job he knows his stuff and works hard.
However, he has no skills in talking to his employees and yells at us all the time when things go to !@#$.
Also, he tends to play favorites and does a terrible job at hiding it.
The funny thing about him, off work, he is a pretty cool guy to be around.
Working under him though is just too much and I am actually scared of going back to work.
I keep wondering if I am doing my job right and if I am making the right calls.
There have been times when I yelled at him and I felt terrible.
I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet... There have been days when I wish they did.
That way I had an excuse for leaving the company.
I don't like feeling anger or yelling at people.
It is just not right and I believe we can get by at work without yelling at one another.
Or at least only scold the employees that deserve it.

There have been other mishaps with the company that I am not happy with, but I won't go into too much detail.

You want to know the worst of it? I have changed.
A few people I know said that I swear more and I get mad very easily.
I hold all this in at work and I don't really have a good way of ventilating the anger.
Everyday, I am actually scared, sad, and mad about going back to work.

Why haven't I quit?
Well, it is pretty much because UPS has great benefits and pays for my education.
Everyday though, I always wonder if it is worth it.
Is it worth all the stress and the company changing me to someone I don't want to be?

A person told me that in order to be successful, I need to get tough and take some yelling.
No doubt that is true.
He is a fellow supervisor and he knows how to run his crew.
I can imagine him being successful almost anywhere he goes.

Honestly, I don't care about getting rich or anything like that.
I would be satisfied and happy if I just find that job where I can take care of myself and a family.
I pretty much take happiness over money any day... That is, unless I win money in the lottery. XD

If you have read this far, I really appreciate it and I will get to the point.
The point is, I feel that I need to think about my happiness as well as my future.
These things I am doing is not just me, but because I was afraid of how other people have viewed me.
Am I a failure to them? Am I a wimp? Am I stupid?
Although I am with a company like UPS, I can't imagine being under constant stress for the rest of my life.
For a while, I have driven with Lyft and I can honestly say that I would choose that over UPS.
I am happy driving around, meeting customers, and just talking with them.

Some of you are probably thinking, "Well how long do you think Lyft is going to last? UPS is a company that isn't going away anytime soon." I thought about this and realized this. I am constantly weighing pros and cons everyday and night.

I am at the point where I just don't care what other people think of me, because I feel that I am paying high prices.
I miss coming on here and sharing my stories with people.
I miss playing games and being with my friends.
I miss smiling for real, not swearing too much, and not get so damn mad all the time.

Like I said, I am probably making it sound worse than it is, but it is just how I feel personally.
I know I am sounding like a child, but I just don't really care anymore.

As of right now, I can't sleep and I'm just thinking what the hell am I doing with my life?
Along with this, I would like to give you all some advice.
Don't make the same mistake I made and think too much of what others think.
Realize who YOU are and what YOU want to do with your life.
Only then, can you be happy and satisfied where you are at.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you are all having a better day than I.