Drakey One-off Review

Was bored while out today and amused myself with a pick from my Read Later list, “Twilight’s Bird Feeder”

Twilight’s Bird Feeder by Hyzaku

So I recognize this fic probably won’t be finished any time soon. And frankly, it’s for the best. This is one of those stories that works better as a oneshot, because as a continuous fic it began to lose my interest in the second chapter and it was entirely gone by the third.

The idea begins promisingly with a simple premise - Twilight puts out a bird feeder and Rainbow starts snacking on it. The first chapter is very stylized with almost no dialogue and a lot of narration in Twilight-style prose that sets a good mood. The chapter even ends on a one-shot-like stinger with Celestia and Luna that made me laugh out loud.

The problem is the fic keeps going. The funny idea of Rainbow Dash eating from Twilight’s bird feeder is pretty much forgotten to focus on shipping. It turns out Twilight’s bird seed is a kind that, in pegasi culture, is given as a romantic gesture and is also an aphrodisiac. So now Rainbow thinks Twilight wants her. And then out of nowhere, Luna wants Twilight too, and is sticking her tongue down Twilight’s throat.

The shipping stuff is funny but not as funny as the bird feeder stuff, and everything after the second chapter loses the style that made the first chapter rather engaging. What begins as an absurdly funny idea is lost in generic shipping fuel.

Recommendation: Read the first chapter to take it as a comedy one-shot, and skip the rest.

Comments

[PresentPerfect]

ugh, sad face D: