The Document of PGS: 16 (For the Future) · 7:04am Jul 25th, 2017
(guys, is Glimmy... is she okay...?)
Our journey through the home stretch continues with my longest chapter to date. I don't note that fact out of pride. I had a feeling that 16 was going to turn out overly long, just because of how much needed to be packed into it. Character arcs, plot threads, the various stages of planning - there was so much that needed to be shown, and dealt with, that I was worried this would climb past the 30k mark. I was actually relieved that, when I finished, it was "only" about 27k, which FiMfic bumped down to a still-lower figure (in contrast to the old FiMfic, which inflated word counts).
However, it's the scenes with the least relevance to the plot which really inflated this story's word count. Paradoxically, they're also the scenes which, I think, make this chapter work. Before I exported the document to FiMfic, I was worried that it would come up too long, even by my standards, and I started thinking about the scenes which could be cut, while doing the least damage to the chapter. I figured, if I needed to cut anything, it'd probably be the scene with Applejack and Big Mac, and the one between Twilight and Spike. But I was reluctant to do that, because like I said, I also think scenes like that are what elevate the rest of the chapter. So much of it is just "blah blah exposition, blah blah strategy," and while I did my best to apply some character work to those scenes... there's only so much you can do. The quieter, more reflective moments, let me say and do more, and the Mac/Applejack scene in particular was one which I'd been looking forward to writing literally for years.
When I decided not to do any more large-scale cuts or rewrites to the chapter, I considered just splitting the chapter to address the word count problem. Editor Man vehemently disagreed (he also indicated that he didn't want me to make any more cuts, outside of that one scene I mentioned), and I ultimately figured that the chapter didn't work well as two chapters, not in the way that 13 and 14 did. The second half of 16 needs the first more than 14 needed 13. So, I just bit the bullet and posted it as one great, big, meaty chapter. You're so welcome.
Something else, something I picked up on while writing and reading 16, is that my writing style has changed since coming back to FiMfic in 2016. Even stories I started within the last year, and wrote over a long period of time, read differently between chapters. I first noticed this when I was going through the recent chapter of Murphy's Law. It reads noticeably, if not massively, different from the one before it, especially with regards to the way I structure sentences and paragraphs. Some of that is due conscious effort on my part; a lot of it is probably Editor Man's influence. I can't say for sure whether the changes are a net positive or a negative; I'm not sure I'm the best person to objectively judge the quality of my own writing. I just note it because it stands out to me, and I'm wondering if it does to anybody else, too.
Okay, before we dive into the retrospective, I want to make a couple more quick notes. First, some shout-outs: to Flynt Coal, for creating, maintaining, and updating the PGS TV Tropes page. And to DannyJ, for his ongoing work as Editor Man, especially with regards to this chapter, and the way that events in Ponyville are going to unfold (we'll talk a little more about that another time).
Second, I updated the character sheet; there are fresh entries for Granny Smith and Hickory Switch, and I've added to the bios of a few other characters.
And third, PGS's sixth anniversary is coming up. Embarrassingly, I don't actually know when it is; the story was posted on FiMfic on August 8th of 2011, but I'm almost positive that the GDoc version was uploaded before then. Said GDocs have since been deleted, and though I have the files archived, they don't actually say when they were created. I guess we'll be celebrating on August 8th, just by default. 
Anyway, since I want this to be the last anniversary that the story has while it's still WIP, I was thinking I'd try to do something special to mark it, maybe post some secret Horespionage document to tantalize you all.
In any case, you'd best mark your calendars. But, for now, check below Twiley for the retrospective. It's a long one, mind you, but then again, we're covering a long-ass chapter.
16 starts with a conversation between Twilight and Snake which carries over one of the core themes of the Metal Gear series: the exploitation of soldiers by people in power. Even with the various revelations Twilight's had about the unseemly undercurrent to Equestrian history and politics (the dungeon in the castle, the Operator's existence and his work, even the Celestia-scantioned campaign against the changelings disquiets her to some degree), it's difficult for her to wrap her mind around the kind of work that Pegasus Wings does, and the conditions that'd be necessary for them to flourish. And Snake's guess is, of course, right on the money, as the later scenes in the chapter demonstrate. Twilight's struggling internally with how far she's willing to compromise her own ethical standards to save Ponyville, and Equestria at large. Simply calling for the militia is something she hates herself for doing. Her conversation with Snake is both venting, and something of a cry for help from the only person she feels like she doesn't have to pretend in front of.
I think the scene works well... but I wish I could have given it a bit more nuance. Snake's arguments carry the unintentional implication that soldiers for national armies aren't exploited the same way as mercenaries and PMC troopers, because of the ideals that they carry. MGS doesn't bear that out in the slightest. It was late in the process by the time I realized that, however; the chapter was already too long, and I was reluctant to make any additions to scenes that were already working perfectly fine.
The Silent Hill joke is courtesy of Editor Man. The obnoxious geographical conversation, however, is all me.
Ponyville's defensive measures are a result of me wracking my brain to figure out just how in the fuck a pastoral village with no guns, military presence, or industrial technology would fend off an attack by mechanized infantry with automatic weapons. Cannons were part of that since the beginning of the story (as was Pinkie Pie being in charge of them, or at least, that was part of it as far back as the Party Cannon's introduction), but I didn't come up with the fog bank until... 15, I think. The pie-mines (pines?) that Pinkie mentions were actually something I considered at one point.
Assume the trench is made from the bed of the stream that naturally flows through Ponyville. Assume also that it dries up in the summer.
I don't really get emotional when I write (often), but reuniting Dashie with all her friends after leaving her fate in the air for so long gave me the warm-fuzzies. By contrast, there isn't a lot of Cherry Jubilee/Applejack interaction in the chapter, and that's something I wish I could fix. Again, though... so much had to go into the chapter that having these two characters interact just wasn't something I thought I could fit in there. The few moments that they have together are kind of the best that I could do, without sacrificing more important content.
Yeah, 16 was a balancing act all around, between what needed to be in there and what I just wanted to be in there. The IRVING scene was essential once I decided to keep IRVING alive, rather than kill it off before the Ponyville fight. It's thematically necessary, too; Snake makes the thematic connection all but explicit in his analysis of Twilight's actions and body language.
(Side note: Snake's line to IRVING, "do you still want me to kill you?" references The Boss's exhortation to Naked Snake that he kill her, at the end of Operation Snake Eater. I re-read chapter seven, and realized that, despite quoting Snake Eater liberally, IRVING does not actually tell Snake to kill her. So I've gone back and altered the exchange slightly.)
Less important is the scene which originally followed, where Dashie goes to the doctor. I'll post that at the end of the document, so you can see what was there. Dashie was also present in the library scene which followed, and had a conversation with Snake that referenced her scene with Twilight in 15, but that ended up on the cutting room floor, too. Dashie added little to the scene, past her own conversation with Snake, and while I wanted to give them a moment of reconciliation (there's also Dashie's feelings for Twilight that need considering), it was making the entire thing just drag. It was replaced with the scene between Snake and Cherry, which turned out to be shorter, and slightly more relevant.
Slaymare is not a reference to any one thing in particular, though the Slaymare herself draws inspiration from Blackjack. It's just me poking fun at grimderp fanfiction... in my own grimderp fanfic.
Snake and Twilight talk about Pegasus Wings and their disposition, and it's made clear that Pegasus Wings is in dire straits. MSF was more impressive in 1974 than Pegasus Wings are in 2010, probably something which Cain, who dwells on his past far more than is healthy, realizes. This is... actually sort of necessary. I don't want to sound patronizing, as I find the whole "Humans Are Superior" attitude disingenuous, but a well-stocked, well-provisioned, well-equipped army, with more in the way of fuel and ammunition, could probably not be defeated militarily by Equestria. Of course, as unimpressive as they are by modern standards, they still pose a threat to unindustrialized, unmilitarized Equestria. And the other big point that comes up, that they lack the resources or infrastructure to support a war effort, certainly matters, too.
I remember reading once about a hypothetical match-up between a modern U.S. Marine division, and an ancient Roman legion. The result was, simply put, that the Marines lost when they ran out of bullets and fuel. It's the same conceit here; overwhelming firepower doesn't mean much if you don't have anything to shoot, and tanks are just giant coffins if they can't fucking move. I think that's something that escapes a lot of people who write "Modern Military Goes to Equestria and Steamrolls Everything" stories, and it's something I wanted to consciously avoid in my writing.
Applejack's and Rarity's bit here is another thing that doesn't really need to be in the story, since Macbeth's name, and Cherry's aunt, are of little consequence in the here and now. It's backstory and world-building, which I guess justifies its presence to some degree, but Snake's choice not to tell Twilight about the name "Macbeth," and its origin and connotation, calls into question its importance. Like I said in the comments for this chapter, I had fully intended to follow up on that right away, and there's a version of the scene where Snake and Twilight talk about it, but... it got cut for word count reasons. (I'd offer to post it as cut content, but it seems I never bothered to save it. Sorry!)
...I didn't cut the scene before it, however, because I just love Applejack and Rarity together, don't you? Yes, I know that's a weak excuse, thank you.
Ocelot Pony is supposed to be Burnt Oak from The Perfect Pear (who does kind of have an Ocelot look to him, doesn't he?). He was added to the chapter after I watched The Perfect Pear, shattering my heart into tiny shards and forcing me to pick up the pieces. There's one other reference to that episode in the chapter, in Big Mac's speech to Applejack, although that's incidental (the Apple parents and their untimely deaths are brought up more than once, and the void they left behind in their childrens' lives is an important part of the Apple siblings' character arcs).
Looking back, I wonder if I overdid it with the xenophobia that the townsponies exhibit toward Snake. I think there's justification for it... they got over Zecora after Twilight forcibly unfucked everypony, but Gilda was a giant cunt and Discord a cunt of cosmic proportions. And they've all probably heard about the cuntery that the changelings got up to in Canterlot. The message that I think they'd internalize from that is that non-equine species are generally bad news, and bring disaster with them.
...I guess there's Iron Will to consider, however. Uh. He turned Fluttershy into a giant cunt, so the townsponies dislike him based on that. But he drew an audience in the first place because he's noisy, charismatic, and talks in rhyme. Maybe the rhyming caused ponies to associate him with Zecora, and subconsciously trust him based on that...?
Snake and Apple Bloom behave adorably, Granny Smith accosts Snake to call him ugly to his face (Editor Man asked if her entire plan for payback consisted of getting in Snake's face and calling him ugly, and I confirmed it), and Snake begs out of an important briefing on the grounds that having him in front of a crowd might turn people off of the militia plan. Given the way the town hall scene plays out, I think that he was right; Softshoe likely would have griped at him regardless of whether or not he stood and spoke for himself, and I don't think Snake could have said or done much at that juncture to sway people over to his side. Twilight would have done the talking, anyway, which might've just made the townsponies more suspicious of him and his intentions.
The town hall scene, incidentally, wasn't in the outline when I planned the chapter, incidentally. The chapter was structured a little differently, with Snake bathing during the earlier library scene, and returning to the library to read and nap. There was a scene where Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle wake him up and pester him, then Twilight drives them off when she gets back from the meeting. I figured that I might have to depict the meeting, however, and planned to if the chapter didn't grow prohibitively long, but Editor Man convinced me that it was necessary to do so regardless.
The scene as originally written played out differently, too, opening with a gag about Ponyville being so jaded that the threat of immediate invasion didn't phase them (Octavia delivered the punch line, in reference to her role in Calamity from the Skies), and following that with a summary of the story thus far. It proved to be unnecessary (and lame, according to Editor Man), but there were some subtle details that I liked. For instance, Apple Bloom's knees quaking when she took the stage to talk about her ordeal, and Applejack comforting her while she talked, or Twilight noting her friends' silence as she talks about Dodge for the first time...
Notably, Twilight has yet to personally tell them about anything that transpired in Dodge. You can kind of assume that the unseen remainder of the town hall scene, where Twilight's prompted to explain the situation from the start, played out the same way as the scene which was originally written, which I'll tack it on at the end of this blog.
Oh, funny thing; I posted an excerpt from Twilight's speech as a chapter preview, about a week before the chapter went up. It's slightly different from the version in the story; where she says "I'll stand for Ponyville" in the preview, she says "I'll stand for Equestria" in the chapter. The reason was that I thought it clashed with what she said to Snake, how she'd stay with him no matter what the outcome of the meeting was. It sounded like she was just telling him what he wanted to hear, while telling the town hall what they wanted to hear.
I mean, I thought it was funny...
Snake's new outfit is supposed to be the same as the navy blue fatigues from Peace Walker (this was the best picture I could find), sans the brassards (the shoulder thingies that BB wears in PW and TPP, in case you're like me, and you needed to look up what the proper name for those was). Not the navy fatigues from TPP; this is important. I don't like that Venom has bare forearms in that game. I think Big Boss looked better with the black sleeves.
And Twilight and Snake continue to have my favorite friendship in the story. I could write a whole spin-off about the two of them being roommates, or something. Equestria Gear Solid 2 idea?
We get introduced to Bon Bon in the following scene. Her role in the story is totally a Slice of Life reference; I mentioned in the comments of another blog that her stuff with Lyra was some of the only material from that episode that I liked. And, since I'm at least trying to follow show canon... it's like Editor Man said; you can't have a "Ponyville Gets Invaded" arc and not have the secret agent play a role.
Though she seems to have been flanderized from "secret agent" to "expert military strategist." I guess Bon Bon doesn't yet have a canon backstory, so my thinking is that "Sweetie Drops" probably has a background in the Royal Guard, and may have been an officer with a promising future, before being recruited by S.M.I.L.E.
That's a story I wouldn't mind telling at some point, come to think of it.
Applejack's in this scene, too, and I struggled for a really long time to really make her presence work. Everyone in the library has some justification for their presence, but Applejack was just... there. Twilight had invited her, for reasons she didn't explain to anyone; it only became apparent that she'd brought Applejack along because she was going to offer a command to her. Applejack would have declined, and offered Bon Bon as a replacement. Obviously, that's not what happened in the final chapter; Applejack gets snubbed, and is plainly hurt by it. She's still superfluous in the final chapter, which sorta becomes part of her characterization, but she does get a little bit more justification: she came to make snacks and coffee. And she's doing that because she's worried about Twilight, and wants to keep an eye on her.
Between the stuff with Apple Bloom in the first act of the story, and her den mother behavior in this chapter, Applejack's kind of the mom of the group, isn't she?
And Cherry Jubilee continues to suffer.
There's some CheeriMac ship tease – I'm not a shipper of any ship in particular, but I've always liked those two together. I like Sugar Belle, too, and I'm okay with them ending up together, but CheeriMac'll always feel special to me (Deep Lore Time: There was originally a CheeriMac scene in "Teach Me Goodness"). There's also some Granny Smith lunacy; lunatic Granny is best Granny. She's also one of the only characters whose voice I'll try to imitate when Editor Man and I read chapters (or other stories) over Skype. By contrast, Applejack sounds like Troy Baker, and Big McIntosh sounds like Troy Baker after being kicked in the head by a horse.
...Speaking of Mac and Applejack, the scene between them is, like I said, superfluous. Applejack's original character arc essentially ended after Apple Bloom came home, and Mac is such a minor character that devoting any time to fleshing him out can come across as a waste. But sibling love was one of the driving themes of the story, at its outset, and it's still supposed to be pretty powerful as we venture into the endgame. July's been a nostalgic month for me, all around, so revisiting Applejack, and touching on her original character arc and motivations from the very, very beginning of the story, felt good.
I admit, it's a little self-indulgent. But I really wanted to write that scene, and to have an excuse to keep it in. And I just really liked the interplay between she and Mac. I don't believe they ever get quite that affectionate with one another on the show. In fact, the only time I can even recall them hugging is in the extended flashback scene from Where the Apple Lies.
(which was an episode I rather enjoyed, partly because Mac acting out of character is the most reliable method of wringing comedy out of him)
During the following scene in the hospital, it was going to be revealed that Lyra was the unicorn who Killjoy made out with during the Royal Wedding, and that she and Bon Bon were on the rocks because of it. Editor Man thought it clashed with the way they were presented in Slice of Life, and it was taking up too much space, so away it went. The scene with Rarity was a lot longer, too, and was completely different; I won't say how, but I like it much more the way it is now.
We get another scene with Spike, and the unnamed doctor from chapters 8 and 9. He's listed as "Dark Roast" in the character sheet, but since his name never comes up in the story proper, he remains anonymous. The rest of the scene speaks for itself; it's just Twilight beating herself up and being sweet with Spike.
Followed by Twilight and Snake picking up the conversation from the first scene. The meaning behind Twilight's arc words for the last few chapters ("I may as well have killed him myself") has probably always been obvious, even when she used them in a different context while talking to Dash, but this is where I finally shine a light on them, and outright explain what's been eating at her.
She cries, Snake comforts her, spills some Metal Gear messaging all over Twilight, and dodges the same question Otacon posed to him in MGS1 by giving more or less the same response. The answer, by the way, is in the chapter title. But, originally, 16 was titled "Sing," in reference to the Carpenters song, the one from Peace Walker.
And the chapter closes with a reference to Editor Man's deepest, oldest shame, as well as the return of the Lord of the Flies, a resurgent XMG IRVING-00... and an explosion. While I'd love to go into detail about all of that, I'm regrettably going to have to stop here. The fight for Ponyville's only just begun, and I'd rather you see how the rest of that battle unfolds before breaking down the elements at play here.
I will say this: IRVING had a little bit of dialogue here. I wanted it to say something, but nothing I thought of felt suitable, and it all just came across as cheesy. IRVING remains silent in the final version of the chapter, and honestly, I feel like that's for the best.
That's all for 16! I've got more PGS coming to you soon. For now, check out some cut content:
Return of Dr. Dark Roast
"Paging Dr. Dark Roast?" Nurse Redheart's voice called over the intercom. "Dr. Dark Roast, to the front desk, please."
The doctor rolled from his bunk in the hospital's on-call room with a groan, rubbing the accumulated gunk and sleep from between his eyes. A glance at the wall clock told him he'd been out of commission for a scant three hours, after being awake more than twenty-seven straight.
"The price of medical prodigy," he mumbled thickly. Smacking his lips, he trudged out of the on-call room, and into the brightly lit corridors of Ponyville's hospital.
The favor he'd paid Twilight Sparkle had come at the expense of both his beauty rest, and his time off. He wasn't actually supposed to come into work that morning, but he was the only physician in Ponyville qualified to perform the delicate procedure she'd requested for his friend. That meant cramming an entire term's worth of studies on minotaur musculature, nervous, and skeletal systems into his brain as a refresher, while downing enough coffee to fuel the all-nighters of every medical student in the country.
By the end of the surgery – a damn good job, and to call it anything below superlative would be to sell him short – he'd been exhausted, physically and mentally, but the town's sudden emergency preparations kept him from taking full advantage of his day off. And, by the end of that, he was too burned out to go home, instead passing out in an ostensibly unoccupied cot in the on-call room.
Ostensibly. Doc Top didn't enjoy having a bunk mate, as it happened.
But his concerns were petty, in the grand scheme of things. He was a physician, a healer, who swore an oath and lived to uphold it. Three hours of rest may not have been optimal, and the blurry, colorful swirls in the corners of his vision might well prove problematic in the short-term, but he'd done far more on far less rest in the past. Pride, and duty, demanded no less.
Dr. Dark Roast flung the doors to the waiting room open with a flash of his magic. He yawned as he passed through, his eyes screwed shut tightly. "Evening, Nurse Redheart."
"Closer to midnight, actually."
"Ah, pedantry. Nothing more delightful to wake up to." His vision was blurry when he opened his eyes – directly in front of him was a white and pink smudge that was probably the nurse, but the room itself was coming into focus far more slowly than she was. "Whatever can I do for you?"
"There's a patient for you."
"For me? For me, specifically, and not one of the other myriad physicians who work out of this sterile, morphine-soaked wonderland?"
"Yes, Doctor. For you. Specifically." Nurse Redheart's lines and features were sharpening now. She seemed to be frowning at him.
Well, who woke whom, hmm?
Dr. Dark Roast waved his hoof grandiloquently. "Well, then. Let's have it."
Nurse Redheart raised an eyebrow and stood aside, gesturing at a sky-blue pony whose mane – blurry though it was – was immediately identifiable by its colorful nature. Behind her, an orange, pony-shaped blob retreated through the front entrance, which slid shut behind her.
"Heeeeeey, Doc," said Rainbow Dash sheepishly. "Long time, no see."
Dr. Dark Roast rubbed his eyes and blinked rapidly, until he could see, with relative clarity, the preponderance of bandages coating Rainbow Dash's body. The wrapped-up wing, the leg, the lines of white cloth along her cheeks...
...Oh, it would be her, too.
He looked at Nurse Redheart, who was trying to hide a burgeoning smirk of schadenfreude.
"Nurse?"
"Yes, Doctor?"
"Take her vitals and prep the O.R. I'll be downing whatever source of caffeine I can find, in the meanwhile."
Nurse Redheart stopped trying to hide her smirk. "Right away, Doctor."
Rainbow Dash and Snake reconcile
"Well, uh..." Rainbow Dash coughed. "In that case, as long as I've got you to myself... there's some stuff I kinda wanna say."
I looked down at her, raising an eyebrow.
Dash rubbed one of her forelegs nervously, her wingtips twitching and her gaze averted from me. "Back in the castle, when I thought my number was up, I made you promise me something. You remember?"
I grunted in the affirmative – she didn't need to know just how much that memory stuck with me.
"I thought so. About that, to be honest..." She looked down at my feet. "I didn't really expect you to keep it, but it made the idea of dying a little easier to swallow anyway. And then Twilight told me about what happened yesterday, what she did to make you go to Dodge with her."
"Yeah, I heard you talking about it earlier. On the roof, during the sunset, when you probably thought I wasn't listening."
Dash's head snapped up to glare at me, her face growing red – I couldn't say whether from shame or from anger, though. "You were eavesdropping?"
"I was staying aware of my surroundings, and I overheard your conversation. Not like I was trying to be nosy. I just can't turn off my sense of hearing, that's all."
She looked like she was about to yell at me more, but caught herself, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Whatever, man, I'm not trying to pick a fight with you. My point is, you could have ditched her and gone off to do your own thing, but you didn't. You stuck with her, even when you probably didn't want to. Being there with her, in Dodge, probably saved her life – which means it definitely saved mine – and that kind of loyalty means a lot to me. So... what I'm trying to say is––"
"You don't have to say it."
"Snake, I only get touchy-feely with my emotions, like, twice a year, and it's like pulling teeth every single time. This isn't easy for me to do, so just shut up and let me get it over with." Her voice softened. "I was wrong about you. You might be a tool, but you're one of the good guys. I'm sorry for thinking you were something you're not. And for, you know..."
She pantomimed a half-hearted jab with one of her hooves.
I rubbed my lip where Dash's hoof had connected, recalling the tang of my own blood on my tongue – I'd nearly forgotten that little scuffle at the castle, in the black ring-wall encircling the gateway to my world. The arrival of Cain and Macbeth, and the fight with IRVING, shifted my priorities away from being pissed at Rainbow Dash. There wasn't really anything for me to forgive – fact of the matter is, I wasn't angry at her anymore.
But I appreciated the gesture, regardless.
"Thanks. It's fine – far as I'm concerned, we're good." Relief passed through her immediately – her limbs relaxed, and her wings stopped twitching, and the nervous look in her eye was replaced with the familiar, cocksure twinkle. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too."
"What, for hitting me?" She blew a raspberry. "I barely felt that."
"No, you had that coming."
"Dick," Dash scoffed. Then her expression turned quizzical. "But, in that case... what are you sorry for?"
"Like I said." I looked pointedly at her. "I heard what you were talking about. On the roof. During the sunset."
The door to the apartment above the library opened with the chiming sound I'd come to associate with unicorn telekinesis, and Twilight trotted down, levitating a brush through her mane.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting – the bathtub was a mess by the time I finished scrubbing away that whiskey smell. In fact, I think all I did was transfer the smell from my mane and my coat to the bathtub, and I couldn't in good conscience leave it that way." Twilight hopped down the last of the stairs and beamed at the pegasus, though I noted a subtle twinge of displeasure. I don't think she particularly cared for the scars, either.
Sure wasn't getting in the way of her good mood, though. "It's so gratifying to see you back in top shape, Rainbow. That doctor really is something, isn't he?"
Dash blushed and smiled back, before turning away. "Tell anyone, and I'll bust your lip again," she muttered to me through her teeth.
I scoffed – who the hell would I tell, Otacon? Like he'd even... actually, come to think of it, he might be one of the only people I know who'd be interested in the interpersonal dynamics of extradimensional ponies.
Snake and Twilight discuss the possibility of a preemptive nuclear strike on Canterlot
Twilight nodded and sat back on her haunches. "Okay... so, worst-case scenario, let's say they destroy Canterlot, and decapitate the government in a single strike..."
"What happens next?" I asked.
"Well... continuity of government sets in." Twilight's tone was empty of emotion as she considered the subject of a nuclear strike with the cold, efficient mindset of an academic, breaking it down and quantifying every variable with almost mathematical detachment. "Virtually everypony in the direct line of succession to the throne lives in Canterlot – ditto the chain of command for the Guard – so it might be a while until an heir to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna can be selected. In the meantime, command of the Royal Guard would fall to the highest ranking officer left alive, which would be either Spitfire of the Wonderbolts, or Killjoy, depending on whether or not her field commission would still stand, with Shining Armor dead."
"Wonderbolts?" I asked.
Rainbow Dash's eyes literally sparkled. She opened her mouth to speak.
"An elite team of fliers, technically separate from the Royal Guard, though they can be tapped to serve in a military capacity, should the need arise," said Twilight curtly, deflating Dash without even glancing at her. "Whoever's in charge, I can't imagine they wouldn't try to strike back against Pegasus Wings, but the only active fighting force left would be Killjoy's detachment in Appleloosa, and they just barely outnumber Pegasus Wings. With that in mind, whoever's commanding would probably enact wartime protocols, raise whatever army that they could, recommission the equipment stored in Stalliongrad, bolster their ranks with mercenaries from overseas and levies from Equestria's vassal states, and strike back." She shuddered. "It'd be a bloodbath."
"But you'd win."
"Pegasus Wings would eventually run out of ammunition, and be forced to surrender. So, yes, that would technically count as a victory for us." She shook her head bitterly. "And a failure for Macbeth, however you slice it. If we've considered that scenario, then I'm sure they have, too.
Ponyville is Jaded (would have come immediately after Twilight's opening remarks during the town hall scene)
She paused for effect, waiting for the outcry. Then a charcoal-maned mare in the middle of the crowd raised her hoof.
"Is that all?"
Twilight's ears flopped limply against her head. "Excuse me, Octavia?"
"I said, is that all?" Octavia lowered her hoof. "Not to sound cynical, but we've all grown used to the specter of disaster."
"Yeah, no offense," added a stallion whose name Twilight didn't know. "But now that you live here, we just kinda expect crazy stuff to happen."
Murmurs of agreement rumbled through the room.
Twilight found herself baffled. Mayor Mare had held back on informing the town about the Pegasus Wings threat on the assumption that it'd cause mass panic; a town so familiar with chaos would grow hysterical at the threat of even more to come. But she'd been wrong. On the contrary, the town had grown inured to it.
As funny as that was – and Twilight could certainly see the comedic potential – it meant that they had no appreciation for just how dire a threat they were facing. And that was problematic.
Twilight signaled for quiet with a raised hoof. "Perhaps I should start from the beginning..."
And so, she calmly explained the circumstances and events of the last forty-eight hours. The human world, and Pegasus Wings, the portals which brought them to Equestria. Snake, his mission, and his sudden, unexpected arrival in Sweet Apple Acres – which brought a scowl to Big Mac's face. The meeting in the Everfree, and the brief, but decisive, skirmish with Trenton. The officer, slain by timberwolves. The existence, and nature, of Metal Gear.
Her friends chimed in with their own observations and commentary, too – Applejack recollecting the battle with IRVING, and Rainbow Dash embellishing for the crowd, flashing her scars with a cocky grin. The bipedal, fire-breathing robot seemed to make the crowd uneasy, and Twilight was grateful that nopony mentioned Fluttershy was currently keeping it in her backyard. She nearly faltered when recounting Spike's injury, by way of explaining that their line to Princess Celestia was severed, but Rarity picked up the slack immediately.
Apple Bloom briefly took the floor, standing on a box to see over the podium as she gave the account of her own ordeal, Applejack at her side the whole time. She put on a brave face for the audience, and spoke loudly, without reservation. But Twilight saw her legs quaking behind the podium, and every now and then, a subtle quaver would creep into her voice. Then Applejack would press her hoof to Apple Bloom's, and the filly would continue on.
At the end, Applejack bade her to join the audience, and she scampered into the waiting embrace of her brother. Twilight took over from there with a quick run-down of the trip to Dodge, and the meeting with Trenton. That, of course, was of little consequence to the particulars of the meeting, but it gave her the chance to discuss the intel they retrieved, and the destructive potential of the human weaponry. Rifle rounds shredding through hardened carapaces, missiles that blew apart monsters many times a pony's size – she hadn't seen the tanks or the helicopters in combat, but if that level of firepower was available to the rank-and-file soldiers, then their vehicles could possess it in far greater amounts.
It was also the first time any of her friends had heard the story in any measure. She didn't dare look back at them.
Your Cheating Heart(strings)
They rounded a corner, and stared down a corridor lined with windows on the left wall, many of which had been nailed shut. The culprit, it turned out, was Rarity, who was currently pounding home a nail halfway down the hall, with careful, elegant swipes of a telekinetically gripped hammer. Beside her was a bucket, from which she floated new nails periodically.
On the right side of the corridor were hospital rooms. Most had been ransacked for beds, sheets, and other supplies, to be employed in triage. From one room emerged Fluttershy, floating, with a basket of bandages and antiseptic between her hooves. She was chatting with a teal unicorn, who levitated a basket of her own. She froze when she saw Twilight and Bon Bon.
"Bonnie," Lyra said. "H-Hey babe."
"Lyra," said Bon Bon coolly. "What are you doing?"
"Playing delivery mare." Lyra gave the basket a shake. "Fluttershy and I taking this stuff over to the Rich manor."
"The family's out of town," Fluttershy added. "But their butler's letting us use the house as a makeshift hospital. You know, in case somepony gets hurt, and can't make it all the way here. Or if this place gets, um... bombed. I-Isn't that nice of him?
"It is, Fluttershy." Bon Bon looked levelly at Lyra. "I suppose you should take care of that."
Lyra swallowed, nodded shakily at Twilight, and hurried away, Fluttershy following after. She exchanged a puzzled look, and a shrug, with Twilight as they went.
"That was weird," Twilight mused, once they were out of sight. "Is everything okay between the two of you?"
Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "You haven't heard? Everypony in town knows about it – hell, you were at the wedding. How have you not heard?"
"Bon Bon, I barely know who Lyra is." Although, come to think of it, there was something familiar about her... hadn't she been one of Cadance's bridesmaids?
"...No harm in telling you, I suppose." Bon Bon sighed. "She, uh. She cheated on me, at the wedding."
"...Oh." Shoot. "How do you... did you catch her?"
"She told me. Months later, but she told me." Bon Bon smiled joylessly. "She swears things didn't go very far... and they were both piss drunk, besides. She barely remembers what the mare looked like, let alone her name. Buzzkill, or something."
Twilight's thoughts went to a fiery maned pegasus with hooves smeared in green goop, trying to recall the color scheme of the mare she'd locked lips with at the royal wedding.
White, or maybe teal...
A blush crept up Twilight's neck – suddenly, her mouth tasted like terrible bourbon.
"...Anyway, I suppose it doesn't matter." Bon Bon sniffed. "We might be on the rocks right now, she and I, but what's going on now – that's a little bit bigger, don't you think?"
"I... yeah. I'm sorry for prying."
"You didn't pry. I told you. Unprompted." Bon Bon turned to face the opposite end of the corridor. "Look, I should probably go – we don't have a lot of time to prepare, and I want to whip at least some discipline into my regiment before the fighting starts. That alright with you?"
"Yeah. Yeah, of course." Twilight nodded. "Town hall, in one hour. Don't forget, okay?"
"Aye aye." Bon Bon nudged Twilight with her hip, and set off down the corridor.
Holy long document, Posh-man! Awesome. Always love the outtakes – frankly, as long as it’s fitting, I’d leave it in, word count be damned. Then again, I particularly love long-ass chapters, since they really let you get into the story.
Really looking forward to that Ponyville showdown. Meanwhile, I probably need to read up on this Fly Lord character, since my experience with MGS begins with The Twin Snakes, continues with Sons of Liberty and ends with Guns of the Patriots …
Quick note – your link for Snake’s new blue outfit (“this was the best picture I could find”) doesn’t work; Photobucket just gives me some “Please update your account to enable 3rd party hosting” crap. (As it does nearly every time anyone links it. I really hate that site.) I suggest using another free host, such as TinyPic or Imgbox.
Aw shucks, thanks for that there shoutout.
Always enjoyable to get this sort of "behind the scenes look" at the story. The deleted scenes were all very enjoyable too. Though I must admit: I kinda wish the one with Snake and Rainbow Dash had actually made it into the final version of the chapter. It worked great as a resolution to their character arc, which I think is a pretty important thing to completely leave out. Guess there's always future chapters.
As always, looking forward to more!
Burnt Oak strikes me more as a ponified Sam Elliott, but I can see where you come from
4612603 That's probably who they based his appearance on. Snake drew that comparison in the rough draft, but I changed it to Ocelot because it seemed a more natural place for Snake's mind to go.
4612474 Yeah, I really wish I could've included it too... I looked for other places in the chapter where it might've fit, but there wasn't anything that felt natural. I'll try and create some opportunities for the two of them to talk before this is all over.
I also really wanted him to have more of a conversation with Rarity about the coat, but...
4612169 Bleh. Thank the lord for HD Peace Walker and the PS3's camera feature. I'll try and grab a better screenshot when I get a chance.
What episode is that picture of Starlight from? Both of them, I mean.
4613902 Rock Solid Friendship, I believe.
Appropriate, no?
Man, I've never played Metal Gear and I'm vaguely terrified of what a Naked Snake might be in this context, but if this is your cut content, it's almost enough to make me wonder about the stuff that made it in.
How accessible is the story for non-MG folks?
4614452 Probably not very!!! :DDD
I do my best to make it as much about MLP as MGS, however. It's every bit the story of Twilight as it is the story of Snake.
4614452 ...Come to think of it, if you've been reading these before the story, then you'd probably go into it with about a thousand different plot points already spoiled for you.
So, uh, no harm in telling you that Aeris dies, on top of everything else. So does Spike (Spiegel, that is).
4615288
Noooooo!
It's not a big deal. I don't have any context for who the human characters are and why they're doing what they're doing. I take it that RD had a scuffle with the action human protagonist, and that the action human's friends/ex-lovers have decided it'd be cool to nuke Equestria because reasons?
4615380 ...Uh...
You're... kinda there...