And Here's (Part Six)! · 12:02pm Jul 29th, 2017
This is the shortest and last installment in my Bride of Discord commentary. The previous five are located here, also here, don't forget here, here, and also this one here. The blog here will be covering the last two chapters.
Reading the previous blogs gives context for the contents of this one, and the story will once again be presented below for those who want to read it.
Chapter Seventeen: Thank Goodness There's Only One More Left :(
Fluttershy is now going off to confess her love to her kidnapper, and it is passed off as true love instead of the reverse. This isn't a romance story at all. It's a very poor soap opera/fairy tale gone horribly wrong that just happens to have okay flow.
The fact that the most important things in the story like this are completely overlooked is a huge 'wtf'. This is presented as a romance story, and instead reads as a how-to guide to write a variation of abusive relationships... and then pass it off as some kind of kids story, because why not.
Fluttershy and her friends head into the Everfree, with Fluttershy all dolled up - because she's pretty, remember?
Timberwolves attack the group, and a lot of them. The Mane 6 find themselves overwhelmed in a way that feels too set-up instead of just expected or predictable, which I wouldn't have minded. Instead, we get a heaping plate of cliche, and there's still more to come.
Discord rushes to the rescue, halting his important activity of pulling petals of flowers and moping, to rush to the aid of the ponies being attacked in the woods.
Discord saving Fluttershy is surprisingly one of the story's blandest moments, and when you consider the history that these two have had up until now, it just makes things weirder (and not in a good way) and highlights how helpless Fluttershy is.
The mane 6 are instantly won over by him saving them, and he's transformed into a complete hero, healing them and being fawned over, among more.
It is then that Fluttershy tells Discord that she was going to see him when she sees the draconequus fretting about her and her friends.
"I...I wanted to apologize..."
"Apologize? You? My dear, if anyone should be apologizing, it's me! I nearly forced you into doing something you didn't want to do and...and I hurt you! Not to mention I've treated you like...how did you put it? Right, a 'caged bird!' There's nothing you need to apologize for."
"Oh, but there is. I said some awful things the other day, things I didn't mean. How could I say those things after all you did for me? I'm the monster, not you."
He huffed. "Yeah, right. Fluttershy, take a look at yourself and then at me. I think it's obvious who the monster is here. You should quit wasting your time with me and go home. No need to pity me."
"I do pity you, but that's not the reason I came. You see...I miss you."
He stared at her for a long time, still not believing this. "You miss being my prisoner?"
"I miss being your friend. Although...I take it you want it to be more than that..." She suddenly grew very nervous. "B-but...before I go on...I must, um, ask you something."
This is so obvious. Everything about the relationship being unhealthy in this story sticks out like a sore thumb. But is that given any recognition? Not at all.
"I...I...yes." He sighed. "I will admit. In the beginning, it was a game. I didn't expect you to come, but when you did...I came up with a scheme. I was going to make you fall in love with me so you would not use your Element against me. I only thought of you as an incentive. Although...you were right. I was lonely. That's the reason I asked for a bride.
"I spent many years watching the happy couples walk off into the sunset. It made me gag, seeing them making kissy faces and holding hooves...but I was only disgusted because I could never have what they had. I was tired of being alone. I denied this, even to myself, and invented that scheme as an excuse for acting all gaga over you.
"But then...you started treating me differently, and I became so enthralled with you that I forgot the scheme entirely. I kept telling myself that it was just a slight attraction, but...the more time I spent with you, the better I felt. Sounds cheesy, I know."
This dialogue feels forced and every word planned. Discord's character is constantly skewed and reiterated in nonsensical ways throughout the story, and so are his views. Discord isn't a very mature character in almost all incarnations of his character, but he feels like an emotionally stunted preteen here and for many parts of the story when he isn't being abusive or creepy with how he acts towards Fluttershy.
"Whenever I was with you, I felt...well, wonderful. Soon I realized that I was not trying to please you because I wanted a queen, but I wanted to see you happy. I...cared about you. A lot."
He chuckled. "Funny how love is quite similar to chaos. It drives you to do the craziest of things. The problem was I cared about you so much that I wanted you all to myself. That's why I did not let you visit your friends. I was afraid of losing you. Even if you would never love me, I wanted you with me always.
In vain attempts to salvage this story's character depictions and the ship, it attempts to throw them a few bones, plan out incredibly forced dialogue and have it sound like there's an incredible amount of depth here... and completely contradict everything that has been portrayed... and just...
This is not good writing. You can have elaborate plans and peel them away, piece by piece, and hide parts of them to create suspense and give depth to your characters and improve how they interact and so forth as a writer.
This is not how you do that.
Even the things said here by Discord and Fluttershy in attempts to portray them sympathetically fail utterly and only make them more incompatible. This story is a great example of how shipping Fluttercord can go so very, very wrong, and it's a constant downward spiral that suffers from poor writing. There's not even one hopeful light of a strength that this ship might have, and while that's possible to do in break up and relationship deconstruction stories about why a ship won't work, sometimes highlighting one thing that that ship might have can always be something interesting.
Overall, regardless of the multitude of stories on this site, there's rarely any ships that inherently suck and don't work. Making a ship suck usually depends on character interpretation and depiction, as well as the preferences of the two characters, such as sexual orientation or traits they like in a partner and what they expect from a relationship.
It's usually the writer that can sink their own ship, which leads to many being written poorly. But ships that never floated to begin with? Those are few and far between, and some could be just for specific universes.
Oh yes, character interaction and other things (like basis in canon) can also bring down your ship, but it isn't usually that.
Onward, then.
He hung his head. "Not everything I said whilst corrupting you was a lie. I...I did love you." He looked up at her again. "I still do." He got down on his knees. "Oh, Fluttershy, I love you more than chaos itself! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're precious to me, and I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see you miserable. So when I realized how much pain I had caused you, I had to release you."
He loves her more than his very nature...? No. This is a hug red flag on how to not write romance. This is how you make things fail. This is so... blegh.
These characters have no interests in anything outside of one another and the vows they make over putting their 'love' over their very defining features and passions... just... what...?
"Like I said before, I miss you. I miss seeing you every morning, I miss hearing your voice and feeling your touch. And you've proved to me that you're not all bad, especially after saving me and my friends. Now that I've met you, I...I can't imagine a life without you. What I'm trying to say is..."
At this point, the dialogue is just icky.
They kiss again, and the Main 6 now approve of their romance. Discord promises to be good and isn't doubted at all
Chapter The Last: The Cumilation of Sheer WTF is so Strongk
This chapter is called 'The Wedding'.
Please. Help.
When the princesses heard of Discord's sudden reformation, it was no surprise that they were skeptical about the situation.
'Sudden' indeed.
It was Luna who eased their worry when she said:
"You gave me a second chance, sister. Why should you not do the same for him?"
I could write an entire blog on why this is a bad idea, but instead I'll just point out that Luna is being used as guilt tripping.
The rest of the chapter is largely exposition on what would have been extremely important things for a romance story... especially one where the romance worked.
It took a month to plan the wedding. It was even bigger than when Cadence and Shining Armor had gotten married. Hundreds of ponies came from Ponyville and nearly every pony in Canterlot attended. Even though few were fond of the groom, inter-species marriages were very rare. Of course, many were skeptical of the match, but if pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies could get along, why could a pegasus not marry a draconequus?
The wedding is unnecessarily perfect instead of unique or fitting for the characters.
Fluttershy is again called beautiful, and it all falls flat.
Suddenly, Discord does a 360 and has cheesy cold feet about being worthy of Fluttershy and-
Ugh, this is just so bad at this point.
...The wedding scene has less impact than the confession did. The toxic relationship of the characters is now sealed in this final chapter, and Fluttershy and Discord move into the castle that he has re-done yet again.
This story certainly isn't something I'd use to start a ship, and an example of how not to write romances. I don't ship Fluttercord and I'm not about to start, but I'd love to read an example of it being done in a way that I can make sense of and still keep the story enjoyable, but after this, I'm certainly going to be far more reluctant.
A few minor mistakes, a couple lines of awkward dialogue, one scene that maybe didn't work right, and minor inconsistencies with certain small details could have been overlooked and understood. But this? This is sabotage to one's own work.
Conclusion: Fluttershy has Stockholm's Syndrome.
*chokes* Very, very bad typo
And you are very much welcome to take your Dislestia back
4616751
FUCK
Are you planing on doing more reviews like this with popular stories?
4616850
Probably not. I have a lot to write. This was likely a one time thing.
Last I heard people with Stockholm syndrome can be snapped out of it given time but Shy didn't get better she got worse
*Chuckles* Challenge accepted. See if you can brave this one. It's as infamous as Bride of Discord is famous.
4966963
Self promotion? I'll take it! Will comment/review when I get around to this one.
4967181
Thank you. I appreciate all reviews and critiques be they positive or negative as long as they are constructive.
I’m surprised this series didn’t get more comments on it.
I mean, I have to say, this is a quality review of a popular fanfic.
5332594
Oh heck I forgot that these existed
But thank you! I’m honestly shocked no white knights showed up.
5332660
Me too.
I’m guessing you’re not too fond of the DOD story either?
5332662
I’m not sure if I know that one, actually!
5332667
Oh, Daughter of Discord? It’s a sequel to Bride of Discord.
They both have audio dramas, but lately I’ve talked about a separate audio drama that’s... “similar” to Daughter of Discord.
5332669
I didn’t read the sequel considering how this turned out
5332671
Ohh, I see.