Read It Now Reviews #109 – Auk-ward…, RariTwi Shipping, A Proper Pair of Idiots, Three Letters, My Wings Will Keep You Safe · 6:42pm Jul 31st, 2017
I originally started this review set on April 15th. I got three stories done, and then forgot I had started a set. By the time I got back to it, it was the end of June, so I figured I probably should move them over to a Read It Later review set.
And then sat on it for another month.
Horizon publishing a story this morning, along with a request from someone who had gotten a featured story, spurred me to finish this set.
Today’s stories:
Auk-ward… by Estee
RariTwi Shipping by Estee
A Proper Pair of Idiots by Carapace
Three Letters by Horizon
My Wings Will Keep You Safe by Brony250
Auk-ward…
by Estee
Slice of Life
9,880 wordsSince the rediscovery of the Elements, the reputation of the Bearers has been slow to spread -- but it has spread. And so some ponies are now aware that if they ever truly want to know what an animal is thinking, all they need to do is go to Ponyville, approach the cottage on the settled zone's border, and request a consultation -- whereupon the pegasus who lives there will typically do everything she can to turn them away.
After all, most ponies really don't want to know that their favorite companions are, at heart, complete morons.
Why I added it: Estee is a good writer.
Review
From the description of this story, you might think this is a comedy story, despite the lack of a comedy tag.
It isn’t.
It is an Estee story.
Spring has sprung, and as one might imagine, Fluttershy is dealing with a great deal surrounding her various animal companions. All the animals are getting friendly with each other, the birds are singing their melodious songs…
Mostly that last one, considering the season.
So naturally, it is the perfect time for a noble to drop in from Canterlot unannounced to try and hire Fluttershy to go talk to one of her birds for her. Applejack happens to be on the premises at the time (something about her big brother saying she’s working herself to death – no big deal, clearly 
- so she decided to visit Fluttershy) and manages to score Fluttershy a fair bit of money in exchange for her services. And decides to go along with Fluttershy, because extra services would cost extra (on top of the already exorbitant fee…).
As we see, Applejack doesn’t care much for the nobles, while Fluttershy doesn’t care much for being spoken for… not to mention dreading what the bird is really going to be saying, that she now has to translate faithfully.
This story is a pretty simple character piece about Applejack and Fluttershy – or at least, Estee’s versions thereof. Estee’s Applejack is a bit of a bigot and doesn’t care much for nobles at all, and is more than a little mercenary in some ways when it comes to money (especially if it means parting nobles from it). Fluttershy, meanwhile, is her demure self, and a bit tired of all the attention she’s getting from the animals, who all see her as a really strange specimen of their own kind, with all that can entail…
There isn’t a whole lot of meat here plot-wise. This is a slice of life piece, as it is labelled; there aren’t high stakes, and it is mostly about a minor degree of interpersonal conflict between Fluttershy and Applejack, with Applejack being a jerk throughout the piece, both towards Fluttershy (who she doesn’t seem to really respect as much as she should) and the noble (who has done nothing to Applejack, but whom Applejack dislikes on general principle anyway). This might be an example of Estee setting up for the existence of some character in a future story (as what little we see of the OC here is fairly likeable), or it might just be a casual examination of Applejack and Fluttershy as people.
So if you’re looking for some sort of deeper plot, this isn’t really the right place to look; this is a piece of Fluttershy and Applejack’s life, not one of great significance, but one which illuminates their character (at least as Estee sees it) somewhat. If you’re a Fluttershy fan especially, this story might be up your alley.
One thing I will note, though – despite the description of animals being, well, stupid, it actually doesn’t play a huge role in the plot. While it is a plot element, it isn’t something which is heavily explored, simply… is a thing. So if you’re looking for some hilarious conversation between Fluttershy and a dumb animal, that isn’t what this is.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if you’re a big Flutterfan.
RariTwi Shipping
by Estee
Sex, Comedy, Slice of Life
7,252 wordsIt's a simple thing, really. Celestia and Luna would normally do it, but the palace has been rather busy of late. So all Twilight has to do is go to Baltimare and officially launch three ships, because launching ships is one of the official duties of a Princess. What could be simpler?
After Twilight instinctively chooses the wrong definition of 'ship' and desperately asks a friend for help? Just about anything.
Why I added it: Estee is a good writer and the premise to this story is too dumb not to read.
Review
Twilight, as part of her Royal Princess Duties, is asked by a messenger from Princess Celestia to head out to Baltimare to launch three ships.
So, clearly, this means she needs to set up three ponies together as couples in Baltimare. Tomorrow. By 4pm.
This is not a task she’s suited for. So she goes to talk to Rarity, the most romantic pony she knows. I mean, she’s always talking about how romantic a candlelight dinner would be, and how romantic the moon is when they’re out walking together at night. Clearly she knows all about this stuff!
Rarity acquiesces, of course. Baltimare is just perfect. And if they find just the right place there, she knows just what the final ship will be…
This is a dumb story. It relies on Twilight being completely oblivious and Rarity being comically terrible and blatant about her intentions. It also involves them setting up random ponies who are standing next to each other on dates.
As such, if you guessed that this might be a parody of shipping in general, you’d be right. And for that, it is rather fun. The story is deliberately exaggerated version of the typical “one character is oblivious to another character’s feelings” tropes, combined with the general enthusiasm of the fandom towards seeing characters standing next to each other/interacting in minor ways and immediately shipping them.
If you are looking for romance, or anything even remotely serious, or characters behaving in characters (or, indeed, like real people), this is not the story for you.
But if the idea of parodying both a shipfic and shipping in general at the same time appeals to you, and you don’t mind characters acting hyperexaggerated, this might be up your alley – especially if you think that making fun of Baltimore makes for a good time.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
A Proper Pair of Idiots
by Carapace
Romance, AppleDash
5,749 wordsIn the heat of the moment, a poor choice of words is all the difference between pragmatism and spite. Especially when spoken out of anger.
Three weeks without a word to her girlfriend has nagged at the back of Applejack's mind. But she's not in the wrong, she's sure of it.
She was only trying to look out for Rainbow's future.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
It has been a while since I read an AppleDash story, but I’ve always enjoyed the ship. As such, I was looking forward to jumping back in here.
Alas, this story, rather than scratching my itch, just made me feel a bit itchier.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash had a fight – Rainbow Dash forgot when Zap Apple season was, and didn’t ask for time off, so was participating in a Wonderbolts show at the same time. Applejack got very angry about it, threw her girlfriend’s forgetfulness in her face, and even implied that Rainbow Dash’s career wasn’t likely to be all that long, so she should concentrate on the farm, not on the Wonderbolts.
Needless to say, this went over like a lead balloon, and Applejack hasn’t seen Rainbow Dash in three weeks by the time the story begins. Big Mac, annoyed at his sister’s general attitude, decides to give her a forcible vacation – Zap Apple harvest or no, Applejack needs to deal with this, now.
So Applejack reluctantly goes off to Manehattan, thinking about the things she said and what she did wrong.
This story’s actual core idea – Applejack’s realization about Rainbow Dash’s dream, and not realizing what a relatively short Wonderbolt career really means as far as that goes – is actually a good one.
Alas, the story otherwise feels like very standard fare. The conflict in the story feels almost perfunctory – the conflict isn’t even really with Rainbow Dash, it is within Applejack herself. But the story doesn’t do enough to illustrate that. It just feels like a kind of standard shipfic with an interesting idea stuck into it. If more had been done to show this shift in Applejack’s thinking, to reinforce her shift from “The farm is more important, because it will be there when Rainbow Dash’s career is over” to “Rainbow Dash’s dream is fleeting, the farm will be there when it is over” would have helped to bring a stronger emotional core to the story, it would have made it much more impactful. Instead, it felt like it was resolved in a sort of perfunctory way, and while it is perfectly realistic for someone to sit down and think for a while and come up with a solution, it doesn’t make for very interesting writing to read about that most of the time.
That being said, this isn’t bad – it is just that, if you aren’t already into AppleDash, it is likely there isn’t a lot here for you, and it seems like if you are into AppleDash, you’ve likely already read a number of stories where Applejack and Rainbow Dash get into a fight and then go and make up, and this doesn’t really add a huge amount to the standard script.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Three Letters
by Horizon
Drama, Human
2,359 wordsTroubled. Disturbed. Stabbed. Entombed.
Sometimes, when you're playing a word game with a magical princess from another world, the words you choose aren't just words.
Why I added it: Horizon is a good writer.
Review
Our protagonist, a non-descript human named Jeff, is driving Twilight across the state of Wyoming towards a convergence of leylines that Twilight hopes she can use to get back home. Sure, it seems kind of crazy to drive some random girl who knocked on your front door, but she looked like she really needed help, and there was some small part of him that just wanted to see what happened.
To pass the time, the two of them play a car game, constructing words using a set of three letters off of the license plates of cars that pass by. But while Twilight proves just how skilled she is at the game, the protagonist’s own attempts trouble her.
After all, what kind of world has she found herself in where such awful words are the first to come to mind?
I really enjoyed this story, as it plays with several ideas I like – the idea of different norms across societies, as well as how such things can influence you and just the way you think of things offhand, and what you are used to experiencing. The sort of blind spots that people have towards things around them.
It has a lot of feeling to it, but is also pretty philosophical, a combination I really enjoy – philosophy is very dry on its own, but by adding a strong human element to it, it helps to show rather than simply muse about an idea.
While the Pony On Earth thing might put some people off, here I felt like it made excellent use of the idea, even if it did hit on the somewhat tired trope of “Equestria is much nicer than the real world,” it did so in an interesting fashion. This is a short and punchy piece, and I think a lot of folks will find it worth their while.
Recommendation: Recommended.
My Wings Will Keep You Safe
by Brony250
Drama, Slice of Life
9,698 wordsAfter having fallen asleep Apple Bloom finds herself at the Golden Oaks Library during a thunderous storm. As the storm grows worse Apple Bloom begins to gets more terrified by the minute. Twilight does her best to comfort the poor filly but with the storm carrying on all the way till the morning can the alicorn princess help the little filly overcome her fears and get her through this long dreadful night?
Why I added it: The writer asked me to review it, and it was featured.
Review
It is the first day of spring break, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders end up going over to Twilight’s library to plot. Apple Bloom is feeling really tired, and ends up curling up for a nap in Twilight’s guest bed, so when her friends leave, Twilight doesn’t realize she hasn’t left with them.
By the time Apple Bloom wakes up, a terrible storm is raging outside, and when Apple Bloom tries, the lightning drives her back inside. So it is up to Twilight to comfort the frightened filly until the storm blows over.
This is very much a fluff/comfort fic. Alas, it didn’t really do it for me. The story spends a long time trying to set up Apple Bloom being in Twilight’s library – in fact, close to 4,000 words are spent just trying to justify the premise of this story. Alas, this whole section of the story didn’t do much for me – not very much of interest happens in the story, and it does little to further the core appeal of the piece. Worse, it actually ended up making the story feel less justified in my mind – it ended up coming off as a bit of a contrived coincidence, especially with a random OC pegasus coming along to deliver a message to Applejack.
Unfortunately, this sort of soured me on the rest of the story. I’m not a huge one on comfort fics to begin with, and Apple Bloom is a pretty tough little filly in a lot of ways, so I had a hard time buying into the comfort aspect to begin with. I was never really sold on the actions of the characters overall; Twilight can be sweet, but I didn’t really buy into the interaction on that angle, either. And in the end I was left wondering why, after all the effort done to set up the particular axis of the story, it was Twilight and Apple Bloom – did it really need to be those two in particular? Why didn’t the writer use Applejack and Apple Bloom? Or Twilight and Spike? It would have saved them a lot of verbiage and allowed them to focus more on the emotional core of the story, instead of spending a huge chunk of the piece on trying to set it up.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
Auk-ward… by Estee
Worth Reading
RariTwi Shipping by Estee
Worth Reading
A Proper Pair of Idiots by Carapace
Not Recommended
Three Letters by Horizon
Recommended
My Wings Will Keep You Safe by Brony250
Not Recommended
I don’t really know what I did with the month of July, but it was nothing good.
I think I’m going to climb back into the saddle and try and get a bunch done this week. I actually wrote two stories for this weekend’s writeoff, and I have a number of stories that are beckoning me on my various read later lists.
Until then, I hope you all find something you enjoy.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 196
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 625
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 2147
I remember that feeling. It sucks.
I went and read Three Letters, as an experiment. Heat and featured and short and zero upvotes and clickbaity... sounds like the sort of story I’m going to hate! ... But I actually thought it was pretty good, a mixed bag, but worth reading overall. I think you liking stuff correlates fairly strongly with me liking stuff (which is nice!).
Any idea why your comment linking to your review is downvoted? that seems very strange.
Oh, dang. I just realized I missed out on a rare chance for a Highly Recommended.
BRB, editing Three Letters so that Fluttershy cries instead of Twilight.
(Seriously though, thanks for the review!)
4619303
Some people get super butthurt over me doing reviews, so just randomly downvote my posts.
Yes, even on stories that aren't theirs.
4619306
Tch. Fluttershy wouldn't be nearly as good at the license plate game.
I did enjoy the story considerably, though I have no idea how you thought you were going to fit that into 750 words and get the same impact.
4619353
It’s odd because people generally dislike negativity and your review was thoroughly positive.
If there are genuinely people whom you’ve made mad enough from past reviews that they remember it enough to dislike random posts now, that’s pretty impressive/amazing/sad. Also a bit scary considering how non-confrontational you always are.
4619366
There's some history here: TD's reviews are notorious for being a sea of Not Recommendeds. They're about 50% of his overall review total numerically, but the "Read it Now" reviews — the ones where he's going beyond the stories he knows he likes, to random authors in the Featurebox — are especially heavy with them. He makes a point of not posting a set without at least one Worth Reading or higher, and I'm pretty sure the average RIN review is four NRs and one WR. (Certainly the mode.)
4619357
Oh, there's no question I wouldn't have gotten the same impact out of 750. Hard-capping at 750 I would have had to end it right after the 'single positive word' line. I've been advocating for a while for minifics up to 1000 words instead of 750 [1] — that at least would have let me finish the TBD round and end with some sort of development and closure. But all of the philosophy was straight-up added yesterday once I was free of the length restriction, and getting the RED round into even 1000 (which was my original goal) would have been a big ask, and hurt the storytelling considerably.
--
[1] I've come to the conclusion that 750 isn't enough for a robust standalone story with a complete narrative arc, especially in Original Fiction; and alongside the storytelling benefits, that would mean that a Writeoff minific could be eligible for FIMFiction publication without adding filler.
4619399
Writing 750 word (or less) stories is really hard. You have to come up with an idea that is quite compact. There are definitely some good ones that people have produced, though. I'm still proud of my Famous Last Words stories, for instance. And I thought that original fic wise, I've seen some good ones - I still like Sunrise at Tenochtitlan, for instance, and Human Interaction, both of which are very small stories. And Laborious (not mine, obviously) was quite good.
Also Flim-Flam's Fabulous Fibrous Fertilizer Fic, but that's because I'm a monster.
The main problem with the 750 word stories is that a lot of people end up coming up with ideas that are too big to put in 750 words, so the round is invariably filled with a lot of incomplete stories/stories that get crammed in, plus a few that actually work within the word limit.
Admittedly, one of the reasons why I've dialed back on doing Read It Now reviews is precisely because I would so often end up with 4 NRs and one WR (or above). While there is some audience value to such (new fics can really use word of mouth, as it can make the difference between getting featured and not featured), it also removed my ability to pick and choose stories to read as carefully, which means I read a lot more marginal stuff.
I do still do them on occasion, but nowadays they tend to be even more heavily populated with stories from people I'm following, which raises the overall likelihood of me finding multiple WR+ stories, but it also means that unless a bunch of people release stuff all at the same time, I can end up with a set of three stories sitting around in a Read It Now review set until they become Read It Later.
It also removes some of the value from it, because the question is always "is this featured thing worth reading?" and there isn't really anyone who focuses on that anymore.
EDIT: For reference, 32 of my 109 "Read It Now" reviews are 4 NRs + 1 WR, which is definitely the mode for them. Two more are 4 NRs + 1 Recommended, and one is 4 NRs + 1 HR.
Thanks for the review this is the kind of thing that I need to learn on how I can improve my stories. I appreciate it a lot.
You say 'alas' a lot. >.>
4619523
Alas, I have a few verbal tics.
4619413
You're welcome!
I remembered seeing it in the featured story box and you poked me about it, so I thought I'd take a gander.
I'm glad you found it helpful.