Why I edit. · 7:20pm Aug 22nd, 2017
This is a long slightly rambly thing and a bit person. It does involve discussing some heavy topics so please don't feel obliged to read.
I used to be suicidal. I don't say this for pity-seeking or to worry anyone. There's a good reason I can use the past tense. I still occasionally find myself struck with suicidal ideation, but I stop it when it's a thought. I get help, I talk to someone or I do something else. I don't let it get any further and I never will.
I was this way because I have severe clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, and complex ptsd. This means I have incredibly bad depression, I get anxious a lot about everything and nothing, and I have many things that give me severe panic attacks. I'm working on these things, and I'm miles better than I used to be. It feels really good to be able to look back and see how far I've progressed.
At the same time, it's incredibly easy to look forward and feel discouraged by how far I still feel I have to go. Editing helps.
Editing is progress. If I edit fifty words, or fifty thousand, it's still progress. I can still see myself moving forward. I don't have the same waypoints others do. i'm no longer in school, I don't have a job to get promoted at, i'm not interested in marriage or kids. So it's very easy to feel like I'm not progressing in my life.
Editing is very low pressure. If I have a day where getting out of bed is too hard, i can still edit. If I feel like I'll weep leaving the house, I can edit.
There is rarely an unreachable deadline to meet with editing, and there is plenty of feedback on how you do. People care about your opinions and they show it, by agreeing and using your changes or debating them and reworking things, or even just politely disagreeing. what I say matters to them and it's immediately visible.
I admit I edit for other reasons too. The thrill of being in on a secret, seeing something few others will see, helping polish something so it shines even more brightly... but one of the main ones is it helps. It helps me move forward out of the dark places and into the light.
There are often writers who worry I don't want to edit their works, or that I'm doing too much. I am grateful for their concern, but here I can definitively plant my flag and promise that i edit because I love it. I strive to improve because it makes me happy.
Why do you write, or edit for that matter? what do you gain from it? Or what do you want to gain from it?
I write to get the stories out, to make some imaginary friends, and in hopes that what I'm saying hits someone at exactly the right time in exactly the right way. By now I can't not write for long, though staying focused is always an issue.
And I think every fic reader in fandom is glad you get so much out of editing.
Depression is a terrible, frightening thing, and it is something I wouldn't want anyone to go through. I'm glad that you've found a way to combat such feelings, and there is something special about helping other people. Editing is definitely a wonderful, important skill, and you have quite the resume given how many popular stories you've worked on.
As for me, I tend to write for my own amusement, but I've given up on posting since my skills aren't that good. Part of it may be due to my own anxiety disorder, but the struggle that goes into writing and the first hour or two after a story goes up is admittedly tense. However, I love thinking about different scenarios and how characters would interact in them, which is what keeps me invested in writing stories.
Anyway, I hope things are going well for you, and I wish you all the best.
Because I like to tell stories and show my internal world. And, to be honest, I also get a kick out of people appreciating my stuff, which is an interesting facet of myself I discovered once I started publishing on FimFiction.
Thank you for all you do, Ferret.
As for why I write, I get to share my ideas and increase net happiness. What more could I ask for?
Well, getting paid for it, I guess, but then I couldn't work with ponies.
Quite a story. Thank you for sharing. I'm in a different kind of boat, but I do have my own medical issues, which was one of the reasons I started writing.
Five years ago I got diagnosed with what turned into Lymphoma after I had a heart transplant 21 years ago. I had just started writing my first fanfic purely for the sake of wanting to write a few months before my diagnosis. While I was on chemotherapy, I started thinking about what it would be like to write about my experiences through fiction, so with a bit of prodding from the person who got me into MLP in the first place, I eventually did. That fic turned into a 100+k-word story, and I'm incredibly proud of it. Writing turned into something therapeutic, and after I finished that story (and even while it was in progress) I wrote more. I just found I enjoyed it. That's still the case now. I find immersing myself in a different world takes me away from the other crap I generally need to deal with.
As an editor, it's kind of a two-way street. I first found that I seemed to have a natural affinity for language, and when I would read stories with clear mistakes, it broke the immersion of the stories I read. When I stumbled upon a story with real potential (one I've now taken over as the writer), I knew I needed to at least offer some help, and I'm thrilled I did. The original author and I are now very good friends, and now that he stepped away from the story, I'm having a lot of fun writing it. So in one sense, the editing is a bit selfish because I would rather read a story that's well-written without mistakes. At the same time, I've found that I'm teaching others some of the more advanced aspects of the English language, and that's really satisfying because I originally wanted to be a teacher (I can't now because of the Lymphoma, though I am cured of it). Those people I've helped are also very grateful, and their thanks makes the effort all the more worth it. Essentially, I edit because I like to, and the people I help really appreciate it.
It's good to hear you get so much gratification from editing also. When something is that productive on multiple levels, it's incredibly satisfying.
I appreciate you opening up to the world.
I also have several clinical depression. The medication helps, but can only do so much at the end of the day. I can't use it as a crutch to get through life, so I dive into escapism and fully immerse myself into those worlds in order to forget the quiet whispers in the back of my brain that I refuse to give power to, no matter how exhausted it makes me.
One of those worlds is writing. And sometimes it's a cathartic serious piece. Sometimes its an outlandish comedy that makes people go 'wut'.
But if what I do can give people even the slightest distraction from the personal demons they face, or I can make someone change their mind about doing something terrible by having stories that shine a light on the good things in life, then I'm doing something worthwhile. I'm helping people. I'm helping others choose not to make the same irreversible mistake I've tried to do before.
I feel ya. Internet hugs.
Geez, that's rough. I don't think I have problems anything like you do.
I'm glad you enjoyed the party! At least I think you did. It wasn't too stressful, was it?
Writing, and editing too, I suppose, is a way to see that you've accomplished something. In my job, I do the same work over and over again, and there is never any progress. Every semester, a new wave of students comes in and another leaves. You teach the same things over and over and every measure of progress that you might have seen gets washed away. You write your lectures and make your homework keys and then a new edition of the book comes out and all that work is gone. It's very easy to feel like you've accomplished nothing. Like walking on a treadmill: a lot of work, but no forward motion.
Writing makes me feel like I've produced something. Made something that someone else can enjoy. That's the only sense of accomplishment I really get. I just kind of feel like if what I'm doing doesn't make someone else's life better in some way, then why have I done it? That's the same reason I'm happy to cook for someone else, but if I'm sitting at home, alone, I don't bother to eat.
But when you write something (or draw something, or cook something), and someone's day is better because of it, that's all that really matters. Even if the next day, it's forgotten like yesterday's lily lying bruised in the grass by the side of the road, I think it was worth it for that one moment of happiness.
4644874 Jesus no, your parties are always fantastic. Never fret Ed, I love hanging out with you and the gang you cultivate.
4644980
We always walk tall...
For the life of me, I can't figure if I think I'm an editor first and a writer second, or the other way around. I'll talk about that in a moment.
Since (roughly) half the comments are sharing their own experiences and half are answering the questions straight, I'll split it down the middle and (try to) be brief. Finding happiness is a struggle for me; some days it seems like a fight against the circumstances. Over the years, most of the people I used to talk to or even call friends have either moved on or opted to abruptly cut ties after years – usually in a 'you're not novel anymore' fashion – leaving me with only a small handful of friends and family that I can interact with in person. And now for at least two reasons I would describe my persona (not quite 'who I am') as "jaded and bitter", half as a joke, but still somewhat seriously.
Some of these being the reasons that I have been burned, I should hope neither do I. At this point, I'm looking ahead and working to shift my circumstances (day-to-day fights don't go my way, so I have to play the long game) so that the issues that I find most prominent are reduced or eliminated.
Now, in the light of all that, I started writing and volunteered for my first editing work for completely unrelated reasons. At the time, I just wanted to do something, and there were all these cool people doing things, and I figured writing was probably my strongest skill when I compared it to music composition and pretty much any form of visual art. I spent the next few months reading about writing because I wouldn't want to be one of those fools who did it wrong. If there's one thing I suspect I'll never have, it's overconfidence.
Then I started working with other cool people. That's a big reason I like the writing and editing – and I don't really have to worry about writing losing its novelty to someone who had also invested years in learning it (probably voluntarily). Now, when Circumstances occasionally rears its big ol' head, I have a few more people I can talk to – not necessarily about Circumstances, because just having people to interact with is a plus.
Which reminds me, Kwak's group has missed you since I sort of cajoled them into moving to Discord, which make me feel responsible. D:
Then there are the ideas. Writing and editing, ponies or otherwise, makes for a wonderful place to put together thought experiments. While editing, it is fun when either I come across or suggest a nice, quirky idea that makes more sense than it should. On the other hand, my pride and joy, Unhinged, is based on nigh-totally-random 'prompts' that are still somewhat pony-themed. First, this nearly necessitates thinking about the prompt from many different angles to make all the dots connect; second, the concept of taking something that churns out these 'prompts' based on a pool of works derived from the show is greatly amusing to me, even if I don't get near as much time to work on it as I would like.
And finally there's that I've both probably forgotten things that I could say here, and that I hardly believe I know everything there is to know about writing and editing. I plan to keep learning for a very long time. My username, even, was chosen because during my research before I jumped in, I had heard of and seen self-inserts go wrong, and it was a bit of a statement that I wouldn't do that – that I wouldn't write blindly. So I keep going, a little speck in a vast sea of things that I will never be able to learn all of. Somehow, it makes looking ahead a little easier.
4645087 I keep meaning to join the discord sometime, now that I've actually moved to discord proper. Send me a pm with the link would you?
Thank you for such a fascinating response too.
4644820 stole my first answer, so now I'll have to actually think. Curse them!
It's great to hear that your helpfulness to us helps you out, too, Ferret. I know a fraction of what it's like, and it's good to see that what works for me works for you as well. Well, the same general sort of thing, at least. Massive props for managing to be such a nice person in spite of your troubles.
I'll see if you're available during whatever eon I want to publish the next chapter of MHE in.
As for why I write/edit:
I started writing because I had a significant chunk of (what I thought to be) cool headcanon about a what-if scenario where I speculated on what tribes of ponies would find different hostile environs less hostile than the other tribes did, and a friend convinced me to write a fic so that I could properly show that headcanon off. And then I figured I'd need a prequel one-shot to introduce one of the characters, I proceeded to fall in love with said character, a one-shot proved to be not nearly enough, and stuff just kinda snowballed from there.
It seems to usually be my wonky headcanon that gets the ball rolling, but it tends to be my love for my characters that keeps me writing a story. Well, that and feedback from those strange people who somehow get my obscure sense of humor.
Side-note: I like to think that Maud's stand-up comedy is hilarious to anypony who's well-versed in rockiology.
I write because it's a social thing. I have a hard time keeping in human company. Writing helps to feel less empty all the time.
I started writing here because I wanted friends. It kinda worked
You know, I always feel bad when I ask someone to edit, and can't give something in return quid pro quo. It's nice to know your relationship with us pony-writers is a symbiotic one after all. Let me add my own voice to those saying we're glad to have helped.
I wrote first to exorcise personal demons, and so generally, the darker one of my stories is, the more personal it is. It seems to have worked, because these days I always seem to be smiling. Now, I just want to amuse and enlighten my readers, as a proper writer should.
Now I just need to figure out how to scare people, without using emotional baggage for inspiration...
4645238 Murder Stephen King and consume his brain?
You're a pillar of the fimfic community, ferret. Thanks for sharing your gifts with us, and explaining your challenges too
I've been telling stories longer than I've been able to legibly put words on a page. It's a creative and emotional outlet for me that no other activity quite compares to, and writing is my way of telling stories.
I don't have severe depression or PTSD or anything, but I do often feel that I'm accomplishing nothing with my life. Still in school, with at least one year (and probably more) to go, in a major that interests me but which I don't really understand or necessarily want to be in. To be honest, I barely even write anymore because I have no motivation and generally dislike what I produce. I guess I used to write because I hadn't done it before and it was new and fun and satisfying to see that people liked what I created.
I can relate to the pressure of feeling your life isn't progressing. Since leaving school mine has been my job, and when I'm not at work I have no idea what to do. I have more money and gadgets than I know what to do with, but no real reason leave my home. Heck, I barely left the apartment during my entire summer vacation except to buy groceries.
I'd like to have kids some day, but I've never really searched for a partner. While the stress of the biological clock isn't as bad for men, you can certainly still hear it ticking.
While reading stories on fimfic was at first just another way for me to waste time when I wasn't at work, I found that writing helps against the pressures of time. I like to believe that what I write will be a sort of legacy that will still be there when I'm not. We all want to put our mark on the world and have something to be proud of that we know will last. In that regard I think you've done a good job, seeing how many awesome stories there are out there with Edited by: Themaskedferret.
Yup, that's me. I've thought about asking you a few times, but I worry you'd only do it to be nice and not because you really wanted to.
All the more reason to throw these words that are so very nearly done at you. It's like dropping a ferret in a box of packing peanuts.
I don't know why I write. I thought I did, once upon a time, but those were the explanations of the sort of young mind that knows what the answer is supposed to be. I suppose it's for catharsis.
I'll focus on answering the question broached at the end. I write because I love writing. I have always loved the writing process. Sometimes I write with archaic devices, or even just with a pen and paper, because I enjoy the various methods. Sculpting a scene just the right way is an artform to me. One of the main reasons I started taking commissions is because I enjoy a new challenge, too. "Hey, I want you to do X with this character and that character." You want...what? Let me see if I can make this work!
The downsides, I suppose, are twofold. For one, I like writing everything. I jump around to different genre on a whim, and I think sometimes my readers have trouble sticking with me. Today they might read a fantasy story of mine and think oh, I like fantasy...and tomorrow they see I've published comedy or horror, and don't know what to make of it. The other downside is that writing is not a business to me. It is a love. Thus, my novels probably aren't doing as well as they could simply because I am not willing to sell myself at every moment. Sure, I'd like to make a buck. But that's not the point.
As for editing, I do that because I must. When working on a first draft, I ignore the editing process entirely, on purpose, because I believe that it will just slow me down and erode my sense of accomplishment. The first time around, it's about getting my thoughts out. When I complete that, I give the entire story a second, top-to-bottom readthrough, at least 24-48 hours after I finish writing it (for a fresh perspective). That is when I'm looking for mistakes, passages that don't make sense, weakly defined concepts, overuse of words, swapped character names, logic flow errors, and so forth. I can't say I really love or hate this process...it's just part of writing to me, and it needs to be done. I would consider it an insult to my readers to release something I haven't given a careful eye to.
I edit because I sometimes struggle to have my meaning come across to someone else exactly the way that I intend.
With editing, I can help others make sure their vision and intent in their writing matches with what the reader takes away from their story.
Not a writer, but a reader who has read many fics you have edited, thanks for all you do, Ferret.