For Loyal · 11:36pm Aug 9th, 2017
Is it bad that when I first read the news that Loyal had taken his own life, the first thing I felt (once the shock had worn off) was anger? Righteous, furious anger?
Loyal wasn't one of the folks on here that I considered a "friend." We never had any lengthy conversations, never collaborated, nothing like that. What he was was someone I respected. He was an author the likes of which I knew I could never be on the same level as. He was just SO GOOD at this writing thing.
I was angry that he took his own life, but that passed quickly. That loss is being felt by those who knew him personally. I can never know how they feel because I didn't know Loyal that well. I do know (all too well) how it feels to have someone you've known and trusted and loved for a very long time do something like this, so believe me when I say that they have my condolences. The hurt never really goes away.
My anger burned much brighter at the fact that his stories have died with him.
'Archmage' is unquestionably Loyal's masterpiece. A deft and, dare I say, epic story of adventure and romance that has some of the best character work I've ever seen in a fanfic, MLP or otherwise. 'Archmage' is complete, and it is a story that I know I can go back and reread and enjoy whenever I feel like it. 'Applejack's Key is a Condom' will remain one of the finest pieces of comedy I've ever had the joy of reading.
But 'Archmage: Square One,' the incredibly intriguing sequel, will never be completed.
And 'Archmage: Through the Crystal Mirror' will never have another story arc.
I was angry, but now I feel nothing but sorrow. Loyal made the decision to end his own life, and he took his stories with him. We'll probably never know why he did what he did, and I know that I can never truly mourn a man that I knew almost nothing about.
But I can mourn his stories.
I cannot celebrate the life he lived. I cannot reminisce on fond memories and recollections of good times.
But I can celebrate his stories.
For what it's worth, wherever you are; thank you, Loyal. Thank you for inspiring and entertaining. May you find peace beyond that you could not find amongst us.
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To any who read my words, please know this; if you're ever feeling like there's no hope and you feel the urge to harm yourself, do not hesitate to contact me. The loss of any life is too much to bear.
Never forget that there are people here for you.
I've stood on the knife's edge more than once. And in a very sad way, seeing what happens when someone kills themselves and seeing what that does to their friends and family is the most enduring reason I know of not to do it. Even at my most disillusioned with humanity, knowing that someone will be sad, even for a moment, at my passing has been enough to hold it back.
I don't know how evil this may sound, but in a way the heartbreak from incidents like this can help; because somewhere, someone will see what happens when someone who thought themselves alone is mourned by so many, and maybe they'll put down the knife.
I didn't know Loyal either. Perhaps worse, I didn't even know his stories. But I'll remember him.
This is... not what I expected when I saw the blog.
There's not much to say. I never knew him, only followed him briefly before his (back then) childish whining got on my nerves too much, and decided that I didn't want to waste time reading about him being angry at people criticizing his work.
I'm sad to hear that he did what he did. It's never an answer. It just causes more pain. Regardless, if there is any life after this, I hope he at least feels better there.
Heck. I wondered if you'd have anything to say about this. I thought I recognized the name (when I heard about it elsewhere), but it didn't click until I looked him up.
Full disclosure, I started reading Archmage due to your enthusiastic recommendation, and it was intriguing, but something about "you must lose your virginity in order to complete your training" put me off. Maybe someday... hopefully my noping out didn't affect him too badly (it was nearly two years ago, and I did leave what I thought was a friendly comment on the next chapter just because I wanted to get past the cliffhanger, so I suppose not).
Anyway, not much to say that hasn't been said.
I didn't really know the guy (in fact, looking at his story page, I only read one of his stories), but learning about this reminds me of that dark day in 2012 when I learned of Raefire's passing. Considering his "Night of the Shy" story, along with "Past Sins", was what convinced me to get into this fandom to begin with, and knowing that it would now never be finished, really struck me in the heart, as I'm sure Loyal's death does to you. Anyway, my condolences, and regret at the terrible loss this fandom has suffered and hope the man's at peace.
Someone should finish his fics for him. Just like Jack Prelutsky did for Dr. Seuss.
Thanks for putting this out there, Jade. I sincerely appreciate it. :)
*sends e-hug*
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I understand why that bit can be a bit off-putting, but given what comes after (one of my absolute favorite takes on using the power of the Night and the story's incredibly well developed main romance) it really is worth it.
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No problem, buddy.
I find Pinterest helps. I was feeling really down one day when I hopped on a Pinterest, the first pins where saying how wonderful you are, and anti depression type pins. So strange how the day I needed it they popped up.
*back pat* I think you can mourn someone you don't know, especially if their work affected you.
And don't forget the offer goes both ways, if you need someone to talk to I'm here.