Why I Hated "A Royal Problem," and What I Wish It Had Done · 8:54pm Jul 8th, 2017
This week, Chris had a blog post detailing his problems with S7E10: Princess Freaky Friday“A Royal Problem.” It’s a good one, and I think very worth checking out. My response, like his, was that I hated the episode more than any other possibly going back as far as Season 3. (S4 for him, actually; I disliked some stuff in S3 more than I did "Bats!") My reasons overlap quite a bit with his, and I’ll be using this post to note and perhaps explore them a bit, but also to (at the risk of not just fixficcing an episode, but one of the most popular ones in a while) try to sketch out how I think the episode might have worked out better for me.
On an unrelated note, this recent post by 2017 Hugo-nominated author Ada Palmer on the process of selling her first novel is a beautiful and exhilarating story in its own right, in addition to serving as an illustration of just how challenging and unpredictable breaking into published literature is.
Complaints after the break, an outline of an alternative after another horizontal rule.
I'll get this out of the way: I dislike-bordering-on-hate Starlight Glimmer, but she's not the main problem here. Especially when she's not the sole focus of things, her presence doesn't irreparably damage an episode: she's great with Trixie, and her outing with Maud was strong, for example. While her immediate presence in and centrality to the episode put me off, other aspects could have won me over, but the blows just kept on coming. Now to the real stuff:
The fundamental problem with the episode is how dumb the friction, the non-argument between Celestia and Luna is. Beyond the mirror-image failures of empathy we see from them in not recognizing the same end-of-day fatigue in the other, which I could work with, there seems to be a complete lack of understanding of the basic lives the other leads. That’s combined with a strange lack of self-knowledge on the part of both princesses: despite what we’ve seen of Luna indicating that she’s not great with groups of strange ponies, and is aware of this herself, she thinks making public appearances and mixing with people would be nothing; Celestia apparently can’t handle being alone for more than 30 seconds at a time without sliding towards “Party of One,” yet imagines Luna’s solitary dream walking and helping ponies with nightmares will be fine. The latter may be justifiable in that Celestia might think that what Luna does involves constant involvement with others rather than periods of observation, transition to the subject recognizing the dream, etc., but it did give me the impression that Luna had never even talked with Celestia about what her dream work is like at all. And bear in mind, the episode implies that’s pretty much her entire life.
Now, the relative subjective difficulty of their jobs is in a sense secondary, because based on what the episode showed us, they aren’t really jobs in the sense that it’s difficult to determine what the repercussions of the princesses just not doing them would be. If Princess Celestia doesn’t make any celebrity appearances… so what? If Princess Luna doesn’t help people with their nightmares, some ponies have nightmares and perhaps aren’t able to work through anxieties they have in their dreams… exactly as was the case for the millennium she was imprisoned in the moon.
Because the duties we were shown seem more like hobbies, using their difficulty to justify fatigue, snippiness, and inattentiveness to the other falls flat. This means that the whole switching-places exercise can’t really address the friction between them without doing some heavy lifting justifying why what they were doing was immensely important to them, since it wasn’t all that vital to anyone else.
Beyond that, though, there’s another important aspect of the respective roles the princesses fill that was a problem for me. Based on what we see here, it seems that Princess Luna substantially has no waking interaction with anyone except her sister. Bearing in mind that presumably she was also helping ponies with their dreams before becoming Nightmare Moon, there’s an implicit question raised about exactly what has changed since then. Sure, now presumably more ponies are awake at night, appreciate it, and all that. But how has Luna’s experience changed on a practical level? Shouldn’t it have been on Celestia’s agenda to adjust things such that Luna would have a role in which she felt appreciated and relevant in a way that was not the case before, and at any rate wasn’t some kind of actual rulership implied by the end of S1E2: “We were meant to rule together”?
Both of these two problems could have been addressed by showing different duties. Having Celestia’s side focus on actually dealing with the negotiations scene that was cut off to handle entirely offscreen would help. Making it appear that they have staffs that they are overseeing and who are assisting them would too, as it would indicate that there’s more going on than is in their immediate vicinity, and that there are people reliant on the princesses’ actions and decisions; it would also put Luna in the situation of interacting with people regularly, while awake.
- Collateral to the underlying problem of the triviality of the conflict is the seriousness with which it is treated. Now, this is something that I trace to having Starlight being the viewpoint character. The absurd freakout and fear of some kind of repeat of the Nightmare Moon incident actually does kind of work substantively on Luna’s side, but only because of the problem related to nothing changing about her situation I’ve mentioned above, and only if we’re forgetting every other episode she’s appeared in which has shown character growth on her part. It also might work on Celestia’s side if we’re taking it as a projection of Starlight’s own megalomania and narcissism onto her, and divorcing it from the knowledge that she’s been an entirely stable ruler for a thousand years and has put up with a lack of appreciation fine during that time (see: Luna being absent, the implicit junk from the negotiation which Starlight was there for). But these are undercut by viewer knowledge and the fact that this kind of neurotic hysteria is a Twilight characteristic, not a Starlight one—and for all her many glaring faults as a character and as a person, Starlight Glimmer isn’t a personality-free mirror reflecting her mentor’s motivations and reactions. It doesn’t ring true to me that she’s reacting with the strength she is.
- Starlight Glimmer has nothing to do with these princesses.
- Starlight Glimmer mind raping people as a plot device is played out, and everyone being okay with it is aggravating.
- The entire fight scene was beside the point, and having it be yet another magic laser show meant it wasn’t even very interesting or imaginative as a sideshow.
Okay, so griping done, how might this basic idea been implemented in a way that would resonate better with me? (Note: I am thinking outside the constraints of a 22-minute episode, which is admittedly unfair. That said, I’m of the opinion that if you can’t tell a story well in a given format, it’s better not to tell it in that format than to do so poorly.)
I think we start by removing Starlight Glimmer, since even though she's not the main problem, she's the one right on the surface and most easily fixed. Beyond getting rid of a character who tends to poison (post-reformation) episodes for me and an obnoxious plot device, this allows us to think about what complements a story focusing on the two original princesses. Now, I think that it would be possible to do this episode without anyone from Ponyville showing up at all (and it would be an improvement already), but let’s stick with the map—and we can even throw in the map calling on someone new, who isn’t a former Element bearer. I’d go with Twilight and Spike: they’re the ones with the strongest ties to the princesses (especially Celestia), and Twilight going nuts over the possibility of one of the princesses going Nightmare is perfectly in character. It was even an element of the episode that played relatively well for me, so let's keep it.
We can even keep the place-switching, if without the cutie mark swap. (If needed, we can have Luna volunteer to play chaperone for the dream stuff, or otherwise allow Celestia to fill in there without a swap; after all, we’ve had things along those lines with the Tantabus episode.) However, the jobs are different. Celestia can still be out and about, but rather than just making show-up-and-smile appearances, she’s inspecting things, making planning decisions, delegating, taking petitions… Maybe Luna’s doing back office work on legislation, coordinating backroom deals, that sort of thing, in addition to the dream stuff. Celestia’s still more of a public face, but with some weight and responsibility attached; Luna has a role in running the country, but it’s a bit hidden and perhaps more technocratically inclined. But they’re both interacting with people in the real world, with actual effects on Equestria, and there is staff around helping them whether they’re out and about or in the castle.
Throughout all this, Twilight is trying to hide the fact that she’s approaching a nervous breakdown over the obvious and catastrophic rift between the sisters, sure to lead to one or both of them going Nightmare all over again and dooming Equestria. This leads to a similar Daybreaker dream sequence.
Now here’s where the big change happens: the princesses have gone along with all this, but grudgingly. They’ve had a chance to see how the other’s role doesn’t play to their strengths, and how it could exhaust the other. But that’s not new. They already knew all that, and Celestia and Luna have talked enough about their lives that Celestia is aware of the real purpose of Luna’s helping with dreams. So seeing Twilight’s nightmare, she goes and pulls in Luna, and they have a chat with Twilight. They make a show of some reconciliation for their little spat, and explain how sometimes even when you love and care about someone, they can annoy you, you can get frustrated or short with them, and it’s not even necessarily their fault, especially when other aspects of your life are a struggle at the time. They were never in particular danger of real resentment spilling over into anything, this is just something that happens between friends or family sometimes, and it passes.
So, reconciliation, and they all wake up. But the cutie map doesn’t indicate the job’s over. Why? Well, it turns out Celestia and Luna’s friendship problem wasn’t what they were there for at all. On the side, we’ve been seeing hints of something else (between a couple members of the palace staff, say), which Spike has been paying attention to and sometimes bringing up a bit. After Twilight wakes up and is doing the equivalent of the balcony scene at the end of the episode, sans indication their problem is solved, we see that problem boil over as the two burst in in the middle of a shouting match. Spike finally gets some words through to Twilight about it, and the three princesses and Spike get the two fighting to slow down, talk a bit, and start working out what the problem is and how to fix it. They do. Map confirms they’ve done their job. Episode done.
So: could that be done in a 22-minute episode? Maybe not. It’s adding a whole B-plot (largely TBD at that) in the background. And I’ll absolutely cop to the shortcoming that [fill in something here] is a lot easier than writing a script. But this is more of a wish list than anything, and I think it addresses the major issues I had: a petty, dumb problem that shouldn’t exist if the two princesses actually know their respective sister at all (fixed by making it a petty, dumb non-problem, and them basically treating it as such, as a silly little thing that will pass because sometimes people are irritable with each other but they get over it); the princesses’ roles aren’t presented as trivial and unnecessary; we cut a bad character acting possibly out of character who has basically no connection with the princesses in favor of a good character intimately connected with them (or at least Celestia) playing up one of her established flaws (and have Spike as a straight-man foil, a role that would have been useful in the episode itself); no distasteful plot device, and de-focus the besides-the-point action scene to instead show a way that Celestia actually does get what Luna’s role in dreams is.
I should note that this all also moves the tone in a direction closer to the Friends Forever comic series’s last issue, in which Celestia and Luna—who like, respect, and understand each other—end up at each other’s throats due to a combination of overwork and emotion-amplifying plot device. Suffice to say, though it wasn’t perfect, I enjoyed it quite a bit; where “A Royal Problem” got a stronger negative reaction* from me than any episode since at least “Rainbow Falls” back in Season 4, maybe even something in the latter half of Season 3, it’s probably been years since an issue of the comics left me happier than Friends Forever 38.
*My thoughts from watching the episode, timestamped or marked with corresponding event, follow. Posted for laughs for people who like overemphasized, profane, histrionic reactions to media, spoiler-ed so anyone reading who doesn’t isn’t inflicted.
Well, it took about 5 seconds for my reaction to reach GOD DAMN IT. D:
Jesus Christ, you know who has NOTHING AT ALL TO DO with the royal sisters? Her.
About 7 minutes in (telling us the conflict of the episode): wow, Friends Forever did this a lot better.
8 minutes (switching cutie marks): FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK TTTTTHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. Why is this train wreck the new goddamned main character?
After the break: 24 hours. God this is inane. Also fucking retread of (the terrible) S3 finale. Why?
9: Yes, send half of her to the moon, half to the sun, and end this blight on the series forever. :V
This wasn't even fucking necessary, at least on Luna's side! What's the relevant special talent?
11: This is the dumbest thing ever. Seriously, the main problem there is that the photographer is crap at his job.
"Smiling all day isn't..." UUUUUUUGGGGHHHH.
"Your sister doesn't get that luxury" Well, does she have no control over her own schedule? Did she actually need to schedule three bullshit events that morning? Is this all stuff that needs to be handled at the top?
13:15: There's no goddamn reason Luna couldn't have a staff, even if most of it is dream stuff. Within the dreams, sure.
"My list was 3 times as long!" And 3/4 of it was celebrity appearances! If she hates doing that kind of thing, you need to do a bit more to establish that than have her remark about how someone making a dumb joke is a card. This is the kind of thing that plenty of people like and thrive in.
And Celestia is freaking grating alone. Like, Pinkie-bad.
However, she does have a better point to make than "it's not real, so it should be easy": it doesn't matter if she does a good job or not, or even does it at all, because nobody was doing it for a thousand years!
Going into Starlight's dream seems like entirely missing the point, or rather, doing a bullshit shortcut.
Right before the break: UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH
"Even when we were apart I know I needed her": This needs some elaboration, what with you literally not needing her for a millenium.
"Without balance there's no harmony": See again, literally a thousand years. You can't just fucking bare assertion this shit.
17:00: HOLY SHIT. THERE'S AN ACTUALLY GOOD SCENE HERE. Sure, it's based on dumb bs, but taking that as given, Luna's nightmare is great.
Starlight never going with her gut again would, in fairness, be a great outcome of this episode.
Luna's is "so incredibly hard" in part because it's the first time you've ever tried this, and have no grip on the magic. This is a bad comparison. Likewise Luna's case. Also, magicking the dream Nightmare Moon and Daybreaker away isn't the solution here anyway, so I don't see why that's relevant. And maybe Celestia shouldn't see that (first day on the job), but Luna should, immediately.
"There's so much more to it than that": THAT'S THE PART THAT WE ACTUALLY SAW, AND WHICH LED TO PARTS OF THE PROBLEMS LATER.
DEFEATING DAYBREAKER ISN'T THE RELEVANT POINT HERE. GOD. JUST FUCKING TALK TO STARLIGHT, CLUE HER IN TO THE FUCKING REVELATION YOU AND LUNA JUST HAD. THAT'S ADDRESSING THE ACTUAL SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM.
"I'm everything you want to be." Okay, maybe some decent projection from Starlight? But face value, really, really stupid.
20:15 (Starlight arriving on balcony): Ugh, goddammit Starlight. We don't need schtick here.
(Going with her gut was the right idea after all.) NO IT WASN'T. AND FUCK THE MAP."I'm not doing this": NO SHIT. IT'S A TIME LIMITED SPELL. YOU TOLD US THAT BEFORE.
Luna right at the end was good. I liked Twilight's thing at the start, but it was way played out by the time credits rolled and was another bad part of the last scene.
