She was right, I am withdrawn. · 1:35pm Aug 23rd, 2017
It's a hell of a lot fucking easier to talk to people behind a computer.
God she makes me feel like complete and utter trash. She did the same thing back when I was in her class.
Nobody believed me.
"Cute little Abigail wouldn't do a thing to you Alice"
"But Abby is a little angel, it can't have been her that broke your nose and made you bleed all over your blouse"
"Perhaps we need to involve your parents in these wild accusations Alice"
She said the meanest shit to me.
"What you drawing Alice, your mummy, the one that died?"
"Oooh looks like Alice is alone in the back again today!"
"What did you bring today Alice? Ooh, Pokemon again? Isn't that the game you got from therapy?"
She tore up my fucking diary once, piece by piece, 2 years worth of drawings of Pokemon and little notes.
Oh and her gang, don't even get me started on her gang! First we had Celia, the strong one! She held me down as the others kicked me until I cried. And they laughed and took pictures! You know I still have bruises, still have scars!
And then there was Lily, the little one, the puncher! She's the one that kept watch!
And the one who I can't remember so for fucks sake I'll call her Fiona! She used to spit on me after they had done.
My mother, who ADOPTED ME was the only one who really saw what these vile beasts had done to me. It wasn't the teachers, it was my mother.
And of course she made many complaints, none of which were met by the faculty because my school didn't take her seriously!
Sorry, I'm rambling on, shit it's like 2:30pm and I'm almost at Saturday night levels of drunk, I should probably go to sleep.
Sometimes it helps to get this out. Now you can face it, but you're right maybe sleep is a good idea.
4645418
Sleep is hard, its shy but when it comes it's a heavy hitter.
If it'll help we can chat till it does
4645423
Sure, what do you wanna chat about?
4645425
Anything really, I'm not doing too much right now. Just had to unclog my sink.
4645426
Eugh, sounds tough. I don't really use my sink much. Most things in my apartment go unused save for outlets really. I do cook dinner most nights I guess, but usually something simple.
4645428
I plunged it a bit showed it who's boss. I can understand that not everything needs to be used all the time. And your food doesn't need to be fancy as long as its good.
4645429
Yeah I guess, if i have anything at all that is. I really need to start eating regularly instead of sometimes. I'm actually pretty underweight for someone my age. Not massively, just a little.
Anyways, how are you going?
4645430
I'm sure you hear it from people all the time but yeah you need to eat. I'm not gonna say three times a day I don't even do that. I say at last one solid meal a day and a little whatever off and on during the day.
I'm doing pretty good. It ain't a cake walk but hey it never is.
4645431
I think I'm going insane. I hear voices in my head just saying my name over and over, they sound like people I know.
4645432
Try to block them out. Focus on talking to me. If you don't mind me asking how long has it been happening?
4645433
Since my girlfriend left me. They get louder if I block em out.
4645435
Have you thought about seeing someone because of them? And I wish I had better advice on how to deal with them.
4645437
I'm on enough meds as is. I don't need another bottle of pills.
4645438
I understand how you feel, it could be just the stress getting to you but it also could be something bigger going on. If you think you can handle it without anything fine,but if you're not sure and be honest about it you should see someone about it.
4645440
Perhaps I should see someone.
Honest question, why do I hate myself?
4645443
If you do there's no shame in it, asking for help is one of the hardest things a person can do.
I don't really know you well enough to know for sure but if I had to guess, I would say you blame yourself for what happened to you. That there's something you did that caused it to happen or made you deserve it. Or that if you we're stronger you could have stopped it. I'll tell you know none of that is true. None of its your fault and you couldn't have stopped it.
4645445
Never really thought about it that way. I guess it's got some truth in there.
4645445
I just popped a codeine, I give myself about 5 minutes before fainting.
4645448
Why do you think you hate yourself? I might have missed the mark on how you feel. I'm not an expert or anything like that.
4645449
Hope you sleep well
hug. it was bad, but it is gonna be over soon. you called the cops on those monsters- let the courts take care of this. she won't get away with this.
4645450
I always thought it was because I'm living the life I always wanted (minus the depression, pills, e.t.c) but my mum is dead and my father is nowhere to be seen. I hate that they had to miss out, but I get all the money, I get my own apartment, I can afford healthcare.
I feel as though it's unfair.
4645506
Yeah, I guess. Two officers came around yesterday, I made them tea and I showed them all the screenshots and explained what happened to me a while ago. I showed them the picture she sent me and they both instantly felt very sympathetic for me.
They said there are looking for her now.
4645879
You can't blame yourself for being successful. I have to think they would be happy for you. You've accomplished a lot you should be proud of yourself.
4645888
Yeah I guess. I don't know though, mum would probably be happy.
I wonder where dad is? I wonder if he wonders about me at all? I wonder if he would be happy if he knew that I was adopted.
4645891
Forgive me if this is too personal but do have any idea who your dad is? If you do or someone of your mom's side of the family dose. Maybe you could try to get in contact with him. Then you can know for sure.
4645894
Think about how that would go. I don't want to meet him, he left my mother to look after me alone!
4645904
You're right you did all this without him, you don't need him. And sense you have no intrist in meeting him Id try not to think about him at all. He's just like any other stranger, in the grand scheme of things he don't matter.
4645886
hug
4645908
Some of my earliest memories are of my mother crying.
4645910
Thank you. You know how I said they took pictures, that's what she sent me, about 7 pictures of me when I was 10 - 13 on the ground crying. In a few of them I had blood all over me. In others I just sat there laying quiet.
4645913
I'm sorry you and your mom had to go through that. But people that do that aren't worth the time of day much less the tears of good people.
4645919
Yeah, well I should've said that to her.
4645921
Maybe you should have. Do you think it would have changed anything? We all have hings we regret the trick is to not let them weigh us down. You can't change it all you can do is face it and move past it.
4645926
Maybe she wouldn't have died. Maybe I would have grown up a little more confident with myself. Maybe I would not have been bullied.
4645936
Maybe but its also just as likely nothing would have changed. Its a good what if but you can't think about it that much. You'll drive yourself crazy if you do.
4645917
*tight hug*
4645944
Yeah, this is the life I'm stuck with, it's better not to fantasise.
4645946
-hug-
4645948
On the bright side it sounds like a pretty good life all things considered. And everyone thinks about what could have been.
4645950
i hope the cops find her and take her to court. this isn't bullying. this is torture.
4645951
Yeah I guess, I live this life but I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry myself to sleep, or I've never contemplated running away.
4645954
Why does she take joy in make me feel shit?
4645959
Even people who seam like thy have it all can be miserable on the inside. Just know you don't have to face this alone, there's people that will help you. Hell I know we don't know each other real well but I'll help you anyway I can.
4645959
some people are just evil that way.
4645993
She really made me feel bad about myself. I was scared of her. I skipped school once to get away from her. Mother let me, she told the faculty that I was sick. Once she kicked me with her soccer boots on. That was one of the only two times I was knocked out by her. It extended from their as well. The bullying occurred almost every day. She would walk over to my desk after the lesson had finished. She would open with something like,
"Lil' Alice is still on her own, would you like some company? Would ya?"
And then she would take me somewhere and beat me up. She did everything, have then hold me up against a tree and knee me until she bruised my ribs, have then hold me down and repeatedly kick my stomach and head until I bled or got knocked out. Then they would run leaving me there. Faint and in lots of pain.
Sorry, for another breakout, I've been drinking too much. It's 4:30 in the morning, I'm just going to lay down and put on Netflix until I fall asleep.
4646250
*rubs back* i know. i know. but you did the right thing. hopefully, she'll get psychiatric help. and as for you... you survived. your mother (don't know if it was real or adopted) helped you. she knows what you went though and will support you. hopefully you'll find someone who will care about you, like a boyfriend who will treat you like a princess.
4646278
It was my adopted mother, this was 4 years after she died. And I do need someone like that in my life, but not a boy.
4646295
hug
4646319
*hug*.