• Member Since 29th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 27th, 2020

KillerRobotQuote


They say misery loves company. Not quite. I love Misery's company.

More Blog Posts73

  • 349 weeks
    Trotcon 2017

    See ya Monday!

    0 comments · 331 views
  • 352 weeks
    Important Announcement

    For this post, I will be abstaining from my usual routine of self-deprecating humor. I want to be serious about this.

    Last Friday, I posted a bonus chapter for my story Chasing a Dream. I received a few comments from readers who were excited about the fact that the story wasn't dead.

    Read More

    5 comments · 561 views
  • 358 weeks
    The E.U. can suck a fat one

    0 comments · 343 views
  • 366 weeks
    Dumb 50 questions thing going around right now

    Because why not?

    1) Name? Nick
    2) Height? 6'1"
    3) Weight? ~150 lbs
    4) Age? 21
    5) Birthday? March 5
    6) Girl Bestfriend? >Implying I can befriend women
    7) Guy Bestfriend? Erik. Bro living one state over. Best friend from college. He's already graduated, but we still talk.
    8) Crush? Minuette and Celestia. What? It's supposed to be human women?

    Read More

    4 comments · 401 views
Jun
28th
2017

Important Announcement · 10:20pm Jun 28th, 2017

For this post, I will be abstaining from my usual routine of self-deprecating humor. I want to be serious about this.

Last Friday, I posted a bonus chapter for my story Chasing a Dream. I received a few comments from readers who were excited about the fact that the story wasn't dead.

However, if you look at the story now, you will see that it is marked as Cancelled. That's because it is dead. I'm ending Chasing a Dream.

This was not a spontaneous decision. A few insiders who will read this already knew this would be happening. I decided to do this several months ago. However, I put it off because I'd had that bonus chapter in the making for a long time, and I promised them that I would publish it before I pulled the plug. Well, that day has finally come.

The truth is, that second bonus chapter was supposed to come after a main chapter. The main chapter was going to be Night Chase's and Fluttershy's date at the mall. But it's been a year since I'd last updated the story. A few months ago, I forced myself to look deep inside myself and figure out why. Why couldn't I make myself write a little bit every day? Why couldn't I seem to find the inspiration or even the motivation to write more? My notes were extensive. I had a good sense of what I wanted to have happen in the chapter. So why wasn't I writing?

It wasn't because I was busy. On the contrary, I had more time than I knew what to do with. I was spending it irresponsibly (which is also the reason for some irl stuff I'm going through right now, but I digress). Time truly wasn't an issue. So what was wrong?

I realized I hated my story. Not just dissatisfaction or self-criticism, but actual hatred.

I hated that I would write characters who are only superficially developed. Dig a little deeper and there's nothing there. Night isn't compelling. He's shallow. His "depth" is just cleverness on the author's part. I can't write an interesting story with a hollow mold of myself. I don't even like myself enough to write a story about me, let alone a less interesting self-insert of me.

I hated that I chose a character I really can't connect with. Back when I first started this story in January of 2015 (actually, November or December of 2014), I picked Fluttershy because CogWing had already chosen Rainbow Dash. Plus, I wasn't confident that I could get Sci-Twi's personality right. And I didn't like Applejack at the time (though if I were to start over, she'd be the one I go with now). So Fluttershy was my third choice, and even then, not a very enthusiastic one. For a long time, I tried to convince myself that I liked Fluttershy as a character more than I really did. And I believed it to an extent. But I forced myself to write a romance between my pathetic self-insert and a girl I wouldn't even like if I met her in real life. It was a recipe for disaster.

Indeed, I plodded my way through the writing process, little bits at a time, followed by short bursts of productivity. I would finish a draft and then publish it within a day. There was no process, no fixed schedule, nothing to keep the engine running consistently. Some of you may recall some promises I've made about how frequently I would update, nearly all of which I broke. I was just never motivated. And now I realize it's because I was volunteering my time to do something I hated.

That is why I'm ending the story here. It's not fair to you to keep you waiting for something that will never come. It's also not fair to myself to stay tethered to this dead weight. So I fulfilled my promise of writing a chapter with Zero's family in it, and I'm finally cutting myself loose from this.

This is not to say I regret this journey. I have my regrets, but along the way, I became involved with many fascinating people, talking and role playing with fellow aspiring writers about my age. I've even met some geniuses. I won't mention any names, but at least one of those is part of the PoME Universe. I don't regret some of the experiences I've had as a result of this futile undertaking.


Now, I'd like to leave this off with a silver lining. Two things, really. First, I'm not going away. I do love this site and even started reading stories on here again, something I haven't done in almost a year. There's still some great people here I want to stay connected with. So though the story's dead, I'm not yet.

Second, I just wanted to say that I haven't given up on writing. I'm still going to publish a book before I die. and where better to get still more practice than right here? There are two aspects to this. First, I have a list of story ideas, even some with incomplete chapters, piled up in my account's library. Similar to what the author of My Little Dashie did a while ago, I'd like to take another crack at them and finish them up. Some of the longer ones, like a cringey Hotline Miami crossover, will just be published with only one or two chapters, then marked Cancelled. Others will be short stories, such as one I have 25% written about Best Princess. These are not my best works. Some of them are even kind of bad. But I don't want to be afraid to publish what I want anymore. Even if some of them end up having like/dislike ratios rivaling that of Nightmare Star's Revenge (look it up, it's a riot), I think the experience of following through on my commitments will be important for me, as well as branching out into other genres. There's potential for growth here, even if it comes with some embarrassment.

Second, and the last point I want to make on this post, is a tiny glimmer of hope. It's true that I'm ending Chasing a Dream right here. It may even be the last Fluttershy fic I ever write. But I'm not ready to cast it all away just yet.

About half of what I had planned for CaD is a story I still want to tell. When I'm ready, with more experience and focus and genuine desire, I may well reboot Chasing a Dream. If that happens, I will announce it. The current CaD story would then be deleted and replaced with the new one.

I already have several notes written on how I want the reboot to work. It's already better organized that what I had done, and this time, the love interest will be the one who everyone thought should have been in the first place:

Sorry this blog post was so long. It feels really good to get all of this off my chest, though. Maybe now I can move on. Best wishes from a killer robot, and good luck to your future endeavors. If you're writing, write the best damn story you can. Take care everyone.

~ KillerRobotQuote

Comments ( 5 )

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

It's almost uncanny how similar this sounds to my own life. Without making this about myself too much, I too cancelled a long-running story of mine due to intense dissatisfaction, with the story as well as with myself as a writer. I also have notes upon notes about various unstarted fanfiction, including dozens of unfinished chapters in my stories list, and I too intend to be a publish author before I die.

Something you may find helpful, if you have an idea you want to write about but lack motivation to do so, is to keep a journal or blog about what you write, updated daily. The idea there is that you might write more consistently / frequently if you force yourself to think about it daily. I do this myself, and I think it works, but there are two potential problems I can see down the line:

1. It might make writing feel more like a chore. (Though honestly I don't see this as much of an issue.)

2. You might feel satisfied after writing 100 words, and give up for the day. I am encountering this problem and I think it'll help to set a minimum limit, like 250-500 words per day or something like that. It would also help in general to set time aside every day just for writing.

People like Stephen King and Isaac Asimov would write upwards of 2000 words every day, at the height of their careers. Wildbow, an internet writer who will likely be published soon, has been writing something like 3000-5000 every day for years now. You don't have to do what those guys do, but you should give it an honest effort. Momentum is very powerful.

Not to sound particularly punny, but I suppose that dreams end so that new ones can be made.

I regret not actively following the story along as it was being written; caught up in the excitement of this PoME thing, it ended up becoming something else to be pushed further into the back of my mind. I believe I had read one chapter, probably liked it, but that was so long ago and I had yet to visit it again that, unfortunately, I forgot it was a thing I had enjoyed.

It is indeed sad that you have decided to cancel it, especially when I was going through all of my unread main PoME stories and realized that, "Oh! I haven't read yours yet!" At the same time, I applaud you for being mature about it. When it comes to canceling a project, we could certainly use more responses such as yours. Ultimately, as the audience member, I have little sway in the completion of a story, and if the author decides it is meant to end now, then now it ends. That is that.

In regards to your other projects, I would be happy to help if you so wish it. (And I just noticed that for some reason, I had not followed you even though I could have sworn I have!) Whether that be in the form of advice or editor or whatever, I am perfectly willing.

At the very least, we can appreciate the cliche adage once more: "As one story ends, a new one begins."

Man, I was hoping for that sick Love Triangle between Night, Shy and Colgate. But yeah like what Fennyo said, I'm sorry if it didn't work out for you.

Sad to hear that you've canceled your story. But as you said it yourself, you can't force yourself to write a story with yourself-insert Oc with a girl wouldn't like, even in real life and I understand that and I respect your choice.It's good to hear that you're not quitting with writing. Besides CaD I've also read other stories written by you. They're great and you're a good author in my eyes, always will be.

I'm looking forward to it if you're ever planning on rebooting your story with Night and Minuette as a couple. But I leave that choice up to you of course. Good luck! :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment